


The Baffled King and The Idiot Hero

by carriecmoney



Series: Hall universe [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Explicit Language, Gen, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 15:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 100,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/599190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carriecmoney/pseuds/carriecmoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>modern AU. Detailing how two anons went from moderator and troll to internet frenemies to best friends, and then some - chatspeak included. Hallelujah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Baffled King

INTRO (the baffled king)  
oncenthefuture’s bio

Hello, Internet. This is oncenthefuture, aka kingdomkirkland’s new account. My old one was getting bogged down with some pre-teen angst, so I figured I would start afresh with an entirely new name to complement my new life. At this point in time, it’s June of 2007 and I just turned eighteen a few months ago. I’m about to graduate from a stuffy old sixth form and ready to turn the page on my dusty teenage years and write a new chapter in Oxford. (University, that is.)

People call me several different things, including king, Kirkland, Kirky or kingy, and Eyebrows (long story), but I really prefer it if you call me Arthur. Most people know me from the actor Gil Dresden’s fansite, ‘Albino and Awesome: The Dresden Files’, as the one who knows everything about anything and is basically an unofficial moderator. I’ve been a fan of Gil and, consequently and obviously, a hater of Alfred Jones since I spent my year 10 as a foreign exchange student in Minnesota - a rather bearable year overall except for the overburden of snow and sleet and fucking freezing temperatures. *grumbles* Anyway, in that cold-infested hole in the wall I found the time and the boredom to watch Hearts on a Split Log Fence, and my life hasn’t been the same since. I’ve been a member of Gil’s fansite since late 2005, and have been a dedicated follower of his works since, never afraid to fight it out with an Alfred fan if it was necessary. 

So that’s where I am now. Sitting on one side of an epic B-list actor war, fighting in the ranks anonymously while I pursue a degree in British literature at Oxford, wasting my time on trivial matters and enjoying every minute of it. 

\- Arthur


	2. It Goes Like This, The Fourth, The Fifth

**CHAPTER ONE (it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth)  
  
A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 04, 2007 09:38 pm GMT »  
  
Hello, obvious troll. Don’t think just because you’re posting in the backwaters of the forum that I haven’t noticed what you’re doing. No one enjoys it when people post giant strings of exclamation points, especially right after ‘Alfred F. Jones is the best’ (I felt like a traitor just quoting you) in alternating capital letters, followed by several hundred lines’ worth of random keyboard mashing. If you aren’t going to be a civilised human being and be polite, I’ll be forced to report you and have your account deleted. Please clean up your act or get out.  
 - Arthur  
  
 **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 04, 2007 10:04 pm GMT »  
  
LoOk, I dOnT sEe WhAt ThE pRoBleM iS!!!!!!1!1! Im JuSt BrInGiNg SoMe LiFe 2 ThIs BoArD bEcAuSe GiL DEF. iSnT wItH hIs CrApPy AcTiNg LLLLLOOOLLLL I bEt Ur NoT eVeN a ReAl MoD!!! HaHaHAHAHAAhahaAHaA i BeT uR gAy ToO a nOt-GaY pErSoN wOoDnT uSe BiG wOrDs LiKe YoU!!!!!!11!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
   
 **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 04, 2007 10:21 pm GMT »  
  
.... I can’t believe you just typed that.   
First of all, bringing ‘life’ to AnA is obviously unnecessary. We’ve got over 2500 members and sure, some of them may not be active, but this isn’t nearly a ghost town. Also, Gil is a perfectly respectable actor with a shining career, fantastic casting, and better delivery than that media whore Alfred Jones.  
Next, I’m not an official moderator, but I am a close personal friend of them, and it would be a snap of my fingers to point you out to them and delete you. I basically am, so there’s no point in differentiating between a mod and me.  
I’m not even dignifying the last part with a response.  
\- Arthur  
  
 **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 04, 2007 10:35 pm GMT »  
  
whoa what media whore??!? Alfred Jones is NOT a media whore!!!! He’s a great person and a even better actor! How is Gilbert BeilshitIMEAN GIL DRESDEN any better than Alfred Fucking Jones? I mean, Fucking is his MIDDLE NAME!! Gil’s movies are complete shit. You need to get ur eyes checked. Maybe ur brain too. What kind of person has a pet chicken, anyways? WEIDROS AND GIL DRESDEN, THATS WHO. ugh that guy annoys the shit out of me  
  
 **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 04, 2007 10:54 pm GMT »  
  
Well. I can see that.   
In answer to your completely invalid points, I feel obliged to point out my own, possibly more thought-out criticisms.   
Yes, Alfred Jones is a media whore. He’s always on the cover of at least some second-rate tabloid, even over here in the UK, and it’s usually not a tasteful situation that’s being broadcast. He seems to feel the need to showcase his every move to the public even more so than the average struggling movie star, and never shuts up about himself in interviews or anything else. He also seems to be obsessed with hero roles, always taking his parts and making them into heroes even if that wasn’t the original intention. He’s obstinate, obnoxious, and has no fashion sense, and seems to think that just because he’s good-looking that everyone should fawn over him when looks don’t mean squat these days, not when a few hundred thousand dollars can make a forty year old look twenty. His acting skills (which I’ve only watched to observe the competition, of course) are mediocre at best, ranging from cheesy over-the-top dramatics to simply being the Large Ham of the film.   
To contrast, Gil Dresden is a more subtle actor. I’ll admit, all reports I’ve ever heard of him say that he’s even more full of himself than Alfred, but at least he has more of a reason to be. He’s got so much potential to be brilliant while Alfred just delivers the same old act every. single. time. That’s why I prefer Dresden, chicks and ego and all, over Jones. Saavy?  
\- Arthur  
PS - Glad to see you’re not in alternating capslock anymore.  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 04, 2007 11:15 pm GMT »  
  
Are you SERIOUS?! Gil is just as much, if not definitely more, of a drama attention media whatever wh0r than Alfred. He’s dated, like, 10 girls in the past 2 years! He’s got a personality that could kill a horse! HES A FRIGGIN ALBINO IN SHOW BUSINESS. I think that says A LOT about his character, for real. Havent you ever that noticed before, that THERE ARE NO ALBINOS IN SHOW BUSINESS. Like wtfomg really.   
All that stuff about Alfred is a lie, btw. It’s not like he _tries_ to be on the tabloids all the time or be the hero - it’s just the way things happen! You can’t blame a person for being reported on for existing! And subtle? PFFF. Gimme a break. Gil is as subtle as the 4th of July. He’s always trying to be so ‘mysterious’ and ‘badass’ when really he just comes off as awkward and pathetic. Alfred is so much better than him in every way!!!! ):(  
  
 **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 04, 2007 11:29 pm GMT »  
  
What a load of hypocrisy! You judge Gil on his albinism - something he _cannot change_ \- and then proceed to berate me for criticizing Alfred’s love affair with the front page?? I don’t think so. No. Bad troll. And just because he dates a lot of girls doesn’t mean he craves attention - he could just be enjoying life a a young buck before he settles down and really gets into the business.  
Also, never mention the Fourth of July to me. Ever. Again.  
\- Arthur  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 04, 2007 11:34 pm GMT »  
  
What’s wrong with the 4th of July? Got a problem with America’s freedom?? Huh huh do ya punk?!  
Oh, and Gil totally dates those girls because he wants the pictures. He doesnt even really LIKE them usually.  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 04, 2007 11:41 pm GMT »  
  
How would you know?  
And yes, I have a problem with the Fourth of July, although I’d really rather not go into details with an annoying American who has nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon than sit at home and troll an actor’s fansite. Let’s just say it’s complicated. It brings back some very bad memories for me.  
\- Arthur  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 04, 2007 11:48 pm GMT »  
  
I have my sources. Id rather not go into details with a annoying limey with a stick shoved too far up his ass for him to be anything but a wannabe Dwight.   
And the 4th of July is the BEST HOLIDAY EVER!!! Fireworks and hot dawgs and lemonade and FREEDOM!! ITS WHAT AMERICA STANDS FOR! Its also my bday but thats only an added bonus to the epicness that is INDEPENDENCE DAY. If you spent the day over here in the great US of A instead of in stuffy ol London Im sure youd so agree with me! :DDD  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:11 am GMT »  
  
Well I never-! First off, the Dwight you must be talking about PALES in comparison to Gareth. British comedy is much more civilised and generally superior than that crass American spit you call humor. I would watch Monty Python instead of Saturday Night Live _any day_. Second, I do _not_ have a stick up my ass! I just hate disorder and chaos and stupidity, and you seem to encompass all three of those categories.  
By the way, I have, in fact, spent the holiday over in the States a few years ago. It didn’t change my opinion; actually, it probably made it worse. So, no thank you, I think I’ll stay over here in England. I’m not in ‘stuffy ol London’, though. I’m at   
Oxford. University, that is. Independence? Bah. More like a spoiled child running away from home for getting chastised and, miraculously, managing to live by itself in the woods.  
\- Arthur  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:23 am GMT »  
  
Your kidding, rite? The American Office is SO MUCH BETTA than the British Office! We have Steve Carrell, for one, and Pam and Jim are SO much cuter than Tom and Dawn or whatever their names are. SNL is the shit! I would know, I’ve been there! Never laughed so much in my life.  
Really, you did? Where did you go?? Ive been all over the country, so chances are I’ve visited before. Maybe we were even there at the same time!! That’d be exciting. ... Why would you come over here, anyways? I wasn’t getting the feeling that you were that into leaving your rocks and grass and history. Exspecially if your @ Oxford atm, because that’s kind of cool. What kind of Oxford grad is the devoted fan of a young American actor, anyways?   
  
**RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:30 am GMT »  
  
You’re. _You’re_. Has anyone ever told you that you can’t spell to save a rich man’s life?  
Steve Carrell and, on that point, Michael Scott are unbearably inadequate. I don’t see how anyone can find humor in the man or the character. The British Office was the beginning of the idea, anyway, idiot. Without it the American Office wouldn’t exist.   
If you’ve seen SNL, then you must live in New York, right? I didn’t go there, but somewhere even stranger - _Minnesota_. Duluth, to be specific. Don’t ask what possessed me to go to the middle of nowhere, but it was a foreign exchange student program back when I was in secondary school. It was nice enough, I guess, but I HATED all of the cold and the snow. I’m living somewhere warm when I’m older. Never again... *shudders at memory* There’s a lot more to England than just ‘rocks and grass and history’, you know. Maybe instead of me going over there, you should come over here and get a proper education. Obviously, whatever you’re currently getting is lacking.   
\- Arthur  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:39 am GMT »  
  
They sure have! I get it every day. Can’t help it. I was born to be a bad speller.  
Steve Carrell is an awesome person. Stop dissing people you don’t know. And while the British Office may have begun the idea, the American one perfected it, because that’s what America does XD  
No, I don’t live in NYC, although it’d be AWESOME if I did. I have spent a lot of time there because of my dad’s job though. He’s an agent, like for musicians and stuff. Usually I’m in SoCal, but because of all the fires and smoke and shit lately down there, the fam hightailed it for my gpa’s ranch up here in South Dakota. I haven’t been to Duluth, but I’ve been to Minneapolis/St. Paul for a few layovers on the way across the country. ... It has a nice airport, at least.   
For your information, I HAVE been to England. Briefly. I tagged along on one of my dad’s work trips over there :D It was a long time ago, though, so I really don’t remember much about it.   
**  
****RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:45 am GMT »  
  
And the pot calls the kettle black.  
So you’re a Californian. A Southern Californian, no less. That explains so. much. Also, the South Dakota thing makes sense, too - where else would you have the free time to be on the Internet on a Sunday afternoon? How do you even _have_ the Internet at a ranch, anyway? And since you haven’t gone to Duluth, don’t. There is NOTHING there. Nothing but snow and ice.   
Well at least you seem to be well traveled, even if you’re not worldly.   
\- Arthur  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning**  
« **Sent to:**  kingdomkirkland **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:53 am GMT »  
  
Yeah, yeah, w/e, shaddup.   
I’m actually not technically a Californian. I was born in Virginia, but I moved around a lot when I was little from like Florida to Texas to Pennsylvania to Ohio, etc., before we finally settled in LA when I was like ten. Trust me, you’ve never seen nothing until you’ve seen South Dakota. Scratch that, you’ve never seen nothing until you’ve seen Moose Factory, Ontario. 2400 people in the middle of nowhere. One of those people happens to be my soft-spoken cousin and his family. FML. Now _there’s_ nothing but snow and ice ... and fish. Lots of fish.  
And I am SO worldly! I’m as worldly as they come!   
Brb, making this conversation easier for us.  
 **  
** **RE: A Warning  
** « **Sent to:** xX AlFrEd 4eVa Xx **on:** Nov 05, 2007 12:56 am GMT »  
 ****  
What are you- oh. I see.


	3. The Minor Fall

**CHAPTER TWO (the minor fall)  
  
Monday, November 5, 2007  
  
stripeznstarz50** : HEY IT’S ALFRED 4EVA!! 8D  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh god  
 **onceandthefuture** : how’d you get my sn?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh you know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I have my ways 8D  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *coughgotitoffyourprofilecough*  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... what? *checks profile*  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...  
 **onceandthefuture** : dammit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yup **  
stripeznstarz50** : so anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : where were we **  
onceandthefuture** : worldliness?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : OH YEAH!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I am like super-worldly  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve been everywhere, man  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh really  
 **stripeznstarz50** : YES, really!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : like  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve been to almost every state  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I haven’t been to Alaska yet but it’s on my list  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and I’ve obviously been to Canada and the UK  
 **stripeznstarz50** : France, too, and Spain **  
stripeznstarz50** : Mexico every now and then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I get around ;D  
 **onceandthefuture** : fascinating.  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... why are we still talking?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : because we’re awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : heh. okay, I’ll grant you that.  
 **onceandthefuture** : Look, I’ve got to sleep, I’ve got class tomorrow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah sure  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ttyl?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...  
 **onceandthefuture** : okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : g’night  
 **stripeznstarz50** : night!  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**  
 **  
onceandthefuture signed on  
** **stripeznstarz50** : heyyyy artie!! ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : oh it’s you again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :O hey!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s no way to treat your new friend!  
 **onceandthefuture** : who said we were friends?  
 **onceandthefuture** : and don’t call me artie  
 **onceandthefuture** : my least favorite brother calls me artie  
 **stripeznstarz50** : chill, chill  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and if we’re talking, I’d say we were friends  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and we are  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so there we go!  
 **onceandthefuture** : I see your logic hasn’t gotten any better since yesterday  
 **onceandthefuture** : *sigh* do you want anything from me, American?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : actually no  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m just bored  
 **stripeznstarz50** : entertain me! :-D   
**onceandthefuture** : ... okay, do you want to help write my 10-page paper on 1800s publications and how they changed throughout the century?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ew.  
 **onceandthefuture** : my thoughts exactly  
 **onceandthefuture** : now leave me alone so I can work  
 **stripeznstarz50** : fine, fine...  
 **onceandthefuture** : thank you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : .....  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *hums*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : she was aware of her insecurities as she took the stage...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : she was convinced that if she got up there that she’d be discovered someday...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : SO SHE BELTED IT  
 **onceandthefuture** : WOULD YOU SHUT UP  
 **stripeznstarz50** : SHE HIT THE HIGH NOTES FEARLESSLY  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah, come on, it’s Kenny Chesney  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you can’t go wrong with kenny chesney  
 **onceandthefuture** : who the hell is Kenny Chesney and why do I care  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how have you lived??  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s ONLY one of the biggest country stars there is!  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh god country  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve blocked that from my mind  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Minnesota again?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : was it really that scarring?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes it was  
 **onceandthefuture** : now kindly leave me alone for the moment  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ll talk to you later, I just can’t handle this and my mother of goddamned paper right now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay, okay, I’ll leave  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *still humming*  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t even think about singing again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha doncha worry about it  
 **onceandthefuture** : all right, I’m done for today  
 **stripeznstarz50** : FINALLY!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *glomps*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : It’s been like HOURS  
 **onceandthefuture** : idiot, it’s only been one  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well it FELT like a lot longer  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t you have ANYTHING to do? School, for example?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I go to school in LA  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and my mom would prefer me stupid and alive to educated and burnt to a crisp  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so right now, it’s either take care of the cows or stare at the ‘net  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and since the cows don’t need anything  
 **stripeznstarz50** : here I am  
 **onceandthefuture** : lucky bitch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ^^  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah hell  
 **onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : [http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5j9z48HzVgG3HdYSBT2GVQZwoUq0A](http://afp.%20google.%20com/%20article/%20ALeqM5j9z48HzVgG3HdYSBT2GVQZwoUq0A)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : there goes my job  
 **onceandthefuture** : you have a job?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... in show business?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : uh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I live in LA  
 **stripeznstarz50** : unavoidable  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah  
 **onceandthefuture** : what do you do?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : right now it’s just bit work on TV sets - running around on the sets, answering to the actors and directors beck and call  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Im waiting for my big break, though!  
 **onceandthefuture** : psh  
 **onceandthefuture** : that never happens  
 **stripeznstarz50** : says the person who doesn’t live in Hollywood  
 **onceandthefuture** : precisely  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t have those delusions that the star studded city can give off  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’ve just got to BELIEVE, Art!  
 **onceandthefuture** : PSH.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey, it worked for Alfred  
 **onceandthefuture** : not this again  
 **onceandthefuture** : look, can we just not talk about that guy?  
 **onceandthefuture** : he gives me a headache  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey, no judging without knowing!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haven’t we gone over this before?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t have to know someone to dislike them  
 **onceandthefuture** : I mean, Americans dislike Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, but I doubt they’ve ever met the men  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hjkl that’s entirely different!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : They killed people!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : How could you compare Al to terrorists?!?!?  
 **onceandthefuture** : *shrugs*  
 **onceandthefuture** : it was just a metaphor  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah a CRAPPY metaphor  
 **stripeznstarz50** : grrrr  
 **onceandthefuture** : hey, calm down, American  
 **onceandthefuture** : I didn’t mean anything by it  
 **onceandthefuture** : if you’re gonna get your knickers in a twist every time I insult Alfred you might want to stop wearing underwear  
 **stripeznstarz50** : new personal goal sighted!!!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Im gonna make you love Alfred  
 **onceandthefuture** : what  
 **stripeznstarz50** : YES  
 **stripeznstarz50** : its perfect  
 **onceandthefuture** : nononono nooo  
 **onceandthefuture** : bad idea  
 **stripeznstarz50** : come on, you’ll love it **  
stripeznstarz50** : I know a lot about him **  
stripeznstarz50** : I can show you the side no one else knows ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : you’re joking, right?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no, I’m totally serious!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve always wanted to convert somebody!  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re insane  
 **stripeznstarz50** : thank you *bows*  
 **onceandthefuture** : that wasn’t a compliment!  
 **onceandthefuture** : are you even listening to me anymore?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh, I’ve got so much I could show you - blooper footage, the first movie, audition tapes, the songs... oh thisll be so much FUN!  
 **onceandthefuture** : songs?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he writes these really awesome songs  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh really?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah!  
 **onceandthefuture** : how come I’ve never heard about them before?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh, he doesn’t sell them **  
stripeznstarz50** : not really anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he just writes them for fun, sings them for fun  
 **stripeznstarz50** : puts them on youtube when he feels like it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nothing special  
 **stripeznstarz50** : here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gANe138Vfhj  
 **onceandthefuture:** okay, so he’s not half bad, I’ll give him that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yay!  
 **onceandthefuture** :… actually, I quite like his singing voice  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *bounces*  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’d be a shame if he went public with this though  
 **stripeznstarz50** :  Huh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : any young actor who can sing even remotely well these days thinks it’s their duty or something to try and sell music  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s kind of annoying  
 **onceandthefuture** : besides, the industry would probably stamp out the image of ‘he’s just a guy with a guitar’ anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah, I guess you’re right  
 **stripeznstarz50** : … so, you really like the song?  
 **onceandthefuture** : songs, I’m on my third video now  
 **onceandthefuture** : and yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s… refreshing  
 **onceandthefuture** : not really what I expected from him  
 **onceandthefuture** : I guess that helps make it good  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ^_^  
 **onceandthefuture** : since when did you care about my opinion, anyway?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : since I asked for it  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmmm good point  
 **onceandthefuture** : .. wait  
 **onceandthefuture** : is that a piano?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh, you must be on ‘Mulberry Tree in Istanbul’  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah, he can play both  
 **stripeznstarz50** : are you surprised?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a lot of people can do that  
 **onceandthefuture** : it just… startled me, that’s all  
 **onceandthefuture** : … hey, why isn’t he wearing his glasses?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh, he doesn’t need to wear them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : his agent just says it’s a good publicity move  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s original, he says  
 **onceandthefuture** : how do you know so much?  
 **onceandthefuture** : and he should fire that agent or something  
 **onceandthefuture** : he looks a hell of a lot better without them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Really?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Yes!  
 **onceandthefuture** : he looks kind of like a young Leo DiCaprio  
 **stripeznstarz50** : LOLWHUT REALLY  
 **onceandthefuture** : Well he does!  
 **onceandthefuture** : Young Leo = Leo in Titanic or Romeo+Juliet  
 **onceandthefuture** : God, Romeo+Juliet  
 **onceandthefuture** : as much as the butchered the setting and brought Shakespeare way out of his natural element  
 **onceandthefuture** : they sure had some attractive people in it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : … wait  
 **stripeznstarz50** : are you gay or something?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : serious question  
 **onceandthefuture** : I have to go  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but isn’t it like 9 there  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
  
Tuesday November 6, 2007  
**  
 **onceandthefuture** : hello  
 **onceandthefuture** : sorry I left so abruptly last night  
 **stripeznstarz50** : HEY!!  
 **onceandthefuture** : It was Guy Fawkes day yesterday  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not a prob  
 **onceandthefuture** : my roommate dragged me to a bonfire party  
 **onceandthefuture** : he does things like that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you have a roommate?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Unfortunately  
 **onceandthefuture** : his name’s Mathias  
 **onceandthefuture** : Danish.  
 **onceandthefuture** : prick.  
 **onceandthefuture** : obsessed with his hair  
 **onceandthefuture** : likes to spend his free time annoying me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sounds like fun!  
 **onceandthefuture** : probably, if you didn’t live with him and his five kinds of hair gel  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s fun to torture, though  
 **onceandthefuture** : like this one time I put sleeping pills in his evening beer and shaved the Union Jack into his scalp  
 **onceandthefuture** : he didn’t go outside for a month without a hat on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : …you’re kind of a cruel person, aren’t you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mixing medicine and alcohol on top of tearing up his hairstyle  
 **onceandthefuture** : I try  
 **stripeznstarz50** : remind me not to get on your bad side  
 **onceandthefuture** : heh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’re you doing, anyway?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : It’s midafternoon over there, right?  
 **onceandthefuture** : just taking a quick tea break between classes  
 **onceandthefuture** : catching up on some things online  
 **onceandthefuture** : isn’t it orning over there?  
 **onceandthefuture** : why are you awake? **  
onceandthefuture** : *morning  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I always have to get up early on the ranch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : besides, I’m partially homeschooled  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I guess you could say I’m in a homeschool school, with a network of parents, private tutors, etc. all across the LA area  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mom’s one of the teachers, so I’m only getting a break from the other subjects  
 **stripeznstarz50** : kind of sucks, really  
 **onceandthefuture** : American schooling is so weird  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Nah, that’s just Hollywood  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m only this way because of who my family is  
 **stripeznstarz50** : most of it is typical elem, middle, high schools  
 **onceandthefuture** : like I said  
 **onceandthefuture** : American schooling is strange  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what kind of school did you go to?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well my family is old money  
 **onceandthefuture** : so they skipped me off to some boarding school up north  
 **onceandthefuture** : hated the damned place  
 **onceandthefuture** : acted like a little demon to try and get myself kicked out despite the disinclination to do so because of my older brothers’ good names or my parents’ high donations  
 **onceandthefuture** : finally got expelled when I was caught plagiarising when I was 13  
 **onceandthefuture** : it only took me blowing up the chem lab, Super Gluing my maths teacher to his chair, rigging the school radio to American grunge, TPing the dean’s house, smoking in the boys’ room and cursing out my French teacher in Welsh to get up to that point  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wow!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so not only are you a cruel person to your roommate  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but you also were badass  
 **onceandthefuture** : were?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well all of that stuff happened before you were 14  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and you’re what, 22 now?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m 18 thankyouverymuch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Geez, really?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You seem a lot older than that  
 **onceandthefuture** : I just started university this fall  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sorry  
 **onceandthefuture** : so let’s see  
 **onceandthefuture** : judging from your lack of grammar, tact, and general common sense  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey, I have good grammar!  
 **onceandthefuture** : you must be about, say, 14  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I just chose not to use it HEY  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m 17!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m a friggin senior in high school!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : more than that, even!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve basically already started college!  
 **onceandthefuture** : why do I not believe you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve got like 7 AP credits already and I’m taking 5 more!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : That’s like a semester of college!  
 **onceandthefuture** : sure, whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : So I’m actually ahead of YOU!!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m smart, dammit!  
 **onceandthefuture** : doesn’t mean you can’t act like you’re 14  
 **stripeznstarz50** : grrrr  
 **stripeznstarz50** : old timer  
 **onceandthefuture** : juvenile brat  
 **stripeznstarz50** :  pompous overcooked limey!  
 **onceandthefuture** : stubborn egotistical American hick!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : jackass stick in the mud!  
 **onceandthefuture** : son of a harlot!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I bet you’re just sore about the American Revolution!!  
 **onceandthefuture** : WHAT  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah!!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you just cant handle that America beat you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that this country of hicks and rebels hated you enough to split and succeeded!  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s COMPLETELY unrelated to the discussion  
 **stripeznstarz50** : THAT’S why you REALLY hate the 4th!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you can’t handle the fact that America is BETTER than you!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahahahaahhaahahha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I so win!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : . . . .  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Art?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Arrrthurrrrrr???  
 **stripeznstarz50** : are you there?  
 **onceandthefuture** : for your INFORMATION  
 **onceandthefuture** : I hate the fourth because my grandfather died and my parents DISOWNED ME THAT DAY  
 **onceandthefuture** : and I would APPRECIATE not being REMINDED of it constantly  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh **  
onceandthefuture** : I have to go to class  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bye  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
  
**


	4. The Major Lift

**CHAPTER THREE (the major lift)  
**  
 **Wednesday November 7, 2007  
  
stripeznstarz50** : he-heyyy, you’re back!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : almost thought you blocked me for a while  
 **onceandthefuture** : no, I just had other things going on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : look, I’m really sorry about what happened  
 **stripeznstarz50** : let’s call a truce, mkay?  
 **onceandthefuture** : fine  
 **onceandthefuture** : just don’t ever bring it up again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not a problem!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m just glad you’re not angry with me  
 **onceandthefuture** : well it’s not your fault so I can’t logically pu the blame on you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Great!!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I have a gift  
 **onceandthefuture** : Oh?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hda1EyiA13  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s Alfred’s latest video  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he just put it out this afternoon  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you like?  
 **onceandthefuture** : … I’ve heard this song before  
 **onceandthefuture** : wasn’t it in Shrek?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not all of the stuff he puts up is his original stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s not making any money from this, though, so it doesn’t matter  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s still a good song, though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : makes you happy even if it’s not really that upbeat  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmhmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *hums along*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I heard there was a secret chord  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that David played and it pleased the Lord  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but you don’t really care for music, do you?  
  **onceandthefuture** : it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the minor fall, the major lift  
 **onceandthefuture** : the baffled king composing hallelujah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehe king  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh shut up  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re the baffled king!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it makes so much sense!  
 **onceandthefuture** : ha ha.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : … maybe I’ve been here before  
 **stripeznstarz50** :   I know this room I’ve walked this floor  
 **onceandthefuture** : hallelujah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hallelujah  
 **onceandthefuture** : hallelujah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : halleluu-u-u-uuuu-u-u-jah  
 **onceandthefuture** : *snorts*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this song always makes me feel better  
 **onceandthefuture** : … he’s on the piano again.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you notice this after four verses?  
 **onceandthefuture** : no, I saw that before  
 **onceandthefuture** : it just felt necessary to mention it  
 **onceandthefuture** : I really like him on the piano  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so I’ve realized :P  
 **onceandthefuture** : how did you become so knowledgeable on all things Alfred anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : it doesn’t seem like a normal pastime for a seventeen year old LA kid  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I could say the same to you mr. oxford  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : I got into the rivalry when I was a stupid 15-year-old  
 **onceandthefuture** : call it a guilty pleasure  
 **onceandthefuture** : was that the case with you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well **  
stripeznstarz50** : about that  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmm?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you know how I said I was an errand boy?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well, i’ve been doing that for rather a while  
 **stripeznstarz50** : several years in fact  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I worked the set of hearts on a split log fence  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was alfred’s assistant, so to speak  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s really awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : really now?  
 **onceandthefuture** : you were there?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sure was!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : texas in the summer is not a place I would like to visit again btw  
 **onceandthefuture** : I can imagine  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he was nice to me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and I thought he was a great actor  
 **onceandthefuture** : what about this hatred of Gil?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh Gil  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh dera god gil  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dear*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well you see  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he was a giant jerk off screen  
 **stripeznstarz50** : way too loud  
 **stripeznstarz50** : played angry German rap-rock in his trailer  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and never seemed to like me :-(   
**onceandthefuture** : gee I wonder why  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : I know you don’t mean it, meanie  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway, he liked to tease me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and since I was a little kid then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I hadn’t grown yet  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and he was big for his age  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it... wasn’t very pretty  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I had tape on my glasses a lot  
 **stripeznstarz50** : put it that way  
 **onceandthefuture** : poor darling!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : thank you!   
**stripeznstarz50** : sympathy!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : finally!  
 **onceandthefuture** : that wasn’t- oh never mind  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my hate for the guy led me to hate his work  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no matter how good anyone said he was  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he could win an oscar and I’d still refuse to watch his movies  
 **onceandthefuture** : sounds plausible  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why thank you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s why I hate gil and adore alfred  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and follow his stuff online  
 **onceandthefuture** : :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : well now that that’s settled I’m free to go to bed  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve got a long day ahead  
 **onceandthefuture** : classes to sleep in  
 **onceandthefuture** : homework to ignore  
 **onceandthefuture** : the works  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahaha okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : g’night  
 **onceandthefuture** : night  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
**  
 **November 18, 2007  
**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yo yo  
 **onceandthefuture** : hullo American  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so guess what?  
 **onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : come on, guess  
 **onceandthefuture** : no.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : spoilsport.   
**stripeznstarz50** : I’m moving back to LA soon!  
 **onceandthefuture** : congratulations.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah, we’re headed back after Thanksgiving  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the fires are gone so there’s really no reason to stay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll miss the snow though  
 **onceandthefuture** : I thought you hated the snow  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re always complaining about it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s not fun when its old dirty snow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but there’s nothing like a fresh powdering to listen your day!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *lighten where the hell did that come from  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha idk  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : so are you going to go back to work?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nah, that writer’s strike is still going on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the TV show I was working with has been postponed until after the strike so I have to wait  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t worry, I’ll still have plenty of time to talk to you ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : I wasn’t worried about that!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ssurrreeeee ;D  
 **onceandthefuture** : do you WANT me to fly over there and slap you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not particularly  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s what I thought  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... are you sure you won’t forget me in LA?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no need to be desperate  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like listening to you talk too much :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : I am not desperate!  
 **onceandthefuture** : just... concerned  
 **onceandthefuture** : but thanks I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t worry, it’s a compliment  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I always read your stuff with a british accent so it’s even better  
 **onceandthefuture** : hehe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what do I sound like to you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... actually  
 **onceandthefuture** : you kind of sound like Alfred  
 **stripeznstarz50** : OH REALLY  
 **onceandthefuture** : but mellower, lower  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like that a LOT C:  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh don’t get so full of yourself **  
onceandthefuture** : it’s not like I like the guy or anything  
 **onceandthefuture** : and egoism isn’t attractive on anyone, particularly you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : speaking of which  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this is going to sound random  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *nervous laughter*  
 **onceandthefuture** : do go on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mkay I’m gonna come right out and say this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : are you gay?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I really don’t care if you are  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and don’t run away!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I just... want to know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so I can keep it straight in my head  
 **stripeznstarz50** : damn that came out wrong  
 **stripeznstarz50** : if you don’t want to tell me its cool  
 **onceandthefuture** : no, no, it’s okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m not gay  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m bi  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oooooh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : what about you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : come on, fair is fair  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I’m pretty sure I’m straight  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but these days you never really know do you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s always been like that **  
onceandthefuture** : but I know what you mean  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh good  
 **onceandthefuture** : you don’t have to be so awkward about it  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s really not that big of a deal  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was just raised kind of traditionally, value-wise  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s hard to change your family values, ya know?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah, I understand  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s good  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you going anywhere for thanksgiving?  
 **onceandthefuture** : we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Britain you twat  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *facepalms*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course  
 **stripeznstarz50** : forgot  
 **onceandthefuture** : its okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : even if we did I wouldn’t go anywhere  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I mean, it’s not like I have family to go home to  
 **onceandthefuture** : and I have friends, just not close ones  
 **onceandthefuture** : at least, not ones close enough that they’d take me home for the holidays  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you must be really lonely  
 **onceandthefuture** : I manage  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *purses lips*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t think that’s very healthy  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah, come on, America  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve been this way a while  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve lived basically on my own for over two years  
 **onceandthefuture** : I would say that I’m used to it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that isn’t what I’m worried about  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no wonder you’re such a tight ass!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : if I was that isolated I would be too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not to worry, though!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll be here to save the day!  
 **onceandthefuture** : eh?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re never gonna be lonely anymore  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll make sure of it  
 **onceandthefuture** : how, may I ask  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m gonna be your friend!  
 **onceandthefuture** : I thought you already were  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean a REAL friend  
 **stripeznstarz50** : someone who is always ready to be there  
 **stripeznstarz50** : someone who knows everything about you, and vice versa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : someone who never judges and always sympathizes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : someone whose opinion is always important to you, and yours to me  
 **onceandthefuture** : like I said  
 **onceandthefuture** : I thought we already were  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ...   
**stripeznstarz50** : wow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re so right!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha totally didn’t see that coming!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : when did THAT happen>  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... I don’t really know  
 **onceandthefuture** : it just happened  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and it hasn’t even been two weeks!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I love us  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : you know how the internet is  
 **onceandthefuture** : this could die next week through no fault of our own  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I”M not gonna let it die  
 **stripeznstarz50** : are you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I didn’t _plan_ on it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : good!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : then its settled  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’re friends  
 **onceandthefuture** : you really know how to make me happy  
 **onceandthefuture** : did you know that?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well DUH  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s the point!  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : say, America  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ?  
 **onceandthefuture** : are you any good with maths?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sure, it’s my best subject  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well it’s kind of my worst  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m trying to do my homework  
 **onceandthefuture** : and failing  
 **onceandthefuture** : miserably  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh sure I’ll help if I can  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’s it on?  
 **onceandthefuture** : derivatives  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah psh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no problem  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hit me  
 **onceandthefuture** : (2x-1)^3/4x-7  
 **onceandthefuture** : find the derivative  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mkay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so you have to use the chain rule and the quotient rule on this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the quotient rule comes first  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so as you know that’s Lo(dHi) - Hi(dLo)/Lo^2  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so we get (4x-7)(dHi) - (2x-1)^3(4)/(4x-7)^2  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and we just take the deriv of (2x-1)^3 and insert it for dHi  
 **stripeznstarz50** : which would be 3(2x-1)^2(2)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so we get this lovely number  
 **stripeznstarz50** : 6(4x-7)(2x-1)^2 - (2x-1)^3(4)/(4x-7)^2  
 **onceandthefuture** : okay so quotient rule comes first?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yep, pretty much always  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’ve gotta derivitize the whole thing before you can derivitize the parts  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... derivitize?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : derivate whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : derivitize sounds more fun  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : well thanks  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-)   
**stripeznstarz50** : it’s not a problem  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like math  
 **stripeznstarz50** : esp. when I know what I’m doing xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : I feel like i should be insulted  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m taking maths help from a high schooler  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha, don’t be  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it kind of happens a lot to me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m the homework hero in my homeschool school  
 **onceandthefuture** : hero?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s what people call me  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh I’m sure  
 **onceandthefuture** : more like the Idiot Hero  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I just helped you with your math!  
 **onceandthefuture** : not that kind of idiot  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how can you call me an idiot?  
 **onceandthefuture** : the TVTrope kind of idiot hero  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what>  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ?  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s a wiki- oh, just go here, it’ll explain  
 **onceandthefuture** : [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotHero](http://%20tvtropes%20.org/%20pmwiki/%20pmwiki.php/%20Main/%20IdiotHero)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ooh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... yeah you’re kind of right xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : by the way  
 **onceandthefuture** : you have now lost half of your life  
 **stripeznstarz50** : huh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife](http://%20tvtropes%20.org/%20pmwiki/%20pmwiki.php/%20Main/%20TVTropesWillRuinYourLife)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nice  
 **stripeznstarz50** : btw  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you owe me now  
 **onceandthefuture** : of course  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll collect later ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : and I expect you to  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’s that supposed to mean?  
 **onceandthefuture** : nothing   
**onceandthefuture** : I just figured you would  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : your online tone just sounded very sarcastic  
 **onceandthefuture** : online tone?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahahaha that’s great  
 **onceandthefuture** : I like it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so it wasn’t?  
 **onceandthefuture** : no  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m looking forward to helping you :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : oh damn you’ve got me doing :-P too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : SUCCESS  
 **onceandthefuture** : HAHAHAAHA  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *bows*  
 **onceandthefuture** : okay one more problem and then we’re done  
 **onceandthefuture** : e^(2x^2+5x)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh that’s easy  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the derivative of e is always itself plus the derivative of the the stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so it’s just (4x+5)e^(2x^2+5x)  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re amazing, you know that?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehe I know  
 **onceandthefuture** : it would have taken me forever to do that alone  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just glad I could help  
 **stripeznstarz50** : brb mcdonald’s run  
 **onceandthefuture** : again?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m hungry!  
 **onceandthefuture** : *shakes head sadly*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you know you love it ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : oh go buy your grease  
 **stripeznstarz50** : can do!  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**  
  
 **November 23, 2007  
**  
 **onceandthefuture** : hullo America  
 **stripeznstarz50** : grrrr  
 **onceandthefuture** : ?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’d forgotten how much I HATE LA traffic  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m guessing you’re home now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah   
**stripeznstarz50** : not only was everyone and their mother trying to go home after Thanksgiving  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so the airport was packed  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but there were DELAYS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was stuck on the runway in Sioux Falls for frickin HOURS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and when we FINALLY get in the air  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the goddamned toddler in front of me decides to wake up  
 **onceandthefuture** : sounds like the trip from hell  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh it got worse  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so after a minor firght where they thought they didn’t have our luggage but they totally did  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it took us 48 minutes to get out of the fucking airport  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I counted  
 **stripeznstarz50** : even though my dad’s assistant came and picked us up  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and then ugh don’t get me started on the drive to the house  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *headwall*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m just glad to finally be home  
 **onceandthefuture** : I can see that  
 **onceandthefuture** : *pats*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : usually it’s not quite so bad  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but the Friday after thanksgiving combined with the fact that I’ve been in nowhere, south dakota forever throws a wrench into my perception of things  
 **stripeznstarz50** : uuuuuuuuuuuugh  
 **onceandthefuture** : hey, it’s over now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : true  
 **onceandthefuture** : so what’re you going to do now that you’re back in LA?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh you know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ‘school’ starts back on monday I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m still kind of out of work  
 **stripeznstarz50** : although movies haven’t really been affected so I might get a small job there  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I dunno  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I usually have to work chick flicks so it’s not very exciting :-\   
**onceandthefuture** : why is that?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m not sure  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe it’s because of my natural charisma and lovable attitude?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : I have a hunch  
 **onceandthefuture** : do you have a picture of yourself?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : er  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : um  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s fine if you don’t want to show me  
 **onceandthefuture** : it would just help confirm my hunch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah I’ve never really shown my picture to anyone online before  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s fine  
 **onceandthefuture** : I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well you can go ahead and tell me your hunch anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : um  
 **onceandthefuture** : that you’re attractive  
 **stripeznstarz50** : OH  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that would make sense  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and to answer your hunch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve been told that I am :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : cocky, are we?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just a little  
 **stripeznstarz50** : personally I don’t think I’m THAT attractive  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just more than mildly  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re probably underestimating yourself  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what about you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : pardon?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : do people tell you that you’re hot or anything?  
 **onceandthefuture** : um  
 **onceandthefuture** : most people can’t get past my eyebrows...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : lolwhut  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : I have... rather large eyebrows  
 **stripeznstarz50** : seriously?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s hilarious  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it totally fits you   
**stripeznstarz50** : I like it  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t mock me boy  
 **onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no, I’m serious  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I think that it’s perfect for you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : personality-wise  
 **onceandthefuture** : thanks I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no really!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like your personality  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and I like your eyebrows  
 **onceandthefuture** : you haven’t even seen them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : doesn’t mean anything  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I still like them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just as much as I like your personality  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... you’re totally blushing, aren’t you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : NO!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahahha you so are  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh go shove your ego up your arse  
 **stripeznstarz50** : AHAHAHHAA  
 **onceandthefuture** : my roommate’s looking at me strangely  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *dying*  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh go to hell  
 **stripeznstarz50** : c’mon, don’t be like that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m just messing with you  
 **onceandthefuture** : *sigh* I know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-)   
**stripeznstarz50** : so how’s mathy holding up, anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : his hair’s grown back if that’s what you mean  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean in general  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s obliviously lovestruck  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s hilarious  
 **stripeznstarz50** : with who?  
 **onceandthefuture** : this Norwegian kid  
 **onceandthefuture** : who barely even gives him the time of day  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s convinced that he’s just too shy to say anything though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : guy or girl? **  
onceandthefuture** : guy  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you seem to have a lot of bi/gay friends  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : birds of a feather flock together  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t really know why I have such a large percentage though **  
onceandthefuture** : maybe it’s uni  
 **stripeznstarz50** : could be  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so who are your friends anyway?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean you’ve mentioned some  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but not actual descriptions  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh, well you know Mathias  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve mentioned Kiku and Francis before, right?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe  
 **onceandthefuture** : kiku’s my best RL friend  
 **onceandthefuture** : a little Japanese guy  
 **onceandthefuture** : few years older than me but it’s hard to tell  
 **onceandthefuture** : we understand each other  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s helped me with homework and stuff since sixth form  
 **onceandthefuture** : we blend together well  
 **onceandthefuture** : we both like the quiet  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you mean you’re both lonely  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what about Francis?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh god  
 **onceandthefuture** : half the time I can’t decide whether to punch him or fuck him  
 **stripeznstarz50** : excuse me?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I once heard someone describe us with an American term  
 **onceandthefuture** : frenemies, I think it was  
 **stripeznstarz50** : AHAHAHAHA  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : more like frenemies with benefits  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve know and hated him forever  
 **onceandthefuture** : I even knew him back in my younger days  
 **onceandthefuture** : stayed at his house for a little while after I got kicked out  
 **onceandthefuture** : we met up again at Oxford by mistake  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s... good at getting me drunk  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I love this guy already  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t tell him that  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s one of those people that will hit on a pulse  
 **stripeznstarz50** : as  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah*  
 **onceandthefuture** : we don’t have much real emotional attachment  
 **onceandthefuture** : but it’s hard to imagine life without him  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s French too so that’s an added spark of hate  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I should really meet this guy  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he sounds like a riot  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmm.  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : the guys in the other room in our flat are my next closest friends  
 **onceandthefuture** : eh, more like close acquaintances  
 **onceandthefuture** : I like them because Mathias hates them  
 **onceandthefuture** : or at least he hates one of them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh? why is that?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Their names are Berwald and TIno  
 **onceandthefuture** : they’re Scandinavian so that explains the names  
 **onceandthefuture** : he and Berwald have a history  
 **onceandthefuture** : it all happened before I got here, and no one really seems to want to explain it to me  
 **onceandthefuture** : all I know is that they hate each other  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what about the Tino kid?’  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s impossible to hate  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s a very nice, pleasant fellow  
 **onceandthefuture** : although I saw him drunk recently and he terrified me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha  
 **onceandthefuture** : he was that weird happy-psycho kind of drunk  
 **onceandthefuture** : with the ranting and the crazy laughs and the wicked knife  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *shudders*  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : Berwald’s extremely quiet  
 **onceandthefuture** : not so much shy as he doesn’t like to talk  
 **onceandthefuture** : Tino usually talks enough for them both though  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s also really tall while Tino is on the short side  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Big Guy Tiny Girl kind of thing?  
 **onceandthefuture** : very much  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway those are the people I most associate with  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you really ARE isolated xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : I like it that way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah right  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so is it my turn to talk about my friends?  
 **onceandthefuture** : another time  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s midnight and I need sleep  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : now I’m 8 hours behind instead of 6  
 **onceandthefuture** : that sucks  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yup  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah, good night  
 **onceandthefuture** : night  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**


	5. You Needed Proof

**CHAPTER FOUR (you needed proof)  
**  
 **Thursday, November 29, 2007  
**  
 **onceandthefuture:** hullo America  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hey  
 **onceandthefuture** : haven’t talked to you in a bit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Sorry i havent been on lately  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I got caught up in life  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : can’t say I didn’t expect it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Ive been running around like crazy since i got home  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Im on my phone now  
 **onceandthefuture:** so that’s why your typing is worse than usual  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hah yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : where are you now, anyway?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : On my way to a party  
 **onceandthefuture** : on a Thursday?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Being able to make your own hours is awesome  
 **onceandthefuture:** I see  
 **onceandthefuture:** well I guess I should leave you to it then  
 **stripeznstarz50:** No wait  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Dont go  
 **onceandthefuture** : why?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I found aim on my phone so i could talk to you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : So dammit im gonna talk to you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : It really aint my fault i havent been able to talk  
 **stripeznstarz50** : And i miss you and your british  
 **onceandthefuture** : *ahem* well then  
 **onceandthefuture** : I guess I can stay on for a while  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Yay!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Its a boring work party for my dad anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Ill probably be the youngest one there  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I’ll be glad to help you stave off the boredom  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : otherwise I WOULD kick you off and make you have your own life  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Haha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Dont worry about me having a life  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Id rather worry about having too much of one  
 **onceandthefuture** : pardon?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : It seems like i never stop moving in la  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I miss sd and i havent even been gone a week  
 **onceandthefuture** : I thought you liked the city?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Sometimes yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like the city a lot more when im not there  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Does that even make any sense?  
 **onceandthefuture** : of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ isn’t a saying for nothing  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Heh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean the idea of it is great  
 **stripeznstarz50** : A bunch of people living together with a common interest  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Its the practice thats the devil  
 **onceandthefuture** : since when were you philosophical?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You mustve rubbed off on me :-)  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha  
 **onceandthefuture** : one can only hope  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Sorry just got to the party  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I hate these work things  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Dad hates them too  
 **onceandthefuture** : then why do you go?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Cause the music industry is a bitch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Weve been gone from la like a month  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Even though dad is a pretty big name around here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : We still have to reestablish ourselves a little  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Which means all three of us at the thursday night ritzy old people mixer  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I am seriously the youngest person here omg fml  
 **onceandthefuture** : it can’t be that bad  
 **onceandthefuture** : I always find my best conversations with people older than me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You would  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Im more of a 15-25 person  
 **onceandthefuture** : what is the next youngest person there anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Idk umm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I see someone who looks late 20s  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Its a desperate looking girl though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Probably just here to try and get found or w/e  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Boy is she in the wrong place  
 **stripeznstarz50** : This is the stuffy ceos and shit  
 **onceandthefuture** : just how big IS your dad, anyway?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Big  
 **stripeznstarz50** : At least in his field  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Which is the local branch of his label  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hes the guy who picks the up and comings that you hear on bad satellite radio  
 **onceandthefuture** : nice  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Means i get to listen to a lot of whiny folk crap in the car though  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : I just realized something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : What?  
 **onceandthefuture** : you know how you always say you’re my hero  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Of course!  
 **onceandthefuture** : well tonight I’m YOUR hero  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hahaha youre right!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Thats great  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *Smirk*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Are you sure you can handle the pressure?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh, I think I can handle it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I might have to give you some lessons  
 **stripeznstarz50** : One on one  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Or at least some tips  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah I was about to say  
 **onceandthefuture** : small matter of the Atlantic Ocean and a continent  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Haha  
 **onceandthefuture** : wait  
 **onceandthefuture** : lemme see if I can predict what you’ll say  
 **onceandthefuture** : 1) have the ability to a. fly, b. shoot lasers from your eyes, c. be super strong or d. all of the above  
 **onceandthefuture** : 2) wear a cape  
 **onceandthefuture** : 3) never stop believing  
 **stripeznstarz50** : HAHAHHHAHHAHA  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was gonna say that you should always put others ahead of yourself and work to the best of your potential  
 **stripeznstarz50** : But yours is more awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : what’s with you tonight and the philosophy?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I guess im just in the mood  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Oh god the vargas are here  
 **onceandthefuture** : vargases  
 **onceandthefuture** : and who?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Yeah yeah w/e  
 **stripeznstarz50** : They’re annoying  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Brothers  
 **stripeznstarz50** : One’s my age, the other’s a little older  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Live w/ gpa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hes in charge of intl music for the label  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hes ridic cool and oddly young  
 **stripeznstarz50** : But the oldest ones a douchebag and the younger never shuts up  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Oh god theyve seen me  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am laughing at you by the way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I thought i was invisible in my corner table  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Oh go to hell  
 **onceandthefuture** : I just had this mental image of you curled up in a corner tapping away furiously at your phone  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Commence op. Pretend To Text in Awk. Situations  
 **stripeznstarz50** : And you’d be right :-P  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Not really curled tho  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Sitting very dignified in a corner table on the far side of the dance floor  
 **onceandthefuture** : there’s a dance floor?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Omg theyre coming over  
 **stripeznstarz50** : And yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Not very much used but yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Omg what should i do  
 **onceandthefuture** : first calm down  
 **onceandthefuture** : breathe  
 **onceandthefuture** : now be polite but distant until they get the hint and leave  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You have obviously never met these guys  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Once they latch onto you youre never free  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : God i hate these parties  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Uuuugggghhhh they came over  
 **onceandthefuture** : you should put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign or something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Thats a good idea  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Too bad it came too late  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *Typing furiously to make it seem that much more unwanted*  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh come on now  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t be rude  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m sure they can’t be that bad  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Ohgod they just asked who im talking to  
 **stripeznstarz50** : What should i say?  
 **onceandthefuture** : just say I’m Matthew or something if you care that much  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Yeah okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : They kind of know matt so that will work  
 **onceandthefuture** : exactly  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Oh HELL  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Feli the younger wants to talk to you  
 **onceandthefuture** : um no?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Damn straight  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Youre mine  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... thank you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Sorry about that, had to fight for the phone  
 **stripeznstarz50** : He actually tried to take it from me  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahahhahahahahah  
 **onceandthefuture** : you know  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s really late here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : No  
 **onceandthefuture** : I think I’ll retire for the night  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Oh no you dont you little bitch you better not leave me  
 **onceandthefuture** : Ta, America  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Ta?  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**  
 **  
** **Friday, November 30, 2007  
  
stripeznstarz50 signed on**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t like you right now  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : still sore about last night, love?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : grrrr  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that wasn’t very nice  
 **onceandthefuture** : I never said I was a nice person  
 **onceandthefuture** : how did it go, anyway?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : HORRIBLY  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I swear to god Feli talked for three hours straight  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t you have any other friends you could have pretended to talk to?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but I didn’t really want to  
 **stripeznstarz50** : they were probably all busy anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : you could have still pretended  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah but that’s boring  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but since you caused me undue pain  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh stop being such a baby  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I have found a way to make you repay me  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re gonna watch a movie with me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you know what kind...  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh no  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t worry, I won’t start you off with the chick flicks  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’ll begin young  
 **stripeznstarz50** : have you ever heard of ‘The Castle in the Attic’?  
 **onceandthefuture** : vaguely  
 **onceandthefuture** : it rings a bell but I’m not sure why  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it was Al’s first real movie  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s not even the main character but the best friend  
 **onceandthefuture** : *sigh*  
 **onceandthefuture** : okay whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yay!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : lemme just find it online...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh here we go  
 **stripeznstarz50** : http:// megavideo .com /? v=H3DFRXS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just to inform you a little  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it was made in the 90s as part of the Disney knockoff fad  
 **stripeznstarz50** : except it was made by Disney  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t know how that works exactly  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I think it was a small merger company or summat  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but it works so here we are  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s based off a small children’s book  
 **onceandthefuture** : isn’t everything?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha true  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : is it loading yet?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : my computer hates megavideo  
 **stripeznstarz50** : tell me when you’re ready  
 **onceandthefuture** : ok go  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... my god that accent  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s the worst thing ever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahahahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you mean Mrs. Phillips?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am highly offended by her existence  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve never heard such a fake, over the top accent  
 **onceandthefuture** : even from people imitating me  
 **onceandthefuture** : she’s getting PAID for this?!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you have a thick accent?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and yes she is  
 **onceandthefuture** : you could say that  
 **onceandthefuture** : god this kid’s a wimp  
 **stripeznstarz50** : totally  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude I want that castle  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and that attic  
 **onceandthefuture** : XD yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : I wouldn’t mind owning it myself  
 **onceandthefuture** : uuuuugh that accent  
 **onceandthefuture** : kill yourself  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve heard her normal voice in interviews and stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s nice  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m sure it is  
 **onceandthefuture** : but her ACCENT  
 **onceandthefuture** : it drives me up the wall  
 **onceandthefuture** : ohgod what is that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bahahaa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s Sir Simon  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I should’ve warned you that this movie is half animated  
 **onceandthefuture** : warning would’ve been nice  
 **onceandthefuture** : this guy is hilarious xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : his voice actor obviously had too much fun with this role xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : this kid really is a wimp  
 **onceandthefuture** : is that a teddy bear?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s in the book  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is the most pathetic 10-year-old I’ve ever met  
 **onceandthefuture** : he can’t even let his NANNY go  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well he has basically been raised by her  
 **onceandthefuture** : still  
 **onceandthefuture** : I never had any emotional attachment to my nannies  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s because you were a little rebel  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh no  
 **onceandthefuture** : seriously  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s going to do that  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s going to shrink down his nanny so she’ll never leave him  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s pathetic  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey, he’s ten, give him a break  
 **onceandthefuture** : he should still know better than that  
 **onceandthefuture** : this kid is so frustrating  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh look it’s Alfred!  
 **onceandthefuture:** that’s him?  
 **onceandthefuture:** he looks so young  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well duh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this was made a long time ago  
 **onceandthefuture:** aaaand goodbye Al  
 **onceandthefuture:** that really was a bit part  
 **stripeznstarz50** : told you  
 **onceandthefuture** : ugh  
 **onceandthefuture** : honestly I’d rather watch Alfred that this narrator  
 **onceandthefuture** : *main character what  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha  
 **onceandthefuture** : HE DIDN’T  
 **onceandthefuture** : this kid’s a dick!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bwaahhahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t worry, he gets better  
 **onceandthefuture** : god I hope so  
 **onceandthefuture** : otherwise I might have to stop watching  
 **onceandthefuture** : does Al come up again  
 **onceandthefuture** : ?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a little bit yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : *sigh* all right  
 **onceandthefuture** : finally  
 **onceandthefuture** : he does something right  
 **onceandthefuture** : the least he could do to the poor woman is accompany her in her misery  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh god  
 **onceandthefuture** : there are SONGS now?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : BWAAHAHAHAH OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT THIS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this is hilarious  
 **onceandthefuture** : that Simon guy is the only enjoyable part of this movie  
 **onceandthefuture** : just because of his outrageousness  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha totally  
 **onceandthefuture** : I need a drink  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aren’t you underage?  
 **onceandthefuture** : bah, not in the UK, mate  
 **onceandthefuture** : even if it was, do you think I would care?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve been drinking since my preteens  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah, found Mathias’s rum  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s all good now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this promises to be interesting  
 **onceandthefuture** : you mean the journey through the evil forest or my rum?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bwahhaa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : both  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mainly the rum though  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : Mat always has the best aocohol  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh shit nightmare fuel like what  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *hides*  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is a fuckin CHILDREN’S FILM  
 **onceandthefuture** : gah no Simon don’t leave  
 **onceandthefuture** : you were the only bearable part of this movie  
 **onceandthefuture** : nooooo  
 **onceandthefuture** : fuck  
 **onceandthefuture** : now we’re stuck with Mr. annoying here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : tell me when they’re out of the forest  
 **onceandthefuture** : mk  
 **onceandthefuture** : what a recorder thats fuckin lame  
 **onceandthefuture** : SHIT this kid  
 **onceandthefuture** : I hate him  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s out btw  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh good  
 **onceandthefuture** : did you mute the movie or something?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course not!  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is so buch metter w/ rum  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this animation  
 **stripeznstarz50** : whyyyyy  
 **stripeznstarz50** : kill me  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is supposed to be a fuckin disney movie, like what the fuck  
 **onceandthefuture** : come on animators you can do better  
 **onceandthefuture** : WHY ODES EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE KNOW WHO THE SHITHEAD IS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s magic, Artie!  
 **onceandthefuture** : fuck this magic  
 **onceandthefuture** : know magic  
 **onceandthefuture** : and that is not magic  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is magic’s incestuous bastard cousin  
 **onceandthefuture** : magic is enchanted swords and Merlin and alchemy  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is not even close  
 **onceandthefuture** : lowest of the lowest fantasy  
 **onceandthefuture** : and don’t call me artie dammit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : passionate, are we?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hells yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah fuck mat’s here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : do I need to pause  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Arthur?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aaaarrrttttiiiieeeeee??  
 **onceandthefuture is idle**  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**  
  
 **Saturday, December 1, 2007  
  
onceandthefuture signed on**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yo art  
 **onceandthefuture** : call me arthur dammit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what happened last night?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ugh  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : let’s just say Mat doesn’t really like it when you take him alcohol  
 **onceandthefuture** : his*  
 **onceandthefuture** : and I’m not exactly pleasant with a loose system  
 **onceandthefuture** : Berwald and Tino had to break us up  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude I’m sorry  
 **onceandthefuture** : what’re you sorry for?  
 **onceandthefuture** : they’re used to breaking us up  
 **onceandthefuture** : I swear Tino’s got a camera in our room or something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well if I hadn’t made you watch that movie then you wouldn’t have had to steal Mathy’s rum and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt  
 **onceandthefuture** : psh  
 **onceandthefuture** : I would’ve done it anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s fun to set him off and I was bored  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : crap, I forgot my laundry was still in the basement  
 **onceandthefuture** : brb  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mkay  
 **onceandthefuture is away**  
 **onceandthefuture** : yo  
 **onceandthefuture** : who’s this?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : um pardon?  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is Arthur’s roommate  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh hey Mathy! wassup?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Mathy?!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : arthur’s told me about you  
 **onceandthefuture** : orly  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re his roommate, aren’t you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : you still haven’t told me who you are  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Artie calls me America  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahahha artie?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well he yells at me when I call him that but yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is rich  
 **stripeznstarz50** : has he ever mentioned me to you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hell no  
 **onceandthefuture** : he barely talks about anything like that with me  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do know quite a lot about him, tho  
 **onceandthefuture** : wanna hear some stuff?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : HELLS YES!  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : first  
 **onceandthefuture** : did you know  
 **onceandthefuture** : that  
 **onceandthefuture** : Arthur is  
 **onceandthefuture** : incredibly absolutely positively  
 **onceandthefuture** : gay?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : because he so is wait what  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah, he told me like weeks ago  
 **onceandthefuture** : what  
 **onceandthefuture** : no way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah, it’s not a big deal anymore  
 **onceandthefuture** : I had to squeeze it out of him  
 **onceandthefuture** : literally  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway, I thought he was bi not gay?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh  
 **onceandthefuture** : he is?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : according to him  
 **onceandthefuture** : well then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so do you have anything else super juicy for me that he would never tell me even if he’s drunk?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : he likes anything to do with Camelot and the knights of the round table far too much for anyone’s comfort  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD that so fits him  
 **onceandthefuture** : and he has HUMONGUOUS eyebrows  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so I’ve heard  
 **onceandthefuture** : he actually TOLD you that? xDD  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : he also has a poster of some wannabe American TV star on his wall  
 **onceandthefuture** : some albino kid  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahahahahhahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s also kind of short  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how short EXACTLY?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well not super short  
 **onceandthefuture** : like 170-175 cm  
 **onceandthefuture** : shorter than me by about a head  
 **onceandthefuture** : eh, half a head  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m about 186 cm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and that in inches is…  
 **onceandthefuture** : idk look it up  
 **onceandthefuture** : OH  
 **onceandthefuture** : and he does this really strange thing when he’s sleeping where he makes sex noises  
 **stripeznstarz50** : BAHAHAHHA  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t htink he even realises he does it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : WHAT  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am not shitting you  
 **onceandthefuture** : honest to god sex noises  
 **stripeznstarz50** : speaking of which  
 **stripeznstarz50** : never ever tell him I asked you this  
 **onceandthefuture** : mm?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : is he still a virgin?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : although he doesn’t exactly kiss and tell  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve found lube in his sock drawer when I was looking for his gin a while ago  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I assume he’s gotten some  
 **onceandthefuture** : we haven’t had any deep emotional conversation about it though  
 **onceandthefuture** : shit I hear him now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mkay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : good luck with Mikkel!  
 **onceandthefuture is available**  
 **onceandthefuture** : back  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... what were we talking about?  
 **onceandthefuture** : um  
 **onceandthefuture** : last night?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah’  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m starting to think we should let the movie rest xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : not sure how mat would like me stealing his vodka as well as his rum  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how much of it did you drink last night, anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh you know  
 **onceandthefuture** : about a third of the bottle  
 **stripeznstarz50** : jesus Arthur  
 **onceandthefuture** : eh  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve done worse  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehe I’m sure you have  
 **onceandthefuture** : you don’t spend five years of your young life trying to get expelled by just untucking your shirt  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my little rebel  
 **onceandthefuture** : ‘my’?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how many times have we gone over this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : on the Internet  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you belong to me  
 **onceandthefuture** : watch yourself  
 **onceandthefuture** : people might take that the wrong way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t care  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I’m flattered  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course you are  
 **onceandthefuture** : :-P  
 **onceandthefuture** : what time is it over there?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : like noonish  
 **onceandthefuture** : waitasecond MAT  
 **onceandthefuture** : did he talk to you while I was gone?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : had a lovely chat about you :-)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why?  
 **onceandthefuture** : fuck him  
 **onceandthefuture** : brb  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : gotta go put my red football socks into his whites  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bwahahahhahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**


	6. How To Shoot At Someone Who Outdrew You

**CHAPTER FIVE (how to shoot at someone who outdrew you)  
  
Saturday, December 15, 2007  
**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yo artie  
 **onceandthefuture** : what will I have to do to get you to stop calling me that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sacrifice yourself on a stone table  
 **onceandthefuture** : dammit  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I hate people  
 **onceandthefuture** : usually I’m the one that says that  
 **onceandthefuture** : what’s the occasion?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : uuuuuuuugh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *collapses on arthur*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : drama  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I do not want it  
 **onceandthefuture** : do tell  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh well if you wanna hear  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well first off  
 **stripeznstarz50** : exams are next week  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and this week  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so I’m trying to set aside time to study and what not even though I really don’t feel like I need to because I’ve never really studied before or had a reason to  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it just came naturally to me, y’know?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh poor baby  
 **onceandthefuture** : you may have to study!  
 **onceandthefuture** : I can’t wait until you get to college  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my mom says that too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : speaking of which  
 **stripeznstarz50** : they expect waaaaaaaaay too much of me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : like seriously  
 **stripeznstarz50** : they think A’s aren’t good enough or something and a B is basically failing  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s pretty ridiculous  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I KNOW  
 **stripeznstarz50** : gah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I have way too many fights w/ mom about this  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’ll pass  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway so there’s that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my friends are almost more drama than they’re worth  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I honestly could care less who dates who or goes where or whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but both my girl and guy friends just never stop dragging me into situation after situation that I just do not want to be in  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this latest one involves a christmas party that one of the girls is hosting  
 **stripeznstarz50** : who apparently only invited half of my friends  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and everyone else is getting butthurt about it even though it probably will be lame anyway and gah I’m sorry I’m ranting  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll stop talking now  
 **onceandthefuture** : no, no, it’s okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : let it out  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s why I’m here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : see this is why I like you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we argue, sure, but not in annoying ways  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s nice to have this to fall back on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it so is  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude we’re awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : bwahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : true  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh hey look, matthew’s on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : lemme see if he wants to join us  
 **onceandthefuture** : um okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sweet he’s bored and said yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll make a chatroom  
 **stripeznstarz50 joined the chat _awesomecondiments_  
onceandthefuture joined the chat _awesomecondiments  
_ noblebeaversocks joined the chat _awesomecondiments_  
noblebeaversocks** : hello?  
 **onceandthefuture** : wow america you surely have a way of naming things  
 **onceandthefuture** : and hello  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yo what’s up everyone!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and you know you love it arthur  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : arthur, meet mattie  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mattie, artie  
 **onceandthefuture** : I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT oh whatever  
 **noblebeaversocks** : hehe hey Arthur  
 **onceandthefuture** : hello matthew  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve heard a lot about you  
 **noblebeaversocks** : really?  
 **onceandthefuture** : america here likes to talk about people  
 **noblebeaversocks** : oh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m right here you know  
 **onceandthefuture** : your point?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *snickers*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : I like him, al  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *am  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so matt guess what?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : this can’t be good  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it is currently  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *looks out window*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : clear and sunny  
 **stripeznstarz50** : with blue skies   
**stripeznstarz50** : and in the 60s  
 **noblebeaversocks** : .... **  
noblebeaversocks** : I hate you  
 **noblebeaversocks** : so much  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’s it like there cousin? ;-)   
**noblebeaversocks** : shut up   
**noblebeaversocks** : you know perfectly well I’m snowed in  
 **stripeznstarz50** : SUCKS! :-D   
**noblebeaversocks** : fucking winter  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s raining here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : typical  
 **onceandthefuture** : just barely not cold enough for snow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : guys  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we are seriously talking about the weather  
 **noblebeaversocks** : it’s like some bad speed date   
**stripeznstarz50** : rofl yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : bahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe I’ll go take my laptop outside and get a tan :-)   
**noblebeaversocks** : jerk   
**stripeznstarz50** : :-)   
**noblebeaversocks** : i can’t wait for you to open your christmas gift  
 **noblebeaversocks** : itchy old scratchy wool knitted granny sweater  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what seriously matt  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I thought you told aunt marge that I would seriously burn the next one she made for me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no exceptions  
 **onceandthefuture** : america, why would you do such a thing with a handmade family gift?  
 **onceandthefuture** : for shame  
 **noblebeaversocks** : if you had to wear one, you’d understand   
**stripeznstarz50** : sarcasm doesn’t translate well over the internet artie  
 **noblebeaversocks** : on the other hand, al looks adorable all snuggled up in one   
**noblebeaversocks** : am*  
 **onceandthefuture** : you keep on screwing that up  
 **noblebeaversocks** : its hard to type wtih three fingers splinted together  
 **noblebeaversocks** : damn hockey fight  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ouch  
 **onceandthefuture** : you play hockey?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude that’s like asking you if you’ve read Shakespeare  
 **noblebeaversocks** : duhhh  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i could skate before i could walk  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what was the fight about anyway?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : something with a frenchie  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and faking a dive  
 **noblebeaversocks** : don’t really remember  
 **noblebeaversocks** : kinda might’ve gotten a concussion   
**stripeznstarz50** : bwahahhahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : *nods along*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : fuckign snow though  
 **noblebeaversocks** : had a game against another french team  
 **noblebeaversocks** : can’t get the door open wide enough to get out though  
 **onceandthefuture** : damned french  
 **onceandthefuture** : I call them frogs  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bwahahaha  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *snickers*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : theyre good for one thing though  
 **onceandthefuture** : what’s that?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : poutine   
**stripeznstarz50** : I still have no idea wtf that is  
 **noblebeaversocks** : gah  
 **noblebeaversocks** : it’s not like it’s a hard concept  
 **noblebeaversocks** : fries, gravy and cheese   
**onceandthefuture** : sounds like a heart attack on a plate  
 **noblebeaversocks** : so much tastier than a heart attack though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : heart attacks are so tasty though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : if you go by my mom’s standards  
 **onceandthefuture** : you think that a big mac is the epitome of health  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not really  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but I do appreciate them  
 **noblebeaversocks** : yeah but you don’t put mayo on them   
**stripeznstarz50** : well, most of the time  
 **noblebeaversocks** : NOOOO!   
**noblebeaversocks** : FUCK YOU REF!  
 **onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : who is it this time  
 **noblebeaversocks** : FUCK, he called that a fucking penalty shot!   
**noblebeaversocks** : No way! Fucker!  
 **noblebeaversocks** : he better not score  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehehe  
 **noblebeaversocks** : if he scores, i’m gonna hunt that ref down and  
 **noblebeaversocks** : beat him. with my skates.   
**stripeznstarz50** : *dying from mental image*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and then my stick   
**onceandthefuture** : what on earth are you talking aboiut  
 **noblebeaversocks** : the fucking ref in this game just called a penalty shot  
 **noblebeaversocks** : but the leafs player so dove!  
 **noblebeaversocks** : fucking pansy faker   
**stripeznstarz50** : *still dying*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : also, how did he even get a breakaway   
**noblebeaversocks** : *rants*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : damn habs defense   
**noblebeaversocks** : Gah, thank god! Price actually made a save!   
**stripeznstarz50** : haha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’s the score  
 **noblebeaversocks** : 2-0 for the habs   
**noblebeaversocks** : in the second  
 **onceandthefuture** : who are the habs?  
 **onceandthefuture** : what is going on?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : canadiens   
**noblebeaversocks** : they’re playing the hated leafs  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hockey, arthur  
 **stripeznstarz50** : NHL  
 **onceandthefuture** : ooooh  
 **noblebeaversocks** : think like man u/chelsea rivalry   
**onceandthefuture** : .... you make your point quite clear.  
 **onceandthefuture** : *avid man u fan*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t start him on soccer, man  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s almost as bad with it as you are about hockey  
 **noblebeaversocks** : pftttt  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I said almost  
 **noblebeaversocks** : thank you   
**stripeznstarz50** : :-)   
**stripeznstarz50** : all right I have nothing else to do  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *finds game on TV8  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *  
 **noblebeaversocks** : FUCK YES  
 **noblebeaversocks** : right in time for a goal!   
**stripeznstarz50** : whoa missed it  
 **noblebeaversocks** : thats what replays are for!   
**stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : fuckit dad don’t start channel surfing dammit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : there are other TVs why do you want the only one next to a computer  
 **noblebeaversocks** : ahh! tell him someone’s breaking into his car and steal the remote   
**stripeznstarz50** : bahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he wouldn’t believe that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but it still made me smile  
 **noblebeaversocks** : id do it for you, if i weren’t trapped in this house  
 **noblebeaversocks** : damn snow   
**noblebeaversocks** : artie, where’d you goooo?  
 **onceandthefuture** : DON’T CALL ME THAT  
 **stripeznstarz50** : there he is!  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *snickers*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : Artie...  
 **onceandthefuture** : grrrr  
 **onceandthefuture** : I have a sword  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t mess with me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s true  
 **noblebeaversocks** : hockey stick trumps sword  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hmmmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not sure about that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean  
 **noblebeaversocks** : it’s the trick sword al   
**stripeznstarz50** : it’s a sword  
 **noblebeaversocks** : stick*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh shit well art you may be beat  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s a replica of fucking Excalibur  
 **noblebeaversocks** : it’s a big ass wooden stick with a shank in the end   
**stripeznstarz50** : how can you have a replica of a legendary object anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : there are ways  
 **onceandthefuture** : and really.  
 **onceandthefuture** : SWORD.  
 **onceandthefuture** : sword is greater than everything  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i stand by my shank   
**stripeznstarz50** : you know what I’m feeling  
 **stripeznstarz50** : EPIC BRAWL TIME!!  
 **onceandthefuture** : no.  
 **noblebeaversocks** : aww come on  
 **noblebeaversocks** : it’d be fun  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t do brawl.  
 **noblebeaversocks** : what you fight like a gentleman? fencing and all?   
**onceandthefuture** : no, I gave up fighting a long time ago  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so you DID fight  
 **onceandthefuture** : ffff I NEVER SAID THAT  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but you didn’t DENY it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dad scifi WHY  
 **noblebeaversocks** : aww don’t lie   
**noblebeaversocks** : i know you both really like that stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : shut it  
 **noblebeaversocks** : ...really, really like that stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I said shut it  
 **onceandthefuture** : ahahaha oh america  
 **onceandthefuture** : you can’t say anything about my magic whe nyou have your own supernatural  
 **noblebeaversocks** : magic eh?   
**onceandthefuture** : um  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : FUCKIT DAD PICK A CHANNEL AND STAY THERE  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i told you, stolen car   
**stripeznstarz50** : butbut you can’t see the cars from here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and that feels dirty  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay so apparently it’s between spike, oxygen, and scifi  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dad you are so weird  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha wow that’s an interesting mix  
 **noblebeaversocks** : FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : GOALLLLL!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nice  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and damn wow that was a good goal   
**noblebeaversocks** : top shelf   
**noblebeaversocks** : didn’t even stop it, just shot it   
**noblebeaversocks** : *impressed*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *crickets chirp*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and ahh, Kovalev you’ve redeemed yourself. for now.   
**noblebeaversocks** : awww am, you secretly know you love it   
**stripeznstarz50** : nothing can cmpare to yours of course ;-)   
**stripeznstarz50** : I swear you’re the biggest hockey fan in Canada  
 **noblebeaversocks** : ahahha, no i’ve never painted the flames logo on my chest  
 **noblebeaversocks** : unlike a certain brother of mine   
**onceandthefuture** : sounds like my brothers  
 **onceandthefuture** : except you know with football  
 **onceandthefuture** : only thing we have in common  
 **noblebeaversocks** : soccer :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : ah shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : fucking Americans  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i take offence to that!   
**stripeznstarz50** : bahahaa  
 **onceandthefuture** : would you rather I say North America and Canada?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : ...yes.   
**stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I always thought it was just the cold in the stadium that prevented you from doing that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that and your pasty skin :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : ahahaha  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i’m sorry, i couldn’t hear you over the sound of your ego. and your hamburger chewing.   
**onceandthefuture** : did you want some ice for that burn, america?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oooh it’s on  
 **noblebeaversocks** : oh it so is   
**noblebeaversocks** : might want to watch what you’re eating though  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i’d hate for you to find out that burger is tofu   
**stripeznstarz50** : FUCK YOU  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and the bun sourdough   
**stripeznstarz50** : that was one time  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *snickers*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and you dear sweet cousin  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you better check your hockey bag verrrrry carefully  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wouldn’t want to get to the rink and find that you had _accidentally_ packed the wrong pair of skates, now would we?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : oh fuck youuuuuuuu  
 **onceandthefuture** : what in the name of everything that is holy are you two ranting on about?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : the prick thought it’d be hilarious to _accidentally_ swap my hockey skates with a pair of my sister’s figure skates  
 **noblebeaversocks** : right. before. a tournament.   
**noblebeaversocks** : in vancouver.   
**stripeznstarz50** : last year when I spent thanksgiving week with his family  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it was hilarious  
 **noblebeaversocks** : yeah well... it’s on again   
**stripeznstarz50** : like donkey kong?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : like donkey kong.  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ll take your words on that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you obviously don’t understand the nature of us  
 **stripeznstarz50** : finally got remote back  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *switches back to game*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : goood   
**onceandthefuture** : pray tell  
 **stripeznstarz50** : like I mean we’re awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but we... squabble  
 **noblebeaversocks** : like a married couple  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i once yelled at him for 3 hours  
 **noblebeaversocks** : made him cry   
**stripeznstarz50** : oh god  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not that  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *smirks*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t like you  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i love you too  
 **onceandthefuture** : you two are weird  
 **noblebeaversocks** : you’re weird   
**stripeznstarz50** : no we’re awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re the one with the model sword and the unicorns  
 **onceandthefuture** : SHUT UP  
 **noblebeaversocks** : don’t forget the magic!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course the magic  
 **onceandthefuture** : that only happens when I’m drunk  
 **noblebeaversocks** : excuses  
 **onceandthefuture** : )(  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bahaha what is that  
 **onceandthefuture** : what is what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : )(  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *dies*  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s an angry face  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bwahahahaha  
 **noblebeaversocks** : terrifying it is xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I’m terrifying  
 **onceandthefuture** : so there  
 **noblebeaversocks** : no, am’s dog is terrifying  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’re you talking about  
 **stripeznstarz50** : peaches is a fluffy little ball of soft cushy love <3  
 **onceandthefuture** : you named your dog peaches?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : last time i was at your place, he chased me up a fucking tree  
 **noblebeaversocks** : she*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was like nine  
 **noblebeaversocks** : then stood below it. barking. for hours.   
**stripeznstarz50** : well maybe she just has a good judge of character  
 **onceandthefuture** : what kind of dog is it?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : oh. then everyone cept you has a bad character/  
 **stripeznstarz50** : .... yes?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : would you like a tire pump to help inflate your ego?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I think he does a pretty good job inflating it with his own hot air  
 **stripeznstarz50** : HEY  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my ego is not that big!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m just that awesome!  
 **noblebeaversocks** : you’re right. his own air is more than enough  
 **stripeznstarz50** : RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW  
 **noblebeaversocks** : you say that liek we care  
 **stripeznstarz50** : y’all are mean  
 **onceandthefuture** : y’all?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : y’all  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s a word  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you all **  
noblebeaversocks** : it’s southernnnnnnnnnnnnn  
 **noblebeaversocks** : gah, toronto, you just had to ruin his shut out. dicks.   
**onceandthefuture** : whose?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : prices   
**stripeznstarz50** : this is a trippy show  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t even know what’s going on and I’m freaked out  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t even know what it’s called xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : btw in answer to your earlier question art  
 **stripeznstarz50** : peaches is a german shepherd/rottweiler mix  
 **onceandthefuture** : shit  
 **noblebeaversocks** : peaches is a monster]  
 **stripeznstarz50** : noooo  
 **stripeznstarz50** : peaches is a loveable huggable wonderful creature  
 **onceandthefuture** : she sounds like a beast  
 **noblebeaversocks** : thank you  
 **onceandthefuture** : any kind of crossbreed with those kind of dogs  
 **onceandthefuture** : *shudders*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bastards  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I love my dog  
 **stripeznstarz50** : THERE SHE IS!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *hugs beautiful dog*  
 **onceandthefuture** : how big is this thing anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : she is not a thing!  
 **noblebeaversocks** : she is a massive thing  
 **stripeznstarz50** : SHE IS NOT A THING  
 **stripeznstarz50** : she is a dog  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a beautiful fluffy dog  
 **onceandthefuture** : that sounds like she’d rip your head off  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ll stick with my cat thankyouverymuch  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i’ll stick with my bear  
 **onceandthefuture** : like an actual bear or...  
 **noblebeaversocks** : yeah  
 **noblebeaversocks** : fur, claws and all  
 **onceandthefuture** : what  
 **onceandthefuture** : how  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *innocent smile*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i have my ways  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sorry peaches was getting hyper  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t worry about it too much art  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s got the thing locked up with people who can actually take care of it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s not really his  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he just likes to call it that  
 **noblebeaversocks** : it’s mine!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mmmhmmmmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : suuuurrreeee  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i just can’t take him for walks in the middle of downtown barrie  
 **noblebeaversocks** : people ask questions  
 **onceandthefuture** : pft hahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : *snorts*  
 **onceandthefuture** : what kind of bear? like a big bear or what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s the weirdest bear ever  
 **noblebeaversocks** : Kuma is not weird  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s white  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but it’s not polar  
 **stripeznstarz50** : like wtf really  
 **onceandthefuture** : what kind of bear IS it?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : he’s a spirit bear   
**onceandthefuture** : that is wow  
 **onceandthefuture** : really?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : here you go art [http://en .wikipedia .org /wiki /Kermode_bear](http://en%20.wikipedia%20.org%20/wiki%20/Kermode_bear)  
 **noblebeaversocks** : he’s friendly  
 **noblebeaversocks** : like a big teddy  
 **onceandthefuture** : ooooh  
 **noblebeaversocks** : ams just terrified he’s gonna come into his room at night and wake up and find him staring at him again   
**onceandthefuture** : yeah looks VERY friendly   
**noblebeaversocks** : right?   
**onceandthefuture** : *rolls eyes*  
 **onceandthefuture** : again?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : good god there’s a reason they’re called spirit bears  
 **noblebeaversocks** : he screams like a little girl btw  
 **onceandthefuture** : BWAHHAHAHA  
 **onceandthefuture** : of course he does  
 **stripeznstarz50** : PRIVATE KNOWLEDGE THERE  
 **noblebeaversocks** : private? people must’ve heard you screaming in tahiti. there’s nothing private about it  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahahhahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : my abs  
 **onceandthefuture** : they hurt  
 **stripeznstarz50** : MATTHEW SHUT UP  
 **noblebeaversocks** : make me ;-)   
**stripeznstarz50** : *strangles air*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : this is so why you don’t invite family into online chats  
 **noblebeaversocks** : we know alll your dirty little secrets  
 **onceandthefuture** : ahahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : keep going  
 **noblebeaversocks** : _all_ of them   
**onceandthefuture** : please  
 **noblebeaversocks** : he couldn’t figure out how to tie his shoelaces till he was about 8  
 **onceandthefuture** : bahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m not happy with this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *goes to play with peaches*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and then...there was this time in grade 3  
 **noblebeaversocks** : when he found out about sex  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and he asked if the first time, if he had to bore the hole  
 **noblebeaversocks** : because he didn’t think he was sharp enough  
 **onceandthefuture** : fffBWAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA  
 **onceandthefuture** : *dying again*  
 **noblebeaversocks** : yeah  
 **noblebeaversocks** : hmm what else is there  
 **noblebeaversocks** : in elementary he read redwall.   
**noblebeaversocks** : like. avidly.   
**onceandthefuture** : that weird series with the mice and medieval covers?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : damn right   
**onceandthefuture** : really? xD  
 **noblebeaversocks** : yes  
 **noblebeaversocks** : oh and he has this thing for bad kids movies, where the hero goes off to like the city of adventure and there’s some animation randomly thrown in and it looks like a bad acid trip   
**onceandthefuture** : bwahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : been on the recieving end of that   
**noblebeaversocks** : oh god  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i;m sorry  
 **onceandthefuture** : I drank half a bottle of rum that night  
 **onceandthefuture** : eh  
 **onceandthefuture** : it gave me an excuse to drink  
 **noblebeaversocks** : you need one? i just drink   
**onceandthefuture** : I like on  
 **onceandthefuture** : e  
 **onceandthefuture** : esp. if I’m stealing my roommate’s alcohol  
 **noblebeaversocks** : ahh i see  
 **noblebeaversocks** : i steal am’s when he has it  
 **noblebeaversocks** : oh!  
 **onceandthefuture** : he drinks?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : he likes girly drinks  
 **onceandthefuture** : pfff  
 **noblebeaversocks** : pink grapefruit coolers  
 **noblebeaversocks** : things with umbrellas   
**onceandthefuture** : *snorts loudly*  
 **onceandthefuture** : things with names like cosmopolitan?  
 **noblebeaversocks** : exactly  
 **noblebeaversocks** : and more colors then the rainbow  
 **onceandthefuture** : bwahahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : matthew we need to talk more  
 **noblebeaversocks** : apparently   
**stripeznstarz50** : YOU.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : YOU NEED TO STOP.  
 **noblebeaversocks** : *smirks innocently*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : NOW.  
 **onceandthefuture** : this was your idea America  
 **onceandthefuture** : remember that  
 **noblebeaversocks** : Oh, and Artie, he has a thing for manservants. short ones. with british accents.   
**noblebeaversocks** : ....and tight little pants.  
 **noblebeaversocks has been removed from chat _awesomecondiments_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder that this was co-written by my Canadian, Sami.


	7. And The Moonlight Overthrew You

**CHAPTER SIX (and the moonlight overthrew you) _  
_  
Sunday, December 23, 2007**  
  
 **stripeznstarz50** : GUESS WHAT ARTHUR?  
 **onceandthefuture** : your dog finally ate a small child?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : um no  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s christmas eve eve!  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m well aware  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s not like you haven’t been counting down the eves for the past week or anything  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : are you seriously planning on not doing ANYTHING over the break?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I’ll probably go over to my aunt’s for christmas dinner  
 **onceandthefuture** : maybe meet up with Francis to waste some time  
 **onceandthefuture** : but no, nothing special  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s too nice to live here without Mathias to distract me  
 **onceandthefuture** : maybe I’ll actually get some work done  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bwahahhaa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah right  
 **onceandthefuture** : heh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not when you have ME to distract you!  
 **onceandthefuture** : I might have to unplug the internet then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **onceandthefuture** : well if you care that much I’ll stay on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no not you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean that’s great but  
 **stripeznstarz50** : NOOOOOOOOOO  
 **onceandthefuture** : please explain  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I just got   
**stripeznstarz50** : a horrible horrible emai  
 **stripeznstarz50** : MY SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELLED  
 **onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : YEAH  
 **stripeznstarz50** : FUCK MY LIFE  
 **stripeznstarz50** : GODDAMN WRITER’S STRIKE  
 **stripeznstarz50** : FUUUUUUUCK  
 **onceandthefuture** : *pats*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : fucking shitheads of overbearing cocksure fucing writers guild  
 **stripeznstarz50** : grrrrrr  
 **stripeznstarz50** : now what am I gonna do with my life  
 **onceandthefuture** : go to college?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : about that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : see  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my secret plan had always been to catch it big enough before I went into college that I could convince my parents to let me take a gap year or three  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean I always wanted to go to college eventually  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but not yet  
 **onceandthefuture** : as smart as you are?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just because I’m smart doesn’t mean that I should instantly go to school again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I want to see the world while I’m young  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was gonna use this TV show to give myself a leg up into the movie business but well that looks like its shot now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : there are no favors for the unemployed in Hollywood  
 **onceandthefuture** : well, leave hollywood then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m sure a young, probably cute, probably talented guy like yourself will have no problems swooning a foreign audience over an American one  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you think so?  
 **onceandthefuture** : totally  
 **onceandthefuture** : besides  
 **onceandthefuture** : didn’t you say you had some knack for languages?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah but  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m still only 17  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m not sure if I’m ready to go out on my own in Europe  
 **onceandthefuture** : you could take a friend  
 **stripeznstarz50** : artie  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you do realize what you just opened yourself up to  
 **onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh  
 **onceandthefuture** : OH.  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : that could certainly be an option  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude  
 **stripeznstarz50** : traveling with you would be so awesome!!  
 **onceandthefuture** : what sure whatever  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...you do know that I’m not an agreeable person, right?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s why it would be awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50** : never have a boring moment :-D  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I wonder if I could get my parents to agree to this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and where would we go?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ummm....everywhere?   
**stripeznstarz50** : we could be penniless college students who roam around and stuff!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that would be so much funn omg  
 **onceandthefuture** : I dunno, do you really want to find yourself penniless in the middle of Somalia or something?   
**stripeznstarz50** : well we could stay in europe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : europe’s relatively safe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : right?  
 **onceandthefuture** : sure  
 **onceandthefuture** : except for that former communist block  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well we’ll stay in western europe then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no biggie  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmmmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : maybe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : come on arthurrrrrr  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’ll be fuuuuuun  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you and me roaming the world  
 **stripeznstarz50** : with some auditions in between  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and we can get rich and famous and have lots of awesome times!  
 **onceandthefuture** : do we get to see the cayman islands?   
**stripeznstarz50** : of course eventually  
 **stripeznstarz50** : when it starts snowing  
 **stripeznstarz50** : by then we’ll have made it rich and will be able to buy the entire goddamn island  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and we could afford to build a house on it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but we won’t  
 **onceandthefuture** : sleep under the stars  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’ll live in an epic like ten man tent  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and sleep under the stars yes!  
 **onceandthefuture** : and have huge bonfires on the beach!   
**stripeznstarz50** : bahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : get drunk off our asses with no one around to arrest us  
 **onceandthefuture** : off your fruity umbrella drinks?   
**stripeznstarz50** : quote liberally from pirates of the caribbean  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : ‘why ish the rum gone?’   
**stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : Yo ho, a pirates life for me...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’ll have to visit mattie at some time too  
 **onceandthefuture** : during summer  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I have to teach you how to snowboard!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe at the tail end of the season  
 **onceandthefuture** : Spring then :-)   
**stripeznstarz50** : right before we go to our tropical island  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : so we can thaw out after   
**stripeznstarz50** : ahahahah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and we’ll find equally attractive and penniless girls roaming europe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and roam together  
 **onceandthefuture** : swedes?   
**stripeznstarz50** : mmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’d like spanish or frnech more ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : Oh god, not the frogs!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : everyone I’ve ever met from spain is ridiculously good looking  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : spain’s all right, I’ll give youu that  
 **onceandthefuture:** wouldn’t mind a Ukrainian either   
**onceandthefuture:** ample tracts of land and all   
**stripeznstarz50:** bahahahaha   
**stripeznstarz50:** eastern european girls and their accents  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmm, yes. sexy russians.   
**stripeznstarz50:** of course american girls are the best   
**onceandthefuture** : ...you would think that :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : of course!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : gotta have a soft spot for the homeland  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’d call it less of a spot and more of a seeping large stain   
**stripeznstarz50** : ahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what can I say?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’ve got a bit of everything  
 **onceandthefuture** : except fantastic accents   
**stripeznstarz50** : hey you can’t forget the South  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and boston  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and minnesohtah  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh god. don’t remind me   
**stripeznstarz50** : ahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : repressed memories   
**stripeznstarz50** : *pats*  
 **onceandthefuture** : btw, not going back there on our trip  
 **onceandthefuture** : once was more than enough   
**stripeznstarz50** : awww  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’ll go to canada then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : they so talk the same  
 **onceandthefuture** : I guess I can handle it   
**onceandthefuture** : If I have too :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : hehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...and we’re not going during the hockey season. not if they’re all insane like Matthew   
**stripeznstarz50** : they are  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hockey night in canada’s tagline is ‘hello canada and hockey fans in newfoundland and america’  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and the theme song is totally their national anthem  
 **stripeznstarz50** : one of them, anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : most of their _culture_ revolves around snow and hockey  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...they’re insane.   
**stripeznstarz50** : basically  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ANYWAY  
 **stripeznstarz50** : BACK TO OUR TRIP OF AWESOME  
 **onceandthefuture** : Yeah, back to the world!  
 **onceandthefuture** : Well, if we’re going to insane places. Australia.   
**stripeznstarz50** : oh def  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and new Zealand  
 **onceandthefuture** : and Fiji!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : LotR exploring much?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Fuck yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : tahiti! it has a cooler name  
 **onceandthefuture** : Yes! Tahiti!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : is asia on the menu?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : because I want to ride an elephant  
 **onceandthefuture** : Naturally  
 **onceandthefuture** : can we bet on camel races in dubai?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : epic  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : and then possibly get slightly drunk and try to ride them?   
**stripeznstarz50** : *gigglesnort*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : if it’s in the cards  
 **stripeznstarz50** : OH LAS VEGAS  
 **stripeznstarz50** : some point we’re coming to america  
 **stripeznstarz50** : epic road trip  
 **stripeznstarz50** : with peaches  
 **onceandthefuture** : all right but you’ve got to come here then  
 **onceandthefuture** : castles  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *sigh* whatever  
 **onceandthefuture** : and gah, only if she’s muzzled  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my precious baby!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : she never wears a muzzle  
 **onceandthefuture** : ahh, but should she?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nooooo  
 **onceandthefuture** : btw, when you come here, plenty of ghosts  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what  
 **stripeznstarz50** : um  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah maybe we’ll stay with America  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh no  
 **onceandthefuture** : if I have to deal with your hamburgers   
**onceandthefuture** : and your rude Texans  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re coming to see my ghosts  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bastard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : )C  
 **onceandthefuture:** wtf kind of face is that?   
**stripeznstarz50:** a lot better than )(   
**stripeznstarz50:** I just made it more awesome  
 **onceandthefuture** : or more lam   
**onceandthefuture** : e  
 **stripeznstarz50** : w/e you just can’t take it  
 **onceandthefuture** : neither can you, so it’s all good   
**stripeznstarz50** : hmph **  
stripeznstarz50** : ... didn’t this conversation have a purpose at one time?  
 **onceandthefuture** : probably yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : something about you ranting, but I sidetracked you   
**stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : shit my show’s cancelled xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : somehow, I doubt you’re as distraught about that as you were before   
**stripeznstarz50** : I should probably tell my parents I don’t have a job sometime soon  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I got a better life plan now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : tahiti and elephants are so much better than Hollywood  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah, they’re much better in real life than in cgi   
**onceandthefuture** : but yes, you likely should tell your parents  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : when they come in to see what I’m laughing about so hysterically I’ll tell them  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha  
 **onceandthefuture** : are you grinning like an idiot?   
**stripeznstarz50** : but of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : me too   
**stripeznstarz50** : nice  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we’re totally the same  
 **onceandthefuture** : yup   
**onceandthefuture** : long lost sibling or something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well, to a point :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : ehehe true that  
 **onceandthefuture** : well, this is awesome and all  
 **onceandthefuture** : but it’s getting really hard to see the keyboard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahhaha mkay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : g’night!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we will so finish this tomorrow  
 **onceandthefuture** : haha okay  
 **onceandthefuture** : night  
 **stripeznstarz50** : night!  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**  
 **  
Tuesday, December 25, 2007  
**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : MERRY CHRISTMAS ARTIEEEEEEE!!!!!  
 **onceandthefuture** : happy christmas to you too, fool  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : did you have a nice christmas morning?  
 **onceandthefuture** : it was pleasant enough  
 **onceandthefuture** : aunt paid for next term’s textbooks which was lovely of her  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nice  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I got a bunch of stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I love being an only child  
 **onceandthefuture** : did you burn that sweater from matthew’s mum?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : gah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : unfortunately mom may not like me if I did that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m wearing it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : at least it’s not too horribly tacky this year  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so are you at yor aunt’s now or at your dorm?  
 **onceandthefuture** : dorm  
 **onceandthefuture** : I went to y aunt’s earlier today, but my cousin is too annoying to want to stay much longer than dinner  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m sure he’s not that bad  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s 12  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh ouch  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I feel you **  
stripeznstarz50** : matt’s lil sis is 13  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ,.mdsfbc.vvcm,l;  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sapdkf  
 **onceandthefuture** : ??  
 **stripeznstarz50** : kioluyokgchogchklioeh’  
 **stripeznstarz50** : WHOA sorry  
 **stripeznstarz50** : peaches tried to climb up on my lap  
 **onceandthefuture** : hahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dammit mom’s making me go  
 **stripeznstarz50** : annual ‘try not to be uncomfortable around dad’s family’ routine  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t know why they still try to get along  
 **stripeznstarz50** : the whole excommunication thing become a bit testy after a few minutes in a room with my dad’s side  
 **onceandthefuture** : nice  
 **onceandthefuture** : well good luck  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha thanks  
 **stripeznstarz50** : merry christmas again!  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... merry christmas  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off  
**  
 **Tuesday, December 31, 2007  
**  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed on a mobile device  
stripeznstarz50** : Yo art  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatre you doing on this time of night??  
 **onceandthefuture** : shouldnt you be out partying it up or whatever it is you americans do on new years  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I am later  
 **stripeznstarz50** : But im bored now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Whatre you doing?  
 **onceandthefuture** : drinking myself into oblivion  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Lovely  
 **onceandthefuture** : not nearly drunk enough yer though  
 **onceandthefuture** : I”m still typing relatively well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Whatre you doing online at all?  
 **onceandthefuture** : nothing’s more fun than the internet when you’re buzzed  
 **onceandthefuture** : besides, it’s better than watching one of the five movies I own since math and tino and bear are all gone  
 **onceandthefuture** : Leaving me  
 **onceandthefuture** : The bastards  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *Pats*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Itll be okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You have me to save you!  
 **onceandthefuture** : pffff  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re lovely but you’re an ocean away  
 **onceandthefuture** : hey that sounds like a song  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Maybe ill write it sometime  
 **onceandthefuture** : please  
 **onceandthefuture** : and sing it for me  
 **onceandthefuture** : damn this is good whiskey  
 **onceandthefuture** : than you verymuch, unclie leo  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Ahaha he enabling you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : completely and predictably  
 **onceandthefuture** : he enabled me before I was leagal the incredible arssehole  
 **onceandthefuture** : liked to see a drunk 16 year old cry into his couch  
 **onceandthefuture** : bah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *Pats*  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever hes fun so I don’t caree  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Thats good  
 **onceandthefuture** : my brothers one the other hadn  
 **onceandthefuture** : they’re bastards  
 **onceandthefuture** : straight through  
 **onceandthefuture** : just because I was the wimp  
 **onceandthefuture** : I;ll show them!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Thought you were the little rebel   
**onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : just because i am doesn’t mean that i’m not littler than them  
 **onceandthefuture** : and by little I mean by several stone  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Daww, little artie got the short gene?  
 **onceandthefuture** : shut up bastard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *Snickers*  
 **onceandthefuture** : fucking  
 **onceandthefuture** : JUST BECAUSE I didn’t like the big house and goddamn servants and gawkers and shit  
 **onceandthefuture** : and hte youngest  
 **onceandthefuture** : and papas favorite  
 **onceandthefuture** : DOESNT MEAN you can beat me up when you goddamn feel like it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *Pats more*  
 **onceandthefuture** : du chyfroglla penaethaiaad pidyn, pob un honynt  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Eh  
 **onceandthefuture** : teulu o butininaid a cacha pheneathiasd  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Artie you swearing in welsh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Or just ranting  
 **onceandthefuture** : cachau batn  
 **onceandthefuture** : bettia ydych yn fffag dan  
 **onceandthefuture** : ydch, ffwl mae’n cymraaedg  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ARTIE   
**stripeznstarz50** : GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF   
**onceandthefuture** : I TOLD YOU I BEILIDO A GALW MI THAT  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Exactly how drunk are you  
 **onceandthefuture** : pffa  
 **onceandthefuture** : fel a beer or ddawo... tairee?  
 **onceandthefuture** : and the wisgi  
 **onceandthefuture** : that bottle’s gwag, empty, long myndd  
 **onceandthefuture** : caraaaaaa’ chhouuuuu  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Did you just profess love for me?  
 **onceandthefuture** : efallai  
 **onceandthefuture** : maybeeee  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmmm water is goood  
 **onceandthefuture** : daaa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You might jsut want to keep drinking that water   
**onceandthefuture** : mmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Got a bucket nearby?  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmmmfine  
 **onceandthefuture** : been through worse  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Uhhuh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Art you still there?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Artieeeeeeeeee?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Pompous english dick.....?  
 **onceandthefuture** : uuuuuuuuuuuuugh  
 **onceandthefuture** : I hate throwing up  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Poor baby  
 **onceandthefuture** : so mcuh  
 **onceandthefuture** : fuck  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Well i did warn you   
**onceandthefuture** : like hell   
**stripeznstarz50** : Meant to atleast  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Anyway you should so know better by now  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do  
 **onceandthefuture** : doesn’t mean I sitll can’t enjoy someof ti  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I like your definition of enjoying  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah fuck you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Well maybe if you stopped feeling sorry for yourself all the damn time  
 **onceandthefuture** : YOU NADY N GWYBNOD CAHC, YOU CARIAD MA BACHH!! ERIOD GENN IGYDA LLYW GODDAMNED ARAIN YN EICH CED, I BET, WEDI CAEL DIWRNOD AO GAMDRIN IAWN IC’H ENW!  
 **onceandthefuture** : god, gaallwch chi fod mor blino weithiau, why yr wyff yn accarruuuui so much  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Well thats nice   
**onceandthefuture** : americaaaaaa  
 **onceandthefuture** : ‘m so sorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy  
 **onceandthefuture** : sorryee  
 **onceandthefuture** : ddddddddddddrwg gennnnyfff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Isnt it midnight over there or something?   
**onceandthefuture** : huh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ohlooksZ  
 **onceandthefuture** : 2008  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Art go find someone to celebrate with or something  
 **onceandthefuture** : feddw too for my aunts   
**onceandthefuture** : fuckit im calling francis  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Happy new year, artie  
 **onceandthefuture signed of** **f**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ask me what the Welsh means I might kill you


	8. Alleluia x 4

**CHAPTER SEVEN (alleluia x 4)  
**   
**Wednesday, January 1, 2008**   
_  
_ _tickatapa taptap tick clunk tipatickatap tick clackity click tick clackaclack tickadack toptap a tick_

* * *

Francis wakes up slowly to the sounds of a keyboard clicking. Rubbing his eyes, the first thing he sees is the time - 3:14 AM. He groans and looks past the clock with bleary eyes to the source of the clacking. A scowling blond in nothing but a pair of shamrock boxers is typing rather furiously at an old clunky laptop, the blue light from the screen bleeding his skin even paler than normal. He doesn’t seem to notice the shifting in his bed.

“Arthur, _cherie_ , what’re you doing up now? Come back to bed,” he croaks, his intended croon coming out raspy because of sleep. The clacking doesn’t stop, although Arthur sends a withering glance his way for a second.

“I’m just talking to someone, don’t worry yourself,” he says, soothing but vaguely condescending. He sits up further.

“Who could you possibly be talking to at three in the morning?” he asks wearily, not quite awake enough to want to get up. The room is cold, anyway. _  
_

* * *

_tkakatickticktack clunk clik tickacak clunkclik patitickatack tickity taptaptap clunkaratatat tap_

* * *

“America.” He goes back to ignoring Francis.

“Ah. Well, _mon loup_ , if you are going to make yourself sick from late nights, I won’t stop you,” he mumbles, sliding back under Arthur’s sheets and turning away. The clacking stops briefly.

“Maybe you’re right.” _  
_

* * *

_click clack tickaticktick tap click clunk. click._

* * *

Something warm slides in behind Francis, who immediately smiles and flips over, wrapping an arm around the thin body. It freezes in his arms.

“ _Ange, chaton, lapin_ ,” Francis mutters, pressing his mouth to the back of Arthur’s neck between each pet name. “You have to take better care of yourself, _tresor_.”

“Mmm.” He reaches down and peels away the arm. “Go back to sleep, Francis.”

He smiles and turns back over, pressing his back to Arthur’s. “ _Bonsoir, cherie_ ,” he whispers. He gets a grunt in return.

Just before he drifts off again, he thinks he hears the clacking start up again.

He’s probably just dreaming. _  
_

* * *

_clank clack tickity tick tack tock toppa taptap ticka tick click datkatakadak clack clickaclick_


	9. I Didn't Come To Fool You

_**CHAPTER**_ _ **EIGHT (I didn’t come to fool you)  
**_ _  
_ **Sunday, January 13, 2008**  
 **  
onceandthefuture signed on  
stripeznstarz50:** hey artie!  
 **onceandthefuture:** *sigh*  
 **onceandthefuture:** what?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** guess what I’m gonna do today?  
 **onceandthefuture:** stop calling me artie?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh you kidder you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** no  
 **stripeznstarz50:** today’s the day I’m telling my parents!  
 **onceandthefuture:** finally  
 **onceandthefuture:** ... what are you telling them, exactly?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** um  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it might not be pretty to tell them I intentionally bombed my college apps so I wouldn’t get accepted... hmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I guess I’ll tell them I want to take a gap year in europe with you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and go from there  
 **onceandthefuture:** *snort*  
 **onceandthefuture:** well good luck with that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** here I gooooo  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed on**  
 **onceandthefuture:** well?  
 **onceandthefuture:** how did it go?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** artie  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that went both better and worse than I expected  
 **stripeznstarz50:** worse in that there was a lot more yelling than I anticipated  
 **stripeznstarz50:** better in that THEY AGREED TO LET ME DO IT!  
 **onceandthefuture:** that’s fantastic!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** with conditions of course  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** first  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I have to pay for it  
 **onceandthefuture:** logical  
 **onceandthefuture:** can you?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I don’t exactly get paid minimum wage  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so yeah, at least until I get another job :P  
 **stripeznstarz50:** second  
 **stripeznstarz50:** an adult they like has to come with us  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ve already picked out toris because he’s cool  
 **onceandthefuture:** toris?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : toris is one of my dad’s fanboys  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and in his 20s  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and would be my manager if I needed one  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and since I’ll probably need one in europe, he’s getting paid to come with us :P  
 **onceandthefuture** : lucky bastard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : three  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I can only take a year before going to school  
 **stripeznstarz50** : they won’t let me take a year and not go back to school for five  
 **onceandthefuture** : they seem like very logical people  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s all the things I would do with my child  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : after the yelling wen by they were surprisingly chill about it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : last  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... they want to meet you first  
 **onceandthefuture** : um well  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s still perfectly reasonable  
 **onceandthefuture** : er  
 **onceandthefuture** : how?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... good question  
 **onceandthefuture** : you DID tell them I live in england, right?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : duh!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I guess we’ll discuss those specifics at a later date  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh look matt’s on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : let’s drag him in here so I can brag to him about how awesome my parents are being!  
 **onceandthefuture:** shoot  
 **stripeznstarz50 joined the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **onceandthefuture joined the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **noblebeaversocks joined the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mattie!  
 **onceandthefuture:** hello matthew  
 **stripeznstarz50:** guess what!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you had peaches dna tested and the result came back as monster?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** why does everyone automatically assume I”m talking about peaches?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** no  
 **stripeznstarz50:** in answer to your question  
 **stripeznstarz50:** actually  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I asked mom and dad if I could take a gap year and go tour europe with arthur  
 **stripeznstarz50:** AND THEY SAID YES!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you lucky dick  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ^^  
 **noblebeaversocks:** so when are you leaving?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well summer I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50:** all we’ve done so far is agree to it  
 **noblebeaversocks:** still don’t believe your parents are letting you go  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ah!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** help me out here artie  
 **onceandthefuture:** only when you stop calling me artie goddammit  
 **noblebeaversocks:** artieeee  
 **onceandthefuture:** gaaaaah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pleeeeeeeeaaaase  
 **noblebeaversocks:** *snickers*  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh whatever  
 **onceandthefuture:** matthew, they have conditions  
 **onceandthefuture:** if that makes you feel better  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bring an adult, pay for it meself, only a year  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and thyehavetomeetarthur  
 **noblebeaversocks:** oh, i’m sure that’ll be so hard for it  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you*  
 **noblebeaversocks:** damn rich kid  
 **onceandthefuture:** eh?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shut up matt  
 **onceandthefuture:** no, I wanna know  
 **noblebeaversocks:** well you could, you know share some of it with your favorite cousin sometime  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re rich?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shut UP matt  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and not considerably  
 **stripeznstarz50:** my parents are rich  
 **noblebeaversocks:** (he is too)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shut UP  
 **onceandthefuture:** you must be really rich if you don’t want me to knoew  
 **onceandthefuture:** know*  
 **noblebeaversocks:** he is, but don’t get your hopes up  
 **stripeznstarz50:** let’s just move on okay  
 **noblebeaversocks:** he doesn’t share  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m saving it!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** for what  
 **noblebeaversocks:** any longer and you’ll be able to buy your own freaking island  
 **onceandthefuture:** what  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m just being scurpulous!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** who knows  
 **stripeznstarz50:** in a few years the market could crash and who’ll be laughing THEN  
 **noblebeaversocks:** pfft  
 **onceandthefuture:** pshaw  
 **stripeznstarz50:** grrr  
 **stripeznstarz50:** BACK TO THE TOPIC  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mom and dad want to meet arthur  
 **noblebeaversocks:** when you gonna do that?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hemmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** well for me any time in late march/early april would be okay  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s between terms  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ah sweet  
 **stripeznstarz50:** spring break!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ahh, playoff time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahahah you and your hockey  
 **noblebeaversocks:** i’ll just be off winning a championship while you two frolic  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am NOT frolicking wiht ANYONE.  
 **stripeznstarz50:** aww come on  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you at least have to show me around!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and that may include frolicing!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** in meadows?  
 **onceandthefuture:** NO  
 **stripeznstarz50:** YES!  
 **onceandthefuture:** I hate you.  
 **noblebeaversocks:** *hums* the hills are alive  
 **stripeznstarz50:** WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC  
 **onceandthefuture:** OH GODS NO  
 **noblebeaversocks:** please do  
 **noblebeaversocks:** and take pics  
 **onceandthefuture:** sometimes I think you’re gayer than I am america  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bwahahhahahah what  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes. you can’t escape it  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ... BACK TO THE TOPIC  
 **noblebeaversocks:** we still have one?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** grrrrrrr  
 **noblebeaversocks:** btw, is this trip going to include a visit up here?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so spring break  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and probably not  
 **noblebeaversocks:** jerks  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m not gonna drag arthur across the pond if he doesn’t want to go  
 **onceandthefuture:** right here you know  
 **noblebeaversocks:** artie, say you wanna come here  
 **onceandthefuture:** hmmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** maybe I could just come back with you or summat  
 **onceandthefuture:** a week here, a week there  
 **onceandthefuture:** and we can stop by glue factory or whatever on the way back  
 **noblebeaversocks:** moose!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** though  
 **noblebeaversocks:** if it’s spring break, i won’t be there  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I love being homeschooled  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I can make my own spring break  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you might get to visit like  
 **noblebeaversocks:** the exciting town of kitchner or something  
 **onceandthefuture:** ooh  
 **onceandthefuture:** thrilling  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ooh yes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** as long as it’s not edmonton  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I’m feeling road trip coming on!  
 **onceandthefuture:** ... I thought that was the point of europe  
 **noblebeaversocks:** awww, al scared a little man with a moustache gonna come after you again?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** don’t make me kick you out of her again  
 **onceandthefuture:** I don’t want to know  
 **noblebeaversocks:** did i mention he screams like a little girl?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I believe so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re not a verynice person mattie  
 **onceandthefuture:** therefore I like him  
 **noblebeaversocks:** thank you artie ^_^  
 **onceandthefuture:** pleasure  
 **stripeznstarz50:** just for that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re taking care of peaches while Im gone next year  
 **onceandthefuture:** *snorts*  
 **noblebeaversocks:** oh god  
 **noblebeaversocks:** no  
 **noblebeaversocks:** just. no.  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** there is no escaping it  
 **noblebeaversocks:** yes there is!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ...i will chain that overgrown brute of yours up and leave her for the spca  
 **stripeznstarz50:** aspca  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and NO  
 **noblebeaversocks:** not all of us live in america al  
 **stripeznstarz50:** MY BABY  
 **noblebeaversocks:** she’d live  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ...  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ...or she’d be sent to the glue factory  
 **stripeznstarz50:** SHE NEEDS LOVE  
 **stripeznstarz50:** AND TENDERNESS  
 **noblebeaversocks:** she needs a muzzle  
 **onceandthefuture:** I don’t care as long as it doesn’t come with us  
 **stripeznstarz50:** NO EFFING WAY  
 **noblebeaversocks:** oh please bring her with you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and don’t worry matt’s gonna take her  
 **noblebeaversocks:** and try to explain her to customs  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and he’ll be very very nice to her  
 **noblebeaversocks:** he will lock her in the cage with kuma  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he will NOT feed her to the wild anial  
 **stripeznstarz50:** animal  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he will be sweet and gentle  
 **noblebeaversocks:** it won’t be neglect if i ‘accidentally’ forgot her somewhere right?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I will sue you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I will win  
 **stripeznstarz50:** because I’m a rich ass american  
 **noblebeaversocks:** *snorts* no one up here would care  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll make you come down here then  
 **noblebeaversocks:** whyever would i want to do that?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** because I paid you to?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** don’t need your money  
 **noblebeaversocks:** just think it’d be nice  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ...sometimes  
 **onceandthefuture:** how have you two not killed each other yet?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** distance  
 **noblebeaversocks:** he’s scared of the cold  
 **noblebeaversocks:** i’m scared of texas  
 **onceandthefuture:** what does texas have to do with anything?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s the principle  
 **stripeznstarz50:** !  
 **noblebeaversocks:** it’s al and his little secrets  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shush up  
 **noblebeaversocks:** sometimes he writes them down in a little black obok  
 **noblebeaversocks:** that he keeps under his pillow  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I DO NOT  
 **stripeznstarz50:** YOU ARE A LIAR  
 **stripeznstarz50:** A COLD BLOODED LIAR  
 **onceandthefuture:** ahahahahah  
 **noblebeaversocks:** why would i lie when the truth is so great?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m sure he is  
 **stripeznstarz50:** grrr  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I am THIS CLOSE to kicking you out again  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh are we back to talking about america’s dirty little secrets?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I like this part of the conversation  
 **stripeznstarz50:** NO WE ARE NOT  
 **noblebeaversocks:** but it’s so much fun!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** NO.  
 **onceandthefuture:** I also like how we had a point at one time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bwahahhaha  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** these things tend to happen with us, haven’t you noticed?  
 **onceandthefuture:** true  
 **onceandthefuture:** you only make it worse, matthew  
 **noblebeaversocks:** guilty  
 **stripeznstarz50:** YOU CONFESS!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** now I have proof if you try to kill peaches  
 **onceandthefuture:** that makes no sense  
 **onceandthefuture:** ... absolutely no sense  
 **noblebeaversocks:** yeah wow  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh whatever  
 **noblebeaversocks:** sometimes i wonder what goes on in that head of yours  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re not alone  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ve heard that before  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** telepathy much?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you two are weird  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **onceandthefuture:** we try  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you don’t have to try  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you just...are  
 **noblebeaversocks:** kinda like al and i  
 **onceandthefuture:** god  
 **onceandthefuture:** never  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahahha don’t try to fool yourself  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we totally are  
 **stripeznstarz50:** without the blackmail material WHICH I AM PERFECTLY FINE WITH  
 **noblebeaversocks:** oh i can give artie more of that  
 **onceandthefuture:** mwahahahah  
 **onceandthefuture:** do tell  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I will kick you out again  
 **noblebeaversocks:** hmmm  
 **noblebeaversocks:** would you like ot know about the magazines i found under his bed?  
 **onceandthefuture:** YES  
 **stripeznstarz50:** NONNOONONONOO  
 **noblebeaversocks:** they’re like, a mixture of playboy and nickelodeon  
 **noblebeaversocks:** and then there was that puzzle book  
 **onceandthefuture:** bwahhahahahahhahahah what  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay you can go now  
 **noblebeaversocks:** but i gtg, my little sis wants me to salsa dance with her  
 **onceandthefuture:** what  
 **stripeznstarz50:** what  
 **noblebeaversocks:** bye art!  
 **noblebeaversocks left the room _awesomecondiments_**  
 **stripeznstarz50:** dude  
 **stripeznstarz50:** did he just ditch us to dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Canadian strikes again!


	10. There Was A Time

_**CHAPTER**_ _ **NINE (there was a time)**_ **  
  
January 23, 2008  
  
onceandthefuture** : hey  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ‘ello lovely :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : what?  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever  
 **onceandthefuture** : I just realised something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mm?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I was in the grocery aisle, staring at the tabloids and it hit me  
 **onceandthefuture** : I haven’t seen almost a hair of alfred jones in the news lately  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh really  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah!  
 **onceandthefuture** : usually he’s everywhere  
 **onceandthefuture** : doing something stupid, out at parties, hamming it up on some two bit talk show  
 **onceandthefuture** : running red lights and carrying a rifle on his back down rodeo drive  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I remember that one xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that was totally a dare  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s beside the point  
 **onceandthefuture** : usually I have a pretty good eye for these things  
 **onceandthefuture** : but these past few months he’s jsut vanished  
 **onceandthefuture** : of course the tabloids aren’t commenting on it because that’s not their job  
 **onceandthefuture** : but it’s like he died  
 **onceandthefuture** : or got a life  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bahahahahahahahah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : from what I’ve heard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : since I am clearly a little more in the loop than you ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : oh shut it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ^^  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s... met someone  
 **stripeznstarz50** : who drags him down in a good way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and has helped him realize that that life wasn’t the best for him  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and is helping him start a new one  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... if you were anyone else I’d make fun of you for saying that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s the truth!  
 **onceandthefuture** : but for some reason I think you really mean it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha mind connection  
 **onceandthefuture** : do you happen to know who this someone is?   
**onceandthefuture** : and is it a girl?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well he won’t say  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he keeps his fans up to date on his site’s blog, but he hasn’t mentioned any names yet :-P  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : link me?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : [http://www.alfredfreakingjones.com/blog/2008/01/20](http://www.%20alfredfreakingjones.%20com/blog/2008/01/20)  
 **onceandthefuture** : .... seriously  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s the name of his website?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey, it’s a good name!  
 **onceandthefuture** : well, it suits him  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : *reads*  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh alfred  
 **onceandthefuture** : so over the top  
 **onceandthefuture** : but so adorable  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bahahahahahhaahhahahahhaah adorable?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you think he’s adorable?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ch shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : it is  
 **onceandthefuture** : a little  
 **onceandthefuture** : I mean, it’s nice he’s kind of settled down a little bit so early in life  
 **onceandthefuture** : it would be a tragedy if he became like lindsay lohan or something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I still can’t get over the fact that you think he’s _adorable_ **  
stripeznstarz50** : I mean he can be but that’s beside the point  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s you  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s not exactly the same person I fell in hate with when I was an angsty teenager  
 **stripeznstarz50** : true and a good thing  
 **onceandthefuture** : and okay fine you’re kind of convincing me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : YAY!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I knew I could swing you around :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : not completely, idiot  
 **onceandthefuture** : gil’s still my favorite  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :C  
 **onceandthefuture** : but I can accept al now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s a start I guess  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmhmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : .... you’re looking at his site, aren’t you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I most certainly am not!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahahah you totally are  
 **onceandthefuture** : not on your life!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : then what ARE you doing, arthur dearest?  
 **onceandthefuture** : grrrr fine whatever  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ve never been over here before  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s vaguely interesting  
 **stripeznstarz50** : where are you anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : like hell I’m telling you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aww come on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I won’t bite you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I could always do my supersecret hacking tricks to snuff you out  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah okay whatever   
**onceandthefuture** : I’m still not telling you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha I bet you’re in the picture gallery  
 **stripeznstarz50** : artie?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : … ahahahahha I was right!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wasn’t I?  
 **onceandthefuture** : pshaw  
 **onceandthefuture** : just for a mo  
 **stripeznstarz50** : AHAHA SCORE  
 **stripeznstarz50** : searching through it for pictures of him without glasses I bet  
 **onceandthefuture** : seriously when did we start knowing each other so well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : good question  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I love us  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmph  
 **stripeznstarz50** : question  
 **onceandthefuture** : shoot  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a serious question this time  
 **stripeznstarz50** : been meaning to ask you this for a while now, actually  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how did you get into the whole gil/al thing?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean, to be honest, you don’t seem the type to waste time with a teenaged girl targeted show **  
onceandthefuture** : that’s a question that will take a while to explain  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve got time  
 **onceandthefuture** : *cracks knuckles*  
 **onceandthefuture** : so you remember I got kicked out of my private boarding school when I was thirteen, right?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mmhmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : well after that my parents kind of gave me up as a lost cause  
 **onceandthefuture** : they’re the really uptight old fashioned people you think don’t exist anymore but actually do  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah  
 **onceandthefuture** : I wasn’t exactly the favorite child even before that  
 **onceandthefuture** : disagreed with them too much, had conflicting interests, the sort  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sounds like your relationship with a lot of people :P  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s different when it’s your parents  
 **stripeznstarz50** : true  
 **stripeznstarz50** : please continue  
 **onceandthefuture** : so yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : after that, they enrolled me in the shitty public school in the area for the remainder of secondary school  
 **onceandthefuture** : I bummed around a bit, but even bumming around I had a leg up on the kids who had been in that system all their lives  
 **onceandthefuture** : I was home all year, though, and found that I really really disliked my parents  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I applied to a foreign exchange program just to get away  
 **onceandthefuture** : probably the only thing we’ve ever agreed on  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I went over to the states for most of my fifteenth year  
 **onceandthefuture** : your sophomore year, I think  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sounds about right  
 **onceandthefuture** : ended up in nowhere, Minnesota  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I remember that :P  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : well, at first it was interesting, and the family was nice  
 **onceandthefuture** : but I just got bored  
 **onceandthefuture** : and the family had twin twelve year old girls  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aaaaaaaaaaah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that makes quite a lot of sense  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : you may have noticed I don’t befriend easily  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahhaha understatement  
 **onceandthefuture** : if you say anything else like that I’m not telling you any more  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay okay I’ll shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : thank you  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : I mean I wasn’t lonely, people talked to me even if it was because I was a foreign exchange student and therefore had a step up in the cool area  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : but I just didn’t have any close friends  
 **onceandthefuture** : who would come over and make me go out and stuff  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I spent quite a lot of time with those twins watching the telly  
 **onceandthefuture** : and their current infatuation was that stupid show  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hey, I worked that show  
 **onceandthefuture** : so you’ll be able to admit first hand it was stupid  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just a little bit  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmhmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : damned kids got me hooked  
 **onceandthefuture** : adorable of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : but damned  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that explains the split log infatuation  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but not the al/gil thing  
 **onceandthefuture** : well, anyone who watches that show is bound to develop a liking for one or the other  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s really hard to like both, y’know?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : trust me I know  
 **onceandthefuture** : at first I just liked gil’s character more  
 **onceandthefuture** : more depth, more interesting  
 **onceandthefuture** : plus I’m just the kind to sympathise with the antihero automatically  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wonder why  
 **onceandthefuture** : America…  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sorrysorry not interrupting  
 **onceandthefuture** : good boy.  
 **onceandthefuture** : but, as the show went on and the snow set in  
 **onceandthefuture** : I started wandering around the online fanbase and stuff  
 **onceandthefuture** : oddly expansive for a teenaged fangirl show, eh?  
 **onceandthefuture** : eventually I learned that was to blame on al and gil themselves  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ehehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : honestly they were the only enjoyable part of the show  
 **onceandthefuture** : odd amount of Foe Yay fanfic  
 **stripeznstarz50** : OHGOD DONOTWANTDONOTWANT  
 **onceandthefuture** : relax, relax, not planning on sharing it with you  
 **onceandthefuture** : it was kind of weird most of the time anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you READ it??!?!  
 **onceandthefuture** : only a little and not often  
 **onceandthefuture** : what I read was strange  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t tell me ANYTHING  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you have no idea how much I don’t want to know about it  
 **onceandthefuture** : fine fine weakling  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : I eventually wandered over to AnA  
 **onceandthefuture** : I guess it was a lot of that group polarisation psychology stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway made an account and yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : real life wise  
 **onceandthefuture** : after the show’s discovery and stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah that  
 **onceandthefuture** : eventually the snow melted  
 **onceandthefuture** : I was slated to finish school mid june and spend a few more weeks with the fam before I went home  
 **onceandthefuture** : Right before summer started, though, my grandmother called to let me know that my grandfather was in the hospital and probably wouldn’t leave  
 **onceandthefuture** : papa was the only person on my dad’s side that really liked me  
 **onceandthefuture** : grandmama tolerated me, most everyone else was a mutual dislike  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s pretty harsh  
 **onceandthefuture** : eh, I’m used to it  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway, the fam understood and I flew back early   
**onceandthefuture** : spent a few weeks with papa and grandmamma  
 **onceandthefuture** : he was really in bad shape  
 **onceandthefuture** : old age, mostly, but just a lot of buildup  
 **onceandthefuture** : I think he was just tired  
 **onceandthefuture** : too bad you can’t meet him  
 **onceandthefuture** : he was an amazing human being  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m sure, if you liked him  
 **onceandthefuture** : stop with the flattery  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway, eventually he died  
 **stripeznstarz50** : july fourth  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I remember  
 **onceandthefuture** : after  that it was far too much like a bad soap opera  
 **onceandthefuture** : my immediate family came in almost as soon as he died  
 **onceandthefuture** : I wasn’t exactly in my best frame of mind  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no doubt   
**onceandthefuture** : there was a lot of yelling  
 **onceandthefuture** : we got kicked out of the hospital at one time  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what were y’all yelling about anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t really remember  
 **onceandthefuture** : lots of built up stuff  
 **onceandthefuture** : some crap I blocked out of my mind  
 **onceandthefuture** : it was a lot of me, to be honest  
 **onceandthefuture** : sixteen year old me was really torn up by papa and I hadn’t seen them in a year, so there was a lot of stuff I hadn’t got out  
 **onceandthefuture** : and every grievance I’d ever had just came pouring out  
 **onceandthefuture** : though to be fair they weren’t that much better  
 **onceandthefuture** : I think there was a point where they blamed me for papa  
 **onceandthefuture** : that may have been the point where they kicked me out  
 **onceandthefuture** : after that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wow Arthur, your parents _suck_  
 **onceandthefuture** : I went home and got my stuff  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes well I’m used to that. Obviously.  
 **onceandthefuture** : I packed a bag and left  
 **onceandthefuture** : I spent a lot of the summer bumming off of the friends I had  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s where francis came into handy  
 **onceandthefuture** : found him in oxford the city  
 **onceandthefuture** : where I found my aunt  
 **onceandthefuture** : mum’s the estranged one of her side, see  
 **onceandthefuture** : no one liked the kirklands  
 **stripeznstarz50** : for good reason I’m guessing  
 **onceandthefuture** : ahaha yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I really didn’t now anything about my mum’s side  
 **onceandthefuture** : somehow though francis knew my aunt was my aunt  
 **onceandthefuture** : and introduced us  
 **onceandthefuture** : Aunt Jo’s the complete opposite of my mum  
 **onceandthefuture** : very nice and sweet  
 **onceandthefuture** : actually acts like a goddamned mother instead of a pretend trophy wife  
 **onceandthefuture** : invited me to stay at her place on the spot  
 **onceandthefuture** : her and Uncle Leo and their son Peter  
 **onceandthefuture** : called up mum and got her to sign over guardianship  
 **onceandthefuture** : didn’t take too much persuading, honestly, which I was glad of  
 **onceandthefuture** : she enrolled me in a local sixth form  
 **onceandthefuture** : realized there I couldn’t bum around and expect to go to uni on my parent’s money like I’d always thought I would  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I broke my back and applied for scholarships and stuff  
 **onceandthefuture** : aunt jo works at oxford so I got the faculty tuition  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah  
 **onceandthefuture** : very helpful, that  
 **onceandthefuture** : got a job almost as soon as my aunt took me in  
 **onceandthefuture** : same coffee shop francis introduced us in, actually  
 **stripeznstarz50** : coffee?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes coffee  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s not like I dislike it, I just prefer tea, tis all  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : continue  
 **onceandthefuture** : not much left actually  
 **onceandthefuture** : got in by the skin of my teeth and here I am  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well at least there’s a happy ending  
 **onceandthefuture** : ehehe you could say that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that was a lovely retelling of a vaguely grisly life story, Arthur  
 **onceandthefuture** : psh  
 **onceandthefuture** : grisly?  
 **onceandthefuture** : just ugly  
 **onceandthefuture** : but it worked itself out, true  
 **onceandthefuture** : anyway now that that’s over I should sleep  
 **stripeznstarz50** : all right lovely  
 **onceandthefuture** : why do you keep calling me that  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever I’m too tired to care  
 **onceandthefuture** : g’night  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sweet dreams!  
 **onceandthefuture signed off** **  
  
January 30, 2008  
  
onceandthefuture** : hey love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ‘lo dear  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I’ve been meaning to ask  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hmm?  
 **onceandthefuture** : what exactly is the story behind this toris character you keep mentioning?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m assuming you know him well if he’s going to be joining us  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah toris  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s cool  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s from eastern europe somewhere  
 **stripeznstarz50** : keeps telling me where but I keep forgetting  
 **stripeznstarz50** : starts with an L  
 **onceandthefuture** : latvia?  
 **onceandthefuture** : lithuania?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s the on  
 **stripeznstarz50** : e  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway he’s just a guy who wants to make it big too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s more of a behind the scenes guy though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wants to be a big time agent  
 **stripeznstarz50** : thinks my dad’s either an angel or a masterpiece  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it varies  
 **onceandthefuture** : your dad sounds like a piece of work  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahaha he is  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway toris would do anything to make my dad like him  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he does  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but toris has self esteem issues so he feels like he has to prove himself so I’m sort of his pet project  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah  
 **onceandthefuture** : personality wise?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : like i said  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’s cool  
 **stripeznstarz50** : as long as my dad’s not around when he becomes sort of a lapdog  
 **stripeznstarz50** : otherwise he’s really chill and works hard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we get along, somehow  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s reassuring  
 **stripeznstarz50** : heehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : well hopefully we’ll get along  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I really hope so  
 **onceandthefuture** : how’re things with the spring break plans?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : moving along, moving along  
 **stripeznstarz50** : spring break is loosely the third week of march here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so like the 20s  
 **stripeznstarz50** : is that cool with you?  
 **onceandthefuture** : sounds brilliant  
 **stripeznstarz50** : awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I was thinking we could spend a few days in england and then you could come over here  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe go to canada instead of LA and camp out with matt  
 **onceandthefuture** : I like the camping idea  
 **onceandthefuture** : one problem  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m not exactly a rich kid anymore  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh yeah that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I could pay for your ticket if you’d like?  
 **onceandthefuture** : hell no  
 **onceandthefuture** : no way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahahhaha I thought you’d say that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : thught I’d offer anyway  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I have been saving some money up for a bit  
 **onceandthefuture** : wasting a little on a semi worthy cause would be okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m only SEMI worthy?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *looks at airfare and such*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : damn this is expensive xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : no shit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well dad’s paying the way over so I’ll leave him to worry about that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he’ll probably say screw it and steal mom and me aboard the company plane or something  
 **onceandthefuture** : xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : remind him that this was his idea  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I do it every day  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hmm we’d need to talk to matt to see where he’d be at that point in time so we could at least meet him  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe watch a few games or something  
 **onceandthefuture** : is he not on?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : too late  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh right morning here night there :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : hahaha yup  
 **onceandthefuture** : what site are you using?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : delta  
 **onceandthefuture** : pff  
 **onceandthefuture** : you need the travel sites  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *switches to expedia*  
 **onceandthefuture** : something tells me we may need some advice on this whole situation before our year tour in Europe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : pffff yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I have no idea what I’m really doing xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : classic xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hmm there’s a lot more nonstops out of heathrow than I hoped for  
 **stripeznstarz50** : seems we may have our pick of canadian cities ;P  
 **onceandthefuture** : great  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re right, we’ll have to wait for matthew if you really want to pull this canadian thing  
 **onceandthefuture** : why not just go back to LA?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I really don’t think you’d like it there  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not enough rain  
 **onceandthefuture** : bollocks  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I really would like to show you off to my friends  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but they can be kind of... harsh  
 **onceandthefuture** : psh  
 **onceandthefuture** : I can take it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mmm.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’ve never met my friends  
 **onceandthefuture** : why do you keep calling them friends if you obviously don’t like them?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well, I mean, I do  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s just I’m kind of tired of ‘em y’know?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I see them a lot these days and I’m ready to get away  
 **onceandthefuture** : hence the trip  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : still, I feel like I should at least meet some of them besides obviously this toris character  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mmmmm really don’t think that’s a good idea  
 **stripeznstarz50** : matt’s enough  
 **onceandthefuture** : what’s your problem with me and your friends?  
 **onceandthefuture** : do you think I’m not good enough or something?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Not friendly enough??  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nonono!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : god no!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : arthur I like you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and I’m sure under different circumstances they would like you too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but real worldd LA is... it changes people  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh and I guess it changes you too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it changes me a lot  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and a lot of the time I don’t like the person i am out there  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s why I like us  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and why i want to keep us separate, I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50** : because I like who I am when I’m talking to you  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : I guess I can live with that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : you must associate with some real trash then if you’re that horrible  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ahahha   
**stripeznstarz50** : some of them yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a lot of actors, actually  
 **onceandthefuture** : who knows  
 **onceandthefuture** : I may even have heard of them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : heehheh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh shit mom’s coming gtg  
 **onceandthefuture** : night  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**


	11. What's Real And Going On Below

**CHAPTER TEN (what’s real and going on below)  
  
Thursday, February 14, 2008  
stripeznstarz50:** hey lovely!  
 **onceandthefuture:** hullo  
 **stripeznstarz50:** happy V-day!  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh is that today?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** is it tomorrow there yet?  
 **onceandthefuture:** no, not yet  
 **onceandthefuture:** getting close though  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** here  
 **stripeznstarz50:** have some internets  
 **stripeznstarz50:** since I can’t give you chocolate  
 **onceandthefuture:** aww you’re so sweet  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s not very nice to mock people, artie  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s also not nice to call people names they expressly told you not to call them  
 **stripeznstarz50:** touche  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s the thought that counts I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50:** exactly!  
 **onceandthefuture:** so I was thinking  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mm?  
 **onceandthefuture:** today we should make some definite plans for the spring break trip and such  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that’d be good  
 **stripeznstarz50:** airfare’ll probably won’t be the cheapest this close to the date anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but it’ll just get worse the longeer we wait  
 **onceandthefuture:** ah hell okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** let’s start throwing some dates areound and see what we’ve got  
 **onceandthefuture:** mkay  
 **onceandthefuture:** so you’d probably fly out here fri/sat  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmhmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I was thinking until wed  
 **stripeznstarz50:** then we could follow matt to wherever, canada  
 **stripeznstarz50:** while mom and dad head on home  
 **stripeznstarz50:** then you go home whenever and I go back on sun  
 **onceandthefuture:** I like this  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hanng on, texting matt to tell him to get his butt online  
 **onceandthefuture:** mk  
 **stripeznstarz50 joined the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **onceandthefuture joined the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **noblebeaversocks joined the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **onceandthefuture:** hello matthew  
 **noblebeaversocks:** hey art  
 **noblebeaversocks:** so you’re actually going to go through with this?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hells yes!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I was talking to arthur  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh  
 **onceandthefuture:** haha  
 **onceandthefuture:** and yes  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’ll be an adventure, I guess  
 **noblebeaversocks:** oh you have no idea  
 **stripeznstarz50:** matt!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’d like to keep him from learning how weird I am until we meet in person thankyouverymuch  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’ll be even weirder  
 **stripeznstarz50:** because we want to spend half of it with you!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** what  
 **stripeznstarz50:** doesn’t that sound like fun?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** mmm  
 **noblebeaversocks:** when would that be again?  
 **onceandthefuture:** somewhere in the march 23-28 area  
 **noblebeaversocks:** hmm *checks schedule*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** more like 25th  
 **onceandthefuture:** picky picky  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :P  
 **noblebeaversocks:** stop bickering  
 **noblebeaversocks:** old ladies  
 **stripeznstarz50:** HEY  
 **noblebeaversocks:** well since my team this year’s shit  
 **noblebeaversocks:** chances are I’ll be long out of the playoffs  
 **stripeznstarz50:** not bitter or anything, are you, matt?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** *grumbles*  
 **noblebeaversocks:** so I was thinking about going down to the Braginskis’  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ivan’s got a chance this year  
 **noblebeaversocks:** we could go camping  
 **stripeznstarz50:** told ya art  
 **stripeznstarz50:** camping it is!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** told him what?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that we would go camping with you  
 **onceandthefuture:** he predicted that if we went to canada we would go camping  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ah  
 **onceandthefuture:** what would late march b like, weather wise?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** in southern alberta?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** unpredictable  
 **onceandthefuture:** joy  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes arthur there will be snow  
 **onceandthefuture:** fuck  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that’s the fun part though!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** don’t worry too much, artie  
 **noblebeaversocks:** it’ll probably be unusally warm  
 **noblebeaversocks:** at least, it has been  
 **noblebeaversocks:** and we can go stay at natalia’s campsite  
 **stripeznstarz50:** awesome!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I want to see this place at last  
 **noblebeaversocks:** but you never talk to natalia  
 **noblebeaversocks:** how do you know about it?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I do too!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sometimes  
 **noblebeaversocks:** yeah maybe once a millenium  
 **stripeznstarz50:** eh shut up  
 **onceandthefuture:** who’re the Braginskis?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** other cousins  
 **stripeznstarz50:** relatives on his side of the family  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they’re your dad’s cousin’s fam, I think?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** mmhmm  
 **noblebeaversocks:** we bonded when ivan started hockey on my team a few years ago  
 **noblebeaversocks:** they like to give me food  
 **noblebeaversocks:** and I like to eat it  
 **onceandthefuture:** simple and straightforward  
 **noblebeaversocks:** they’re kind of amazing  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ve only met them a few times, but each time has been rather… memorable  
 **noblebeaversocks:** speaking of which  
 **noblebeaversocks:** please don’t call him mary again  
 **stripeznstarz50:** don’t worry, I won’t call him mary again  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahahha  
 **noblebeaversocks:** rofl  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mind reading  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I like it  
 **onceandthefuture:** are you sure you two aren’t brothers  
 **onceandthefuture:** or twins  
 **onceandthefuture:** ?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** positive  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmhmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway  
 **onceandthefuture:** ye  
 **onceandthefuture:** s  
 **stripeznstarz50:** fly over from london on wed/thurs  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and go camping until sunday!  
 **onceandthefuture:** where are we flying into?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** calgary would probably be the best  
 **stripeznstarz50:** how much money do you think you can burn, artie?  
 **onceandthefuture:** enough  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hope os  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when did airfar get so expensive  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you’re not letting him pay for you, arthur?  
 **onceandthefuture:** hell fucking no  
 **noblebeaversocks:** *snort*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we can always hijack the company plane out there  
 **onceandthefuture:** what is this company plane business  
 **onceandthefuture:** is it like a personal taxi or something?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pfft  
 **noblebeaversocks:** basically  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pff!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** your dad uses it more for vacations than actualy work  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well they ran that risk when they gave him unlimited domestic access!  
 **onceandthefuture:** you know what  
 **onceandthefuture:** I don’t want to know  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll take what I can get  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I knew it  
 **noblebeaversocks:** under that prideful exterior hides a typical broke college student  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahaha  
 **onceandthefuture:** chh  
 **noblebeaversocks:** shouldn’t you be asking your dad about some of these plans, am?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh right  
 **onceandthefuture:** might prove useful, yes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** one sec  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay, he’s here  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and mom too  
 **noblebeaversocks:** hey aunt amanda  
 **noblebeaversocks:** uncle ted  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they said hi bakc matt  
 **noblebeaversocks:** sweet  
 **stripeznstarz50:** said to tell you hi too, artie  
 **onceandthefuture:** please don’t tell me that you told them to call me artie  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahaha  
 **noblebeaversocks:** xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** and hello parents  
 **stripeznstarz50:** moving on now  
 **stripeznstarz50:** dad hasn’t used the comp plane in a while now  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I quote:  
 **stripeznstarz50:** “let’s squeeze some more money out of those greedy bastard CEOs”  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ... wait  
 **noblebeaversocks:** isn’t HE one of those greedy bastard CEOs?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that’s what I always tell him  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he never believes me  
 **onceandthefuture:** I think I’l like your dad  
 **noblebeaversocks:** you will  
 **noblebeaversocks:** best fucking parents in the world  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you don’t live with them  
 **noblebeaversocks:** yeah I wish  
 **onceandthefuture:** anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** dad said he’ll sign up for the plane out to london  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and drop us off in calgary on the way back  
 **noblebeaversocks:** haha ‘drop off in calgary’  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I love planes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** think youcan afford the way back to london from there, art?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I believe so  
 **onceandthefuture:** may have to scrap a bit  
 **onceandthefuture:** but I believe so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** company planes take so much of the drama out of traveling  
 **onceandthefuture:** so true  
 **onceandthefuture:** thank your father for me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahah okay  
 **noblebeaversocks:** but the drama’s half the fun!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** this way we can save the fun for the trip  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so what’re we gonna do on this trip, anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture:** good question  
 **onceandthefuture:** well you’ll probably spend the first day crashing  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahaha  
 **noblebeaversocks:** please take pictures  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I want blackmail  
 **onceandthefuture:** will do  
 **stripeznstarz50:** HEY  
 **stripeznstarz50:** RIGHT HERE Y’KNOW  
 **onceandthefuture:** ask your parents if they have any requests for places to go  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mkay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mom wants to see gardens and castles  
 **stripeznstarz50:** dad wants distilleries/breweries.  
 **onceandthefuture:** uncle leo will love him  
 **stripeznstarz50:** a lot of people like him  
 **noblebeaversocks:** this is true  
 **onceandthefuture:** well I should talk to my aunt and uncle  
 **onceandthefuture:** see if they want to take them touring  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that sounds good  
 **noblebeaversocks:** get them out of the way so you two can consummate your love in private?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** what  
 **onceandthefuture:** no  
 **onceandthefuture:** ugh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sorry man  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I love you but not like that  
 **onceandthefuture:** *shudders*  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re not my type  
 **noblebeaversocks:** bwahahhahahahahahahahhahaa  
 **stripeznstarz50:** am I offended?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I wouldn’t be  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m picky  
 **onceandthefuture:** and usually go for girls anyway  
 **noblebeaversocks:** brb dying  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shut up matt  
 **onceandthefuture:** what’s so funny about this?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** it’s just  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I don’t think I’ve ever seen am get turned down  
 **noblebeaversocks:** ahahahhahahahhahhaahah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ve been turned down before!  
 **noblebeaversocks:** yeah?  
 **noblebeaversocks:** by who?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** lots of people!  
 **onceandthefuture:** has it really come to the point where you’re bragging about the number of times you’ve been rejected  
 **noblebeaversocks:** fffhahhaha  
 **noblebeaversocks:** *still dying*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh come on matt  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it wasn’t THAT funny  
 **stripeznstarz50:** )C  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I think  
 **noblebeaversocks:** I need to go lie down  
 **noblebeaversocks:** brb  
 **noblebeaversocks left the chat _awesomecondiments_**  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I really think he just laughed himself into a coma  
 **onceandthefuture:** foolish  
 **onceandthefuture:** I didn’t think it was that funny, either  
 **onceandthefuture:** I mean I turn people down just as much as you get rejected xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I bet  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sweet ass like yours  
 **onceandthefuture:** if we were anyone else we would so give off the wrong impressions  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but we’re not  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we’re awesome  
 **onceandthefuture:** I think we’ve established that  
 **onceandthefuture:** anyway  
 **onceandthefuture:** back to the point  
 **stripeznstarz50:** right!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** trip plans!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** even though matt was overexaggerating a bit  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I do want to get the ‘rents away so we can spend quality time together  
 **onceandthefuture:** I concur  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m sure uncle leo will delight in a brewery partner  
 **onceandthefuture:** and aunt jo happens to know way too much about the local tourist attraction castles  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so we’re foisting the guardians on each other?  
 **onceandthefuture:** precisely  
 **stripeznstarz50:** genius!  
 **onceandthefuture:** thank you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ... so what’re WE gonna do?  
 **onceandthefuture:** lots of nothing I believe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahahaha  
 **onceandthefuture:** movie watching the RIGHT way  
 **onceandthefuture:** you need to watch some quality TV shows too  
 **onceandthefuture:** doctor who  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we can watch split log and I can tell you behind the scenes stuff!  
 **onceandthefuture:** that  
 **onceandthefuture:** may be one of the best ideas you’ve ever had  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thank you, thank you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** monopoly will be played  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** as well as apples to apples!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when we have the adults  
 **onceandthefuture:** perfect  
 **onceandthefuture:** I can drag my own cousin into that too  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s fun making dirty jokes with it and watching them fly over his head  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xDDD  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll take you driving  
 **onceandthefuture:** I can’t wait to see how you feel about roundabouts  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I want to meet all of your friends  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes, francis included  
 **onceandthefuture:** *snort*  
 **onceandthefuture:** well a lot of them will probably be away  
 **onceandthefuture:** between terms and all  
 **onceandthefuture:** but I’m sure kiku and francis will be around at least  
 **onceandthefuture:** okay here’s a ticket from cal to london through minneapolis and JFK  
 **onceandthefuture:** expensive but not as bad as I feared  
 **stripeznstarz50:** beautiful!  
 **onceandthefuture:** I get to see good old minnesota again  
 **onceandthefuture:** cheers  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you gonna pay for it?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** or still looking?  
 **onceandthefuture:** on my way  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sweetness  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I guess this is really happening, isn’t it?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I guess so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** kind of weird  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’ll be an adevnture  
 **onceandthefuture:** remember that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I will  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I get to be the hero of my very own story!  
 **onceandthefuture:** haha  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am not the damsel in distress  
 **stripeznstarz50:** true  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re more like the sidekick  
 **onceandthefuture:** I take offense to that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** the awesome sidekick  
 **stripeznstarz50:** who the hero couldn’t do without  
 **onceandthefuture:** nice save  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thank you  
 **onceandthefuture:** okay bought  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ^^  
 **onceandthefuture:** now all we have to do is wait  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ah damn  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we have over a month of that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** grrr  
 **onceandthefuture:** hey could be worse  
 **onceandthefuture:** we could’ve danced around this for over two years instead of two months  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bahahaah yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I can’t believe we’re really doing this  
 **onceandthefuture:** ah get over yourself  
 **onceandthefuture:** spending all that money made me tired  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** g’night dear  
 **onceandthefuture:** night love  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually NOT The Canadian this time! Weird I know, but I managed to do all three by myself.


	12. But I Don't Even Know The Name

**CHAPTER ELEVEN (but I don’t even know the name)  
  
Friday, February 29, 2008**  
 **  
stripeznstarz50:** happy leap year, artie!  
 **onceandthefuture:** what a holiday  
 **stripeznstarz50:** haha yeah  
 **onceandthefuture:** and you would come on right as I have to leave  
 **stripeznstarz50:** don’t go!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :’(  
 **onceandthefuture:** have to  
 **onceandthefuture:** got a study session with kiku before class  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mkay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I can wait it out  
 **onceandthefuture:** see you, love  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**  
 **  
Wednesday, March 5, 2008**  
 **  
stripeznstarz50:** ever wonder about the internet?  
 **onceandthefuture:** constantly  
 **stripeznstarz50:** like how it works  
 **stripeznstarz50:** if you REALLY think about it  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it breaks your mind  
 **onceandthefuture:** ... well, I was thinking about the filth that lives in and on it  
 **onceandthefuture:** what’re you talking about?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** like the internet, man  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I mean  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s really kind of freaky how we can talk to each other an ocean and a continent away  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when we have to fly to see each other  
 **onceandthefuture:** hmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** I guess when you put it that way  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I mean what IS the internet?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** radio waves?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** alien gifts to humanity?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** more technobabblish things?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** how does it work?  
 **onceandthefuture:** take it down a notch am  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sorry  
 **stripeznstarz50:** *brain melting*  
 **onceandthefuture:** likewise  
 **onceandthefuture:** hmmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** mathias just made an excellent point  
 **stripeznstarz50:** eh?  
 **onceandthefuture:** how the hell am I supposed to find you at the airport?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I have no idea what you look like  
 **onceandthefuture:** or even what your name is  
 **stripeznstarz50:** about that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ehehehe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so I was thinking  
 **stripeznstarz50:** can’t we just play along for a few more weeks with this whole ‘america’ thing?  
 **onceandthefuture:** . . . .  
 **stripeznstarz50:** because well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I kind of am looking forward to surprising you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I can’t do that if you know who I am/what I look like  
 **onceandthefuture:** hmmmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** .. wow I just realized something really odd  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hmm?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I have rarely been curious as to your real identity  
 **stripeznstarz50:** really?  
 **onceandthefuture:** yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you know most people would think this is really creepy  
 **onceandthefuture:** well I think we’re beyond being creeped out by each other  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahha  
 **onceandthefuture:** I mean, I know you’re not going to turn out to be some strange pedophile with a foot long beard and an alcohol problem  
 **stripeznstarz50:** BWAHAHAHAHAHA  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and you’re not going to be some ugly fat person with bad teeth  
 **onceandthefuture:** true  
 **onceandthefuture:** I guess this is the more perfect form of courthip, this anonymity  
 **onceandthefuture:** that way you know a person’s head before you know their face  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s interesting  
 **stripeznstarz50:** haha yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I really like it, too  
 **onceandthefuture:** by the way  
 **onceandthefuture:** have you thought about how you’ll recognise me if you want to ‘surprise me’?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh hmmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well I know you’re shortish with messy blond hair and big eyebrows  
 **onceandthefuture:** ch hey  
 **stripeznstarz50:** big lovable eyebrows  
 **onceandthefuture:** thank you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** do you think I could find you based on that?  
 **onceandthefuture:** well  
 **onceandthefuture:** maybe  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll also probably be wearing a black, white, and red football jacket  
 **onceandthefuture:** do you want a picture?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nuh uh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re going in blind  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m going in blind  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I know!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hallelujah!  
 **onceandthefuture:** eh?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** meet me in the airport  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll be humming hallelujah  
 **onceandthefuture:** huh?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** be humming/singing hallelujah  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll look like a fool  
 **stripeznstarz50:** no, you’ll SOUND like a fool  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmmm so much better  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but that way I’ll definitely know who you are  
 **onceandthefuture:** how’re you gonna hear me humming in an airport waiting area?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh you know  
 **stripeznstarz50:** superhero hearing and all that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay okay fine I’ll call you  
 **onceandthefuture:** do you have my number?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah  
 **onceandthefuture:** wait what  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you REALLY should pay attention to what you put on your AIM profile  
 **onceandthefuture:** shit  
 **stripeznstarz50:** put the ringer on hallelujah when you go to the airport  
 **onceandthefuture:** what’s with this bloody hallelujah obsession anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well it’s a pretty song  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and it’s kind of ours, isn’t it?  
 **onceandthefuture:** well  
 **onceandthefuture:** when you put it that way  
 **onceandthefuture:** *finds ringtone*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yay!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh I can’t wait to see your face  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** sentiment returned  
 **stripeznstarz50:** 8D  
 **onceandthefuture:** okay math’s threatening to break my head open if I don’t stop typing  
 **onceandthefuture:** apparently I’m a noisy typer  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahaha  
 **onceandthefuture:** g’night  
 **stripeznstarz50:** night!  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
**  
 **Thursday, March 20, 2008**  
 **  
stripeznstarz50:** I can’t believe it!  
 **onceandthefuture:** mm?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s finally almost here!  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes it is  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ah come on show some enthusiasm  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am  
 **onceandthefuture:** you just can’t see it  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m actually jumping on my bed at this moment  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pfffbwahahahha  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’d like to see THAT  
 **onceandthefuture:** soon you will  
 **stripeznstarz50:** YES!  
 **onceandthefuture:** now have you got everything?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes, Mom  
 **onceandthefuture:** *chuckles*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** don’t worry  
 **stripeznstarz50:** even if you let me forget anything  
 **stripeznstarz50:** parents sure wouldn’t  
 **stripeznstarz50:** matt’s got enough camping gear for the german army so that’s all squared away  
 **onceandthefuture:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** gah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** a few more hours  
 **stripeznstarz50:** eeeeeeeeeeee  
 **onceandthefuture:** calm yourself down  
 **onceandthefuture:** no use getting riled up just yet  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I can’t help it!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** artie, we’re gonna have so much fun  
 **onceandthefuture:** if you call me artie in real life I swear to every god I will beat you in the ground no matter what you look like  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ahahhahahahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50:** doubt that  
 **onceandthefuture:** pfff  
 **onceandthefuture:** you don’t have experience with my real temper  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but I will!  
 **onceandthefuture:** yeah, I guess you will  
 **onceandthefuture:** *sigh*  
 **onceandthefuture:** this is really happening  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yep!  
 **onceandthefuture:** and we just keep running around in circles xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yyyyyyyep!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** XD  
 **onceandthefuture:** you better at least try to sleep tonight love  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re going to wish you had if you don’t  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but I’m too excited to sleeeeeep  
 **onceandthefuture:** well go read a book and calm down  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll see you soon enough  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okayokay  
 **onceandthefuture:** listen to jazz or something  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ttyl!  
 **onceandthefuture:** naturally :-)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** C:  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off  
**  
 **Friday, March 21, 2008**  
 **  
stripeznstarz50 signed on a mobile device**  
 **stripeznstarz50:** So guess where i am  
 **onceandthefuture:** hopefully not on a phone on a plane  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Ahahh no but close  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Were refueling in newark  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Before we cross the atlantic  
 **onceandthefuture:** so what time do you think you’ll get in?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** The pilot said he can make it across the atlantic in 8 hours  
 **stripeznstarz50:** What time is that there?  
 **onceandthefuture:** in 8 hours  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’ll be midmorning  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Perfect  
 **stripeznstarz50:** So im looking for a short grumpy blond guy in a black jacket with hallelujah playing around him  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am neither short nor grumpy  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Ahahah well see  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I really really cant wait to see your face  
 **onceandthefuture:** yeah, I know  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Oh were taking off  
 **onceandthefuture:** all right  
 **stripeznstarz50:** See you in london!  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll be waiting  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**


	13. Nothing On My Tongue But Hallelujah

**CHAPTER TWELVE (nothing on my tongue but hallelujah)**  
  
Saturday, March 22, 2008  
On a cold and windy March morning, a short blond teenager huffed his way to the seats under the meeting area sign in Terminal 3 of London Heathrow Airport. He scowled slightly at the others in the area who glanced up, then away, at his appearance. He looked around for an open seat, clutching a beat up old Nokia covered in an equally beat up Jolly Roger themed case with his right hand. His left rapped out a nervous rhythm against his jean-clad thigh.

All of the happy and excited people waiting for loved ones they knew almost turned his mood sour, but he made himself smile as he found an isolated seat next to the main part of the airport at the end of a row of built-together chairs and sat down, his back to the main area. He pulled a leg up to his chest and ignored the looks from the university girls scheming together on the row perpendicular to him, wrapping his arm around his leg and staring at his phone, as if willing it to ring would make it do so.

He watched the pixelated second hand tick around the analog clock of his background, his stomach twisting more with each passing _tick_. Anxiety, so long put off, ate at his thoughts and his insides; the thigh tapping grew even more erratic. It had only been a minute and he was already a twitching ball of nervous energy. 

The screen lit up suddenly, giving him a moment’s notice before a tinny, too fast melody played on high, the number that replaced the clock unknown and in a strange format. The tapping stopped just as footsteps with a purpose became audible behind him. The girls’ twittering took on a different tone.

He froze as he felt hands brush slightly against his shoulders as they gripped the chair back, a voice some distance above him humming along. The song ended; 1 MISSED CALL.

Rustle of leather, a chuckle at his left ear. “Told ya I could find you, Arthur.” The voice, smooth and so very American, caused Arthur to blink and turn his head, grinning - 

A grin that froze midway and thawed into a gape as he saw the smiling face inches from him. He stopped breathing. 

The American chuckled and came around to the side of the chair, crouching and propping his chin on his hands, elbows on armrest. Arthur’s eyes followed him, taking in blue eyes that glowed white on dark tan skin, blond hair that had seen too much sun and shone.

“ _Alfred_?” he finally choked out. The corner of Alfred’s eyes deepened.

“The one and only. Call me Al, by the way,” he told him softly, settling down to a kneel. He watched the thoughts flicker through Arthur’s eyes. He had never told him they were green. “Surprised?”

Arthur took in a deep, shuddering breath, clenching his leg and phone tighter as he stared at those eyes, that face. Alfred was there, Al was _there_ , he was America, how, it made too much goddamned sense-

He let out the breath in a whoosh, laughing slightly, breaking contact to look down, close his eyes, pinch the bridge of his nose. “You know what? Not really.” He laughed, and Al - America - joined in, and they both stood up. Arthur was pulled into a back breaking hug instantly, his arms pinned to his sides and his face pressed into the fake fur of Al’s bomber jacket. He smelled like grass and leather and faintly of lemonade powder, strong and fresh even after a transatlantic flight.

“God, I’m so glad you didn’t freak,” Al breathed into his hair. Another, harder squeeze, then he was released, held out at arm’s distance as Al looked into his face again. “I was so nervous, I was worried you might- _wow_ , your eyebrows really _are_ big!” He chuckled, lifting a hand to touch them. Arthur lost any sense of starstruck as he scowled and slapped the hand away. He shook off the other hand and straightened his clothes.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t comment on them,” he grumbled, and Al laughed again, throwing his head back and turning more heads than just the university girls.

“Don’t worry, I still think they’re cute,” he joked, ruffling Arthur’s already untamable hair. He slung an arm around his shoulders, ignoring the grunts of protest at being treated like the younger one and ‘ _people are watching, idiot!_ ’

Al led him away from the meeting point back into the airport. “Come on, we need to go find my parents. I kind of left them as soon as we got inside the airport,” he admitted. The girl with the blonde curls leaned around her black-haired friend to watch them go, then turned back to her and started gossiping again. Was that really cute one really American? He looked famous! Come on, check your phone, there can’t be that many famous Americans named Alfred...


	14. Show It To Me

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN (show it to me)**

**Saturday, March 22, 2008**

“Get your filthy shoes off my ceiling,” I barked at Al, whapping at his legs hovering in the air beside me. He grinned sheepishly and let them fall from where they had been walking on the sloping ceiling onto my lap, hands that had been holding up his lower back _fwump_ ing to my bedspread simultaneously. I made a face at him, and he giggled like a schoolgirl instead of a sitcom star.  
It was several hours after we – that is, Aunt Jo, Uncle Leo, and I – had picked up Al and his parents from the airport. Sure, my brain about exploded when I found _him_ smiling at me, but I got over it pretty quickly as he introduced his parents – a shorter, balding man with Al’s blue eyes and quick smile, and a taller woman with grey-streaked brown hair – who immediately insisted I call them Ted and Amanda. Then a flurry of activity as we put their bags in the back of my uncle’s store van, introduced them to each other, and set off into the outskirts of London traffic.

I had expected some uncomfortable tension at first; anxious smiles, strained laughter, awkward silences, the works.  
I obviously had never met anyone like the Joneses.

Even though they were no doubt exhausted by the long flight, the three showed no signs of tiring, striking up topic after topic with us, voices filling the air for the entire hour long car ride. I conversed a bit with Al’s parents at first, but I found myself facing Al himself more and more as time went on.

It was kind of strange; we had been talking for months online, covering every topic, every question I could ever have I thought, but I was wrong. (Well, of course we had the small addition of his true identity as a minor celebrity; that alone would probably take days.) We didn’t shut up through lunch, which was at my aunt’s house. Al asked carefully if any of it was my cooking. Some time I had told him I was terrible at it; I couldn’t remember when. Aunt Jo and Uncle Leo laughed so hard that the table shook, and I scowled magnificently at the china cabinet as they explained, and the Joneses quickly joined in on ‘the fun’. Bastards, all of them.

Eventually, though, Mrs. Jone- _Amanda_ yawned, and Aunt Jo quickly cleared the table and elbowed Uncle Leo out of his conversation with Mr. J- _Ted_ , offering them a lift to their hotel. They accepted gratefully, but Al chose to stay with me for a while. As they drove across town, we walked over to my hall, barren between terms. All three of my flat mates were gone, so we had the suite to ourselves. Naturally, we both crammed onto one bed, mine, me sitting at the foot, Al commandeering my pillow. I knew he was just as jet lagged as his parents, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

And now I’m back to him walking along my low, sloping ceiling.

As he had gotten more and more visibly tired, the endless conversation lagged and then stopped. My hands played with the hems of his jeans idly as I stared at the metal band posters on Mathias’s wall, and he sighed to my right.

“Hmm?” I inquired wordlessly, rolling my head against the wall I was leaning on to quirk my eyebrows at him. He smiled at me lazily, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Just thinking ‘bout how nice this feels,” he mused, burrowing into my pillow and closing his eyes again. “No Internet, no fake Hollywood drama, no continent and an ocean. Just you ‘n’ me. Jus’ feels so _right_ ,” he mumbled, turning on his side towards me, his calves still on my lap. He was asleep before I could think of a reply.

“Idiot, aren’t you even going to take off your shoes before you sleep,” I grumbled, more to myself than to him, and pulled them off for him as gently as I could manage at the angle. I threw them at Mathias’s bed and settled back against the wall, hands going back to pick at the seams along his calves.

Now I finally had time to think about the hours ago surprise. But was it really a surprise? I stared at Alfred – Al, I had to call him Al now – as moments, hints from the past few months, growing steadily more frequent, stood out in my memory. I hadn’t wanted to see it, I guessed; it seemed far too surreal. _Still_ seemed too surreal, even as I twisted the frayed edges of thread from a hole near his knee together.

My cheeks burned as my reverie made me relive the multitudes of scathing remarks I had made about Alfred Jones the celebrity to him. To think, I had said those things to the lad himself, and he still somehow, miraculously, _liked_ me. Liked me enough to fly himself and his parents halfway around the world just to meet me. Why?

I suddenly realised that my picking had turned into petting, and I stopped abruptly, face heating again. At least he couldn’t see me and laugh, patternless and pleasing. He whined in  his sleep, shifting restlessly; I let my hands do as they wished, and he settled.

Well, it wasn’t like I had never dealt with fame and money before, although it had been a while. Besides, underneath all that American was America, my best friend. This would work.

* * *

Several hours later I shook him awake, a cup of coffee in my hand. He groaned and rolled over, cracking an eye to see who had woken him up. He smiled blearily. “Oh, hey there, Artie.”

“Don’t make me regret doing something nice for you,” I warned him harshly, lifting the coffee into his field of vision. He sat up slowly and stretched down to his toes, yawning with a lot of tongue. He shook his head, making his hair even messier than it already was, and reached for the coffee. I relinquished it and found my own cup of tea, crawling back up to sit on the foot of my bed. Al closed his eyes and breathed in the aroma, sighing as he took a sip.

“For a tea person you sure can make a good cup of coffee,” he said, leaning back against the wall, the top of his head barely touching the ceiling.

I shrugged, explaining, “All three of my roommates drink it. I learned how to make it to Scandinavian satisfaction long ago. Besides, I _do_ work at a coffee shop.” He chuckled, and we sat in silence for several minutes, savouring.

He finished his coffee with a long slurp and struggling forward to set it on the nightstand, then flopped back against the wall. “What now?”

I drained the rest of my tea and set it down on the desk pushed against the foot of my bed. “Well, I dunno,” I answered slowly, thinking. “What do you want to do?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Whatchu wanna do?” I snorted, and he grinned.

“Well, I could always take you around campus,” I offered, pulling a leg up to my chest and staring at the plastic drawers under Mathias’s bed. “Introduce you to the thriving Easter break nightlife.”

His turn to snort. “Nah, maybe when I’m not too tired to appreciate it,” he waved it off. He swung his legs, heels knocking into the runner board, as his eyes, now mostly alert, took in the details of the room again. He’d started to absorb the caffeine, I guessed.

“Well, we could always go back to my aunt’s house – I’m sure Peter’s still up if you want to meet-”

“Ah, sweet, Monopoly!” he exclaimed, sliding off the bed and pulling the box out from between Mathias’s and my bedside tables. I smiled and shook my head.

“We’re not going to leave this room for days, are we?” I asked rhetorically as he hoisted himself back on the bed with the box and sat facing me, cross-legged. I turned to face him as he set out unpacking the old game, automatically setting himself up as the banker.

He shrugged, setting out the Chance and Community Chest cards. “Probably not. Whoa, this is a weird board. I call the cannon!” he said loudly, grabbing the piece as soon as he saw it. I rolled my eyes, ignoring his comment about the ‘weird  board’, and took the thimble as he counted out our starting money. I dug out the two biggest and yellowest dice from the assorted collection mixed in with the houses and hotels.

“Your parents are nice,” I observed as I rolled a seven. He snorted and rolled a three; I smirked and took the dice from his side.

“Well, I did tell you they would like you,” he said, watching me hop down six spaces and buy Islington.

“They seem the type to like everyone they meet.” He laughed, handing over the title from the pile in the box.

“This is true. Probably what got Dad excommunicated in the first place,” he said off handedly as he rolled an eleven and took Pall Mall.

“You never did tell me that full story.” A three; I bought Pentonville.

He chuckled; his father’s quick grin spread. Doubles, a six. He plopped the cannon on Community Chest and drew a yellow card “Ha! ‘Grand Opera Night: Collect £50 from Each Player.’” I grimaced and stuck my tongue out at him as I handed it over. “It happened a long time ago,” he began, rolling again. A five; Chance. “Ah, goddamn. Jail.” I snickered at him as he thunked his cannon down on the Jail square, and he sneered at me.

“What’s a long time to you? Five years?” I asked, throwing the dice. A ten. I bought Vine.

“More like thirty.” He had to dig to find the title, which was written on a neon pink sticky note. He raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged. “Eh.” He handed it over. “He got involved with the hippies in SoCal back in the seventies – free love and all that, it appealed to him or something…”

* * *

Three hours later, we were so locked in a hotel battle between the light blues and the yellows that I almost didn’t hear my phone ring ‘Hallelujah’, buried under the pillow that had been thrown to the floor ages ago. I dove to get it, disrupting the carefully positioned hotels with a squawk from America. “Hullo?” I asked breathlessly, hanging off my high bed.

“ _Arthur, it’s Jo. Where are you?_ ” She sounded exhausted. Why hadn’t I called her earlier?

“Oh, Al and I started playing Monopoly… we’re in my hall,” I explained, failing to right myself on the bed. Al grabbed my waist and heaved me up, and I smiled at him in silent thanks. “Everything all right there?”

“ _You do realise it’s almost midnight._ ”

“It is?” I glanced at the clock, which blinked 11:49. “Completely lost track of time.”

“ _That’s fine, I realise it’s all very exciting for you,_ ” she sighed. “ _Is your friend going to stay with you or do you want the car to take him over to his parents? When we dropped them off they looked like they would sleep straight through morning, so I don’t think they’ll care either way_.”

I covered the mouthpiece with my hand. “Al, do you want to sleep here or at your parent’s hotel?”

“Here’s fine,” he said quickly, finishing repositioning the hotels. He smiled at me again, and I felt the corners of my mouth deepen a tad. I hadn’t smiled this much in a day since forever.

I took my hand from the mouthpiece. “He wants to stay here with me.”

“ _Okay. Have a nice night, dear_.”

“Mmm. Night.” We hung up, and I turned back to the game. “Whose turn was it?”

“Mine, I think.”

“Liar.” He grinned, not arguing, and I took the dice from his hand. I rolled the dice and got a five, then cursed fluently when I landed on Piccadilly. He cackled as I had to mortgage King’s Cross. “Ah, damn it all,” I said under my breath, frowning at my titles, which were mainly flipped down.

“Fuck it, you win. I give up,” I huffed, sliding them all into a stack while he cheered, then flopped back to lie on the bed. I scowled at the board as I dumped the houses and hotels back in the box, titles, Chance, and Community Chest cards quickly following. I folded the board up and slammed it on top of everything, cramming the lid back on. He was silent through the entire thing.

“Why aren’t you gloating?” I asked, looking up at him as I slid off the bed to put the game up. He was asleep; he must’ve crashed as soon as he laid down. I smiled despite myself and unfolded the blanket from under my bed, covering his sprawled form. “Don’t drool on my pillow,” I warned him softly, then took over Mathias’s bed and turned towards the wall.

* * *

**Sunday, March 23, 2008**

Before we could go back over to my aunt’s for breakfast, we had to find Al’s hotel and let him change clothes. Naturally, his parents had booked a room at the place that was literally the furthest across the city from my college and my aunt’s house. We weren’t exactly pleased as punch to have to bus across town at eight in the morning, but it had to be done.

Al’s parents had already gone over to my aunt’s house, but they had left a key for him at the front desk. Still slightly groggy, we both slumped our way up the stairs to the second floor and unlocked the door without saying much of anything.

He found his suitcase stuffed into the closet and dragged it out, dropping it on the made bed and unzipping it, rifling through the contents that even I could see had just been thrown in there. I turned to find the inevitable desk chair was taken by his backpack and rolled my eyes, dragging it off and dropping it on the floor so I could sit down. It was open, and I could see a thick paperback inside. I pulled it out as Al finally found a suitable shirt (UCLA, from the colours). The book had nice cover art, at least, although ‘Sherwood’ didn’t exactly blend with the person posing on a white horse in front of a castle.

“What’s this, some new Robin Hood story?” I asked him as he took off the shirt he had slept in. He peered out from under the hem and – I swear to God – gigglesnorted at me and the book. He threw the shirt aside and walked over to my side, his clean shirt in hand.

“Nah, that’s the author’s name,” he corrected, pointing to the smaller word, _Inda_. “That’s the real title. Found it in the bargain bin of the bookstore day before I left,” he explained. He pulled on the light blue shirt as I flipped to the back and started to read the blurb. “Read it on the flight over - took most of the flight, actually,” he said through the fabric. He pulled his head through the neck and took the book from me, flipping through the pages. “Best summary I can think of is, well… fantasy pirates.” I stared at him for a second, then scrambled from the chair and lunged for the book. He held it above his head, laughing.

“Thought it’d be right up your alley,” he said, bringing the book back down to my reach. I snatched it, and he grinned again, then turned back to his suitcase to find trousers.

* * *

When we got back to the house, Al immediately ran for the toilet. I rolled my eyes and sat down next to my uncle at the table and swiped half of the remaining bacon, just listening to the existing conversations. Al was taking a really long time to go to the bathroom, honestly…

“Yes, well, Peter’s a doll, but we didn’t want to put him through more ‘boring castles’, so we talked his friends’ mums into watching him while you’re here – actually, they’re in the backyard now, see, we share it with the neighbours- Arthur, what _are_ you doing?”

I paused in my scramble to get out of my chair to see all four adults staring at me like I had grown another head. “Nothing- be just a moment-” I squeezed between the empty chair and the wall and dashed down the hall and through the swinging door-

“Stick ‘em up.” A grin missing teeth and a water gun greeted me.

I groaned and pushed Peter’s friend out of the way and saw the devil himself tying Al to a kitchen chair with a skipping rope, two shoelaces already binding his ankles to the chair legs.

Al looked up and rolled his eyes at my entry, obviously amused. Peter hadn’t heard me, too focused on his rant to Al about cops and robbers and prisoners. I crossed the kitchen and grabbed his hair, pulling him up to face me. He cried out, then his eyes widened as I gave him my best death stare.

“Oh, hey Arthur,” he smiled sheepishly, putting on a useless pair of puppy dog eyes. “Your boyfriend here is my prisoner! See, I’m a robber and robbers have to have prisoners, and he was right there… eh heh heh heh…” he trailed off as I stared him down harder.

I let go of his hair and grabbed his upper arms, lifting him to eye level. “If you _ever_ try to pull this kind of thing with Al – or _any_ of my friends – again, _I will end you_.” I let him go, and he looked suitably terrified as he scrambled out of the door. “And he’s not my boyfriend!” I yelled after him.

A chuckle behind me, and I turned to find that Al had already worked himself free of the skipping rope and was working on the shoelaces.

“I take it that’s your cousin,” he said, smiling like always, although this time a shade bemused.

I rushed forward and knelt next to him, rapidly untying his other leg. “Sorry about him, he’s such a pain-”

“Hey, no sweat,” he told me, “it’s just what kids do.” We both finished untying his legs. “Come on, I’m starving!” he told me, leading me back to the dining room with a look and another grin. I followed.

* * *

Three hours later he was hungry again. I rolled my eyes when he told me that, but diverted our self directed walking tour of Oxford to my coffee shop. (The adults and us had parted after breakfast, Aunt Jo taking Mrs. Amanda to her own self directed castle tour, Uncle Leo taking Mr. Ted to a whiskey distillery.) I assured him the place served sandwiches, and no, I didn’t make them, as I led him under the sign – _Wicked Twisted_ – and waved at the baristas, Bridget and Hendrik, brother and sister but gods of the Real Life Relationship Writing Fumble. She gave what could only be described as a rakish grin to America as her brother ignored us, occupied with making a very specific cappuccino for a fussy-looking businesswoman.

“Well, hello, Art. Didn’t expect to see you around today. Who’s your friend?” she asked, jerking her chin in Al’s direction. He was engrossed in admiring the comforting décor of the place and had wandered out of earshot.

“He’s the American I’ve been telling you about,” I told her, leaning my elbows on the counter as we watched a completely oblivious Al inspect the far wall.

A moment. “He’s hot. If you don’t tap that, I sure will.” I glared at her, and she put on her best innocent smile and held her hands up defensively, smirking and chuckling in her throat.

“Don’t even think about it.”

He finally turned our way and made his way through the mismatched tables. “Hey guys! What’s up?” I rolled my eyes and exchanged a glance with Bridget. “What?”

“Nothing, dear,” she said, smiling sweetly. The ribbon headband in her hair was deceptively innocent. “I’m Bridget, by the way. You must be the American.”

“That’s right, I’m Alfred Jones!” he answered proudly, pointing a thumb at himself. She raised an eyebrow and turned to me again, and I nodded ruefully. I was never going to hear the end of this one.

She went back into business mode. “Well, I’m glad Art made a new friend. What can I get ya?”

* * *

“I love the movies,” Al sighed as he paid for our overpriced popcorn that afternoon.

I raised my eyebrows at him as we walked up the stairs to the theatre’s balcony. “Really? Now how could I see that coming?” He laughed, holding the door open for me. Swear to God, he never did the same laugh twice.

“Seriously, if I didn’t have a chance to be in ‘em, I would still work in a theatre or something.” He giggled. “Although I still don’t know how I got dragged into this movie with you.”

I scowled at him. “I told you, I’ve wanted to see this film for a while, and you _said_ you were bored so it’s _your_ fault that you’re here-”

“I never said I wanted to watch Natalie get her head chopped off!”

“Oh, just go to the bathroom or something, you bloody coward,” I snapped at him as he jumped ahead down the stairs, then stopped abruptly as he finally looked at his surroundings, all details and red and Victorian.

“Hey, this place is awesome!” he exclaimed, turning around to beam at me. I smiled, then pushed him gently to get him to keep moving forward.

 “I thought you might enjoy it.” We sat down on the front row of the balcony and propped our feet on the ledge simultaneously. He giggled as the house lights went down and the trailers began.

An entire movie of me pointing out the abundant historical inaccuracies and a well-timed bathroom break later, we left the theatre, both slightly grumpy, to rain.

“Just brilliant,” I grumbled as we huddled under the bus shelter, soaked just from the walk from the cinema entrance to the stop.

Al leaned on one of the supports and wrapped himself loosely around it, staring out at the freezing rain. “Y’know, normally I would try to drag you out and make you dance in the rain, but right now it’s just too miserable. It’s not dancing rain.” He huddled deeper into his jacket and I snorted, taking position against the pole next to him.

“So, Al,” I started, staring at my shoes.

“Hmm?”

“Why’d you lie to me?”

A long pause, filled with quiet _‘um’_ s and _‘uh’_ s. “Hey, look, the bus is here!” He waved at the approaching vehicle.

I let him change the subject for now.

* * *

The inevitable happened a while later as we left the Sainsbury’s from another food run for Al’s apparently bottomless stomach.  


As always, he appeared without warning. “ _Mon lapin_ , you seem oddly sated today,” he purred in my ear, hands caressing my shoulders. I froze, my face already sneering and red. A stunned Al stopped and stared curiously at the man behind me.  
“Dude, you just appeared out of nowhere. How did you do that?”

“Francis, _not today_ ,” I growled at him, my hands balling into fists, my eyes clenching shut.

“Seriously. Thin air. Did no one else think that was weird?”

I felt him lean in closer behind me to breathe into my ear, “I like your new pet. Can we share?”

I turned and punched him in the face.

“What was that for?” Al and Francis cried at the same time.

“Because it bloody felt good,” I grumbled by means of excuse. I didn’t want America to hear Francis’s disgusting comments.

Francis, satisfied I hadn’t drawn blood, put away his pocket mirror and offered a hand to Al. “I apologize for Arthur’s lack of manners. I am Francis Bonnefroy,” he introduced himself grandly. Al beamed and shook his hand quickly, but I smirked a little to catch Francis discreetly massaging his hand afterward.

“Nice to finally meet you, Francis! I’m Alfred Jones. I’ve heard a lot about you!”

Francis raised his eyebrows; I found a sudden interest in the gum plastered on the pavement. “Oh really?” I could smell the ‘smug bastard’ tone radiating off him, but Al was, as always, completely unaware.

“Yeah! Although… y’know, now that I think about it, not all of it was good…” he tapped a finger against his chin and looked at the stormy sky. Francis barked out a laugh.

“You do seem to attract all sorts, don’t you, Arthur dear?” I looked up at that and wrinkled my nose at him, but my highly insulting remark was cut off as he slid between us and linked our arms. I quickly shook him off as he said, “Arthur, why don’t I treat you and your… friend to dinner? I want to hear all about what you’ve told him.” He smiled, and Al started prattling.  
Dicks.

* * *

“Ah- and _then_ he started rambling about something in _Welsh!_ I mean who the fuck does _that_?” Al said just a bit too loudly after his fifth rum and Coke, which was consistently becoming more rum and less Coke as time went on. I hadn’t believed him when he had told me that he had never had one before when I had joked about it with him earlier and ordered one for him - that he only drank with Matthew, if ever.

“Yes, yes, Alfred. You already told me that,” Francis said wearily, patting Alfred’s hand resting on the table in an entirely non-perverted way for possibly the first time in his life.

“Oh- oh I did? Funny. I don’ remember.” He downed the rest of his drink. “Man, these things are _great_!”

Oh, I believed that earlier statement now. I believed it very much.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I held him down by the elbow to keep him from getting up and asking the waiter for another. “This is all your bloody fault, Francis,” I hissed.

“ _Me_? But you ordered him that drink!” he accused me, glaring. (His glare didn’t have the punch of mine. The only good thing about large eyebrows.)

“But you brought us here! I know you, you had this in mind from the beginning!” I accused back, gripping the edges of the table and rising a little from my chair.

“Not like _this_!” he yelled over the rising noise of the pub, gesturing to Al’s empty chair.

We both stared at it for a moment, then looked up to the commotion at the bar.

“Fucking _hell_.”

* * *

“Arrr- _thurrr_. I _lurrvvee_ yoouuuu--”

“Yes, yes, America, you’ve already told me that,” I said soothingly, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other grasping the arm I had thrown over my shoulders. “Come on, love, we’re almost back, just a little longer-” He lurched to the side and I fell with him, letting him go just in time for him to faceplant into a bush, all-too-familiar retching sounds coming from the leaves. I regained my balance and crouched next to him, rubbing circles on his back until he was done.

Headlights flashed past us, and I looked up at the retreating form to see a familiar array of bumper stickers. Shit. Maybe they hadn’t recognised us. They hadn’t stopped…

A groan from the bush turned my attention back to the situation at hand. I pulled him away from the bush slightly so I could push the hair from his eyes. “Feel better?”

“No.” I hadn’t heard a syllable that miserable since Peter had his eighth birthday party rained out.

I lifted him out of the bush completely. “Belt up, we’re almost home,” I told him softly, lifting his arm back over my shoulders. He groaned, letting his head fall on top of my hair. I prayed not to get vomit on my face. Good thing we had already brought some of his clothes from the hotel back to my room after the movie, since it looked like he was never actually going to sleep in the rented bed.

A few more minutes of struggling and soothing and we arrived at my hall. “What did I tell you? Now, do you think you can hold it out until we get upstairs?” He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. I opened the outside door with effort and began the long toil up to my room. Dammit, he was heavy.

Through the blessings of several miracles, we made it up the stairs to the third floor and down the hall to my room without incident. I dug around in my pockets awkwardly for my key, trying to keep Al from falling over completely, which he seemed inclined to do. Finally, I found it in the back pocket of my jeans and hurried to unlock the door so I could get him to the bathroom.

Even when he was drunk Al never shut up – in fact, his chattermouth just got worse with alcohol, a constant stream of words that really didn’t make sense. I had stopped paying attention long before he had thrown up in the bush, but I vaguely recognised him talking about his dog and Matthew in a story from when he was a child as I pulled him along to the shared but blissfully empty bathroom.

“Shh, shh, there’s a dear,” I said mindlessly as I led him to the toilet. I knelt him down carefully, then ran off to wet a facecloth. I came back as quickly as I could and wiped off his face. He looked up at me through his fringe and smiled, despite everything.

“You have really nice eyes,” he said through a raspy throat. “I keep thinkin’ that, but-” _Retch._

I held his hair back again, carding my fingers through it slowly. “I could say the same to you,” I murmured when he was done, wiping his face again. I needed a new towel.

I stood and flushed the toilet, then tossed the towel in the clothes basket, soaking a new one. This one was Berwald’s. Eh, I’d wash it before he came back.

When I turned away from the sink, though, Al was sitting back, looking like he felt almost normal. Skepticism won out. “Feeling better?”

He held up a finger, then turned and vomited once more. I handed him the towel and he sponged off his mouth one last time, then grinned. “Yep! Loads better!”

“Mmhmm.” I put my hands on my hips. “Stand up.” I watched as he braced his hands around the toilet seat, then pushed himself up with an effort, wobbling on his feet.

“See? No harm done.”

“Hmph. Well, you’re still not leaving the bathroom until _I_ think you’re better.” I sat with my back to the wall next to the shower, pulling him down next to me. He sat rather ungracefully, hitting his head against the tile and grimacing more than the bump was worth. “That’s what I thought.” He smiled through the grimace and we both leaned our heads back against the tiles gently. I wasn’t nearly as drunk as he was, since I had just  tad more experience and tolerance than Mr. Abstinence, but I certainly wasn’t sober. Damn Francis to hell.

“What’s the whole story between you and him, anyway?” Al’s voice asked me, and I realized I had spoken aloud. I tilted my head to the left to see Al’s blue eyes looking down at me, waiting for an answer.

I sighed, leaning against his shoulder as I began, “He’s the only person from my old life that I’m still on speaking terms with. See, our parents were best friends, despite being English and French, or maybe because of it…”

* * *

**Monday, March 24, 2008**

I woke up upright, disoriented, and with the worst morning breath I’d had in a long while. I stretched and rolled my head around my neck and realised I was alone in my bathroom.

I groaned as I stood up, stiff all over and not at all rested. The door was open,  and I could faintly hear the telly down the hall playing the news.

I wandered into the common room to find a bleary-eyed Al sitting on the sofa, staring at the screen listlessly with a steaming cup held with both hands. He looked up when I entered and gave a groggy smile. “You look about as bad as I feel.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel so much better.” I kicked his feet off my coffee table and plopped down next to him. “Any coffee left?”

He shrugged in the middle of taking a sip. “Probably,” he said when he swallowed. “I made a giant pot, but this is my third cup.”

He took another sip, and I realised he was using Tino’s Christmas mug.

I sighed and stood back up, heading over to the kitchen half of the room. The pot still had plenty left over, so I took my own cup (a beat-up souvenir from ‘66) from its hook and poured it out. I added my usual dash of cream and stirred with a finger in bursts. I leaned against the counter, eyes on the flashing graphics and smartly dressed newswoman, and took a sip, then nearly spat it out in disgust.

Al looked over at me with a slightly expectant smirk. “Something wrong, Artie?”

I coughed, glaring at the cup like it was filled with pitch. “Bloody hell, how strong did you _make_ this stuff?”

He laughed. “It’s the only way I can keep people from stealing it,” he explained. “I add a lot of sugar.”

“Of course.” I noticed – rather belatedly – that my supply of sugar cubes had been cut in half. I narrowed my eyes and took two. He leaned his head back against the sofa cushion to stare at the ceiling, still laughing.

* * *

Last night’s image of the familiar car kept flashing through my head as we struggled through the morning. Since they hadn’t stopped and hadn’t called, I wanted to assume that they hadn’t seen or recognised us, but I didn’t want to run the risk quite yet.

It didn’t take much to convince Al that a road trip was the best way to waste the day, so I sent a quick text to my uncle explaining our plans. I didn’t actually own a car, but I had a solution to that minor dilemma that I was sure Al would like.  
“Whoa.”

I smirked, patting Al’s back as he stared at the car I had secured for us. “It’s Francis’s, but I’m sure he won’t mind us borrowing it for today.”

“But it’s a _Ferrari_.”

“Your point?”

“… It’s a _Ferrari_.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“How did he get himself a _Ferrari_?” He seemed to be unable to say ‘Ferrari’ without italics.

“You’d be surprised what kind of money obscenely rich parents give overaged children as pocket money.”

“Ah.” A pause. “Are you sure Francis is okay with this?” Al asked me as I unlocked the car with the keys I had made last time he left them in my room and slid into Francis’s slightly pointless sports car. Seriously, who was he trying to impress?

“Oh, I’ve done this before. Besides, not like he’ll need it.” He still looked uncomfortable, so I rolled my eyes and added, “I did put a note and ten quid under his door for the bus if he did. He has another car, anyway.” He nodded slowly, looking slightly less uneasy, and climbed in, settling back for the ride. I grinned and ignited the engine.

* * *

_Francis–_

_You don’t mind if I borrow the car, do you? Thought not. I needed to get Al out of town after last night. Don’t try to tell me you need it because you don’t. Here’s ten quid for the bus if you’re desperate. If the idiot hero breaks anything you can top next time._

_-Arthur_

* * *

“So, where are we going?” he asked me when I left the city limits in the dust. I shrugged.

“I figured we’d just wing it.” I slowed at a fork in the road. “Left or right?”

“Mmm… go right.” I swerved, and he gripped the door to keep himself from falling into me. “Jesus Christ, Artie, slow down!”

“What’s the point of a Ferrari if you don’t drive fast?” I felt the permanent smirk that seemed to crawl on my face whenever I drove this car appearing. He growled at me and righted himself in his seat as the road straightened out. Not one to be outdone, I jumped up around eighty five and settled into the speed and the comfortable silence, only occasionally broken by a curse word from Al on a turn or a close call with another car or a low stone wall.

The silence allowed me to think, and the more I thought, the more I realised. I had to bring it up again, I just had to.

“Al, why’d you lie to me?” My voice sounded too small. I kept my eyes screwed forward even though I could feel him staring at me.

Just before the protracted, no-longer-comfortable silence grew officially uncomfortable, Al huffed and bounced back in his seat, running his hands through his hair. “Lotsa reasons, I guess, but none of ‘em good,” he admitted. I stayed silent, letting him sort out his thoughts. “It just sounds like a buncha excuses in my head.”

“Go ahead and tell me. I still want to hear them.” We needed to get this behind us now, I knew, but I didn’t say that. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, hands still in his hair.

“Well, when it first started, it was just nice, not having someone know or care who I was – who I am,” he began slowly. “I mean, obviously my parents, Matt - my family, I mean – don’t treat me different, but my friends did, and it was getting a lot harder to make any new one that I actually _liked_. But then I met you-” a hand wave in my general direction– “and - you never hold back _anything_ , you know that? And at first it was kinda weird, ‘cause I hadn’t talked with anyone like that in a long time for any period of time, y’know? With no strings attached.” He chuckled and his head fell forward to stare at his feet. I noticed I had unconsciously slowed down to just a few miles over the speed limit. “But it was just so much _fun_ arguing with you, and I didn’t want that to change. You wouldn’t believe how nice it was to have our fairly stable friendship through all of my friends’ stupid schemes and parties and stuff. They dragged me into them, y’know, when you used to complain about seeing me in the magazines, and I didn’t really like it but I went along with it ‘cause I had nothing better to do. But now I _do_ , so I’ve been able to ignore them and stay with you instead. Arthur, this is gonna sound really, really corny, but you let me be me with you.” He put his faces in his hands and laughed. “God, I can’t believe I just said that,” he said through his palms.

I snorted. “I can.” I saw his grin emerge from behind his fingers before he sat back up and propped his feet up on the dash. I promptly whapped them down. His voice lost the strained, forced tone as he continued.

“Y’know, at first I was really just scared that you would freak – scared to pieces, really – and I didn’t want that to happen and for you to stop talking to me or anything. Plus, it was just so _nice_ having you all to myself. My secret from the world, I guess you could say. The world is full of assholes, man. And I mean, you’re an asshole, too, but in a likeable, tolerable way.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more flattered in my life,” I told him, deadpan. He threw his head back to laugh and hit it against the hard headrest. I laughed at his expense as he groaned and rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up.” We smiled. “Anyway, there did come a point where I figured out that you probably wouldn’t freak out too badly, but by then I was in a rhythm, some weird kind of pattern, and by then I had become afraid to break it.” Pause.

“Damn, this story makes me sound like a … like a person I don’t like. Like a wimp.” He laughed like he didn’t care, but the sidelong glance I caught in my own gave it away.

“Never, love,” I assured him. “You’re too much of an idiot hero to be a wimp.” He snorted a laugh, the insecurity banished again. “I want to hear it,” I told him again.

“Well, that’s about it,” he shrugged. “I was scared and liked what we were, what I was, too much to want to possibly change it. There were times I wanted to tell you, Arthur, really, but-”

“Yeah, yeah, you were scared, I get it.” He went silent, and I sighed, reaching over and punching him lightly in the arm. “If it makes you feel any better, I forgive you. I can’t say I would’ve done the same thing, because I don’t know what I would’ve done in the situation, but I understand why you did it.”

“So we’re cool?”

“Yes, we’re… cool.”

He smiled, giddy. “Awesome.” A moment of silence. “Hey, Artie, we should put the top down!”

“What? But it looks like rain and it’s twenty five out and it’ll feel like ten-”

“Dude. We have a _Ferrari convertible_. You cannot _tell_ me that we can’t put the top down in a God-forsaken _Ferrari convertible_.”

I thought about it for the space of two blinks and pulled the car over.

* * *

It was getting close to lunchtime, and we hadn’t found anything more interesting than a stone tower without a roof a miserable muddy walk a quarter mile from the road. It had started raining somewhere in there, but it was a drizzle so light that it didn’t do anything more than make America’s hair puff out in the humidity, so we left the top down for now. We had passed through a few towns that I probably knew the name of but didn’t care to remember, but nothing eye-catching. (I carefully skirted the larger metropolises; for some reason, this trip felt like it needed to stay in the country.)

America pressed his forehead against the window – it was weird how much difference rolling up the windows could make – and clutched his growling stomach. “I don’t care what the fuck is in the next town, we’re stopping so I can get some food.”

“Fine, fine, you big baby.” I made a face at his back. “How can you eat all that much and still stay thin?”

He perked up and turned to me. “You think I’m skinny?”

“I don’t think, I _know_. You’re such a glutton, though, your metabolism must be through the roof.”

“You really think I’m skinny?” The way his eyes shined I could tell, even through the brief glances I gave myself between watching the road, that he hadn’t absorbed any of my last statement.

“What- oh, for the love of- honestly, Alfred, why would you ever think you _weren’t_ trim? Who would’ve _ever_ told you that?” He looked ashamed by my exasperation, but really. He had to have one of the best physiques I had ever seen, especially on a teenager. _Honestly_.

He stared at his fingers and frowned. “Well, I do live in Hollywood. It’s kinda worse, not being with the actual celebrities, because then there’s even more mental pressure for fame.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and narrowed my eyes, the ends of my hair stinging my face. “Then it’s probably a good thing that you’re going away for a year with me. Maybe then you’ll stop using it as an excuse.” He was stunned for a moment, but realisation exploded on him and a grin cracked across his face. He leaned over and grabbed me around the neck in a sudden and awkward side hug. I squawked as I struggled to both free myself and stay in my lane. “Oi! Driving here!” He loosened his hold so I wouldn’t kill us, but he stayed attached, leaning a little against my arm.

“Arthur, you really know exactly what to say all the time, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question, but it still made me blush and stammer and protest.

“It’s only because it’s you, git,” I said, shoving him away completely. He obliged and sat back the right way. “Normally I’m an absolute mess with people. You might have noticed I don’t have many friends.”

“Maybe a little.”

“Oh shut up.” A shit eating grin. “Anyway. Like I said. Normally I’m just a gigantic ass, but with you… I don’t know.”

“We just get each other, Artie,” he teased, shoving me playfully in the shoulder. “Hey, look! Buildings with a purpose!”

“Fantastic.” I was still embarrassed by our far-too-close encounter to another heart-to-heart for comfort, so I didn’t say anything as we kept eyes peeled for a restaurant. “By the way, America?”

“Yeah?”

“I am never buying you alcohol ever again.”

“Deal.”

* * *

The owner of the restaurant we stopped at, grateful for the business equivalent to three people brought to him courtesy of Al’s endless stomach, told us we were only a few miles away from Stonehenge if we wanted something to see, and Al insisted on going. It was more than just ‘a few miles’ to Stonehenge, but the Ferrari still had over half a tank, so we didn’t mind.

“Huh.” Al leaned against one of the perimeter posts and cocked his head at the stones. “Y’know, somehow I thought they were bigger.”

I carefully put some of my weight on the rope next to him. “That’s what they always say.” There were a few people around, but the low grey clouds and overall miserable weather had scared away the less persistent tourists. Without warning, Al whipped around and flagged down a young couple walking slowly around the edge. “Hey, would y’all mind taking a picture for me?” He pulled out a small camera from an inside pocket.

“How long have you had that?” I asked him as the couple smiled and nodded. He turned it on and gave them a brief run through, then turned back to me.

“Pretty much the entire time. Kind of forgot about it, though. Now, c’mere.” I lurched as he pulled me in close, then rolled my eyes but smiled as the girl counted down.

“Say cheese!” _Click_.

“Thanks!” Al said, stepping forward to take the camera back. I leaned in close to see the small screen as he clicked to the picture. The girl was a pretty good shot, I had to admit. She had zoomed back enough you couldn’t tell my smile was more of a grimace. “Now that wasn’t so bad, is it, Artie?”

“It’s like you _want_ me to hurt you.” He laughed. “Just don’t make this a habit, okay?”

“Aw come on, man,” he whined as he pocketed the camera again and we walked to the gift shop, “haven’t you ever heard of ‘pics or it didn’t happen’?”

* * *

_“Welcome to a new kind of tension!_ ”

“ _All across the alien nation-on!_ ”

“ _Everything isn’t meant to be oka-a-ay!_ ” we sang together along with the CD Al had brought tucked away in that magical jacket of his. 

“ _Tear up visions, dreams of tomorrow!_ ”

“ _We’re not the ones who’re meant to follow!_ ”

“ _But that’s enough to argue!_ ” We headbanged through the final guitar solo, then automatically slowed to a bobbing as the Red Hot Chili Peppers came on.

“I think we got the lyrics wrong,” I shouted over the bass, tapping the beat into the steering wheel with a nail.

“Ah, who cares. _In Alabama, sheee was singin’ hammah_ -” I laughed at him, and he laughed with me. The wind stole it all and whipped it down the road.

* * *

“Hey, let’s turn here,” he told me, pointing down a side avenue we were about to pass.

“Why?”

“Why not?”

I couldn’t find a flaw in his logic, so I quickly slammed on the brakes and wrenched the car down the dusty lane. I ignored his cursing for the hundredth time, but was forced to slow down by the rapidly decreasing quality of the road.

The wind changed from tearing to gentle as the speed went down, and the trees grew in closer. “Where do you think this’ll come out?” Al asked idly, leaning against his door. I shrugged, still softly singing along to the song (something from Amy Winehouse). “Well, _I’m_ thinking we’re gonna get an abandoned castle, maybe something you can barely tell was even a castle at all unless you happen to know.” He scanned the trees for said castle, and I chuckled.

“You and your romantic side.” I hummed through a part I didn’t know the words to, even after the third time through the CD. “I think we’re driving down someone’s driveway. Someone terribly rich who owns about ten of your Peaches and an array of illegal machine guns designed to keep people like us away.”

“Morbid much?” He laughed all the same. “Okay, so maybe there won’t be a castle. Maybe it’ll be a giant, ridiculously old tree that when you climb it, you touch the sky!”

I waved that away. “Pshaw. No, we’ll more likely find an abandoned cemetery with a bunch of ghosts wandering around.”

“Ghosts?” I smirked.

“Yes. Lovely company, spirits.”

Too loudly, he said, “No way! We’ll probably find some inbred hillbilly farm, with a lot of horses and cows and – Arthur, does England have hillbillies?”

The conversation continued, each suggestion getting more ludicrous. We had long past Hogwarts and reached Lothlorien when I had to brake suddenly at a roundabout entrance. We had made it back to the main road without seeing anything.

We sat there in silence for a moment. “Well that was slightly pointless,” he said, breaking the silence.

“Just a tad.”

“I’m glad we took it, though.”

“Absolutely.”

* * *

Part of Francis’s and my unspoken agreement about the Ferrari was that I got it back before dark, with at least enough petrol to make it around town to a station. I figured since Al was a successful actor with an even more successful CEO of a father, I could make him pay to fill it up. Just this once.

“It takes premium, doesn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

“Why did I even ask.”

He leaned against the car, holding the pump backwards, and stared out over the current town and to the fields and trees beyond. “This has been a great day.” He saw my skeptical look out of the corner of his eye and gestured with his free hand. “Really! It really has!” I scoffed as I walked around the car to lean next to him.

“But we haven’t done anything beyond drive around.”

“Driving around in an incredible car.” He patted the red paint job lovingly.

“True, but still. Nothing bordering on exciting.”

He slapped the car and faced me, blue eyes shining. “That’s why it’s been such a great day! It’s just been us hanging out, wasting energy but not caring, just like it should be.”

Hmph. “You’ve been in such a preachy mood today.” He laughed, but didn’t comment. The pump kicked back, and he turned his attention to placing it back and getting the receipt as I twisted the cap back on. I heard him curse at the price and smirked. At least he was rich enough to afford it.

I moved to walk around to the driver’s side, but he flung out an arm to stop me. I raised my eyebrows, and he grinned. “Can I drive?”

I crossed my arms and tapped my foot. “No. You’ll crash.”

“Pleeeeease?” he whined, clasping his hands. “I promise I won’t go _too_ fast!” He snorted. “Not as fast as you, anyway.” I backhanded his arm.

“Just for a little bit, and if you break it, you’re buying it,” I relented.

He pumped his fist in the air with a “ _Chyes!_ ” and did a jump-slide over the boot as I rolled my eyes and opened the passenger side just slightly calmer than his vicious yank.

* * *

“Jesus Christ, Al, _slow down_!”

“Artie, for God’s sake, I’m barely going forty! Get a grip!” He sent me an exasperated glare.

“ _Eyes on the road!_ ”

He rolled his eyes like me and turned his sight forward again. “Seriously, if we can still hear each other without yelling, I’m not going fast enough.” He made a face at me without taking his eyes from the windshield. If I hadn’t been terrified for my well-being I would’ve been impressed.

“Well, I’m not letting you over fifty until you learn how to _stay in your lane!_ ” My explanation turned into an exclamation as he drifted to the left side of the lane. He jerked back so he was centered.

“Sor- _ry_ , I’m just not used to the whole ‘right-side-of-the-car’ thing. Take a chill pill, Arthur, and enjoy the ride.” I snorted incredulously, but made myself shut up until the left side mirror just barely brushed the post of the wooden fence lining the road while he was fumbling with the clutch.

“Okay, pull over.”

“Awww! But Artie, it’s called a love tap!”

“ _Alfred, pull over!_ ”

“Fine.” He slowed down, transmission grinding. “Spoilsport.”

* * *

It started raining for real right before we got back into town, so I quickly pulled over and put the top up. Even then, we were wet and slightly miserable. The various treks we had taken off road had left us just tired enough for a nap, but not tired enough not to be hungry. As a solution, we dropped in the first McDonald’s we could find and dropped the car off at Francis’s (Al gave it a last, longing pat before turning away to follow me), and then caught the bus back to my hall. It was still drizzling, but I borrowed the umbrella from Francis’s boot and we crashed, relatively dry, in the common room.

“Man, who knew driving all day would make you so tired?” Al asked rhetorically. His jaw popped in a giant yawn. I munched on my chips and shrugged, kicking my shoes under the coffee table and putting my feet up. He snorted, then followed my example.

“You barely even drove, twit, don’t go saying you’re tired,” I grumbled at him.

“And whose fault is that?”

“I’m not complaining, I’m just saying that _you_ shouldn’t be complaining.” He laughed, trailing away into a groan, pitching sideways to lean his head on my shoulder. I looked down at his upraised eyes, a questioning frown in place. He smiled sleepily and closed them, nuzzling into my shoulder.

“Wake me up when it’s time to go to Canada,” he mumbled before dropping off, breath slow and shallow. Honestly, the boy could fall asleep in a boat in a hurricane. I rolled my eyes and put a throw pillow over my legs so I could shift his head to my lap, one hand idly playing with his hair while the other reached for the bag with my chicken sandwich.

* * *

**Tuesday, March 25, 2008**

The adults had apparently not recognised us as I feared, or if they had, they didn’t care, because Aunt Jo called me in the morning and insisted we join them for the final day. They were planning to wander around the Ashmolean, and since Al had no objections to a museum, we agreed to join them for breakfast once more, then all six of us would bus over. A free day would be good on my conscience after I made Al buy the overpriced petrol yesterday.

Before we left my room for the day, I thought it would be a good move to go ahead and pack my bag for tomorrow’s trip. Al leaned against my door frame as he watched me run around my room, throwing jackets and pants into my largest suitcase. “You’re probably gonna need something heavier than that,” he said casually, gesturing to my winter coat in my hands.  
I looked down at the coat, then back up. “But this is my heavy duty coat.”

He smirked. “Good luck going outside in that.” I scowled and folded it with vengeance, shoving it on top of everything else with all my weight. It took up a large fraction of the remaining space, and it wasn’t heavy enough? We were going to southern Alberta, not the fucking North Pole.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, clearing enjoying himself. “Don’t worry, I packed an extra coat just for you,” he said, the last few words in a sappy, cutesy voice. I threw a trainer at his face. He batted it away easily and laughed.

“I can damned well fend for myself, thank you very much,” I shot back venomously, stuffing five pairs of socks in the cracks between clothes.

“Yeah, I know that,” he said, nonchalant, waving a hand in the air. “But you’ve never really competed against March in Canada, either.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Surely they can’t be that bad.”

“Dude. This is the country that plays ice hockey outside. _In June_.”

I paused for a moment, then added three more pairs of socks.

* * *

I felt like I was meeting Al’s parents all over again.

Even with the time that all six of us had spent together, almost forty eight hours of no actual contact had me nearly forgetting what they looked like. Once again, they surprised me by their sheer friendly and easy going natures, qualities that had been overlooked in America’s frequent complaints on the subject of parents. (Well, we all had problems with our parents, especially at that age. I wasn’t one to judge.) Either way, the bus ride over to the Ashmo was pleasant. My aunt and uncle obviously adored the Joneses just as much as the Americans adored them, and had developed some strange bond while Al and I had been away.  
They were suitably impressed with the walk up the steps to the columns of the entrance, and slid a few pounds in the donation box inside. Mr. Ted crossed his arms as we all paused, looking around.

“Well, folks,” he asked us as a whole, “left, right, or straight?”

“Hey, cool!” Al darted forward to look closer at the elaborate screen that heralded the Chinese art exhibit. The adults laughed while I rolled my eyes and followed.

* * *

Wandering through the Eastern art hall caused our group to split up haphazardly. Eventually, I found myself at the top level of the Chinese painting hall with America’s parents, looking down at my aunt and uncle chatting about a painting near him. I leaned against the wooden barrier as I watch Al ‘subtly’ work his way into the conversation, offering some tidbit of information that caused them to shift from puzzled to elated. I was too far away to hear anything beyond the sounds of their voices. My uncle dragged him away excitedly as his mum leaned next to me.

“What was that all about?” I asked the air. Mrs. Amanda answered for it.

“My thoughts are that he translated something for them.” I looked up at her curiously, and she smiled at me. “I guess he never told you.”

“Told me what?”

“That he knows Chinese.” I blinked at her.

“What.” She laughed, and I knew where Al got that from.

She rested her chin on a fist and watched him and my uncle talk animatedly about a wall hanging. “He’s always had this strange knack for languages. I don’t know where he got it from; Ted and I are both completely hopeless.” My opinion of her grew with every grammatically correct sentence. “When he grew into high school, he needed to pick out a foreign language to study. We thought he would stick with Spanish – he had already started it in middle school, and picked up some God-knows-where when he was little. Instead, he surprised everyone by enrolling in both Spanish and Chinese, and for some reason decided to stick with them through AP. Never really got a straight answer as to why he did that, but he made it work.” A nostalgic smile.

“Wait.” I turned to face her. “Are you telling me Al is _trilingual_?”

She laughed again. “Yes, surprising as that sounds. What’s more surprising is that he never told you, actually.” I watched him interact with my family, completely oblivious to his upstairs watchers.

“Yeah, it is.”

* * *

“ _Ohmygod_!”

“No. _Way_!”

Al and I, by ourselves in the drawing hall, turned around at the same time to find three teenage girls staring at us in mild shock and glee. I heard him sigh tiredly even as he put on a nice smile.

“May we help you?” I asked them after a few seconds of staring with nothing happening. I realised they were staring at Al, and I understood what was going on. _Shit_.

The girl with the pointed face clasped her hands together under her chin as a giant smile cracked her face. “ _Alfred Jones?!_ ”

Al grinned, but it seemed different. “The one and only.” They squealed and jumped up and down. I reached up subtly to close one of my ears, wincing slightly, and Al snorted next to me.

The one with two red braids reached into her bag, wildly searching for something when she finally pulled out a camera. “Okay, you _have_ to take a picture with us!”

Al agreed with the practice of years of surprise encounters, and Red Braids finally saw me. “Hey, eyebrows! Would you take the picture, please?” She held out the camera with such a kind, well-meaning smile, there really was nothing I could say otherwise.

“Sure.” I took the camera, already turned on, and waited for them to get in position, energetic gabbing coming in a constant stream from the girls – mainly from Red Braids. At least they seemed nice enough, although I didn’t enjoy how the Indian girl was looking at Al. I snapped the picture quickly, but they insisted Al sign a scrap of paper that Pointed Face had scrounged from her own bag. I crossed my arms and scowled as he humoured them, then grabbed him by his elbow and dragged him away.

“Nice meeting y’all!” he called back to them, waving and smiling as he walked backwards. I tugged a little harder, and he jerked around to face forward as their giggling followed us around the corner. “You never really get used to that,” he said quietly, still smiling faintly. I grunted.

* * *

“What. Just… _what_.”

I continued to laugh at his expense as we stood in front of a glass case in the Romans and Dark Age of Europe room. A small placard rested in the place of the usual attraction.

“‘ _The Alfred Jewel is currently in the Manchester Discovery Centre in an exhibition of artefacts from Alfred the Great’s time- We apologise for the inconvenience-_ ’ okay seriously what the hell.” He scowled at the empty black velvet, then turned the scowl to me. I wiped my eyes and tried to stop laughing. “It’s not that funny!”

“It kind of is, love,” I corrected him.

“Hmph.”

“… You’ve been looking forward to seeing this the entire time, haven’t you?”

“Years, actually.” I patted his arm.

“Well, Manchester’s not too far away,” I said. “Why don’t we just pop over to Francis’s and I’ll drive you there? I’m sure I could get us there and back in half the time of a bus.” I smiled sweetly at him as he considered it with furrowed eyebrows.

“… Not on your life.” I laughed again, and he huffed away.

* * *

I walked up beside Mrs. Amanda where she was softly caressing the giant, ancient English flag pinned to the wall and stood by her side, unnoticed, for a moment before I said, “You sure you should be touching that?”

She started, flinching away, then saw it was me and relaxed.

“Oh, hello, Arthur,” she greeted me, smiling slightly. I loved the way she said my name. “I was just admiring the needlework,” she said as her hand returned to trace around one of the patches on the cross. “Can you imagine what kind of patience they had to have for the fabric, the colours, without machines and all other modern amenities? It must have taken months just to weave the base of this, and the embroidery-” she stopped abruptly, her hand falling to her side. “I’m sorry, I got carried away. I’m boring you, aren’t I?”

“No, no, not at all!” I disagreed enthusiastically, waving my hands in the negative. “Keep going, I love listening to you talk.”

Whoops. Probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. I flushed, but I realised she was smiling at me with all her laugh lines deepened, her eyes alight. I smiled at her as she resumed her soft ramblings.

* * *

We finally saw every room in the museum and regrouped around four in the afternoon. We considered going over to the National History Museum as well, but it was too close to closing time, and we were all tired and tired of museums by then anyway. We got on the bus back to my aunt’s house to spend the last night together. It was too early for supper, but we were all hungry, so they sent Al and me over to the Sainsbury’s for sandwiches and crisps.

“What kind of lame sandwich is this?” America asked, reading the label of one of the containers. “Who the hell makes a sandwich out of shrimp?”

“Prawns, I thank you,” I corrected him, snatching it away from him and putting it back. He snorted and skimmed over the others in the section.

“Jesus, there is _nothing_ normal here.”

“If you keep whining you’re not getting anything,” I told him, frowning, but inside I was laughing. I couldn’t _wait_ until we got to the crisps part of the tiny adventure.

* * *

When we got back, the adults had already brought out a game and begun playing. I recognised the name on the cards as something Al had talked to me about, but I had never played before.

“Aw, sweet, Apples to Apples!” Al cried when we came in to the dining room, and the adults all laughed. He threw the bag in the middle of the table and sat next to my uncle. “Deal me in!”

Uncle Leo pulled out seven red cards from the stack and handed them to Al, then looked up at me. “You want to play, too?”  
I considered the stacks of green and red cards. “But I don’t know how.”

“Ah, it’s really easy, come on,” Al said with a smile, reaching to push out the end chair next to him. I set my own grocery bag next to his and sat down slowly as Al pulled seven more red cards from the stack and went about explaining the admittedly simple rules.

* * *

“‘ _Friendly_. _Affectionate, comforting, welcoming._ ’ Give me something good, people,” Al said an hour later, flipping the green card up in the middle of the table. Snerks of laughter came from all around the table as red cards were thrown in a pile. I grinned as I put my own in, my free leg swinging. He counted six, then pulled them in a neater stack and shuffled them around.

“Okay… ‘ _Bates Motel’_ … _‘Batman & Robin_’- okay, seriously, guys?” He flipped it facedown with a slight noise of protest from my aunt. “ _‘Cockroaches._ ’ ew.” Another flip, and Peter, who had joined in a few hands ago, crossed his arms and pouted. “Okay, who put ‘ _Russia_ ’?” His dad put a fist in front of his mouth. “Not funny, guys. _‘My Personality_.’ Oh, good one.” He put it down face up and looked at the next card. He immediately collapsed into gales of laughter. Everyone looked at him curiously, but he couldn’t even speak. He placed the card on the table instead.

“‘ _AIDS’_?” They all joined him in hysterics – all except for Peter, who just looked baffled. I smirked and leaned forward, the leg pulled against my chest digging into the table, taking the green card for myself.

“I don’t get it,” Peter huffed angrily, glaring at everyone. Al patted his shoulder while wiping tears from his eyes.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older, kid.”

“That’s what they _always_ say.”

* * *

We played through the entire box.

It was hard to believe we could have so much fun just screwing with the English language with four adults and a child, but five hours and about a hundred fifty rounds later, we found ourselves out of green cards and exceptionally tired. My stomach hurt from all of the laughing. We all piled in Leo’s store van for the ride back to the hotel and the halls, even Peter. During the game he had developed a child’s besotted affection for Al, and refused to let him out of his sight until absolutely necessary. I was annoyed, but Al just played along. Damn him for being good with kids.

We finally got sense and brought Al’s entire suitcase to my room. The flight out tomorrow wasn’t exceptionally early, but we didn’t want to have to run back to the hotel again because he left his toothbrush or his jacket.

We waved everyone off and sat alone in the common room once more. The late news was on mute as America curled up on my couch, ‘resting his eyes’. I sat cross-legged on the floor, my back to the side of the couch, refolding his entire suitcase, packing it neatly. Honestly, he must have just thrown clothes in without any thought to wrinkling or efficiency.

“I really like your uncle,” he said after a long, comfortable silence. I tilted my head back and looked straight up, a pair of jeans halfway folded in my hands. He had poked his face over the arm of the couch and was hovering above me, smiling.

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.” His eyes narrowed in amusement, then closed altogether as he stretched and yawned, sliding out of sight. He rolled off the couch and joined me on the floor. “I’m really glad you came,” I said softly, avoiding eye contact. He beamed.

“Really? So’m I!” We smiled at each other, then I turned back to his suitcase, tucking the trousers away. “Your family’s fantastic,” he added, shifting his legs from cross-legged to clutched to his chest.

“I can say the same to you.”

“Yeah, we manage.”

“No, _really_. You have the best parents in the world.” He scoffed, and I glared at him. “Dead serious, Al.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I scowled, but I went back to his suitcase. Stupid kid and his perfect life.

He reached out with a bare foot and pushed my arm with his toes. “Stop being so pouty.” I snorted, but I smiled. He stood and tried to pull me up by my upper arm. “Come on, you’re done. Let’s go sleep, we’ve got a long flight tomorrow.”

I struggled against his tug. “But I’m not even halfway done with this, and your pants-”

“ _You are done._ ” I huffed and relented, letting him pull me up and leave the half-finished job behind. He was right about the long plane ride, at least.

* * *

**Wednesday, March 26, 2008**

Even though the flight across the pond wasn’t early, we still had to get up at a reasonable hour to get to the airport on time. Peter kicked and screamed to come with us, so Aunt Jo agreed to let him go to school late to shut him up. Of course that didn’t work, because he talked Al’s and, consequentially, my ears off for the entire drive to London. Several times I went to throttle him, but Al always threw out an arm and stopped me with an amused glare.

When we pulled up to the drop off area, the atmosphere turned tense. Time to say goodbye.

The adults exchanged contact information, hugs, and manly handshake/backslaps as Al and I unloaded all of the bags. My own old, beaten up suitcase didn’t stand out as horribly as I had feared. The Joneses obviously got around.

Al was slinging his backpack onto one shoulder when a four stone weight slammed into his stomach, causing him to stagger. I snapped out a hand to keep him steady as he looked down at Peter, who had buried his face in his stomach and latched around his waist. He mumbled something unintelligible into his shirt. Al gently pried his arms away and knelt down in front of Peter. I crossed my arms and tapped my foot.

“Hey, it’s okay, kid,” Al said, putting his hands on his shoulders. Peter looked at the ground, obviously struggling not to cry. “I promise I’ll come back soon.” At that, the abomination looked up at him with a smile that was only second in size to America’s. Al grinned mischievously and swooped in, grabbing him by his legs and throwing him over his shoulder. Peter shrieked as Al effortlessly threw him around in the air, twisting him around like one could only do with a child. He set him back down soon, though, both of them laughing and panting. Al ruffled his hair, and Peter grinned up at him through his eyebrows.

“See ya around, squirt.” Peter’s grin grew, and he hugged Al one last time before running back into the van. We collected our bags and pulled them onto the pavement as we watched them drive away. I could still see Peter waving through the back window.

I wasn’t sure whether to be angry or awed by his easy control over my monster of a cousin. I settled for annoyed. “That was cute,” I deadpanned. He snorted.

“You do what you can.” We worked our way inside and into the line at the security gate.

I considered Peter’s actions with a scowl. “You know, he doesn’t even let Tino call him ‘kid’ anymore, much less ‘squirt’. How do you do it?”

He shrugged. “I guess I just have a way with kids.” A sudden smirk. “It probably helps that he’s really just a smaller you.” I punched his arm with force.

* * *

I kept forgetting that we weren’t going on a commercial flight, but instead taking his father’s company’s CEO jet. I followed them in a state of confusion as we were ushered past security and down a myriad of hallways and shuttle buses to the terminal with the private hangars, a chain of smartly dressed airport workers handling us with practised ease until we found ourselves in front of the wing of a very nice and stylish plane.

The luggage handlers took over our bags, stowing them underneath as we walked up the folding staircase into an interior from the movies. It was a good thing I came in last, because my paralysis at entering the cabin would have stopped the entire group.  
“We’re flying across the Atlantic in _this_?” I said in disbelief, looking around at the cream leather and dark wood design of the interior. Al bounced onto a sofa and patted the space next to him. I sat down hard, still openmouthed.

“It’s pretty awesome, isn’t it?” he asked me, enjoying my amazement. I tried to shake myself out of it.

“How… _why_ …” I bent my head and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, then looked back up again. It was still the same. I noticed there was a television screen embedded in the wall across from us. Al’s parents seemed to have disappeared further into the jet. I heard adults laughing, and my subconscious told me that there must be others using the plane.

Al elbowed me into the side. That woke me from my trance with a scowl, and he laughed. “You get used to… actually, you never get used to it, but you do settle in.” He snapped and dove to dig around in his backpack. I alternated between watching him and gazing at my surroundings until he finally let out an “Ah-ha!” and pulled out several large DVD cases. I recognised the font of the titles.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.” He got up to skip the few steps over to the DVD player. “And we did say we were gonna watch this,” he said, grinning madly.

I tried to cover my embarrassment by slapping my hand to my forehead. “Only because it’s you, America.” He smiled, then slipped in the first disk and pranced back to the couch, plopping back down next to me. He fast forwarded through the ads at the beginning, and the familiar string section theme song heralded the scrolling title – _Hearts on a Split Log Fence_. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the flight attendants pull in the staircase and felt the plane start to move out of the hangar.

“Aren’t we supposed to turn off electrical devices or something during a takeoff?” I asked him, gesturing to the screen, which was now on the episodes page. He looked down at me with eyebrows raised, then looked around him pointedly. I laughed breathily and calmed my nerves. “Oh. Right.”

We buried ourselves in the ridiculous couch as the first episode played. I realised it had been a very long time since I had actually watched the show.

“Feel free to laugh and make fun of the writers and other actors whenever you like,” he told me over the theme song and the title sequence. I grinned with teeth and pulled a leg up to my chest.

The plane took off as the Alfred beside me and the Alfred on screen yawned and placed an arm on the back of the furniture behind the people next to them. The people simultaneously lifted the arm away and dropped it pointedly.

(Of course, on screen the furniture was a wooden fence and the person was the pretty lead actress, but the idea was the same.)


	15. It's A Cold And It's A Broken

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN (it’s a cold and it’s a broken)**

**Thursday, March 27, 2008**

“Is that a _dinosaur_?”

I laughed at Arthur’s bewilderment as we weaved our way past the decorated baggage claims of the airport. “Sure is,” I told him. “Darlin’, you ain’t in Kansas anymore,” I drawled at him. I saw him give a strange look to a man in a cowboy hat, and I changed my statement. “Well, maybe you just got _to_ Kansas from _Oz…_ ” He made a confused and unimpressed face at me, and I grinned.

“Stop flirting, you two, and catch up,” Natalia called back from a few steps ahead of us. Matt giggled next to her, and she smirked as we avoided eye contact and caught up.

We were in Calgary at last after a very long, very lowkey flight from London. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice on the plane, but it was _long_. We got through the first season of my old show before we had even finished crossing the Atlantic!

Speaking of which, I had forgotten just how _bad_ that show was. If you get the chance to watch it, don’t. I’d rather not remember it, especially later when the writers became aware of the… _Gil Thing_. Ugh.

Anyway, when we got tired of _Split Log_ , we picked up those fantasy pirate books I’d found and spent the rest of the trip – all the way across the _continent­ – reading_.

I know, weird, right? But, hey, they were good books, and we didn’t have much else to do. I put my feet in his lap again and he barely even noticed, even though they probably smelled bad, and he did the petting thing again and all was well.

I’d finished the second book and handed it off to an impatient Art (he’s the only person I know who reads faster than me, y’know?), and he finally got to see those pirates I was promising when we landed in Alberta. Mom and Dad waved us off from the door of the plane, then watched as we were handed down the chain of airport people that knew what they were doing through security.

On the other side, Matt and his cousin Natalia, who was apparently his assistant tour guide, were waiting for us. I hadn’t seen her since I was thirteen and she was almost eleven, so it really didn’t count. I greeted Matt as usual - running up, grabbing him and swinging him around even though he _says_ he’s taller than me - while she just gave us a bland nod. Just a ball of sunshine, that Natalia.

If she gets on my nerves I may start calling her Natty. Or Tali. I knew a tramp named Tali once. Anyway.

I introduced Art to them and we set off. So that’s how we got here, crossing over the road in an indoor tunnel (which Matt told me were called +15’s) into the parking deck. Matt and I made our small talk about families and stuff, the usual, while Natalia walked too quickly in front and Art wandered close behind us. She led us up _way_ too many escalators until we emerged into the open air at the top, the cold wind hitting me like a slap in the face. But I wasn’t gonna show it. No sirree.

“Bloody fucking _hell!_ ”

I snorted and looked down at Art, who was scrambling for his buttons, still cursing. I smiled. “Cold, Artie?”

He didn’t even bother to look up when he replied as icy as the air, “I will _murder_ you in your fucking _sleep_ if you don’t stop grinning like that.” I closed my mouth but was unable to completely straighten my smile out as I waited for him to button up his coat. (See, I can be polite!) Natalia and Matt made a beeline for the only car up here, Matt’s truck, which I _swear_ had been driven to hell and back a few times – or across Canada, same difference. I knew that thing almost as well as I knew him.

He dropped the tailgate so we could slide our suitcases under the bed cover, hitting various pieces of hockey sticks and camping gear before I snapped it shut again and we climbed into the tiny backseat. Art let out a breath when Matt closed his door and started the engine and, therefore, the heater. He slid into the middle so he could get the air from between the front seats, leaning back into the arm I already had resting on the back of the seat. I propped my ankle across my knee, my sole nudging the side of his. Matt shifted gears heavily down the parking lot as he started to talk again.

“So, if you two’re up to it, we were planning on going to the Flames game tonight,” he told us, flying past the fourth level.

“Sounds like fun!” I agreed, smiling. I nudged Arthur’s far shoulder with the hand draped over his shoulders. “Sound good to you, Art?”

He scowled at nothing. “It’s cold in a hockey ring, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

Matt chuckled but waved him off. “Eh, with all the people packed in there, it’s not so bad,” he said. Natalia nodded agreement. I didn’t think I’d heard her say a word since that first sentence about flirting.

Definitely calling her Tali.

Arthur sighed and settled back again, shifting closer to me. “Whatever you say.” Matt and I laughed.

* * *

We pulled up to Natalia’s house, where we were staying the night before trucking out to the campsite, and stared at the house – well, the dirty snow in the yard in front of it, the house itself wasn’t that special - in various states of curiosity and exasperation.

I remembered why I hated Ivan Braginski almost as much as I hated Gil.

“That _definitely_ wasn’t there when we left,” Matt finally said, unbuckling his seat belt and opening the door to the frigid air.

Natalia copied him in her stoic way on the passenger side, and I looked over Arthur discreetly to make sure he was actually ready to go outside before I clambered over Matt’s seat and halfway fell out of the truck. I landed on my feet, thankfully – just in time to catch Ivan himself come out of the house, smirking at me as he patted one of the rather grotesque snowmen that were displayed across the front yard.

Ivan Braginski and I go back a lot farther than I wish was possible. Despite the only distant family connection we had, we managed to see each other a lot more in our childhoods than either of us wanted, and each encounter came out with one (probably both) of us severely injured. You think our parents would’ve learned the first time when we were six and we got in a fight because I took his little sister’s weird nickname for him (note to self: make sure to call him Mary at least ten times in the next twelve hours), but no! They dragged us together again a few years later, where a family snowball fight turned into a late night stalemate which turned into mild cases of frostbite and hypothermia until Matt woke up Ivan’s dad to get us to come inside. (What still baffles me is why the adults would leave us outside in the snow and go to sleep, but whatever.) When we were ten, we played chicken with our Christmas present Razor scooters in the driveway and ended up having to go to the emergency room, and we were banned from ever owning scooters ever again.

Most recently, when we were thirteen, he made fun of how he was finally bigger than me (yeah, we measured, shut up) and I punched him in the face. I totally take the credit for the crooked nose he has, even though he cracked a few of my ribs in the fight that followed – he might’ve bitten me, too, but I still wasn’t quite sure about that.

You know, I really should’ve seen something like this coming a long time ago.

I crossed my arms and glared across the yard at the smirking Ivan. “Yes, Alfred?” he asked innocently, the syllables rolling off his tongue in a heavy Russian accent I was quite sure hadn’t been so prominent last time I had seen him.

“Way to be immature,” I shot at him, not moving from my threatening stance. He was a lot bigger than I remembered.

“Oh, this?” he said, gesturing around the yard at his handiwork. ‘His handiwork,’ in this case, featured dingy snowmen in various scenes that were obviously supposed to intimidate me or something. Not that I was affected, of course.

Wait, was Stalin punching JFK in the face?

I felt my face grow hot as his smirk grew deeper. “Just a small welcoming gesture,” he told me in his sugary manner. My eyes narrowed, lips pursed. I probably would have jumped him if an Arthur I forgot was right behind me hadn’t gripped the back of my jacket a little bit more forcefully than necessary.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he murmured to my back, still mostly out of Ivan’s sight and far from anyone else’s hearing (Matt was getting our stuff out of his truck bed, and Natalia had already gone inside after paying a slightly ignored compliment to Ivan’s macabre display). “I don’t want to spend the rest of our vacation in the emergency room.” I turned my head just a bit, not breaking the staring contest between me and Ivan, and made a vague grumbling noise at him. He let me go and went to go help Matt with the bags.

Ivan shifted his weight from one foot to the other and raised his eyebrows. “New friend, Alfred?” I felt my shoulders tense up as his smirk grew to a grin. I could tell what he was thinking; his eyes very clearly stated _‘Oh look! Someone I can manipulate into hating Alfred! Mwahahahaha!’_

Clear as crystal, I tell you.

I stepped forward with a vague thought about punching the thought from his head when something held me in place by my arms, causing me to lurch forward against the suddenly resisting front of my jacket. I turned to glare and saw both Matt and Art frowning at me, each holding onto an arm. I snorted at them, and Matt pinched me.

“Hey!” I cried, jerking my arms from their grips and rubbing the sore spot. “Unnecessary!”

“Oh, just take your suitcase inside and shut up,” he said condescendingly, shoving it into my hand and stalking off, rolling his eyes. Ivan was in the same spot, still smirking. I opened my mouth to say something scathing, but a shove to the back courtesy of Arthur threw off my train of thought.

“Inside. _Now_ ,” he growled, pushing me forward again. I decided to take the more mature approach and ignored Ivan as I walked past him quickly and into his house. I heard his steps crunch snow slowly behind us. Artie sighed behind me and grumbled something about testosterone-fueled idiots, but I ignored him, too.

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Braginski were quite a match. Both were tall and blond and _huge_ – not fat, of course, but just… _big_. Mr. Braginski was from Russia, but had come to Alberta a long time ago for his job in the oil industry, where he met Mrs. Braginski (call her Mrs. Braginskaya, though, or she’ll get really really mad). She was playing hockey in the women’s pro league, but left when she got married and wrestles steers for fun now.

You think I’m joking.

Anyway, her dad and Matt’s grandfather were brothers, even though her mom was from Lithuania and raised her with a strong Slavic heritage. So that’s how they knew each other. Although I didn’t see the family much – mainly holidays at Matt’s place – Mrs. Braginskaya and I had a pattern.

She was there to greet us when we walked in, smiling broadly and pulling me into a tight hug. I tried not to think about the genetics that her oldest daughter had strongly inherited. She pulled away and held my shoulders. “Hello, Alfred. You’ve grown.” I grinned and shrugged.

“It happens.” The corners of her eyes deepened as her hands fell to her sides. She craned her head to look behind me.

“So this must be your friend,” she said, staring at Arthur.

He looked up at her and gave a half-hearted smile, sticking out a hand. “Arthur Kirkland. It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” She laughed and ignored his outstretched hand in favor of one of her famous bone-crushing hugs. He flailed slightly before she let him go, significantly more red-faced than before. She beamed at him, then turned back to me and winked.

“Go put your things in the guest room – oh, Ivan, go show them the guest room,” she told her son, still holding on to Arthur. “Matthew’s sleeping in there, but there’s only one bed, so you three will have to fight over the futon in the den. Hope that’s okay with you boys!” She laughed and finally let go of Art’s shoulders. He shook them a little and straightened out his clothes, trying not to show that he was flustered. I snickered in my head, but had more sense than to laugh in his face (at least with other people present). “When you’re done, Alfred, come on back to the sitting room,” she said to me with another wink. I grinned back and nodded as Art and I turned to follow Ivan deeper into the house to dump our crap in a side room.

“Thanks, _Mary_ ,” I said ever-so-sweetly to Ivan when he showed us in. He frowned slightly at me and huffed off. I grinned. Success.

Artie made a weird curious face at me when he was out of sight. “Why didn’t you warn me you had a history with this family?” he asked me. I opened my mouth, then shut it and shrugged.

“Dunno,” I admitted. “I guess it just slipped my mind.” I dragged my suitcase in the room, which was tiny and only had a twin.

“Yeah, we’re staying on the futon.” He snorted and dropped his suitcase, kicking it into a corner before rounding on me. I backed up a step.

“The next time you’re planning on taking me somewhere you’ll fight with the first person you see, _warn_ me, you idiot,” he scolded me, poking a finger at my chest and glaring fiercely. “I’d like to _know_ these things coming into them so I’ll be prepared to pull you off some random Russian.”

I grinned my best at him and held up my hands in defense. “Hey, hey now, don’t get your panties in a twist! I didn’t forget on _purpose_ ,” I said quickly, cutting off his indignant sputter. He glared at me a second more, then dropped his head to pinch the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

“All right, fine. Just _please_ don’t kill Ivan in the next twelve hours,” he told me. I laughed.

“Can’t promise anything from his side, but I’ll do my best,” I assured him. I backed away and out into the hall. “Come on, let’s not keep the good woman waiting.”

He followed me, his perpetual scowling anger battling with curiosity. “What does she want with you, anyway?” he asked. I turned to face forward so I wouldn’t run into the wall (not like I’ve ever done that before. Why would you think that?)

“Oh, you’ll see,” I smirked at him over my shoulder. He rolled his eyes and snorted when I ran into a hall table.

* * *

Out of all of the Braginskis, Mrs. Braginskaya and I got along the best – mainly because we both shared a very common interest.

“So, Alfred, have you learned anything new since the last time we saw each other?” she asked me when I led Art into her sitting room.

I joined her on the bench of the baby grand piano that took up most of the room. Used to be we could fit almost all the cousins on the seat with her; now both of us were hanging off the sides. Maybe it had gotten smaller. “Lots!” I told her, flipping through her sheet music. She always had some really complicated but awesome-sounding stuff in her collection – if it was played right, of course, which I could do by now. It made all of the taunting when I was little for playing something girly like the piano worth it. “D’ya have anything new for _me_?” I asked her. She laughed and pulled the music away from me, sorting through them slower than me and pulling out a piece that had a very distinctly Canadian cover.

“Try this for size,” she told me, handing it over. I snorted at the title (‘Maple Leaf Rag’; could she have been more obvious?) and paged through it, glancing through the measures. I grinned and propped it up on the ledge above the keys.

I nudged her with my shoulder. “Slide over and let me show you how it’s done,” I said, and her nose crinkled as she smiled and slid off to take a seat in the armchair close by. I cracked my fingers and did a little warm-up, then dove into what she had picked out for me.

It was hard, of course. I knew that. It was ragtime, and it always takes my mind a bit to be able to get into the different-rhythm-for-each-hand bit. I frowned and narrowed my eyes at a particularly devilish measure, stopping the song without realizing it, phantoming my fingers over the keys without touching them.

“Fuck,” I said so low under my breath that Mrs. Braginskaya wouldn’t hear it. “I’m gonna hafta start over, aren’t I?” I snorted and flipped back to the beginning. I tried to ignore the suspiciously Ivan-like smirk on her face.

“Take your time, dear,” she told me. Even her goddamned _tone_ was smirking. I wasn’t gonna let some middle-aged woman’s music beat me, though. Not in a million years.

I grumbled over it and growled my way through a practice run or three of some of the more difficult parts while she just watched with a despicable smile. I actually love her, in an aunt way, but I really hate it when she reminds me of her son so much.

(My mind barely registered low voices behind me that weren’t tinged with a Slavic accent, so I assumed Matt had come to keep Artie company. Good for them. Bonding time was always a plus.)

 _Finally_ , I felt like I grasped it and took a breath, setting my fingers in place and starting over for real. Mrs. Braginskaya leaned forward in her chair, and the voices behind me stopped.

This was why I had stuck with the piano all these years. (Well, this, and the weird but true fact that girls seem to like pianists.) It’s really a fucker to play sometimes, but when you’re able to play something awesome-sounding, there’s this great feeling that you can do anything – learn a new language, make a movie, beat four suit spider solitaire, anything. (I’ve done all of those things, by the way. Just so you know.)

Okay, the girl thing has a lot to do with it, I admit.

Anyway, this time I was able to play it all the way through, only stumbling a little. Ragtime’s hard, but once you can stop thinking about it and just let it go, it comes out okay.

I flourished through the last few notes and spun on the bench, straddling it to send a triumphant smirk to Mrs. Braginskaya. “I’ve told ya before and I’ll tell ya again, there ain’t nothing you can give me that I can’t pick up in less than fifteen minutes.” She laughed through her nose (and no, that wasn’t a snort of disbelief), but clapped for me anyway.

“Bravo, my young grasshopper,” she said, bending forward in a sitting bow. “I guess I’ll just have to try harder next time.”

Movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I turned again to see Matt and Artie leaning against opposite sides of the doorless doorframe. “Thoughts?”

Arthur opened his mouth, closed it, looked away. “I’d forgotten you played,” he admitted only a little quietly. “It wasn’t bad, I guess.” Psh, he just didn’t want to admit to my awesome.

“A little sloppy,” Matt said, trying to tease me.

I scowled at him and sputtered a little. “Of course it was, I just learned it!” I said defensively, crossing my arms over my chest and staring him down. He just kept that little smirk glued on his pasty face.

“Then it should be better the second time,” Mrs. Braginskaya said, drawing my attention back to her. “Again.”

I grinned and faced the keys once more, but not before doing my own proper sitting bow. “Yes, Master.”

* * *

After an afternoon spent between the piano and the futon downstairs for a long nap, the Braginskis fed us a predictably large meal (that I didn’t _mean_ to spend the length of having a staring contest with Ivan, really! He started it!) before we all piled back into Matt’s truck to go to that Flames game he mentioned earlier. This time, though, Ivan was with us. Even though his sister was much smaller than any of us, no one wanted to argue when she called shotgun. (I think it had something to do with the switchblade she was playing with when she said it, but I’m not quite sure.) So us three guys had to cram ourselves in the very, very, _very_ small back seat of the truck, and since a snowball has a bigger chance of lasting five minutes in hell than Ivan and I do of being able to sit together peacefully, Art graciously took the middle.

“God _damn_ it, Matthew, are you _trying_ to hit every bump in the fucking road?” he growled at my cousin when we were jostled for the twentieth time in eight minutes, making him slam into my side hard enough to make me wince.

Matt’s eyes flicked up to the rear view to crinkle at Arthur. “Nope. _This_ is trying to hit every bump,” he said, swerving into the shoulder to catch a particularly atrocious pothole. Artie’s fingers clawed into my leg, but since there were no seatbelts in the middle seat, I let it pass without comment.

Even Ivan seemed to have lost patience with Matt’s funny little antics. He sat forward and snapped (completely forgetting his accent somehow), “Matthew, if you do not drive smoother, so help me God, I will find the most French-dominated team in the entire Junior League and make _sure_ you get transferred there for the rest of your miserable stay under twenty.” Matt’s eyes narrowed in the mirror, slowing down unconsciously.

“What- how- no way, that’s not possible, you can’t do that, you actually _cannot_ do that,” he stuttered. Ivan sat back and smiled at him.

“Would you like to test it, da?” Silence.

We didn’t hit a bump for the rest of the trip.

* * *

The only things I knew about hockey were the scraps about a few major teams and players I had gathered from Matt’s long rants at the refs on TV, so I was going into this almost as blind as the completely ignorant Arthur. I knew how the rules went, of course, but that was about as far as it went. I thought nothing of it when Matt basically strong-armed both of us into wearing red (Artie was going to anyway, since his warmest sweater happened to be red. Seriously, I needed to take him shopping or something, there was no way I’d let him go the entire trip acting like a popsicle).

I understood pretty quickly when we walked into the arena, however.

I raised my eyebrows and laughed as I spun around slowly and we headed to our seats, taking in the entirely red crowd. “Well I’ll be damned.” Almost every person was wearing something red, from just a shirt to full on face and body paint. Oh the top of other side of the stadium there was a giant red flag with the Calgary Flames logo on it being passed around over the heads of the fans.

Matt laughed, so comfortable in his element it was sickening. “It’s the ‘C’ of red,” he said, holding up his hand in a ‘C’. “It’s also awesome.” I snorted, then sped up to keep them in sight.

I glanced over my shoulder to look for Artie, who was lagging behind like whoa. He had his head ducked into his turtleneck and his hands shoved in his pockets, looking suitably depressed. I rolled my eyes dramatically and waited a moment for him to catch up, then grabbed his arm and tugged him forward. He jumped and let me drag him for a second before he realized what I was doing.

“Oi, let me go!” he said, waving his arm around, but my grip can be like iron when I want it to be (not that I’m bragging or anything). “I can walk by myself!”

I sighed and fought my way through the people on the stairs up to the nosebleed section, following Matt’s hair and Ivan’s height.

“Yeah, sure. At that pace you wouldn’t get here until second period,” I grumbled right back, shimmying awkwardly down the row to where we were sitting, still dragging Artie by the elbow.

Naturally Ivan would chose to sit on the end. He didn’t even seem to notice, leaning back a little and turned towards Matt, who was talking energetically about… whatever. I paused, then pulled Art around in front of me to sit between us. Much better this way. He huffed indignantly as he plopped down and crossed his legs and arms simultaneously, glaring daggers at the players going through warm-ups on the ice. (I wouldn’t be surprised if one or all of them could _feel_ his stare, it was that pointed.) I sat down next to him and propped my feet on the back of the empty seat in front of me. He hit them down, then leaned on the small plastic armrest between us and called into my ear (since that was the only way I could hear him), “So how do you play this stupid game?” I grinned and leaned in myself to gesture and explain.

* * *

It was over halfway into the first period, and Arthur had already grasped the rules of play and was yelling at Vancouver in decibels equal with Ivan and Matt, on his feet with them and protesting the recent goal against Calgary. Natalia and I were the only ones sitting for what I swear was a mile of seats in all directions. She had barely moved since she had settled in, hands folded in her lap and watching with her typical stoicness, even during the fight barely five seconds into the game. I was just tired of standing and starting to feel the jetlag. Why Art wasn’t completely dead, I wasn’t sure, since I knew his internal clock was set for about four in the morning; maybe it was the thrill of the game. (I mean, we _had_ spent most of the afternoon napping, but _still_.) 

I leaned back a little further to look behind Ivan and Matt’s legs to yell over at Natalia, “Are you not into the game, either?” She turned her head to look at me and stared. It was only a little disconcerting how she could be so damn expressionless, even when I had a nice, large grin on my face.

“Actually, I very much like hockey,” she told me, raising her eyebrows at me and turning up her nose. I held up my hands in apology.

“Sorry, babe, didn’t mean to offend you or anything!” I said quickly, still grinning winningly.  She ‘hmph’ed and turned back to the ice. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Well, there was another person in the Braginski (did she insist on Braginskaya too?) family I was never going to get along with.

Awesome.

* * *

Half an hour and a period later, the game hadn’t made any progress from the one goal the Canucks had scored, and a lot of people had sat back down, including the other three of my group. Matt and Arthur were scowling at the players, occasionally yelling at them for being lazy or stupid or moving slower than their grandmother, and I was this close to taking a nap.

“See, this is why football is better,” I announced suddenly, staring at the distant ceiling. “There’s a lot more scoring and a lot less waiting.” I hit my head against the seat back and groaned, my eyes closing. “Something needs to _happennnnn_.”

_BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP_

I jerked upright, banging my knee on the seat in front of me, as the entire crowd rushed to their feet and flames shot into the ceiling with the home team’s goal. My fluent curse was swallowed by the noise as I clutched my dead knee.

A sudden wave of warmth from the fire washed over us as Ivan leaned around Arthur’s back to smirk at me. “What was that about hockey not being interesting?” he said loudly (even then I had trouble making it out, although his intentions were kinda obvious).

I glared up at him, then sat back and crossed my arms with a huff while he laughed at me. “Fucking hate hockey,” I mumbled, wincing at what was surely to be an awesome bruise on my knee. No one heard me.

* * *

A few minutes after the first Calgary goal, Arthur finally looked back and saw me sprawled out over three seats and staring at the ceiling. He must have felt pity for me or something, because he sat down next to me and sent a questioning glance my way. I immediately curled up towards him and put my head on his shoulder. He put an arm around me, fingers playing with the ends of my hair.

“Everything all right, love?” he asked me as softly as he could manage and still be heard over the crowd.

I shrugged and made a few noncommittal noises. “Jus’ tired, tha’s all.” I dimly felt him nod his understanding. His fingers worked up higher in my hair, and I felt myself smile. I squirmed as I tried to find a comfortable position around the hard plastic armrest between us. “Thanks,” I mumbled into his sweater. He sighed a laugh.

“Not a problem, love.”

“So I see that the romance took no time at all, da?” My eyes sprang open and I lurched out of Artie’s hold to glare bloodred daggers at Ivan, the evil smirking commie fake Russkie bastard.

“What was that, _Mary_?” I growled at him. Both of our eyes narrowed.

“You and your little boyfriend, you seem to be getting along quite well,” he elaborated, sick sweet tone completely _not_ in agreement with his taunting expression.

“Now wait just a minute, both of you,” Art said, trying to intervene, standing up and stepping between us. “I’ve heard quite enough of this nonsense between the two of you, so if you don’t – are you even listening to me?!” I stopped listening to him and stood up, stepping around Art’s protestations to get into Ivan’s personal space. He really wasn’t _that_ much taller than me when we got up close like this, really.

“Me an’ Arthur don’t do anything like that,” I growled low, sneering a little. His eyebrows quirked in disbelief.

“Oh really? Could have fooled me, _Alfie_. The way you are always having to be touching him, it is… cute, da?” I ground my teeth together and willfully ignored my heating skin as he went on, hot breath in my face. “Of course, I always suspected that you were a bit on the more… colorful side of the spectrum, so it is nothing very surprising-” I cut him off by launching a fist to his face and an uppercut to his gut, knocking him back into Matt, who finally looked away from his God-forsaken game and saw what was going on just as Ivan’s grin went from creepy to homicidal and it was _on_.

* * *

I pressed my aching forehead to the freezing glass of  Matt’s driver’s side window and groaned. “Dude, did you _have_ to throw me into the railing? That freaking _hurt_ , man,” I most certainly did _not_ whine. Behind my back in the passenger’s seat, Ivan sighed.

“That is the point of fighting, da? To hurt the other.” I snorted and shifted from resting on my forehead to my soon-to-be-a-black eye. “Besides, you cannot talk with that dirty little foot hook trick you pulled. I think my back is broken in three pieces,” he retorted. I glanced in the glass reflection to see him massaging where I had toppled him into the seats and, consequentially, their very unforgiving armrests. We fell silent, the only sounds a very distant cheering from the ongoing game. “So why are you so defensive of your little Arthur, anyway?” he asked me sort of quietly. I bristled.

“Why should I tell you?” I spat. His reflection shrugged.

“Nothing better to do, I guess.”

My breath fogged up the glass as I sighed, wincing as it caused my ribs to twitch in pain. He better not have broken them. Again.

“I dunno,” I finally said. “I guess that he’s just really important to me, y’know? And I don’t want to, like, lose him or anything.” I turned to glare over my shoulder at his back. “If you tell him or anyone else I said that I will actually kill you.”

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “If you stop calling me Mary, it’s a deal, da?”

I laughed. “Okay, okay, deal.” We turned back around, and I saw people start to spill out of the exits, including Natalia’s long shiny hair. “They’re coming, quick, we hate each other.” His reflection threw his head back and laughed, and I grinned.

* * *

When we _finally_ got home, I immediately headed for the basement and the futon I knew was waiting on me. I unfolded it quickly and collapsed across it, curling up without even taking off my jacket. The stairs creaked behind me shortly, and I heard a sigh.

“Aren’t you even going to get out of your jeans?” Artie’s voice said. I mumbled something and curled into a ball. The cushion gave behind me, and something pushed my shoulder. I groaned and slid away. “Come on, love, at least get out of your coat,” the voice said softly. I shrugged a little, my strained shoulder protesting, but I ignored it just as much as I ignored the voice. Hands pulled at my collar, and I rolled on my back and cracked my eyes to see Artie’s face hovering above me, trying to get me out of my awesome jacket. I smiled, a little goofy, and he pursed his lips and looked away from my face, hands pushing at my shoulders. One of them hit something, and it _hurt_. I cried out and sat up a little, batting at his hands feebly.

“This would be a lot easier if you just took it off yourself, you know,” he scolded me, still soft. Whatever. I gave up and let him push me around as he wanted, eventually getting me out of my bomber jacket and shirt down to my undershirt. Light touches traced around my bruised eye, and I sighed. “I better go get you some ice for this,” he mumbled so low I didn’t register it. The fingers left and the stairs creaked.

I rolled over again and went to sleep.


	16. I Tried To Touch

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN (I tried to touch)**

**Friday, March 28, 2008**

I woke up to a poke in my ribs that hurt _way_ too much for a normal poke.

I cried out softly, mostly asleep, and rolled away. The ground under me shifted and something pulled the blanket down and my shirt up and – hotdamn that was _cold!_

“I’m awake!” I exclaimed as I sprang up, hitting my forehead on something hard and falling back down with a groan, sprawling out, eyes snapping open to see Arthur crouched over me, clutching his head and cursing. “Oh, hey, Artie.” He reached down and slapped me on the side of the head harder than necessary, and I winced as it reminded me I had a bruised eye socket.

Oh, right. Fight with Ivan. That’s why I hurt all over.

“You’re a moron,” he told me, eyebrows furrowed. I shrugged in agreement. He rolled his eyes and leaned to the side to reach off the edge of the futon and grab the first aid kit. “You fell asleep before I could clean you up properly,” he explained, popping open the lid and digging through it. I (very carefully) rubbed the sleep from my eyes and tried to sit up, but he snapped a hand out to my chest and pushed me back down, gentle but firm, without looking up. He found what he was looking for – the Neosporin and the band-aids – and set the plastic box aside, leaning forward to brush my hair to the side and dabbing Neosporin over the dull pain there. His fingers were like ice.

He worked for a moment in silence, and I closed my eyes, smiling as his fingers barely touched the skin on my forehead.

“You know, you didn’t have to fight him last night.”

I cracked my eyes open and stared at him. He kept his focus carefully on my forehead. “Huh?”

He peeled the paper off a large butterfly band-aid. “You fought over us, correct?” I blinked a few times before I could remember the spark – right, it had been because Ivan had called me and him gay. What a douchebag.

I drew my eyebrows together as my sleep-addled mind tried to process the hidden meaning (because there had to be at least a second layer, this was _Arthur_ ). It was way too early to be thinking about personal issues. He pulled the paper off a smaller butterfly band-aid, looking oddly subdued, almost rejected-

Oh. _Oh_. Did he think that I’d been saying something about him and his… date-ability? Crap, he probably thought that I thought he was gross or not-crushworthy material or something silly like that. Well shitcrackers on toast.

I reached out and grabbed his wrist. He stopped moving, but didn’t look at me. “Hey.” He slowly slid his eyes up to my face. I smiled softly at him. “Come on now, Art, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what _did_ you mean?” he asked me, not losing that rejected expression.

I opened my mouth, closed it, turned away to stare at the ceiling. What _did_ I mean?

“I didn’t want him to assume anything,” I said after a minute of pondering. “I mean – it’s not like I’m _opposed_ to the idea or anything – it’s just-” I broke off with a loud sigh and sat up, pulling my legs Indian-style and facing him, eye to black eye.

“We’re not typical, you and me. We’re not just friends or best friends or- or boyfriends, lovers, anything like that.” The rejection had shifted to a slight desperation, and I reached up to hold onto his forearms just above his elbows. “We’re just us, and I don’t want anyone, especially _him_ , to try and pair us up with a label.” I smiled, showing teeth. “Got it?”

He sat in shock for a minute, staring at me, before a blush started to creep down his cheeks and he dropped everything and pitched forward to hide those desperate eyes in my chest, hugging me tight. “ _Fire used sew purr pet_ ,” I thought he said, but I couldn’t tell because a) he had a mouthful of my shirt and b) he was clutching at my bruised ribs. _Ow_.

“Art- ribs- _ow, fuck-_ ” He quickly let me go and turned away to find the band-aid box again, shaking his bedhead down to hide his face. When he turned back up with a third butterfly band-aid he was all business.

“Lean down a bit, love,” he ordered brusquely, and I complied, holding my hair back so he could put the last one in place. He smoothed it down, breath hot on my skin. I closed my eyes as he inspected the rest of my head, then my upper body, for anything else he could take care of. He hissed in sympathy as he lifted my shirt to see the large purple-yellow bruise across the middle of my torso. “You _really_ didn’t have to fight him,” he repeated, a little bit of humor in his tone, and I grinned as he smirked up at me before I stripped my shirt all the way off so he could continue with any possible bandaging unhindered.

“But I _like_ fighting with Ivan,” I protested. His hands paused on my stomach as he gave me a very incredulous stare. I grinned wider. “It’s interesting, and it’s kinda fun sometimes.” He raised his eyebrows behind his scattered hair, then crawled around to check my back.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Silence, punctuated by a wince or a tongue click of sympathy.

“… If you tell him anything I just said I may have to kill you.”

He brushed aside the hair at my neck with a laugh. “Noted.”

* * *

Once he was satisfied that he had done all he could do to heal me, we took turns showering and put on another round of sweaters and heavy denim, coming upstairs into the kitchen, where Ivan was sitting on the counter in khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, drinking the milk from the bottom of a bowl of cereal.

“Hey Ma- Ivan,” I said with a smile. “Where’s everyone else?”

His face twitched when I corrected my slip-up, but settled into a smile to match my own. “Papa went to work, and Mama went to coach her hockey practice,” he said with that stupid fake accent, heels hitting the cabinets beneath him. “Natasha and Mattie are waiting on you two. You took a long time to wake up today, da?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively, slurping at his milk.

I opened my mouth to protest, then remembered the earlier conversation and just smiled. “Yeah, it was hard to get any good sleep on that crappy futon of yours,” I said lightly, stepping fully into the kitchen, letting Artie come all the way up the stairs, and stealing the last of the coffee from the machine. I looked around for the sugar, conveniently ignoring Art’s angry stare as he turned to open the fridge and get out the orange juice.

Behind the sugar was a cardboard box that I very much recognized from previous car trips with Matt that made me smile. “Ah, sweet, Timbits!” I said quietly, reaching for the box- maybe no one would notice if I took a chocolate one-

“Don’t even think about it, Al.” My hand froze mid-reach, and it fell to the counter as Matt’s voice stopped me.

I turned around with my coffee cup in hand to give my best innocent smile to Matt, who was looking far too much like my Aunt Marge for comfort – arms crossed, eyebrow raised, foot tapping, the works. “Not until we’re driving.”

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “Of course, of course, I knew _that_.” I looked around. “Is there anything else to eat around here? I’m _starving_.”

“Oh, just grab a Chewy bar and let’s get going, we’ve got a long drive to the campground,” Matt sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose and stalking over to me, grabbing the box with a purpose and sneering slightly as he left. Ivan hopped off the counter and put his bowl in the sink next to me. He set it down carefully with only the slightest _clink_. I looked up and realized that somehow Arthur had slipped away with Matt; we were alone in the kitchen. He paused, staring into the sink, while I leaned on the counter next to him and stared at their kitten-a-day calendar pinned to the basement door.

“If you tell a single soul what I’m about to say I may have to hunt you down and kill you,” he said, quiet enough that no one in the other rooms could hear him, “but you made a good friend in your little Arthur. Keep him close. And who knows, maybe next time we meet I may not have to hurt you to keep you in line.” I saw him smile in my peripheral, a little bit different than usual. He backed away from the sink, locking eyes. “Either way, I look forward to it.”

I grinned as wide as I could go. “Always the same, Ivan.” He covered a laugh with a smile.

“ _Do svidaniya, Americanyet_ ,” he said and left. With a parting like that I had no doubt that I wouldn’t see him for another few years, and I was okay with that.

I made sure to kick down every single snowman in the front yard before we left.

* * *

After Matt took us on a Tim’s run, we were off to visit Natalia’s pet campground, Art and I in the back seat once more. He took the middle for the heater again as we all nursed various kinds of coffee, silent because, hell, it was before eight in the morning, and we were a bunch of teenagers. I stared out the window at the fields of grass only broken up by distant, but slightly impressive, mountains. Canada’s highways are _almost_ as exciting as America’s.

(By which I mean that they’re as boring as life before video games.)

I sighed and pitched to the side, closing my eyes and settling my temple on Arthur’s well-padded shoulder. “Wake me up when we get there,” I mumbled, squirming into a position that both didn’t hurt my pains from last night or twist me into getting any new ones.

Arthur’s arm under me shifted carefully, and I heard him sip delicately at what was left of his Tim’s. “So, Matthew,” he said in a tone that showed he didn’t really care that I was trying to sleep. “Where exactly _are_ we going?”

“Singing Spruce Campground,” Matt informed him, gleefully filling the role of Mr. Exposition. “It’s about two hours south of here, and- …I’ll let Natalia tell you the rest,” he broke off. Probably from a death glare from the passenger seat or something. I shifted closer to Arthur, quietly unbuckling my seatbelt for more room to move.

Wait, was Natalia speaking multiple complete sentences? _In a row?_

“…It’s not very big,” she was saying when I started paying attention again. “There’s a few small cabins, the bunkhouse, a toolshed, and Ludwig’s – that’s the owner – office, on one side of the river, and the actual campground area and a pond on the other. Most of the trailheads are that way, too.” Y’know, she has a weirdly high-pitched voice. For some reason I’d always thought it would be kind of gravelly. “As to who will be there, you’ll meet Ludwig. Don’t ask for his last name, he’s just Ludwig. He came from Germany a long time ago, and trust me, you can tell. He owns the place, and he’s a little strict, but not in a bad way.” She also lacked her brother’s suspiciously fake accent, which was something of a relief. “His assistant manager, if you will, is named Jake. He’s Australian, and-”

“Al’s gonna love him,” Matt cut in with an audible grin.

“I’m still awake, y’know,” I mumbled, but only Arthur could hear me over the country song Matt had playing from his iPod tape adapter. His arm muscles shifted under me as he reached up slightly awkwardly to pat me on the head.

“As I was _saying_ ,” she said pointedly at Matt with the most emotion she’d expressed yet. “There’s a new kid, Eduard, who should be there, too. Some rich kid from Vancouver who thought he’d try to pull an _Into The Wild_. Lucky for him Ludwig was around to talk sense into him and give him  a real job.” She sniffed her opinion of idiots who went into the wilderness alone and  unprepared. “He still hasn’t stopped whining about the lack of wireless, and it’s been a full _year_ since he came. Stupid little hacker pothead,” she said, trailing off into a grumble as the insults started piling up.

I smiled slightly. I’d probably like this guy, too; every TV Trope in existence practically prophesized it.

“So you’re the only girl?” Artie asked, voice rumbling through me where I was leaning on him. My smile grew just a little as he shrugged his arm around from my front to my back and barely twirled some of my hair around a finger.

“Of course not. There’s an Asian girl who told me she was coming down tomorrow. We trailblaze together.”

“That’s hiker for ‘wander in the woods and chop down bushes and small trees’,” Matt interjected again. I heard a _thud_ and an ‘ _ow!_ ’ from him. Arthur’s laugh echoed in my head.

“Otherwise, that’s it,” she went on, ignoring Matt’s grumblings. “Jake said there was some European wintering there, but I don’t know anything about him.” She went quiet with that, and the car fell into a comfortable silence.

Then the song changed from bluegrass to the Jonas Brothers, and I heard a curse and a scramble from Matt before a rapid song  change. I turned my face to hide my laugh in Arthur’s coat.

* * *

An hour later, Art and I had slowly switched around so he was sleeping on me and I was returning the favor with the hair-playing (why does hair feel so nice?). I was staring out the small back window, scratching my nails idly over my jean’s side seam when Matt’s phone vibrated in the plastic cupholder in the middle. He ignored it, preferring to sing along to the chick he had switched to from shuffle that he was ‘just waiting to get big, she’s too talented not to do well.’ She was talented, I’d give him that, but not quite that good yet. Maybe next year.

Anyway, back to the point. I weighed my options – move and maybe wake up Art, _not_ see who could possibly be texting Matt, make him suspicious and defensive, stop being bored-

I carefully nudged a dozing Arthur down to my lap, making sure he stayed asleep (he stretched out along the back seat and sighed, but didn’t open his eyes) and reached forward to snatch the phone carefully. It was a stretch, but Matt was too busy singing and Natalia was too busy playing with her switchblade to notice. I cheered in my head as I sat back, flipping open the phone and working it one-handed, softly pushing Art’s hair back from his temple.

Wait. _Wait a second_. The ID said ‘Gil’. There was only one Gil in Matt and me’s friend circle, and he certainly wasn’t a friend of _mine_.

I frowned and opened it. _“Ahhh youre still hanging out with him? What about meeee?”_

Nondescript, vague, inconclusive. Could be about anyone, from anyone.

But my gut told me that it had to be _the_ Gil, aka “That Guy I Hate”, talking about me, which meant that Matt still talked to him. This was not cool. Sure, okay, I could maybe deal with Matt being nice to him when he came with me during the first season’s shooting back in Texas, since he was staying with me and didn’t know anyone else and all, but _still_? After, like… three years? Just… _not_ _cool_ , Matt.

I made sure he wasn’t paying attention – he totally wasn’t – and tapped out a reply. “ _Of course i am! Hes my cousin and hes awesome! Dont diss the al!_ ” I sent it off and closed it with as little a snap I could manage, pocketing it and waiting, staring at the seam of the sleeve of Arthur’s jacket until it went blurry. He’d long since shucked the coat and was using it for a pillow now, which made the whole lap thing a lot more comfortable for both of us.

A muted buzzing. I flipped it back open quickly and opened the message. “ _What? …. Al give mattie his phone back. Not cool, man._ ”

How’d he figure it out so quickly? I made a face and replied, “ _Make me! Besides hes driving so he cant talk. And im totally his fave so you can just kiss my ass_.” Well that ought to set him straight. _Snap_ , I slid it into my sleeve this time. I watched as Artie turned over to face away from me. I rested my free hand just close enough behind his head to keep with the hair-playing. It’s kinda fascinating how different people’s hair can feel different.

I inched the vibrating phone back out of my sleeve and flipped it back open, opening the message. “ _Nuh-uuuh! Matt totally likes me more! You can ask him if youre not sure!_ ”

I sneered at the screen and replied, “ _Like hed tell me straight up if i asked him! … Actually he would. Anyway bloods so much thicker than water that that would be completely unnecessary._ ” I snorted and closed it decisively, dropping it on my lap and nearly attacking Artie’s hair. He shifted away with a groaning protest, and I took my hands away. Probably not a good idea to pet my sleeping best friend while I was getting irritated with my biggest rival. I stared at the phone, waiting for his reply.

“Al, why do you have my phone?”

I jumped and looked up to see Matt glaring at me in the rear view mirror. Shit. I made a face at him. Should I be angry or try to lie in a sheepish manner?

He beat me to the reaction thing, though, eyes widening and eyebrows rising. “You didn’t.”

My lap vibrating gave me a moment to reply. “ _Psh. You can pick your friends, and he picked me. So there. >:P_” I frowned again and didn’t respond, closing it so I could focus on the cause of the argument, who still had a deer-in-the-headlights look.

“How could you do this to me, Matt?” I said with just a touch of melodrama, throwing my hands in the air. “Gil Dresden? _You’re tearing me apart_!” I cried to the heavens. Matt just sighed, facepalming, while Artie stirred and sat up from my lap, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“What about Gil?” he asked with a sleep raspy voice.

Matt rolled his eyes and started talking before I could even open my mouth. “Al’s just being a little diva ‘cause I’m still friends with him. Honestly, you’d think they’d get over it – that whole bit was _three years ago_ -”

Art was suddenly shock-straight and wide awake, very interested in Matt’s social life. “You’re friends with him?”

I blinked before I remembered – right, he was a Gil fanboy. Hopefully an _ex_ -fanboy by now.

Matt quirked an eyebrow at him. “Why do you care?” Artie opened his mouth, closed it, looked away, face turning red.

I craned my head to his limited field of vision. “Oh, did I never tell you that Artie’s totally a Gil fanb-” _Pain_ in my right side as his fist slammed into my cheek. I reeled, head hitting the junction of window and car painfully, black eye throbbing in suddenly reawakened hurt, then I got pulled back by my collar into inches of his very red face.

“That is _private information_ ,” he growled at me. “And if you even _think_ of telling anyone on this trip about that, so help me, I’ll take you into the woods and stab you with an axe and leave you to fucking _freeze_ to death.” Goddamn, he could be terrifying when he wanted to be - partially because of the eyebrows, but mainly because he sounded like he would actually follow through on that threat. I held my hands up between our shoulders and tried to back away. He shook me a little to make his point.

“All right, all right, _chillax_ , man,” I said, reaching up slowly and prying his hands from my jacket. “If you care that much I won’t tell anyone.” He seemed to deflate and slumped down, hands falling into his lap and face downturned.

He breathed out a “Thank you,” then went about straightening himself up from where he had been mussed from his nap. I looked up at Matt, who obviously couldn’t decide to look confused or amused. I shrugged slightly, and he shook his head and turned back to the road.

I leaned in closer to Artie to mumble close to his ear, “We need to talk about this sometime soon.” He glanced up at me, emotion indiscernible.

“Okay. Later,” he murmured back. I smiled.

“You two are the gayest thing I’ve ever seen,” Natalia said, swinging our attention back to the front, where she was cleaning her nails with her knife. What was _with_ the Braginskis and calling me and Artie gay?

Both of us gaped like fishes, but I couldn’t fight her like I had Ivan – we were in a small car, and she’s a girl. I don’t hit girls. She just ignored us again, cleaning out her left thumbnail for the fifth time.

Matt started laughing, eyes back to his rearview mirror. “She’s right, you know.” I glared death at him, eyes flickering down to a ‘wounded-but-trying-to-hide-it’ Artie. Oh, shit, that talk this morning, this could fall in that same area.

I sniffed and put my nose in the air instead of the indignant yelling I wanted to launch in to. “Well, who cares what you think,” I said in my most indifferent manner. I heard Arthur scoff beside me, but he was definitely smiling. …At least on the inside.

“Obviously you do, since you fought with my brother last night over the same thing,” Natalia said impassively, holding her hand out and spreading her fingers.

I crossed my arms and turned to look out the window, not deigning to answer. I hated being cornered like that.

The coat that had been slowly falling off my lap disappeared and pressed against my shoulder again. I adjusted mindlessly to it, still frowning out the window. I was gonna kill Matt if he didn’t stop laughing at us soon.

“Matthew, I much preferred your singing than your snorting,” Artie said from my shoulder, eyes still closed, causing me to reach up to stop my own snort. He’d already told Matt what he thought of his off-key ‘singing’. Matt snorted once more, offended, but shut up, the car going quiet again.

By the time the next song had started, Matt was whispering the words under his breath. I smiled and slowly leaned against the window.


	17. Someone Who's Seen The Light

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN (someone who’s seen the light)**

**Friday, March 28, 2008**

We finally turned off the highway roughly two hours after we had left the house onto a very poorly paved road, jarring all of us awake, my head banging painfully on the metal and plastic of the edge of the window. I pressed my hand to it and groaned as Matt slowed down, weaving through white-covered trees. Natalia flipped her knife closed at last, and Artie’s coat fell from my shoulder as he sat up and stretched, yawning, hands pressing against the roof of the cab.

“Are we there yet?” he asked through a yawn, brushing his hair as neat as he could make it with his fingers.

“Yup,” Matt answered, his brakes squeaking painfully as he plowed through the slush creeping in on the road from the sides. “Better get yourself ready to go outside,” he joked with him. Art reached forward and backhanded his shoulder, and I laughed.

The truck made a turn, and suddenly the camp appeared in front of us.

Natalia had actually done a passable job describing it. The ring of miniscule cabins centered around a larger, but still fairly small, wooden building, with a fire ring and a picnic table in front of it. A line of trees to the right guarded the bank and the bridge over the little river, and everything was covered by snow. There were two guys on the roof of the middle building, which I assumed was the bunkhouse she’d been talking about, who turned and waved when we drove up.

The brakes gave one final protest before coming to something like a complete stop. Matt killed the engine, and the two of them got out, leaving Artie and I to crawl out on our own.

When I was back on solid ground and stretched from being in a tiny cramped space for over two hours, the two guys from the roof, a tall, freckled brunette and a skinny blond kid with glasses, were greeting Matt and Natalia. Matt had half a head on the glasses kid, who was neatening his just-ruffled hair with a grin. Natalia was straightening her own appearance, impractical dress and all, while the burly guy clapped her on her shoulders.

Art crossed his arms and tapped his foot as best he could in the dirty snow, and I shoved my hands in my pockets and grinned next to him. The brunette looked up and saw us, then grinned and tipped his wide-brimmed straw hat that would make anyone else look like an old lady, but just made him look like he was on a safari.

“Aren’t ya gonna introduce us, little lady?” he said to Natalia, a vague Aussie accent coming out as he gestured towards us. She turned to look over her shoulder with a very signature cold look that made me feel like a cockroach on the ceiling. (Seriously, what’d I do to get her panties in such a wad?)

Matt gracefully stepped in to do damage control. “Jake, this is my cousin Al and his friend, Arthur. Al, Arthur, Jake Weatherly.” He jerked his thumb at the other guy. “And this is Eduard.”

I nodded a general greeting to both of them, taking them in without trying to seem like I was checking them out. Jake was a tall, rugged man who looked to be around twenty five, sturdy, wearing a lot of khaki and short sleeves, and had longish brown hair under his old lady hat. I hadn’t seen his grin go away since we got here, which was good. He had his thumbs hooked in an obviously well-used tool belt. Also good.

The other one had to be that ‘stupid hacker’ that Natalia was so unhappy with. He was on the smaller side, about the same height as Arthur, and had a blond bowl cut and wire glasses. He had the look of that one kid in class that always had the answer to every question, and wanted to prove it.

“For the love of all that is holy, _please_ just call me Ed,” he pleaded, rolling his eyes.

I laughed, stepping forward to clap him on the back. He lurched. “Not a problem, Ed. You can call me Al, then.” I reached back and grabbed Art’s sleeve, pulling him in under my arm and ruffling his hair. “And this is my buddy, Arthur.”

A very exasperated Arthur squirmed against me and pushed me away with both arms, straightening his coat and trying to reclaim his ‘older than thou’ aura. He was jerked forward before he could settle out by an excited Jake, who pumped his arm up and down with a wide grin.

“So pleasant to meet ya, Artie, it really is,” he said as Art pulled his hand free and gave his best cross-armed glare.

“Anyone who calls me Artie again will die,” he threatened the group as a whole. (I assumed I was sort of an exception, since all he did when I called him that was get all hot ‘n’ bothered and start yelling. Which is totally hilarious, by the way.) Anyway, Jake just laughed it off.

“Whatever floats your fancy, mate.” He turned back to me and took in my appearance and whistled. “Someone not take a likin’ to your face or something, Al?” he asked. I suddenly remembered all of my injuries from last night.

I reached up to touch the carefully placed band-aids on my forehead and winced. “Got in a fight with Natalia’s brother last night at the Flames game,” I admitted. He threw his head back and laughed.

“Well, you’re either one hell of a fighter or godawful lucky to come out lookin’ so pretty,” he said with a grin. Before I could protest the second in favor of the first, he continued, “Now, what say you to a quick run-down of the place before you settle in?” He clapped his hands together and made eye contact with everyone. We made varying sounds of agreement, and he turned to lead us to the main building that still had the ladder leaning against it. Art and I fell to the back of the pack naturally.

“Well, I’ll be,” he leaned in to say to me quietly. I looked down at him with a questioning eyebrow quirk. “We’ve finally found someone as insanely energetic as you.”

I laughed. “Well, Matt did say he thought we’d get along.”

“Oi! You two gonna flirt all day or’m I gonna hafta drag you along?” Jake called back. They all snickered while we flushed and maintained a careful distance. (Seriously, why do people always think we’re flirting?)

* * *

After he showed us where to dump our stuff and where we’d be crashing (bunk beds in the bunkhouse, how ironically appropriate), Jake led the three of us around like awkward little puppies. Ed split from us in the bunkhouse to play solitaire on his computer, and Natalia just vanished. She tends to do that.

Along the way, we ran into that ‘European backpacker’ that she’d mentioned on the drive over, a weird guy with really light blond hair and a loose bow around his neck who didn’t say a word, just nodded to us as he made a beeline to the outhouse from one of the tiny cabins ringing the area around the bunkhouse. Jake just shrugged and said he was like that. He’d just appeared a week after they’d closed for the winter and asked for a place to camp down until the worst passed, and told them to call him Lundi. Artie and I were really shocked that they’d just let that go by, but apparently it happens a lot in the secret underground world of cross-country backpacking.

Whatever.

The tour crossed a bridge over a frozen “river” (which was really just a stream, but whatever floats your boat) and ended on the edge of the snowmelt pond that fed said “river”. Jake cracked his neck loudly, making Arthur wince in the corner of my eye, and turned to Matt.

“You still keepin’ up with that hockey, Mattie boy?” he asked him, a wide grin on his face.

Matt answered with an evil smirk. “Of course I am. Why?”

Jake looked out over the ice. “Wanna have a little game? Nothin’ else better to do.”

My cousin was gone before he’d even finished talking, calling over his shoulder that he was just ‘getting his skates.’ Our guide laughed, then turned his attention back to us.

“You two wanna play, too?” he asked.

“Of course!”

“Not a chance in hell.”

I looked down at Arthur, trying to not laugh, while he glared up at me, arms crossed fiercely. Jake laughed hard enough for both of us, and we both looked back at him to watch his hat fall and the string hit his neck as he threw his head back.

“And you say you’re friends,” he chuckled, then turned around before we could protest. “I’ll go get the others so we can have a real match. Bet your cousin’ll enjoy that.” And he left us on the bank of a solid pond.

Arthur snorted after him. “We are friends,” he mumbled. I chewed my lip, but tried to pretend I hadn’t heard him.

“Come on, Art, let’s test the ice!” I said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him forward. He stumbled, unprepared, his barely adequate shoes sliding at the sudden change from snow to slick. He automatically reached out to grab my coat, falling into me a little, and I laughed as I let go of his wrist to catch him to keep him from _really_ falling. “Now don’t tell me you’ve never walked on ice before,” I said to him as he pulled himself together again. His upper lip rose in a sneer as he backed away from me a little to get his personal bubble righted.

“Of course I have,” he waved me off. “You just were an idiot, like usual, and caught me by surprise. Now, if you’ll excuse me-” he turned back to shore, and I quickly hopped forward (just a little bit so I wouldn’t slide into _him_ , because, _God_ , that’d be embarrassing) and grabbed onto both of his arms, right above his elbows, and pulled him back out towards the middle of the pond. He struggled to get traction, protesting all the way about the indecency and the injustice and the inhumanity and blah blah blah. I just laughed and made sure he was far enough away from any land before I let him go.

He turned around to face me, huffy but cautious, and pushed at my chest. “You’re an absolute _idiot_ , America,” he informed me.

“Aw, but you love it,” I teased, reaching out to poke his shoulder. He slapped my hand away, face red from cold.

“That’s completely beside the point!” he told me, nose wrinkling in frustration. “You can’t just drag me around like a dog or something!”

I snorted. He kept glaring at me fiercely. “I’m just trying to get you to have a little fun, Artie.” He reached out to push me again and opened his mouth (probably another ‘don’t call me Artie’ thing), but I grabbed his hand and spun him around, his shoes letting him twirl like a dancer in a full circle, another. Acting on impulse and a little bit of instinct, I pulled him in, wrapped my free arm around his waist, and dipped him back. His eyes were wide and his mouth hanging open in shock as he clung to me to keep from falling on his back, even though I so wouldn’t let him do that anyway. I smiled at him. “You gotta loosen up a little.”

He gaped at me like a fish for a few more seconds before a forceful throat clear on shore made me look up. All of the people I’d met here were standing on the shore with various amounts of skating and hockey gear, staring at us.

“Are we interrupting something?” Jake asked, sitting down on the ground and unlacing his shoes to replace them with skates.

Arthur pounded his fist into my shoulder. “Let me up, fool!” he growled at me, and I stood back up and let him go. He turned back to shore and did the best impression of stomping he could pull off, ignoring the joking catcalls from Matt and Jake as he walked past them and plopped down on a lone snow-free rock, crossing his arms and ducking his head down into his collar so his mouth and cheeks were hidden.

“Not at all, folks,” I said, sliding back to them carefully.

Jake snorted, then asked, “So who’s up for some hockey?” Matt’s evil smirk returned full force.

I pointed at him. “I’m on his team.”

* * *

“And another goal for the North American superteam!” I shouted, peeling out from the goal I had just shot into and double high fiving my assister Matt. We’d split the teams with me and Matt against everyone else (Jake, Natalia, Ed, and the weird guy Lundi). Even with the very heavy number advantage they had, we were still dominating.

There’s something to be said for having two semipro hockey players for cousins and an ex-pro for an uncle.

Ed slid up to the ‘center line’ (which was really just guesstimated by the rock Arthur was sitting on across to a strangely-shaped spruce tree that might have helped name the place) slowly, hands on his knees and chest heaving. “Al, I thought you were from _California_ ,” he squeezed out between pants. “How the _hell_ did you learn to play hockey?”

I jerked my thumb at Matt, whose evil grin had only grown since the game started. “Blame him.”

I spun to see if Artie was still watching and saw that he actually had company – a really big, serious-looking blond guy of indeterminable age who I immediately assumed was the owner Ludwig (does he even _have_ a last name?). He was standing next to Arthur, hands behind his back, watching us and talking to Arthur.

While the other guys got themselves back together, I skated over to introduce myself. I slid to a hockey stop, spraying ice, and grinned at both of them, leaning on my stick. Artie glanced up at me and looked away, brushing ice off his coat.

“Speak of the devil and he will appear,” he muttered. “Ame- Al, this is Ludwig. Ludwig, this is the moron I was telling you about.”

I snorted. “Nice to know you were talking about me,” I told him with only the _tiniest_ bit of sarcasm. I lifted my hand to my forehead and flicked a salute of greeting to the other guy, and he nodded back. “Anyway, just thought I’d come over and say hi.”

Ludwig eyebrows raised slightly and the corners of his eyes crinkled. He gestured to the left towards the goal made out of our discarded shoes. “You’ll want to watch Natalia. She cheats.”

I turned to where he was pointing to see the only girl in a fifty mile radius (who also happened to be the best on the other team (but still not as good as me or Matt)), nudging one of the piles of shoes a little to the inside almost casually.

“Oi, Tali, put that back!” I yelled at her, skating towards her automatically. She looked to me and lifted her chin, nudging them a little more and skating towards where Jake and Matt were about to face off. I made a face, but gravitated towards the center as well. “Little bitch,” I growled under my breath.

* * *

“I thought you said you can’t cook,” I said to Artie a few hours later, gravy/cheese/potatoes spraying on the table just a little. “This is _awesome!”_

Across the thin, beat-up table, he grimaced and pulled his plate of poutine closer to him and farther from me and my mouth. “Please don’t talk while you’re eating,” he pleaded, lip curling at me. I swallowed heavily and grinned. “And I didn’t lie to you,” he admitted rather reluctantly. “This, whatever _this_ is, is almost impossible to mess up,” he answered, gesturing to the mess, pulling a soaked fry out of the pile. “Plus, he did most of the work,” he added, gesturing down the table to Ludwig with the fry before popping it in his mouth. I chuckled and he frowned a little at me, then swallowed and asked, “So how was your hockey game?”

Matt leaned over from the conversation he’d been having with Ed and Jake and poked his nose in ours. “I heard hockey.”

I laughed at him, then explained, “Artie was just – hey, no kicking!” (“Well stop calling me Artie!” he shot back, but I ignored him) “–just asking me how the game went.” Arthur kicked me again for no reason. I kicked him back, and he cursed and reached under the table awkwardly to hold his knee. Oops.

“Hurt your cousin for me,” he growled to Matt. I snorted a second before he backslapped me in the side of my face in what was _probably_ meant to be a joking way, but he hit my black eye and that shit _hurts_. I cried out and clutched the side of my face gingerly, protecting it from further abuse from my cousin and best friend.

“Bastards!” I cursed them, bending over my plate, eyes closing as my head swam from the nausea.

A hand on my shoulder. “You okay, Al?” I couldn’t tell if Matt was really worried or just making sure it was okay for him to laugh, so I just groaned at him and rested the non-hurting parts of my face on my hands and plopped my elbows on the table. A few deep breaths made it better.

I looked up at both of them, Art watching me with raised eyebrows and an unreadable expression, and Matt with amused concern. I stuck my tongue out at both of them.

“As long as you stop _hitting my black eye_ I’ll be okay,” I told them. Matt grinned, and even Artie managed a small smile. “We won, by the way,” I said to the side in answer to his earlier question and closed my eyes again, putting my head on the table. One of them had moved my plate away from in front of me, a fact I realized only after I had a face full of air and wood instead of cheese and gravy.

Matt snorted above and to my right. “‘Completely annihilated their asses’ would be a better description,” he corrected me. I snorted into the table. “Do you even know what the score was?” he asked, nudging my shoulder with his elbow.

“I dunno, awesome to zero or something like that,” I mumbled. I lifted my head and turned to look down the table at the other guys, who weren’t paying us any attention. “Hey Jake! What was the final score again?” I asked him, grinning a little.

He and Ed glared at me. “Fuck you, man,” Ed growled while Jake just flipped me and a smirking Matt off collectively. We laughed and high-fived, and I sat up completely and started back to eating.

“So, in summary, it went well,” Arthur commented with a little smile.

“Duh. What else can you expect from the North American superteam!” I said, slinging an arm around Matt’s shoulders and shaking him. Arthur chuckled as Matt grumbled and pushed me away, hitting my stomach bruise and _fuck_ that hurt.

I let him go with a pained groan, and he laughed in a way that reminded me far too much of Gil for comfort.

* * *

“I love being able to say I told you so.”

Arthur glared his fiercest up at me where I was sitting on the bed above him, watching as he dug through his suitcase for something, anything, warmer than the ‘heavy coat’ waiting on him on the bed so he wouldn’t freeze when we went skidooing in a few minutes. (We’d already discovered that the extra coat I had thrown in at the last minute for him was far too small for any kind of insulation, a discovery that my strained shoulder was still feeling the impact of.)

“Unless you have a portable furnace that I can strap to my chest, _please_ shut your trap,” he snapped at me, inspecting the dimmest corners of his suitcase.

I hit my heels against the bed frame and thought, mouth twisting in concentration. It _was_ cold out there, but it wasn’t _too_ cold. I’d probably be able to get away with just my pile and a long-sleeved shirt. Maybe not very long or very well if we were going skidooing, but a lot better than Art. Yeah, okay, I could let him borrow my awesomely warm bomber jacket for a while. Just for a little bit, though.

I jumped down next to him and crossed over to my bunk, which was sitting perpendicular to the head of Artie’s, where I’d tossed it after coming back from hockey. He ignored me, sighing instead and putting all of the crap he’d drug out in his useless search back in its proper place wearily. I grabbed my jacket by the collar and threw it onto the bed next to him just as he shifted to the side. It hit him on his head and fell heavily to the floor as he stumbled and he gave a little shout of surprise.

“Fucking – the _hell_ are you doing, America?” he cursed, turning and glaring for all he was worth, bending and picking it up.

Well _that_ ’s a way to show gratitude! I snorted as I felt my face grow hot and snapped back, “I was just _trying_ to be nice and let you borrow my jacket since you’re being such a _baby_ about a little chill, but if you don’t _want_ it-” I marched forward to snatch it back, but he clutched it to his chest as comprehension dawned on him.

“No- no, that’s fine, I’ll-” he trailed off, looking at the floor as I frowned down at him. “Thanks.”

 _There_ we go. “Not a problem, man,” I said with a grin, clapping his shoulder a little harder than I meant to. “Don’t lose it, okay? It’s my favorite jacket.”

He made a face at me, then shrugged himself into it. His eyebrows rose. “And you said you didn’t have a portable furnace,” he joked with a little smile through his bangs.

I laughed and stepped a little closer to zip it up for him, since long years of experience told me the stupid thing was a bitch to work if you didn’t know just the right way to pull it. Even I still had to struggle with it for the first bit. “Told ya it’s awesome,” I said. I finally matched it up right and pulled it all the way up to his chin with a cheeky grin. He snorted at me and pulled it back down so that he could at least fold down the collar.

“Whenever you two lovebirds are ready to go, we’ll be waitin’!” Jake yelled from the open door frame that connected the two halves of the bunkhouse to each other. We both sputtered at him, but before we could put together a coherent response, he made a kissy face at us and vanished from the doorway.

Arthur turned back to the bed for his hat and gloves. “Do you want to kill him or shall I have the honors?” he grumbled. I laughed.

“You’d do a better job, I think,” I said, turning away myself to pull my pile over my head. I jammed a hat over my ears, because I knew they would freeze right off if I didn’t.

Wait. Skidooing. Really cold fast wind.

I cursed my timing of niceness as I pulled my windbreaker over my pile as well before scrounging for my own gloves as Artie tucked a scarf into my jacket over a smile.

* * *

“I swear to God, Al, if you hit a bump one more fucking time, I swear, I’ll-”

“Well it’s really hard to concentrate on driving with you _yelling in my freaking ear_ all the time!” I said, loud enough to be heard over the shrieking wind but not loud enough to carry to the other three snowmobiles. I shivered on the last word, shaking the handles and the machine as we swerved a little on the close trail. “See?!”

“That was not _my_ fault, that was you and your stupid act of chivalry – and now you’re too cold!” he yelled back, wrapping his body of _heat_ closer to my back either as a way to heat me up or to yell a little less loudly, I dunno. Anyway, I appreciated it a little, since I _was_ freezing in the stupid wind and cold.

We’d been on the skidoos and moving for less than half an hour at this point, and even with furnace Arthur plastered onto my back, my hands and face and front in general were painfully cold. I hadn’t quite reached the point of ‘numb’ yet (except for my right thumb holding down the throttle), so I really was not in any shape to handle Artie’s prickliness with any kind of tolerance. We’d barely stopped arguing over really stupid stuff since we’d paired off and drove away, heading up a tree-caged trail that promised several hours and a frozen waterfall at the end.

Right now, we had four snowmobiles in a line, with Jake and random tagalong Lundi in the lead, Matt and Natalia after them, us, and Ludwig bringing up the rear in the clunker. Whenever I finally went numb and Art stopped _bitching_ at me for five seconds, I was planning on racing Matt for second on the wider parts of the trail.

“… are you even listening to me?” was all the warning I got before he squeezed me a little higher on my torso, pressing my ribs and bruises and _owow_.

I groaned, curling in on myself a little, and Art instantly figured it out and loosened his death grip on me. “Sorry- I didn’t mean to-” he stuttered out. Like _hell_ he didn’t mean to.

“Like hell you didn’t mean to!” I snapped back, driving with a new force, pain melting into irritation. “Look, I’m trying not to kill us with a tree, so if you could just _chill_ for a while, that’d be _awesome_ ,” I called back, glaring through my goggles at Natalia’s fluttering skirts. (Don’t worry, she was wearing windpants underneath. I dunno why she kept the dress on, but I wasn’t about to ask.)

He went quiet, shifting down to rest the front of his helmet on the back of mine. I glowered at nothing, concentrating on catching up with Matt and Jake way up ahead.

I couldn’t keep up the sour expression for long, though – I mean, for God’s sake, I was riding a skidoo for the first time in years, and it was awesome, even if I was freezing my ass off. I was smiling again by the time Artie lifted his head and rested it back on my shoulder.

“‘M’sorry,” he mumbled directly into my ear so he wouldn’t have to yell it.

It actually took me a bit to remember what he was sorry for. “Wha- oh! Nah, it’s cool, man, don’t worry ‘bout it,” I told him lightly, shrugging my shoulders a little (not enough to bump the chin resting on my shoulder, of course).

Instead of being relieved, though, he just got more flustered. “Don’t dismiss me just like that, boy! I never apologize!” he sputtered into my ear. I couldn’t help but laugh as he melted into Angrish – he was being so _Arthur_ , it was almost adorable.

Also, that tickled.

* * *

You would think we would run out of things to argue about in the good two hours it took to reach the clearing at the end of the trail. Well, you would’ve lost money on that bet, since when we all killed the engines and climbed off the skidoos we were almost too busy heatedly discussing the minutiae of the English language to notice that everyone could hear us now.

Almost.

Arthur stopped mid-sentence and turned to glare viciously at a blatantly staring Matt. “What?” he snapped.

Matt just shook his head slowly. “You two are so _weird_ ,” he said, turning away towards the glimmer of a giant icicle visible through the trees.

“No we are not!” I yelled at his back.

“You are currently arguing about the differences between ‘zee’ and ‘zed’. I would safely say you’re weird,” Natalia deadpanned from her position sitting on a brushed-clean rock.

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but stopped when Arthur whapped my shoulder a little (read: a lot) harder than necessary.

“Don’t feed the trolls,” he said just loud enough for her to hear it across the snow. I laughed as she huffed and crossed her legs the other way, turning away from us in the process.

“See, this is why I’m glad I’m your friend,” I told him. He scoffed, then headed off in the direction Matt had gone. I grinned and followed.

* * *

Apparently that stupid skidoo had some magical forcefield that caused Art and I to instantly argue when we stepped too close to it, since at ten yards away (almost to the inch) we started bickering again.

“Al, everyone else is switching drivers, it’s only logical that we do the same,” he tried to reason with me. A lot of his reasonableness was neutralized by the screaming and the whining, though.

I frowned, sliding my goggles down from where I’d put them on top of my head back to their proper place. “Nuh-uh, Artiekins,” I said in a baby voice, just to get under his skin. He stiffened, face too appalled by the new nickname for words. “I’ve seen the way you drive, remember?” He opened his mouth again, but I continued before he could get more than a syllable of protest out. “Besides, consider this payback for not letting me drive the _freaking Ferrari_ back then.”

He stepped closer and pushed my chest, retorting, “But I _did_ let you drive the damn thing!” I snorted.

“Yeah, for like, five seconds! So totally does not count, babe.”

I reached up and snapped his goggles down, ignoring his completely horrified “ _Babe?!_ ” in favor of grinning in triumph.

He readjusted them with a fierce scowl. “You are so paying for this,” he threatened, making me laugh and breeze by him like it’s hadn’t affected me, taking my rightful spot in the driver’s seat. (Okay, it affected me a little, but that’s just ‘cause Arthur can be one scary motherfucker when he wants to be.)

I patted the seat behind me, smirking at him a little. “Sure I will, Arthur. Sure I will.”

“You two will marry each other if you don’t kill each other first,” that weird guy Lundi said from across the clearing as Artie hopped on behind me.

He revved up the engine and swerved off, kicking up more snow than necessary, and Natalia and I scrambled to follow, Ludwig following our trail slowly and steadily.

* * *

I don’t know when or how he learned it, but that weird guy Lundi was an absolute _killer_ skidoo driver person. I mean, I was rusty, but I knew what I was doing from basically living half my life in South Dakota or Canada, combined with my sporadic fooling around with my cheap motorcycle, and Natalia was just as much of a natural as she seemed to be in everything else, but _damn_. He had quickly split from the path we’d come up on to a side loop that was so thickly forested and twisty that I didn’t even have to try to not listen to Arthur – I was so concentrated on keeping up and not dying that it just happened. Every now and then, I’d catch snippets of Jake’s wild yells and cries for faster that scared the crap out of me, honestly.

We were on the home stretch down a sort-of hill with a wider path than before in sight of the smoke from the campground when he suddenly jerked to the side too quick for me to follow him and raced down a steeper part of the hill, speeding up past dangerous until the hill fell away and he pulled the skidoo in a backflip, landing hard and skidding to a stop.

The rest of us slowed down to a crawl until we caught up with them at the bottom of the hill. Jake was laughing maniacally and shaking a mostly-impassive Lundi’s shoulders.

“Dude, that was _awesome_!” I exclaimed when the engines were idle enough to think. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

He shrugged, a small grin on his face. “Oh, you know, picked it up here and there,” he replied. Jake finally stopped shaking him and laughing, and we all took the chance to catch our breath.

“Are we ready to go now?” Ludwig asked when he finally caught up to us.

Jake grinned at him, goggles glinting in the low sunlight. “Sure thing, boss.” He flicked Lundi in the shoulder, who got the hint and took off, earning another _whoop_ of adrenaline from his riding partner. I jerked the throttle in surprise at his quick departure, making Arthur latch on quickly to keep from falling off as we ate their dust.

* * *

When we finally got back, Ed was right where we’d left him – sitting by the fire with his laptop, furiously typing, but he’d somehow found the time to stir up a huge vat of chili (and toast matching grilled cheese sandwiches in the oven), which was simmering on the stove and filling up the room with deliciousness when we walked in. Any prejudice Tali had against him immediately lost its effect on me – anyone who thinks enough to make me food when I’m cold and completely numb and starving is okay in my books. It wasn’t even half bad, I realized halfway through my second bowl.

“Has he _always_ eaten like this?” Arthur asked Matt as he brushed the cheese-coated crumbs that had somehow migrated to his side of the table back towards me.

Matt snorted next to me. “He used to be worse, actually,” he told him. I swallowed, choking only a little bit, and wiped my mouth on my sleeve.

“Y’know, Matt, it’s really not cool how you keep telling him all of those weird kid stories,” I said, elbowing his arm. He elbowed me back harder.

“But they’re hilarious,” he retorted. I snorted.

Arthur cut in before it could turn into a real fight. “I do have a question about that, by the way,” he said, forgetting his manners and leaning his elbows on the table. “How are you two so close, anyway? I mean, you live in Nowhere, Canada-”

“Moose Factory!”

“Yeah, yeah, Glue Factory, whatever,” he waved Matt off. I had to hold in the very unmanly giggle that wanted to get out. “And you’re from California or what-the-fuck-ever, America. How does that _work_?”

Matt and I opened our mouths, then closed them a second later in unison. We looked at each other, equally baffled.

“I think it started when we were, like, a month old,” I started the story slowly. Matt nodded, catching onto the memories just as vaguely as I was. “Something about Mom and Dad not wanting to drag baby me across the country – this was before he got his fancy job, of course – and so they talked your mom into taking me in.”

“Sounds about right, yeah,” he said, nodding along. “Think you stayed with us for a while.” He stared into his chili. “Dunno how Mum didn’t kill us or Aunt Amanda. Or both.”

“I know, right?” I laughed, leaning back in my chair. “My first memory is totally of us fighting and breaking that glass coffee table in the living room.”

Matt laughed with me. “Dude, me too! Seriously, we were demon children. _I_ certainly wouldn’t have wanted to raise us.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow at us. “I set a chemistry lab on fire when I was twelve. I think I’ve got you two beat on any sort of tomfoolery you could’ve gotten into.”

Matt and I grinned at each other, then simultaneously said, “You’d be surprised.”

We spent at least an hour wandering through a brief rundown of our complicated history, interlaced with non sequiturs and random anecdotes. To give you the less-boring version (‘cause I’m sure I’m boring you by now), I lived with Matt’s family for most of my infant and toddler days, only getting reclaimed by my parents just before kindergarten kicked in. We still moved around, but not as much, and I got to spend more of my vacation time up in Canada as Dad got higher in his job. The summer I took the job at that stupid sitcom, Matt’s parents got divorced, so she got her form of payback and shipped Matt down to us while all of the nasty stuff was going on, and he ended up coming with me to Texas, which is how he met… _Gil_.

Anyway, we see each other at summers and Christmases either at his house, mine, or Papa Frank’s in South Dakota, and we kept pretty continuous contact online, so we always stayed semi-close, if not just plain close. We’d learned how to drive in Papa’s old truck (which he’d given to Matt and was the very clunker that was sitting outside) when we were fourteen, played countless games of hide and seek and Candyland, and I’m pretty sure half the clothes I have were his at some point. Well, maybe not half, but some large fraction at least. It’s probably the same for him, so it’s okay.

By the time we’d somewhat caught up to the present, someone had wrestled the antenna TV in the corner enough to return a very grainy CBC and _Royal Canadian Air Farce_ , which is awesome enough that we joined the others on the random old sofas for a laugh. Too bad the episode didn’t have the chicken cannon. It’s hard to be awesome without a chicken cannon.

Then a Canadian ripoff of Jon Stewart came on as the sun finally started setting, and I got bored. I stared out the window at the darkening sky vacantly, trying not to fall asleep because it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet and that’d be lame, when I finally noticed that the sky was shimmering.

I squinted a little at the sky, then tilted my head a little to look towards Ludwig, who was reading in the chair next to me. “Hey, boss?” I said, adopting Jake’s name for him easily. He’s just a very ‘boss’ person.

“Hmm?” he hummed in response, not looking up from his book.

“Do y’all get northern lights this far south?”

He pushed his reading glasses up his nose from where they were sliding. “Sometimes. They’ve been out quite a bit these past few days, as long as it’s not cloudy,” he answered, still not looking up. “Why do you ask?”

I jerked my head towards the window even though I knew he wasn’t looking. “They’re out now. I just wanted to make sure my eyes weren’t playin’ tricks on me,” I said with a grin. He glanced out the window briefly, then went back to reading.

“You can see them better outside,” he mentioned. I felt my smile grow.

“Arthur, we’re going outside for a bit!” I told him, standing up and pulling him to his feet before he could realize my angle.

His eyes widened and he pulled (futilely) at my grip, trying to get away and hide in the warm couch again. “What? No!”

“Too late!” I said brightly, moving too quick for him and scooping him up, throwing off his balance enough to make him latch onto my neck and weaving through the scattered furniture back towards the door to the other room, ignoring his continuous stream of curse words and protests along with the stares I could feel burning into my back.

They could think whatever they wanted. I was showing Artie the aurora borealis.

* * *

We ended up having to steal the blankets from the bottom bunks of both of our beds, in addition to bundling up extra tight, before Arthur would even talk about going outside in the rapidly cooling night air. It was totally worth it for the look on his face when we went out and I pointed out the faint green lights waving across the sky.

“Oh. Wow.” He stopped in his tracks and stared up at the sky, clutching his blanket at his throat. “That’s… wow.”

I stopped and waited for him to collect himself again, flipping the flashlight end over end in the air. “Come on, I bet we can see them better on the pond,” I said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him along towards the bridge over the ‘river’.

“ _On_ the pond?”

I laughed. “Sometimes you’re too cute, Arthur,” I said quietly, dropping his arm when he started moving from his own volition. “It’s the biggest clear space around. I’m sure it’ll hold us for a bit,” I explained my logic, looking over my shoulder to make sure he was keeping up as I powerwalked across the deserted campsite. He huffed, eyes darting between the uneven ground and the sky.

“It’s gonna be freezing to sit on ice,” he pointed out. I flapped a hand at him.

“Psh. We can sit on a blanket and wrap up in the other.” I jumped from rock to rock down the tiny trail to the pond. I turned on the careful as I stepped onto the ice, turning to Arthur, who was captivated by the sky again. “Come on, it’ll still be there when we get settled in.”

He tore his eyes from the lights back to me, then down to the ice, taking a careful step out. I slid out a little ways, then spread my blanket on the ice, folding it in half for better insulation for our butts, then stood back up in time for Arthur to catch my shoulder for balance.

“Whoa there, tiger,” I said, grabbing his arm to keep him steady until he regained his footing. He was either really distracted or in a really good mood, since he didn’t even frown at me for the nickname.

He let me sit him down on the blanket, automatically adjusting the blanket around his shoulders and opening an arm for me to share it with him. He never took his eyes from the aurora.

I sat down in the circle of his arm, scooting closer a smidge so I could wrap up more. He set his head on my shoulder, pressing against me instantly. “How  does that even happen?” he asked, watching it change from green to green-blue to yellow-green.

I propped myself up on the hand not holding the blanket and tilted my head to lean on his. “Is that rhetorical or literal?”

“Why? Do you know?”

“Yeah. But sometimes when you explain something, it loses a little bit, yeah?”

I felt him nod under my ear. “Like with rainbows.” I nodded myself, and we were quiet for a minute. He readjusted himself, pulling one leg to his chest and straightening the other out in front of him, squirming until he was leaning more back against my side than against my shoulder. I propped my chin on top of his head instead of my cheek.

He broke the silence softly. “Y’know, I bet if we time it right, we can see these again next year on your grand tour of Europe,” he said idly, reaching up to flip up the collar of my bomber jacket, which he’d hijacked again.

I smiled. “Dude, we should _so_ do that.” A random thought popped in my head that I honestly couldn’t believe I hadn’t asked before. “Hey, I know I’ll take a gap year or something, but what’re you gonna do about the whole year-long break from school? I mean, you’re not gonna drop out or anything, right?”

He waved a hand nonchalantly in the air. “Gap years don’t have to be before college, love. I’ve had friends who’ve done it, it’s not too hard to work out.” He stretched his arms out in front of him, pulling the blanket out of my hold. I worked it back up over my shoulder as he sat up a little so I could move, then switched legs and leaned back when I was ready. “So tell me about this Toris character,” he said.

I tilted my head all the way back and stared at the aurora directly above us – which was really, really cool. “He’s my manager,” I began. “He’s awesome. Knows what he’s doing, real easygoing when he’s not working. Easy to get along with, so maybe he’ll tolerate you okay,” I joked, rolling my shoulder a little to poke him. He snorted, but I couldn’t see his face or the inevitable pout/scowl.

“So he really is your manager… How much of what you told me was real, anyway?”

I jerked in surprise, the hand holding me up slipping and making me fall on my back, the leaning Artie following. I lost my breath for a second and barely kept myself from having a concussion, although I was suddenly viciously reminded off all my little bruises. He pushed himself up and looked down at me, worried. “You okay, love?”

“Yeah, fine,” I forced out with a pained smile, squirming a little. “Just hit a few bruises, that’s all.” I looked up at the aurora above his head. “Anyway, this view is way cooler.” I worked the top blanket out from under me and him and switched it to my front. I held up the edge. “Care to join me, milord?”

He rolled his eyes, but took my new offer and snuggled up just as close before. “My question still stands.”

I grimaced, then sighed. “You want the long list, or the short?”

“We’ve got time.”

I made a face at the sky as I thought about where to start. “Well, I guess it’s obvious that I was never actually a stage hand – actually, there was that one time where the crew on _Split Log_ got Matt and me mixed up, but that was one time-”

“What?”

“Um. Forget I said that.”

“No, you mentioned it, you can’t just leave me hanging like that!” I laughed, and realized that the hand of the arm he as laying on had already worked its way back into his hair.

I smiled and went on with the story.

* * *

Several hours passed before the conversation lagged enough for us to realize it was freezing outside. When we didn’t have people walking in on us all the time, we were actually able to have serious conversations and talk out a lot of the little things that the Internet hadn’t been able to solve in our… relationship? Whatever. It was really nice, just the two of us.

Anyway, when we finally crawled back to the bunkhouse, the lights in both rooms were off. We went straight into the bunk area of the bunkhouse to find that everyone was already asleep or gone from the main area. We walked as quietly as we could to our beds – the floors creaked the whole way, of course – and tried to change quickly in the dark.

A _thunk_ , followed by a whispered, “Ah- _fuck_ ,” from his direction. I snickered, then hit my head on the top bed frame.

“Fucking mother of Jesus fucking _Christ_ ,” I mumbled, rubbing my head. He let out a bark of laughter. There was a series of creaks from his side, then an audible flop as he crawled into bed. I hopped around while I pulled off my shoes and socks, holding onto the bed post for balance, then scrambled up quickly and felt my way under the covers.

“G’night, Artie,” I stage whispered, folding my arms under my head.

“Swear to God, I will lock you outside and feed you to the wolves _and_ Matt’s bear if you keep calling me that,” he shot back.

“And if you two don’t shut up, _I_ will lock you in the tool shed until you resolve that sexual tension of yours,” an angry Aussie voice said from across the room. “Now shut the fuck up and go to sleep.”

I bit my lip to keep from laughing, then rolled over and did  just that.


	18. And Even Though It All Went Wrong

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN (and even though it all went wrong)**

**Saturday, March 29, 2008**

When I woke up slow the next morning, Arthur had already gotten up and was gone from the room. I sat up and looked around blearily. Matt was a bump of blankets across the room, Jake had the sheets bunched at his shirtless waist with a foot sticking out the side, and although I couldn’t see Ed ‘cause he slept on the bottom bed, snoring from the right direction made it obvious he hadn’t woke up, either.

I rolled over and slid down carefully, landing heavily on a very cold floor. I hurried over to the fireplace, which was already up and crackling. We’d laid our snow-wet clothes, damp from skidooing and playing hockey, on the hearth to dry yesterday, and I pulled on my toasty socks and pile and sighed in content. I heard distant voices through the fire from the other room, so I quietly walked to the open doorway and into the lit common room.

Arthur and Ludwig were in the “kitchen”, talking about something I didn’t care about. Art was sitting on the counter with his back to me, but turned at the sound of my footsteps and smiled, then hopped down and went to the steaming coffee pot.

“Why’re y’all up so early?” I asked, leaning on the business side of the counter.

Ludwig blinked at me blankly. “I always get up this early.”

Arthur came back, stirring a new cup of coffee, then slid it across to me. He shrugged his answer. “I just woke up. I guess the time difference got to me.”

I took the coffee and sipped tentatively. It was perfect. “Thanks, _babe_ ,” I said with a grin. His face went a hilarious shade of red before he whacked me in the head with the spoon. I ducked away from his second swipe and laughed.

After Artie stopped being adorably flustered, they went back to their previous conversation, which was oddly about boat building, and I savored every drop of perfect perfect coffee as my mind got clearer.

A while after I wandered in, a still shirtless Jake slouched his way to the stool next to Ludwig, sniffing the air. “Oi, which one a’ you two made the coffee this morning? ‘Cause that smell _can’t_ be comin’ from your sludge, boss,” he said, pointing between Arthur and me before sending a winning grin Ludwig’s way. He just slapped the back of Jake’s head with a frown, making the younger one wince and smirk in triumph at the same time. Arthur chuckled and poured out another cup, eyeing him and tapping the cup with a fingernail before raising an eyebrow and stirring in a dollop of honey, of all things, and handing it to the bemused Jake.

“How’d you know I like honey in my coffee?” he asked in mild surprise, glancing down at his steaming cup.

Art shrugged. “Lucky guess.” He took a careful sip, then his eyes widened as he took a bigger one.

He flung his arm in an overly dramatic point at Arthur. “You, my good friend, are _magic_!” He just laughed.

“No, I’ve just worked in a coffee shop for a few years back home,” he explained. “Picked up a knack for it along the way, I guess.”

“Aah.” Jake stared into the depths of his perfect coffee, then took another sip before pushing himself off the counter and heading back to the other room. “I’m getting Ed so I can watch your lil’ mind reading trick again,” he said. Me and Artie laughed; even Ludwig managed to smile a little.

* * *

After Arthur made coffee for the entire campground (Ed with only a little sugar, Matt cream and sugar with a side of coffee, Lundi black and Tali a ‘double double’ in Timspeak), we started pulling our stuff together for a full day on the slopes. Tali and Ludwig were staying behind; Ludwig had ‘things to do’, while she was going to wait on the other chick, whose name was apparently Lien, to show up so they could go hiking or something. She went and hip up in her loft while we got ready for our snowbound adventures.

And here we ran into another problem with Arthur’s wardrobe.

“No,” I said flatly, tugging my coat free of his clutches. “You are _not_ wearing my antique leather jacket to go _snowboarding_.”

He actually _pouted_ at me. “But it’s warm! And it’s better than what I have!” he pointed out, making a grab for it. I held it out of reach.

“Don’t care. I don’t want it getting all wet and weird ‘cause _you_ were cold!” His pout grew into a scowl.

“Hey, fags!” an angry girl voice screamed from the ceiling.

We all looked up to see a very, _very_ irritated Tali leaning over the railing of the loft and glaring fiery daggers at the two of us. “If you two don’t shut the fuck up about that motherfucking jacket, I swear, nothing on heaven or earth will keep me from killing both of you! If you’re so goddamned desperate, Arthur, just fucking wear _mine_.” She threw her coat down at that, where it landed on top of Arthur’s bunk. “Just shut the hell up with your fucking idiotic lover’s spats before I cut your eyes out, or – or something equally painful!” She stomped out of sight, leaving all of us on the floor speechless.

“Did you get all that?” Jake asked us after a moment. Art and I nodded, dumbstruck, and he climbed up carefully to retrieve her thrown ski jacket, moving as if he didn’t want to incur her wrath by moving too much or making too much noise.

“I thought she only got that mad at _me_ ,” Ed said in wonder.

Across the room, Matt shrugged. “Al tends to have that effect on people.”

“Wha- _hey!_ ”

* * *

Eventually we got all of our shit together and piled into the campground’s minivan, Jake, Ed, and Matt’s gear in the back and the skis/snowboards slid under the seats.

A few minutes after we took off, I leaned forward from the far back seat and asked, “So, where’re we going?”

“Greenland,” Matt responded automatically without looking up from his phone (I was choosing to ignore his near constant texting with _Gilbert_ , thereby covering him with heavy layers of my silent disapproval). I punched him on his upper arm; he made a face at me over his shoulder and hit me in the head with his phone, awakening a bruise I hadn’t known existed just above my hair line.

I recoiled away from him, clutching at my now pounding skull. “ _Ow!_ Son of a _bitch_ , Matt! Stop hitting my bruises, it’s not fair!” Matt _giggled_ , the stupid little fucker.

“Maybe next time you should pick a fight with someone your own size,” he jeered at me. I scowled my best through the slowly ebbing pain.

“You seem to fit that description _exactly_ , ‘sfar as I can tell,” I growled at him, narrowing my eyes. Arthur quickly latched on to my arm before I could get into an actual fist fight with Matt – not that I _would_ , I’m not stupid enough to try and actually fight someone in a car, even if it was a minivan.

He sneered at me and stuck out his tongue, and for a moment I wished that I _was_ stupid enough to try and fight him in the car. He was _so_ asking for it.

“Break it up, you two! For Chrissakes, you’re actin’ like my lil’ sisters, and last time I saw ‘em they were _three_ ,” Jake said loudly from the driver’s seat. “Heavens above,” he muttered under his breath. Then he continued in a slightly louder voice, “We’re headin’ over to Nakiska for the day. It’s steep, it’s icy, and you will probably die.”

“Oh, that’s just bloody _brilliant_ ,” Arthur grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring his fiercest out the window.

I laughed and bumped his shoulder with my elbow. “Don’t worry ‘bout it too much, Arthur, I’ll teach you,” I assured him.

“And I’ll make sure he doesn’t kill you too much,” Matt added with a smirk in my direction. I scowled at him, but he was already staring at his phone, waiting for it to vibrate again.

He was so getting pushed into a tree later.

* * *

Since there was only so far the supply shed at the campground went in terms of stocking our athletic endeavors, Lundi, Artie and I had to wait in line at the lodge to rent out gear for the day, while the other three went ahead to buy lift tickets. Ludwig’s benevolence extended to helmets and goggles, but we would have to get boards and boots on our own money.

As we stood in line, I watched Artie shift around nervously for a few moments in quiet amusement, eyes darting around the crowd and the inside of the ski rental building. “So, you wanna get skis or a board?” I asked him to distract him from whatever was making him so skittish.

He jumped a little at my sudden question, then shrugged. “I thought I might try snowboarding this time,” he said. “My family used to go skiing with Francis’s sometimes, but it was years ago. Not exactly the best of memories,” he admitted with a twitchy smile.

I snorted at the understatement – by this point in time, I knew exactly what details of his crappy family life he was leaving unsaid. “You ever boarded before?” He shook his head, then ran his fingers through his hair to try and straighten it back out. It didn’t work very well, but I decided it might be a good idea not to comment too much. Instead, I gave him a big smile and told him, “That’s rough, buddy. You are gonna have one sore ass by the end of the day.”

He took in a breath to start to say something, but closed his mouth to bite his lip against a laugh. “I feel like I could make a really horrible comment right now,” he said with a cheeky grin.

I blinked at him for a moment before it clicked, and my eyes widened and I waved my hands frantically as my mouth started shooting off. “No, that’s not what I meant- I meant _bruised_ , not- not- ah crap, I didn’t mean to say that!” I felt my cheeks grow hot, and I knew I had to be blushing close to an inch of my life. I clamped my hands over my mouth to keep from saying anything else and painting myself even _more_ into a corner. That seemed to be the final straw for Arthur; he exploded into laughter, clutching his stomach and bending forward a little as he fell into an honest to God giggle fit.

“Sometimes it’s hilarious how naïve you are,” he said after he calmed down and I had switched from being embarrassed to being annoyed. I frowned at him as he wiped the corners of his eyes.

“It’s not that funny,” I grumbled back at him, crossing my arms with an only slightly exaggerated pout.

He snorted. “It very much is, America.”

I struggled not to give in to the urge to smile back at him, like my normal reaction would be if I wasn’t sulking on the outside. However, before I could give in to my naturally happy nature, a heavily accented, melodic voice cut in from behind us.

“I keep hearing you call him America. Vhat is the story behind that?” Lundi, who both of us had forgotten about, asked suddenly. We both turned to face him, confused at his presence and embarrassed by his question. He just gazed at us steadily, impassive but also obviously curious.

“What?” Arthur asked, blinking at him with his thick eyebrows drawn together slightly.

Lundi raised one of his own thinner eyebrows at him. “I believe I vas clear in my question,” he said, his tone betraying a hint of amusement.

I laughed a little too loudly with nervous energy, and both of their attentions pivoted towards me. “It’s kind of a weird story,” I stalled, stepping forward in the line as we moved up and avoiding eye contact with the vagrant cross-country backpacker. Crap, I didn’t know how much our story would sound creepy if you weren’t there; I mean, I didn’t tell him who I freaking _was_ until we met face to face, for Pete’s sake, and that was one of the most trademark red flags for Internet creepers. He had started calling me ‘America’ for lack of any other name, and I guess he still thought of me that way. I didn’t really care either way, but it would seem rather weird if you didn’t know the buildup… or maybe even if you did.

“You do realize that the longer you stand there, the more odd this gets,” Lundi said, breaking my thought train and causing Arthur to facepalm.

“Actors, always have to drag out the simplest of explanations,” he mumbled in exasperation. “It’s just a silly nickname I gave him when we first met, that’s all,” he said with a large eye roll my way, as if he was saying _‘See? It’s not so hard to bluff your way through a half truth, you big bumbling lummox.’_ “There’s no real story behind it,” he continued with a shrug.

After a long and intense staredown between the two of them, at which point I noticed Lundi’s eyes were a strange reddish brown color, he shrugged and looked at a poster on the wall. “Vhatever, it is your business. Our turn, by the way.”

I looked over my shoulder to see several feet of empty space between us and the empty rental desk, which was manned by an angry-looking guy with blond hair in a classic ski bum look – long, slightly shaggy, and always encrusted with a powdering of snow. I hurried forward before his obvious hair trigger temper could trip, and the topic was dropped from the conversation.

* * *

 “Shouldn’t I get lessons before we do something like this?” Artie asked Matt and me as we stood in the lift line. After we had rented our gear and Lundi had split to go find the half-pipe, I’d convinced him that yes, he needed to get the full day pass, and no, he wasn’t going down the bunny slope a few times first. Matt and I both believed that the best way to learn anything was through experience. He had been a little doubtful, but didn’t seem to find any harm in it at first. I guess the view up the strings of the ski lift (which, on this particular hill, ended about a third of the way up the mountain), was causing him to have second thoughts.

“Aw, come on now, Art, don’t back out now!” I goaded him, pulling a little on his jacket when his attention shifted away from me.

Matt joined in my urgings. “Really, Arthur, you aren’t going to let something like a snowy mountainside scare you!” His tone had a hint of a laugh to it. Arthur cast a wary look up the hill we were about to board down.

“Yes, yes I am.” He swiveled around as best as he could with a snowboard attached to one of his feet. “Look I’ll just go do a few warm-ups on the beginner’s slope by myself, it’s no big deal-”

Matt and I both snapped an arm out, and we each grabbed one of his elbows to keep him from getting away. (We really had the twin part of our cousinhood going on today.) He sighed and slumped forward in our grips.

“You’re not boarding any bunny slope today, pal,” Matt told him with the hint of an evil smirk behind his reflective goggles.

“Not on _my_ watch, you ain’t,” I added with a grin. He gave in to us like a smart person, allowing himself to be dragged through the line and onto the chair lift. Matt and I ignored his moping and talked over his head about the trademarks of Nakiska (which was focused primarily on the snow’s tendency to ice over, the Olympic history from ‘88, and the larger-than-normal groups of preteens taking up too much space with their obnoxious races, and the chill wind purveying the mountainside). The conversation quickly shifted into giving an increasingly sulky Art tips on what to do when he first started.

Even thought Matt and I were nowhere near amateurs at this – him from living in Canada and spending far too much time with my family when he wasn’t in his motherland, me because Dad’s company owned a lodge in the Lake Tahoe area with access to most of the surrounding ski resorts - we were still fairly rusty. I knew that I hadn’t been boarding since last Christmas break, and even though Matt always had his gear in the bed of his truck, I knew it had to have been at least as much time for him. Considering that, and maybe going a little bit easy for Arthur’s complete inexperience (but not too much; wouldn’t want people to think we’d gone soft), we’d decided to start with one of the more low-key intermediate slopes until we got back into the swing of things.

We tumbled off the chair lift - Arthur was insistent that he at least knew how to do that, he wasn’t disabled or anything – and quickly slid out of the way of the line of fire of the people behind us, plopping down at the top of the hill out of the majority of harm’s way to discuss battle strategies and  finish strapping in.

My butt was starting to feel cold when a skier in long brown braided pigtails and a green hat with pastel pink, orange, and yellow flowers on it plopped down next to me,  scattering snow and effectively halting our conversation (where we were telling Art the best way to avoid hitting trees). “Hello, boys,” she  said brightly, her voice tinged with some sort of eastern European accent, arranging her skis to fall in a decently elegant way across the snow.

We stared at her. “May we help you?” Arthur asked after a moment. She grinned under her goggles and clapped her gloves together.

“Aw, you’re British! That’s so cute!” I had to bite on my lip to keep from snickering at the ‘cute’ comment as I felt him bristle like an offended cat beside me. “I just thought I’d say hi. My name’s Elizaveta, by the way,” she said with a nod. We nodded back automatically.

“I’m Al, and this is Arthur and Matt,” I told her, pointing to each of them in turn. They gave  little waves when I said their names, and she waved back.

After the introductions a slightly awkward silence fell while she hummed to herself and played with the zipper on her dark green ski jacket and we continued to stare at her expectantly. It took a few moments, but she finally seemed to get our air of _‘what the hell do you want with us?_ ’, and held her hand to her mouth for a second before she started giggling. “Oh, I’m sorry for being so blunt!” she said with a smile that made me think of gossiping fourth grade girls. “It’s just, by this point in the season I usually recognize at least the majority of people out here, and I’ve never seen you three before,” she explained. “Have you ever been here before at all?”

“Not recently, no,” Matt answered, leaning to see her around Arthur and me. “We’re just here for the day.”

She nodded her understanding, then tapped her chin in thought. “So, how is it that I have two American accents and a Brit as day visitors?” she asked.

“I am _Canadian,_ thank you very much,”Matt corrected her with a small frown and a two finger point. She laughed and waved him off with the practice of many conversations’ worth of this protest.

“Of course you are. That still doesn’t answer my question,” she said, shifting her attention to Artie and me. We shrugged.

“It’s a long story,” he explained, obviously not opening up for further questions.

She sighed, taking his hint, and pushed herself to a standing position. “Perhaps another time, then.” She waved at us, then slid off down the hill.

“Well that was weird,” I said once she was out of earshot. They nodded in agreement.

After a few moment’s watching the other boarders and skiers on the hill below us, Matt slapped his knees and struggled to his feet (or should I say ‘to his board’? I dunno, proper terminology gets blurry around this point). “Welp, no time like the present. Let’s get going,” he said, helping me push/pull Arthur to his feet before I joined them, brushing snow off my pants.

“If you laugh at me more than necessary, I reserve all rights to kill you later,” Arthur grumbled as he straightened himself out after bending down to tighten the clasp on his boot. At least Tali’s coat wasn’t bright pink or something; it was only obvious he was wearing women’s clothing if you knew your outdoors brands well. Of course, most of the people who were there _did_ know their outdoors brands well, but there’s no sense in getting down about it too much.

Instead of pointing that out like an idiot, I gave him my best reassuring grin after I snapped in my free foot. “Come on, Artie, you gotta put your best foot forward!” He scowled at me as best he could when I couldn’t see his eyes – or his eyebrows.

“Seriously, you’ll want to put your best foot forward,” Matt added from behind him. “Lead with the foot that feels the most comfortable.” With only a shit-eating grin as further ado, Matt pushed Artie’s back just enough to get him moving, and he flailed ineffectively as he starting sliding with gravity, cursing us in ways I’d only heard when he was drunk. I chuckled and followed at a slow pace, ignoring how Matt zoomed off so I could make sure Arthur didn’t cause any mass collisions on his first run, no matter what verbal abuse he planned on heaping on me.

‘Cause I’m a good friend like that.

* * *

It was on our third time down the hill that we first encountered what the majority of Nakiska’s regulars call ‘the pink blur.’

Halfway down the second time, Artie shoved me away, saying that ‘if you’re just going to make fun of me, then you should go away and leave me alone to wallow in my inability in peace,’ so I caught up with Matt to finally be able to race him, a tradition we had every time we were in the same area as a ski resort. We joked our way up the chair lift and down the first few yards, but it quickly turned into war when he almost made me run into an elderly couple skiing slowly down the side. We were running right next to the tree line and I was totally going to win (mainly because I had the perfect view of that tree I promised to push him into back in the van), when out of freaking _nowhere_ something bright pink and rather small shot through the few feet of space between us, startling both of us off balance and into the snow as it continued to barrel around the other people on the ski hill with a deftness that did not belong in a body that tiny.

After we wormed our way into more appropriate sitting positions, we watched the pink boarder spun around its moving obstacle course in slight shock and envy.

“I see you’ve met the pink blur.” We looked over our shoulders to see the chick with the green hat from earlier stopped behind us, a knowing older sister smile on the visible part of her face.

“The who?” I asked.

She stuck her ski poles in the ground and twirled her wrist in the air. “Some say she is a legend, others a myth,” she began regally. I rolled my eyes behind my goggles and settled in for the long haul. Even when I’d only met this girl twice, I already could tell that she had a tendency to ramble on. “Still others don’t believe it is actually a human girl at all, but an unnatural being visiting from the far reaches of the world, here to make others feel inferior and train for the Olympics of the galaxy.” On the edges of my inhibited vision, I saw Matt sigh a little and prop his chin on one hand, elbow on his knee.

“But!” she said suddenly, pointing at us dramatically and making me jump. “By well-timed luck and the effort of sheer will, I have managed to meet this miracle of Nakiska legend and I can tell you-” she leaned forward a little more and looked around furtively too see if anyone was near- “it is _actually_ a very sweet, mild-mannered thirteen year old girl.”

“So you’re telling me we just got owned by someone the size and age of my little sister,” Matt deadpanned. She shrugged.

“Well, I don’t know anything about your sister so I can’t judge that part of your statement, but basically, yeah.” She pulled her ski poles out of the ground and maneuvered to face the side so she wouldn’t crash into us. “Welcome to the club.”

We got to our feet again as she set off down the slope, blending into the mild crowd. “Why do I get this weird feeling that that wasn’t the last time we’ll see her today?” I asked the air/Matt rhetorically.

“I dunno, but I feel it, too,” he answered.

I snorted and aligned my board to restart my way downhill. “As long as she doesn’t follow us home.”

* * *

Arthur called it quits after his fourth run.

I found this out the hard way when I nudged over to his floundering form on the edge of the run near the bottom. My intention was to help him up, maybe tease him a little, but nothing too serious. As soon as he recognized me and I got in range, however, he grabbed my jacket and pulled me on the ground next to/on top of him with a surprising amount of strength, considering his odd angle. When I tumbled down across his sprawled form, he let me go and instead gripped my collar, jerking me in close enough that our goggles clacked together as he growled at me, ferocious in his miserable anger, “ _You owe me money for this_.” I gulped; even through two layers of thick plastic, I could feel his eyes boring into me, and it wasn’t a pleasant sensation.

I did what came naturally and laughed nervously and loudly. “What’s the matter, babe, not feeling the slopes today?” He let my jacket go so he could slap me hard on the side of my head.

“Do _not_ call me ‘babe’ ever again, or _anything_ other than my actual name, if you _don’t_ mind,” he snapped. “I am _angry_ , I am _cold_ , I have snow in places that should never have even _touched_ snow, and I have done nothing but fall over my feet for the past _hour_. I am _not_ in the mood for your ridiculousness.”

Well, when you put it that way… I suddenly felt really bad for making him come here without even asking if he wanted to go boarding at all. I slid my goggles up on top of my head so I could look at him better. “Are you not having a good time, Arthur?” I asked him, trying not to sound nervous and failing. “I didn’t mean for you to spend our entire vacation together complaining about the weather, really.”

He seemed to deflate, flopping back in the snow and staring up at the sky. I pulled my legs off of his and sat next to him, biting my lip as I waited for an answer.

“You make it really hard to stay mad at you sometimes,” he finally breathed out, shoving his goggles up with one hand to rub at his eyes and face. “America, I promise I’m not having a bad time overall,” he said in answer to my question, pulling his goggles all the way off and propping himself up on his elbows. “Sure, it’s not the most… conventional of holidays, but it has certainly been interesting, and I  have enjoyed myself at times.” He gave a half-grimace that I think was supposed to be a smile. “This just isn’t one of those times.”

“Oh. Okay.” I pushed myself to my feet, then reached down a hand to help him up as well. “Why don’t we go inside and get something hot to drink while we watch everyone else get snow in awkward places?” He laughed, then accepted the hand and let himself be righted. I made sure not to let him go until he was at least semi-sure of himself and his footing.

“Now that sounds like something I can enjoy.” He poked me in the chest with a conspiratory grin. “And don’t think that just because you know how to butter me up means you’re getting off the hook. You still owe me money for this disaster.”

* * *

We ended up settling in a few armchairs up on the small second floor balcony in the lodge with overpriced hot chocolate and a bag of chips between us, alternating between looking out the window over the mountain and the dots of people going down it and the bundled-up skiers and snowboarders stomping in with their ski boots on to retreat from the cold, talking about nothing and everything. At some point, the chick with the green hat sniffed us out again and joined our conversation. I slowly learned that she was from Hungary, and had come here with her Austrian boyfriend/husband/significant something for the past few years, spending most of the season in a condo here, which is why she was surprised by our unknown appearance earlier that day. She was also at least a decade older than us, but since she was obviously taken and not acting too much like a creeper despite her strange tendency to find unattached teenage boys and worm her way into their conversations, I figured it couldn’t do too much harm to let her hang around for a little while. (The glances she kept making between Arthur and me, along with the slick comments and Arthur’s always blustering responses, did set me a little on edge, though.)

The midday lunch rush came around maybe an hour and a half after we had taken our seats, and I glanced out the window to see an almost empty hill. I decided to take my chances and grabbed Matt, who had slunk his way up to our corner some time after the Hungarian chick, and made excuses to her and Arthur, who waved us away and kept talking about the French Alps or embroidery or something else stodgy and European.

We took a different chair lift on a different hill, just to mix things up, and even though the place was almost deserted at this time of day, we ended up sitting in the shade of the trees blocking off the top of the slope for several minutes after we got up there, talking. Although Matt and I were good about keeping a lot of contact throughout the year, we were still basically brothers at heart to the point that we were almost twins. It really sucked not getting as much quality time as we used to have back when we lived together, both at his place when we were tiny and at mine when we were stupid thirteen year olds. Sometimes I forgot how much I missed just hanging out with him.

Eventually, though, we clambered up and set off on a real race down the much longer slope, laughing as we skidded along the iced up snow and failing to pull off tricks on the easier parts. I think we got passed by the Norwegian national ski team, but I wasn’t quite able to make out the names on the back of their matching jumpsuits before they were out of sight.

At the bottom, we immediately turned around and got back in the lift line. I was starting to remember why I liked doing this so much, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

By that point, the people who had disappeared to eat lunch were starting to filter back out, so we were paired off with a lone skier in a lift chair to save room. He stuck his nose in the air when he saw us, but he didn’t voice any protests while we were guided onto the chair and sent off into the air.

After a few minutes of strained silence, I brought it upon myself to bridge the awkward gap and leaned forward a little bit to smile at him around Matt. “Hey there! Great day to be on the slopes, huh?”

He lifted up his goggles so he could give me an extremely scathing look – not the fun kind of ‘shut up before I beat your face in, idiot’ look like Arthur, but the ‘what hole in the back of the woods did _you_ crawl out of, you miserable backcountry cretin?’ look that made me instantly hate him. I kept my Hollywood smile on, but I could feel it turn fake as I sensed Matt’s shoulders tensing up. He had a better temper than I did, but this was exactly the kind of person he couldn’t stand, either.

“I suppose,” he said in an extremely nasal voice with an aristocratic flair to it. Okay, I didn’t know what crawled up _his_ ass and died, but I didn’t really want to find out. I sat back in my seat with a slight ‘hmph’ and crossed my arms, trying to pretend that I hadn’t just got snubbed like a serf in the Middle Ages trying to talk to their noble overlord. Matt slid almost unnoticeably closer to me and away from the ski snob, the twitch in his upper lip warning me he was trying not to snap back at him. The snob himself just lowered his goggles back down over his eyes and stared off into the trees on the other side of the hill, tapping out Chopin with the hand not clutching his ski poles on the safety guard pinned over our legs. When I recognized the piece he was playing in his head, I frowned and had to hold on to my thumb to keep from tapping along. He was going a hair too fast; somehow, that made me ridiculously happy inside.

Finally, the end of the torturous climb up the mountain came into view, and all three of us breathed a little easier. There was no friendly just met goodbye when we disembarked and went our separate ways; he took off instantly, weaving around the stationary people at the top of the hill before disappearing into the distance, while we slid to the side to snap in and glower at his back.

“Dickhead,” Matt muttered. I nodded emphatically.

“Rhythmless aristocratic floozy,” I added. Matt lifted his goggles just enough to give me a confused and amused stare, to which I could only grin and laugh in response.

He shook his head and readjusted his goggles over the top half of his face. “Sometimes I don’t want to know how your mind works,” he said in slight wonder, taking off before I could respond and making me scramble to snap in and follow so he couldn’t beat me again.

* * *

We spent the next few hours wandering around the nice array of slopes that Nakiska had to offer, taking short breaks every now and then to warm up inside with Arthur, who was never left alone long enough to move (although his hot chocolate cup never seemed to go empty, and he had different people around him whenever I saw him), or watch Lundi and Jake battle it out in the half-pipe with the other X-game wannabes (and I was sure some actual X-gamers – after all, this was Nakiska). As the day wore on, we found ourselves spending more time buried in the conversation surrounding Arthur, which had its main components in the green hat chick, Ed - who had decided that he was done around the middle of the afternoon – and, strangely enough, the pink blur from earlier. It was just as green hat girl has said; she really was a very nice, timid middle school girl, even if everything she owned seemed to be in varying shades of pink, from hot to obnoxious. I learned that her older brother was the angry ski bum that was working at the rental desk, which was the reason why she had lived here year round for several years, and why she was so damned good.

As we were winding down in both energy and daylight, I had a sudden revelation while I was sitting on the arm of Arthur’s chair and talking about where we were from that made me grab on to Arthur’s arm and shake him in the middle of his sentence. He slapped me away quickly and glared at me.

“Is there some kind of problem,  Alfred?” he asked, voice covered in sarcasm.

I ignored it and exclaimed, “I just realized that tonight’s our last night together!” He looked a little lost at first, but I watched his face as he sorted out the schedule in his head and the full implications of what I said dawned on him.

“Oh, right… we’re going home tomorrow…” he trailed off and lifted the leg not already pulled to his chest onto the chair and gripped them both tightly.

“Kinda weird, huh? Feels like we’ve been on this vacation for months.” I smiled down at him from my higher position; he quickly turned his face downwards and shook his hair to fall down in front of his eyes.

In the background of my senses, I heard the conversation shift away from us with the surprising fluidity that large group discussions possessed, and we became our own little bubble in the green and blue armchair. Not that I noticed or anything.

I pushed Art to the side a little so I could slide down off the arm of the chair and squeeze in next to him. It was a rather wide chair, almost a loveseat, so we were able to sit fairly comfortably, sides pressed together - but not in an awkward way. “It’ll be odd to go back to just talking online and not seeing you in person,” he admitted in a low voice, staring at his knees.

I shrugged. “Yeah, it’ll probably suck, especially the first few days – but, hey, look on the bright side! We totally accomplished what we set out to with this, right?” He finally looked up at me curiously.

“We did?”

“Sure we did!” I said with the biggest grin I could muster. “We did this to meet each other face to face and convince my parents you weren’t a crazy stalker homeless person who lived in a box so we could do the gap year thing together, right?”

He smiled at that, shaking his hair in front of his eyes again, although he didn’t turn away to look at his knees this time. “I guess we did, then.” My grin grew, if that was possible, and I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him in a non-awkward side hug.

“See? There’s no reason to get all mopey about it. Before you know it, summer’ll be here and our first grand adventure can really begin!” I said grandly, sweeping my free arm around in the air.

He raised his eyebrows at me over his smile. “First?”

“Well, yeah, of course. What, did you think this counted as a ‘grand adventure’?” I snorted. “Not even _hardly_.”

He let out a laugh before he could stop himself. “I think I was more questioning the implications that there would be more following it, actually,” he clarified. I snorted.

“Well, _duh_. I mean, I know we’ve got a year and all, but I don’t think we’ll be able to do everything we want in such a short amount of time,” I told him, my eyes crinkling at the corners. He turned his face up to chuckle at me and froze, eyes locked on mine. His smile seemed to fade for a moment, then came back in giddy force.

I tilted my head to the side. “You okay there, Art?”

“God, I wish I had my camera.”

Arthur broke out of his trance to whip his head around and stare furiously at the green hat chick, who had her hands clapped together in what I’d noticed was her ‘awww so adorable!’ pose while smiling at us. Luckily, no one else in our group was paying as avid attention to us as she was – it seemed that the people from camp had grown tired of making gay jokes about us – but it still made Artie shove my hand off his shoulder and scoot away from me as much as he could, trying to hide the red on his cheeks. I gave her my best obliviously blank smile.

“Is there a problem, Liz?” I asked her pleasantly, pushing myself back up to sit on the arm of the chair while stood up for a moment to straighten his clothes out.

She took on an expression of ‘who me?’ and tried to act like she wasn’t just caught squeeing over our relationship. “No, no, of course not! It’s just…” she seemed to struggle with herself, then gave in with an outburst of “You two are so _cute_ together! The way you two act, like you know what the other is thinking already, and the blond on blond thing-”

“We’re not dating,” Arthur cut in sharply, plopping himself back down in his seat and immediately pulling his right leg up to his chest, frowning over it at her.

Her gleeful expression crashed down like we’d stomped all her hopes and dreams into the dust and spat on them. “You’re _not_? But- but you’re so- and, and, the _hugging-_ ”

He sighed dramatically as his foot slid down to its proper place on the floor, stopping her garbled protests, and exchanged a glance with me, hiding a sly wink in the corner of his left eye – the one on the far side of her view. Oh, so he was going to go for the fake out plot. I could roll with that.

“You know, so far _everyone_ we’ve met keeps pointing out this ‘sexual tension’ between us,” he began, resting his jaw in his hand and staring up at me in his best resigned state. I put on my acting face, nodding along seriously. “I guess the only solution we have is to go along with them and follow their advice, after all.”

I raised my eyebrows as I quickly ran through any possibilities of the advice he was talking about before hitting on the jackpot (no matter if it was his intended ‘solution’ or not).

“Sex in the tool shed, then?” Luckily, Art was a good actor and nodded curtly in response.

“Sex in the tool shed it is.” We held our staring contest for a moment after that before we cracked simultaneously, dissolving into immature giggling and cackling. I fell sideways across his lap, helpless with hysterics, and he leaned into my shoulder, tears of laughter leaking through my shirt.

Green hat girl frowned at us and crossed her arms and legs. “You two are so mean,” she pouted, eyes narrowed at us, which only served to make me laugh harder. Since laughter is contagious, it wasn’t long before she was giggling with us.

Eventually I got myself under control, pushing myself back up to sit up right on the chair arm and wiping my eyes. “Oh, man,” I said, breathing heavily.

“You, my dear, are incredibly gullible,” Arthur told her, running his hands through his hair with the traces of laughter still in his smile. She made a face at us, but she was struggling not to smile.

To avoid looking at us, she glanced down through the logs of the balcony railing to the main floor, and suddenly her eyes lit up in a different way. “Oh, look, it’s Roddy!” she said, standing up and leaning over the railing to yell at the boyfriend… thing she had kept going on about throughout the day. (She was still very unclear as to the exact status of their romantic relationship other than they were definitely together in some manner.) I stood up and joined her, curious as to the appearance of this certainly interesting character’s romantic interest.

“Which one is he?” I asked her. She kept her eyes on the ground, but pointed at the man who had just walked in, dressed in an oddly familiar blue and white striped coat. He finally noticed his franticly waving girlfriend and turned up to look at her, and my blood started boiling suddenly as I recognized him as the snobby skier who couldn’t keep a beat on the chair lift.

I quickly backed away from the railing and glanced around the small throng we’d attracted over time. Somehow, all six of us from the campground had migrated up to the little nook in the lodge. Perfect.

“Say, who’s ready to go back and get some real food in us?” I addressed the group as a whole. Some of them looked a little confused; I made eye contact with a curious Matt and jerked my head behind me in the direction of the stairs and the approaching ski snob, and he immediately got the picture and jumped up to my aid.

“Yeah, come on, guys, it’s almost dark and I’m pretty sure none of us are going back out there,” he said hastily, pulling on his ski jacket from where he had thrown it over the back of his chair. “No time like the present, eh?”

Thank God for twin-like mind reading.

Faced with two of us asking to go, the others saw no reason not to follow along, and we said our goodbyes to the friends that we had made on the slopes that had tagged along with each of us back inside. The pink blur had long since been called away by her angry and worried-looking brother (I think she had a flower name, like Rose or Petunia or something), but green hat girl insisted on giving all of us a hug as her boyfriend hung back and sniffed at us in an extra-pompous way. She even went as far as to give Arthur a scrap of paper torn from a Nakiska brochure with her contact information. Eventually, we pulled ourselves away from the slew of ski bums and rich kids, found and returned the gear that had been rented, loaded everything back up in the camp minivan, and hightailed it out of there.

It wasn’t until we got back on the highway and had settled into a comfortably tired silence, only broken by the sports on the radio and the occasional vibrating of Matt’s phone, that Arthur was able to look at the bit of photo finish paper from green hat girl. I didn’t really pay attention until whatever she had written on the back of it caused his cheeks to flare up redder than I had ever seen them.

Before he was able to put it away and out of my sight, I snatched it from his loose hold with a smirk that quickly turned into an embarrassed blush as I scanned the note before he was able to steal it back. He tore it to small bits with furiously shaking hands and stuffed the bits between the plastic wall and the seat, avoiding my stunned gaze with a vengeance.

“Okay _that_?” I said with a point to where the disposed scraps were hiding. “That was messed up.”

* * *

_Elizaveta_

_flowered.olive@hotmail.com_

_Feel free to tell me anything about you and your cute friend. Anything. ;)_

* * *

Luckily, by the time we had gotten back to camp, Arthur had let green hat chick’s embarrassing little addendum slide over our heads and into the file labeled ‘Things We Will Never Discuss Ever Again Ever’ and had fallen asleep on my shoulder again until the abrupt switch from asphalt to gravel jarred him awake.

We all tumbled gratefully from the confines of the old minivan, and Jake, Matt and Ed set about pulling their gear from the various crooks and crannies they had shoved them into while the other three of us ducked into the bunkhouse. I noticed a new car, a powder blue Toyota Highlander with an endearingly tacky display of bumper stickers around the border of the back windshield, parked near Matt’s truck. I guessed it was that Lien girl I kept hearing about from Tali, and was proven right when crashing noises sounded from the woods behind the car. They grew steadily louder until Tali, looking somewhat bedraggled but valiantly wearing a different, but still heavy, dress, and an Asian girl with a military hat and a ponytail came whacking their way through the undergrowth.

“Well, _that’s_ not something you see every day,” Art noted dryly, pausing next to me as I watched them brush broken twigs off each other. “Are you going to stare all day or are you coming inside?”

“Oh! Right!” I hurried to follow him and not make the girls think I was staring at them. “It’s just- I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen Tali look that happy,” I mentioned in awe. He snorted, then pushed open the door and held it open for me to come inside into the warm and the promise of new clothes.

* * *

Ludwig only allowed us all a chance to shower – men in the communal deals across the ‘river’ at the actual campground, girls in the tiny bathroom in his office/secret headquarters – and change in to better clothes before he bundled us back into the car to go someplace called ‘Raivis’s’. It was hard to get the details from anyone, since Matt had no idea what they were talking about, but everyone else (mainly Jake and Ludwig) was excited to be going again, even if it meant Jake had to drive the godawfully ancient minivan some more.

Since it only fit so many people, Art and I offered to ride with Tali and Lien in her car, no matter how awkward it promised to be. So far, the only impression I had been able to get of the newcomer was that she was proudly Vietnamese, so tomboy she was almost more man than I was, and instantly hated me. Maybe Tali had already fed her lies about how evil and annoying I was or something, but it seemed to me that she had just become dead set on the idea that I was exactly not her type.

We were able to hold separate back seat/front seat conversations for the oddly short drive along the opposite side of the highway from Calgary and Nakiska into a very, very lonely bar stuck into a dip in the woods along the side of the road. There were several cars already parked along the churned muddy snow in front of the building. As soon as Arthur realized where we were and what we were probably going to be doing, he rounded on me with a very stern look in his eye.

“Now, listen closely, boy. You are _not_ to consume any undue amounts of alcohol tonight, no matter _what_ that cousin of yours may try to sway you to do otherwise. Got it?”

“Aye aye, cap’n,” I said, rolling my eyes and giving him a mock salute. He smacked me on the side of my head, then opened his door and slid out of the now stopped car. I copied him on my side, and almost ran straight into a wildly grinning Matt.

Well, I guess that was one promise I wasn’t going to be able to keep.

* * *

‘Raivis’ turned out to be the owner of the establishment, and although he looked like he was about fourteen, Ludwig assured the three of us newcomers that not only was he old enough to run and upkeep a Canadian bar in the middle of nowhere, Alberta, but he could also drink anyone under the table if he wanted to without even getting a little tipsy.

( _“How is that physically possible?”_ _asked a confused Art while we watched him manning the grill and bar at the same time._

_“He’s Latvian,” Ludwig said._

_“Ah.”_ )

It seemed to be a catch-all sort of place; in addition to the bar and grill, there was also a very old but still operational gas pump outside, and a few racks of snacks and cheap necessities pushed against a side wall. Several of the small number of tables were taken, and I could already feel the eyes of two college-aged girls in the middle trained on me. I ignored them the best I could and tried to blend in with our group as the owner gave the obvious regulars an enthusiastic welcome, wiping his hands on the towel tucked in his back pocket and pointing us at a set of free tables on the far side.

We settled down with Art, Matt, Ed and me on one table, and Ludwig, Jake, Lien and Tali on the other. It wasn’t until Raivis had taken our orders as set to flipping burgers behind the bar that I heard the twittering giggles behind me, and I realized we had sat right beside the two girls.

Suddenly, I remembered that I hate girls.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do like girls in that I am definitely _attracted_ to girls, but once you’re on the receiving end of enough screaming preteen fans (and sometimes older, in a creepy way), whether they were for you, or for the dude you were hanging out with, or just for something that had absolutely nothing to do with you but they still felt like screaming and jumping around and acting like insane people off their meds, you definitely have moments where you hate them. It was kind of really annoying, actually. I had a few friends back at home that couldn’t walk down the street without some random girl running out of the shadows and pouncing on him, demanding his autograph or his shirt or his hand in marriage.

I really, really wish I was joking.

Distracted by my glaring into my burger, I didn’t notice Matt start trading out my plain, ordinary Coke with his alcohol-laced variety until I felt the familiar pressure on the top of my head that always heralded my first sip of hard liquor. I jerked out of my trance and set the glass down with an audible ‘ _thunk’_ and glared at Matt on my right. He just smiled at me innocently.

Ever since Matt had found out that I was apparently a hilarious drunk, he liked to use any opportunity he could find to try and get me tipsy. Even though I didn’t really like alcohol and what it did to me, years of knowing me had given him all the tricks to getting me to do basically anything he wanted me to do. I don’t think that he knows that I know what he’s up to, but I do.

However, that doesn’t mean I’m always able to realize it and stop it before it gets out of hand, though.

* * *

“Okay, okay, okay. Never have I ever… run a red light!” the blonde girl from the table behind us said over an hour later. She and her friend had mysteriously worked their way into our table’s conversation sometime after we had all had the chance to get at least a small portion of alcohol into our  bloodstreams, and we had been talked into retreating into the back corner of the bar to play ‘Never Have I Ever’ with them. We were in a tight circle-shape behind an overturned table with only two legs that looked like someone had been thrown onto it years ago, but no one had bothered to replace or even repair it. It made a very convenient hole in the wall in this hole in the wall.

Hehe. Hole in the wall in the hole in the wall. I kill myself.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh, right.

Four of the six (or were we seven? It was really hard to count for some reason) curled their fingers into their palms. In fact, the only ones who didn’t were the people on either side of me – the girl who’d asked the question and Arthur.

“What? Come on, man, you say you’re this big rebel dude, and you’ve never even run a red light?” I asked him, leaning on his side and giving him a lopsided grin. He looked away and pushed me off of him with a frown. The blonde caught me before I could crash into her as well and steadied me against the chair we were leaning on.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, there aren’t exactly multitudes of red lights where I’m from,” he said grumpily. “Although it’s not from lack of trying.”

“ Hehe. ‘Multitudes’. You crack me up, Artie,” I said, accepting the whiskey bottle from the girl and taking a small sip while making it look like a big one. I handed it off to him, watching as he threw back a mouthful without hesitation. At least he wasn’t ranting in Welsh yet.

Now it was the blonde’s brunette friend’s turn. She snickered, and if I had been in a little better possession of all of my mental facilities, I would have known to be scared.

“Never have I ever kissed a girl, and liked it,” she announced. All of the other guys promptly hid fingers with varying amounts of giddy in their smiles now, varying from Ed’s blissful reverie to Arthur’s red-faced, hooded gaze at the floorboards. I tried to blend into the décor and pretend like I put away a finger.

Apparently, I don’t bear as much resemblance to a chameleon as I thought I did, because the blonde girl immediately noticed my bashful shrinking and grinned evilly at me. “Aww, has our little Alfie never been kissed?” she asked in a cutesy voice. I stuck my tongue out at her.

“I’ve been kissed! I just, you know, didn’t really _like_ it…” I felt my face flushing and looked at my Indian-style crossed legs. A body shifted to my left, and an unexpected soft hand gripped my chin and forced me to look up into large, dilated blue-green eyes. I was suddenly hit with the knowledge that I wasn’t going to remember this in the morning.

“Well, I’m sure we can fix that,” she said softly, breath fluttering in my face. I tried to pull away, but it wasn’t quick enough or enthusiastic enough before she pounced, pressing her mouth to mine, kind of missing, but I still smiled and held on to her jacket to keep her steady and let it happen. I mean, there was nothing _wrong_ with this to me – it was kinda nice, if I didn’t think about how chapped her lips were, or how her long nails were digging into my jaw.

Okay, so she was obviously new to this whole thing, but she’d been pretty nice so far. The hootin’ and hollerin’ from behind her, though, was getting kind of annoying, along with Artie’s unmistakable cutting accent criticizing her every move in an increasing blend of Welsh and English.

Out of the blue, though, the girl was pulled from where she had crawled into my lap by a glowering Arthur, who was grumbling inaudibly in what was very much Not English. He shoved her to the side into the arms of her friend, where she started giggling into the brunette’s shoulder, before he decided that the best place for him to sit back down was across my now sprawled out legs, glower focused on me. His eyes were green, too, but in a more leaf way rather than her watery way.

I think he said something like “ _Dangos her soot maen done_ ,” but I wasn’t quite sure because before I even had a chance to ask him ‘What the hell just happened?’, he gripped the sides of my neck and bent down to kiss me himself.

If I had any space left in my brain to think, I probably should’ve thought about how I was being passed around faster than a spittoon at a nursing home, or how I was being kissed by a freaking _guy_ , or had Arthur seriously just pulled a random girl off me to demonstrate how to kiss someone properly? However, with the booze and the girl kissing and the guy kissing and the freaking Arthur _in my lap_ , I really only had space for one thought.

He should totally go pro at this.

Seriously; I dunno where he learned it, and I really didn’t what to think _how_ he learned it, but after the inexperienced virgin of a few seconds ago, it was easy to tell that my little Artie played a whole different ballgame. Instead of her sloppy mashing of lips together and complete lack of focus in what in the hell she was doing, I found myself on my back under the table next to us, holding on to Arthur’s waist with his tongue in my mouth without quite remembering how I got there, but definitely knowing I had liked whatever steps we’d taken. His hands worked through my hair, which both felt really nice and kept his face anchored to mine in a very welcome manner. Through some mechanics that I couldn’t quite make sense of, I had my hands under his shirt and was holding him close with splayed fingers rubbing up and down his spine, causing him to shiver for _me_ for once. I grinned against his mouth and bit on his tongue, just a little.

He let out a sharp gasp into my mouth, but instead of pulling away, he gripped at my hair harder and pulled my head off the ground a little, my chin tipping up naturally to meet him halfway so I could kiss him back as best as I knew how. I was so preoccupied with Arthur and kissing and – fuck, I was _kissing Arthur_ – that I didn’t notice the stomping coming closer until the table we were lying under was suddenly pushed away, and Art pulled away with a small wet sound that I was fairly sure only we heard to blink up with me at a irritated, but drunkenly amused, Jake.

“I’ve told ya before, and I really mean it this time,” he slurred at us. “Either ge’ away fro’ each other and stop feelin’ each other up, or _get a fuckin’ room_. Ya fuckin’ queers,” he finished with a lopsided grin. I guess he didn’t mean it in a _bad_ way, so he couldn’t be that upset.

I looked up at Arthur through hazy eyes and was almost surprised to see how close we were. I mean, I knew he was lying on my chest and all, but it was still kind of startling to see his eyes that close to mine. Kinda freaky, since they were almost glowing in their greenness.

“What do ya say, _hafrid_?” he asked me, breath tickling over the oddly sensitive skin of my face. “Room or distance?” I blinked some of the daze from my eyes, then grinned broadly at him. He smiled in return.

“Room it is, then.” He sat back so I could get up, but I guess I changed position too fast and I had a lot more alcohol in me than I thought, ‘cause I barely got myself back upright before I felt really dizzy and everything went black.


	19. I've Seen Your Flag On The Marble Arch

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN (I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch)**

**Sunday, March 30, 2008**

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of something burning.

I groaned and sat up, hitting my head on the bed above me that shouldn’t be there. Stars erupted across my vision and in my head, reminding me that I was still slightly bruised and had a serious hangover headache. I must’ve yelled or something, but my senses all sort of failed for a moment. When I could see again, Ludwig was sitting on the edge of my bed, holding out a cup of something black. Maybe it was coffee? It smelled more like hot asphalt.

“Drink,” he ordered. I nodded and sat up slower to take it, too groggy and achy to think twice about the order. I downed half of it before I realized it tasted disgusting – even worse than my extra strong stuff. Through some miracle of the gods, though, the nasty shit started to clear my head. I blinked at him in gratitude, and he nodded curtly before standing up and walking back to the common room.

While I sipped the miserable stuff and tried to ignore how bad it tasted, I looked around and tried to get my bearings and remember what the hell happened last night. We’d gone to a bar for dinner, Matt got me drunk, some girls joined our group, we went to a corner… yeah, that’s where it stopped. Although I didn’t drink that often, I’d been duped enough by Matt and his sneaky asshole ways that I’d figured out how I was when I was drunk, and how it went afterwards. One of the things I had figured out was that if my memory of the night before stopped, no amount of brain bashing was going to bring it back.

Well, whatever had gone on in the corner of that hole-in-the-wall bar, somehow I had gotten back to the campground and been rolled into the bottom bed of my bunk. I still had my clothes from last night on, only sans shoes and coat, so I safely assumed that I hadn’t exactly returned conscious.

I finished the slop resembling coffee (it actually had _coffee grounds_ on the bottom), feeling marginally more clear-headed but no less crappy, around the time Arthur sat up in the bunk at my feet and hit his head on the bed above him with a familiar cry. At least I wasn’t alone in my misery.

Ludwig appeared at his bedside with another cup, handing it over when Arthur registered his presence. I watched him glower into it, nose wrinkling in distaste, then he knocked it back as quickly as he could. Finally, he looked my way and saw me staring. I smiled weakly at him.

“Who would’ve thought that bad coffee could cure a hangover?” I said, holding up my own empty cup. He made an unhappy face and turned his attention back to finishing his drink.

Matt walked over to us and flopped down at the foot of my bed. He was in his pajamas, unlike Art and me, so he must’ve come back in better condition than us last night. “Apparently this is the stuff that Arthur saved us from yesterday,” he told us, pointing at the cup in his hand, then nodding in Arthur’s direction. “So thank you.”

I kicked him as best I could from under the blankets, turning his attention back to me. “I blame you for this entirely.” I frowned at him while he just grinned at me.

“Works for me. What I can remember from last night is hilarious.”

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

While we were busy having a staring contest – me glaring, him grinning – Jake wandered over and leaned on the frame of the bed next to mine. “God, I hate this stuff,” he muttered, taking the smallest sip he could and gagging. “Arthur, go make the next pot before the boss ruins it again,” he said, pointing at Art, who blinked back at him blearily.

“What?” he croaked.

Jake  pulled the blankets off him, ignoring his protests and grabs at them, then pointed to the door to the common room. “You. Make coffee. Now.” Artie huffed and sent him his best glare, but he slid off the bed (being careful to duck away from the bed above him) and stalked off. “I’m gonna miss that boy when you all leave,” he said with a wide grin at us, following Artie and the clangs and mutterings drifting through the open fireplace.

* * *

By the time we had all become less hungover, I had pieced together that the only ones who remembered anything substantial from last night were the two girls and Ludwig. Although Lien kept sending me and Art these sidelong smirking glances, like we’d done something incredibly stupid last night together, and Tali kept making biting comments that probably had a double meaning but flew completely over my head, all three of them were shut tight as a clam about the details.

Today was Art and me’s last day at the camp, in Canada, and together. We’d timed it so both of our flights didn’t leave until that evening so we would have time to spend during the day (also, the cheaper flights left in the mid afternoon/late evening), but it was kind of sad that we weren’t going to remember the last night of this vacation.

To be on the safe side, Matt, Arthur and I drove back as soon as we were able to, planning on bumming around Calgary for a few hours before heading to the airport. Although the original plan had been to take Tali back with us and drop her off back home, she changed her mind at the last minute and said that she wanted to stay and let her attached-at-the-hip friend Lien drive her back later that day.

She mumbled something just quiet enough for only Arthur packing behind her to hear when she breezed between our beds after making her announcement. I couldn’t quite make it out, but it had something to do with ‘getting drunk’ and ‘piece of ass’, and it made him stand stiff-straight and glare at her retreating hair.

“Al, remind me that I shouldn’t hit a girl,” he said, eyes glaring at her back.

“You shouldn’t hit a girl,” I parroted back automatically, struggling with the zipper on my suitcase, which I was currently straddling. I finally got it closed and grinned up at him through my bangs. “Although, I wouldn’t mind if you made an exception this one time.”

Arthur stared at me with eyes a little wider than usual, then shook his hair in front of them and turned away. “Don’t tempt me, boy.”

We got everything under Matt’s truck bed cover and ready to go around ten, and the guys of the camp wandered over to say good-bye. Ed promised to send me his code when he had finished writing it so I could proofread (at some point during the weekend, we had learned that we shared an interest in computer hacking), and Lundi gave a vague wave from across the yard. Jake jumped Matt and me from behind, squeezing both our necks in his huge and hairy arms and jerking us down to his height, rambling about something that I couldn’t quite make out, as his accent seemed to have tripled in thickness in his mourning of our departure. He let us go after a moment, almost giving me whiplash as he pounced to give the same level of affection to coffeemaker Arthur. Ludwig looked to the sky, as if asking God for help in handling his assistant, then shook our hands seriously.

“If you ever find yourself around, feel free to stop in and say hello,” he told us, and we nodded back.

“Will do, boss,” I said with a grin. He gave the smallest smile in return.

Arthur stalked over, grabbed my arm, and dragged me to the cab of the truck, looking disheveled and huffy. “We’re going.”

I looked at him and laughed, letting myself be dragged. “What happened to _you_?”

He didn’t answer, just threw open the passenger door and climbed between the seats to hide in the back seat. “I am never going to Australia,” he grumbled as I closed the door behind me, Matt sliding into the driver’s seat and cranking up the old engine. “No manners at all.” He trailed off into vague mutterings about ‘stupidly strong annoying’ and ‘nobody likes being manhandled, twit’.

I waved out the window as we drove away.

* * *

When we got on the road proper, Arthur stretched out along the backseat and tried to nap while Matt and I talked.

“I don’t know if ‘Constantinople’ is Latin, actually. It might be Greek. Byzantine was a Greek colony thing at the time - at least, before Constantine took over,” I said, tapping on the armrest in time to the Yellowcard song in the background of our conversation about Istanbul.

“I’d have to look it up, but it would probably make more sense if it was Latin, since he named it and everything,” Matt responded.

Behind us, Arthur groaned and sat up. “You two have the _oddest_ conversations,” he said blearily, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s Latin, by the way. ‘Ople’ is derived from ‘opolis’.”

I facepalmed while Matt let out an ‘ooooh’. “Of course! That makes total sense! Thanks, buddy,” I told him with a grateful smile over my shoulder. He rolled his eyes and flopped back down across the bench seat.

“How far away from the fall of the Roman Empire was this, anyway? That was Napoleon, right? Congress of Vienna?”

Arthur sat back up slowly and we both stared at Matt. “ _What did you just say?_ ” Arthur breathed, scandalized, as I curled up into a ball and started giggling helplessly. I heard Matt’s head bang against the steering wheel.

“That’s the _Holy_ Roman Empire, not the _actual_ Roman Empire, Matthew,” he said to himself, groaning.

“That was _so._ _Wrong_. Matt, we are not related anymore,” I forced out between giggles.

Arthur ducked down to look under the seats. “Matthew, please tell me you have alcohol in here. I think I need a drink.”

* * *

Luckily, Matt hasn’t kept alcohol in the truck since that incident with Grandpa’s cop friend in South Dakota, so we kept Art sober all the way back to downtown Calgary. Our flights were only about thirty minutes apart, and mine didn’t leave until six that evening, so we had plenty of  time to burn in the city before we had to go through security and head off. We stopped at a McDonald’s across the street from Canada Olympic Park, where  we could waste a few hours without worrying about getting mugged. To waste even more time, we sat down to eat.

Arthur was in the middle of telling us the story behind the chemistry lab explosion he kept going on about (which was more about torturing his lab partner Antonio, who left the school soon after the incident, than the chaos that ensued), when Matt suddenly hit both palms against the table and made his thinking face at his fries. Art and I, sitting on the other side of the booth from him, drew back a little and stared at him.

“What was that?” Art asked him. Matt looked up at him, and even me, who’s had years of dealing with Matt’s weirdly dark-blue-almost-purple eyes, would admit that he had a very disconcertingly intense look in them.

“What was Antonio’s last name?” he asked like he was asking for top secret Pentagon information.

Arthur rightfully stuttered a little bit at the question. “Oh, well I- Carriedo, but- why do you need to know?” Matt ignored him as soon as he got the name, flipping open his phone and tapping away furiously. He flipped it closed but kept staring at it as he ate his fries without looking. A very confused Arthur and me kept staring at him until it buzzed and he flipped it open, reading whatever was on the screen avidly. He grinned.

“Uh, Matt?” I said tentatively, nudging his leg under the table with my foot. He looked up at us and cackled.

“Oh, okay, you wanna know something great?” he said, eyes just wide enough to make him look crazy.

“Sure?”

“Gil’s mom is dating a Ms. Carriedo. She has a son named Antonio.” He turned his attention back to his phone with glee. “I’m getting Gil to ask him if he knows you and see what he does.”

Arthur looked startled for a moment, then grinned just as wildly as Matt. If I wasn’t trapped inside the booth by Arthur’s body, I probably would’ve escaped to the bathroom.

Before I could make myself ask a now maniacal Art to move and let me out, though, Matt’s phone buzzed and he flipped it open excitedly. He snorted and handed it over to Arthur to read. I looked over his shoulder. Gil’s text read, ‘ _HE JUST SCREAMED LIKE A GIRL AND DOVE UNDER THE TABLE OMG I DONT EVEN WHAT HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA BRB DYING’_ , which just made Arthur grin like a maniac and reply (struggling a tiny bit with the unfamiliar T9), ‘ _Ask him about his armada_ ’.

“What about his armada?” I said curiously. He closed the phone but forgot to give it back to Matt as he turned that crazy grin to me.

“That was part of the experiment that blew up,” he explained. “My sodium and water explosion was right next to his pencil box with his ‘armada’ of boat-shaped pencil erasers. He called them his armada.” He chuckled evilly. “The box melted _all_ over them.”

I stared at him blankly. “Remind me never, ever to get on your bad side.” He laughed, then jumped a little at the phone still in his hand buzzed.

“Of course, love,” he said distractedly, opening the text message to see the latest development with his old enemy.

* * *

After that interesting coincidence settled down, we left the McDonald’s and crossed the highway to the COP, as the locals call it. Arthur almost dug in his heels and refused when he saw the dark dots going down the white hill behind the main building, but we assured him that we wouldn’t make him do any kind of snow-related activity he didn’t want to do. We wandered around the Canadian winter sports museum inside for a little, Matt ranting about this hockey player or that ski jumper like he had known them, until I overheard a family talk about what had to be the greatest thing ever.

“There’s a zipline here?” I asked Matt, interrupting his miniature lecture on the Summit Series of ‘72.

He blinked as he switched trains of thought. “Yeah, they strung one from the biggest ski jump out there. It’s apparently the longest one in North America, or the fastest or something- of course,” he said with a sigh, letting me grab his arm in the middle of his explanation and drag him away from the museum part back to the front desk.

I stopped at a skeptical Arthur, who had fallen behind us a little, and bounced on the balls of my feet. Matt jerked his arm out of my grasp, but I ignored him as I told Artie, “We’re going to ride the zipline! Wanna come?”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you think it’ll be cold?”

I laughed and pulled at the sleeves of my ski jacket tied around my waist. “Not if you’ve got the right stuff! Come on, it’ll be fun!”

He sighed, heavy and world-weary. “Fine, I’ll watch you two try to get yourself killed and frostbitten, but I’m not going to do it myself.”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “You’re no fun.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Have I ever tried to be?” I laughed and ran off after Matt, letting Arthur follow us at his own pace.

* * *

It was going to be just a little cold on the zipline, which was advertised as the fastest zipline in North America at 140 km/h, however fast that was in miles. The people who took our parents’ money and instructed us on how to not get killed didn’t seem to think we were crazy, so it couldn’t have been too unusual to want to do this when it was below freezing outside. After a fun, but far too short, practice round on a smaller zipline, the led Matt and me, along with two girls in their mid twenties and very adventurous, up to the top of the biggest ski jump for the real deal. I stopped a moment to hand over the camera I kept forgetting I had to Art, who was standing behind the low fence at the bottom of the hill, shivering but determined. He’d become our dumping spot for any valuables we had that might fall out and get broken, mainly our phones.

He took the offered camera, examining the buttons intently. Then he looked up at me and smiled, and I realized how green his eyes looked and that he was wearing the exact same color sweater under the bomber jacket he’d stolen from me again this morning and that he looked really good in it, and I had to look away, my face hot. Maybe he wouldn’t notice, or he’d dismiss it as part of the cold.

I glanced back, and he was still smiling faintly as he played with the settings on my camera. He looked back up at me, tilting his head with a grin in his eyes. “I’ll  make sure to catch you falling on your arse,” he said with a tone that barely contained his laughter, and my heart did a flip.

Oh, _shit_.

I laughed too loudly to cover it up, pushing at his shoulder before running away to the group walking to the free standing ski jump and way ahead of me. I looked back over my shoulder and smiled goofily when he waved at me.

Oh, this was not good.

* * *

I managed to make myself push aside this new development to enjoy myself on our three runs on the zipline, which was totally worth the bitter cold winds for the adrenaline and the view. We’d lost the coin toss between us and the older women couple, so they had the first run. When Matt and I came down the third and last time, they were leaning on the fence on either side of Art, chatting him up with ease. I tried not to stare as the staff people at the landing point helped us out of the unnecessarily complicated harnesses, then made a beeline for them.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” I asked, leaning on the area of fence between the two girls, which also happened to be where Arthur was leaning. He backed away a little at the sudden encroachment on his space, raising an eyebrow at me. I ignored him, preferring to stare down the girl on my left with what I hoped was a ‘get out of our faces please’ grin.

She rolled her eyes with a smirk. “Just talking to your friend, nothing to get in a fit about.” She pushed herself off the fence and jerked her head back to the main building, looking at the other girl. “C’mon, Kate, time to go,” she said. The other girl, who I knew wasn’t her sister but sure looked it, followed her, winking at us on her way past. I frowned.

Arthur shoved my shoulder to get my attention back to him. “What was that all about?”

I gave him my best oblivious smile. “What was what about?”

He leaned on the fence with a heavy sigh, propping his face on his hand and scowling up at me. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked, giving up on the question.

I laughed softly and started walking to the main building as well. Matt hadn’t bothered to wait on us and was walking in the back door now. “Let’s go inside, it’s cold out here.” I ignored the rhetorical question. He sighed and followed along the other side of the fence.

* * *

We found Matt sitting on a bench across from a large window overlooking the ski hills, staring blankly outside and generally looking bored and lonely. Arthur and I exchanged a glance (already I was learning how to ignore the pulse quickening every time I looked at him) before walking up and sitting on either side of him. He jolted out of his zoning out and smiled at us.

“So was that fun or was that awesome?” I asked him, poking my elbow into his ribs.

He winced through his smile and elbowed me back harder in my not-quite-gone bruise. “Both, obviously.” Art tapped him other shoulder and handed him his phone when he turned around, paying no heed to my throes of agony. “Thanks, Arthur.”

“Not at all,” Artie waved it off. “So how much time do we have to burn?”

Matt flipped open his phone (ignoring the new message from Gil) to see that it was ten after one. “Well, if Al’s flight’s at six, be at the gate forty minutes early, at least an hour in American security, half hour to get there…” He trailed off while he added backwards in his head. “Solid hour and a half.”

I groaned and threw my head back dramatically, leaning against the backrest and staring at the faraway ceiling. “What’re we going to do for _an hour and a half_?” I moaned. Matt laughed, and I looked around his back to see Arthur smiling at the floor.

“I’m sure we’ll find something to do,” Arthur said, his Britishness going strong for a moment, “right after we sit down for a tic. I’ve been standing at that bloody fence for almost an hour, you know.”

I perked up. “Oh, yeah! Did you get any good pictures, man?” I asked, leaning forward to look around Matt’s front. He nodded and dug around in the pockets of my bomber jacket for the camera. I stood and moved around the bench to look from between Matt and Art’s shoulders as he turned the camera on and tried to figure out how to do the playback. I rolled my eyes when he started cursing at it and reached my arms over his shoulders, putting my hands over his.

“It’s not that hard, Artie,” I told him with a smirk, pressing his thumb over the right buttons by the viewer screen. He’d gone shock still under me, and I belatedly realized what kind of position I’d put us in. I quickly withdrew and planted my hands firmly on the wood of the bench between their shoulders, clamming my mouth shut and staring intently at the camera screen. Arthur did the same with a furious red blush.

Matt just stared at us with his eyebrows almost up to his hairline, then flipped open his phone.

* * *

Once we made ourselves forget… whatever that was, we somehow managed to spend the rest of our time in Calgary on that bench. When we finished going through the pictures and one video, I jumped over the back of the bench (ignoring Matt’s muttered “Showoff”) and landed next to Arthur this time. I don’t really remember what we talked about, although I know at one point we all confessed to a guilty love of girl-aimed low fantasy series and defiantly choosing PCs over Macs. Eventually, though, Matt checked his phone after sending another text to Gil, then stood up and stretched.

“Okay, boys, it’s time for y’all to go home.” We groaned for the effect, but got to our feet and joined him as we left the building.

The flags of the world flapped lazily in the breeze outside the front door as we walked by, talking about nineties’ childrens’ cartoons.

* * *

We got to the airport without incident, and Matt parked in front of the international check in door, cutting the engine. We all clambered out, trying not to get hit from anyone driving past, and set to unloading our stuff from the truckbed. We dallied around as much as possible, but there was only so much we could put this off.

Matt and I shuffled our feet as we avoided each other’s eyes, standing next to the curb and Arthur waiting, tapping the handle of his suitcase as loud as possible.

“So, see you in the summer sometime?” he said at last, and I looked at him and grinned my best.

“‘Course you will.” For once, Matt gave in first and hugged me tight, lifting me off the ground just a hair or two. I laughed and hugged him back. “Now put me down.”

He obliged, then quickly turned to Arthur and stepped forward, shaking his hand and clapping him on the back. “Nice to meet you, Arthur.”

“Likewise, Matthew.”

They smiled at each other for a moment, then Matt backed away and got back into his truck, giving a final wave and called a “Goodbye!” before starting the monster again and leaving us on the curb. I watched him go for a minute, waved in case he was watching in his rear view, then turned and gathered my stuff together.

“All right, let’s get this show on the road,” I told him, walking quickly in the revolving doors to get in the line at the Delta counter. Arthur followed.


	20. From Your Lips She Drew The Hallelujah

**CHAPTER NINETEEN (from your lips she drew the hallelujah)**

**Sunday, March 31, 2008**

A tall, sunny teenager stood next to a shorter and fairer blond, looking down the international concourse of the Calgary International Airport. He adjusted his backpack on his shoulder, glancing between the boarding pass in his hand and back up to the gate numbers until his eyebrows rose for a moment and his ever-present smile grew.

“Found it!” he said, drawing the shorter’s attention back to him. “Third one down. Yours is the one two past it, I think,” he directed, pointing down the wide hallway to the C28 and the C26 beyond.

The shorter one smiled faintly. “Lovely. Come on, Al, let’s go,” he ordered the other in a thick British accent. They set off down Concourse C, not really saying anything, but both of them smiling pleasantly.

Being teenaged boys with no adults to push them around, they had gotten there with barely enough time to find and board their planes. The first boarding calls for the flight to LAX were already echoing in the speakers when they got into earshot of Al’s gate. They faced each other, both shifting nervously and avoiding each other’s eyes.

“I guess this is it,” Al said after a bit, raising his eyes to the green ones of his companion.

The shorter nodded curtly, then bit his lip. “I don’t do this often, but I think I can make an exception for you,” he said before dropping his bag to the floor and hugging Al as tight as he could, pressing his face into the soft leather of his jacket. Al winced, but wrapped his arms around him and hugged him back.

“Be safe, love,” the shorter mumbled, then pulled away and swiped at his eyes inconspicuously. When Al’s arms didn’t fall away, he looked up at him, big eyes glistening.

Al smiled warmly at him, then looked around to see if anyone was watching; they were. He ignored them and shifted his hands to hold onto thin shoulders. “I don’t do this often, either, but I think I can make an exception for you, too,” he told him with a cheeky grin before he bent down to press his mouth to his, soft and fleeting. Green eyes slipped closed, and his hands tightened into fists around the hem of Al’s shirt, but the touch was gone as quickly as it came. His eyes fluttered open as one of the hands on his shoulder shifted up to his cheek.

“You be safe, too, now, y’hear?” Al ordered with an even wider grin than before. He nodded, dazed. Al patted his cheek, then turned and ran to get in the short line for the LAX flight. Without his presence, the shorter blond was able to shake himself to full awareness and realize what had happened, face turning red in splotches. “Oi, come back here, you big tease!” he yelled after him, fighting his heavy bag back onto his shoulder and fuming.

“See you in a few months, Artie!” Al called back instead, handing his boarding pass to the airport attendant at the electronic scanner. He turned and waved wildly, and Artie sighed and waved back, smiling helplessly. Al blew him a kiss with a huge wink, then turned and disappeared into the tunnel leading to his plane, laughter echoing.

Artie looked around for his flight number on the marquees above the gates further into the terminal, biting his thumbnail to hide his grin.


	21. Hallelujah x 4

**CHAPTER TWENTY (hallelujah x 4)**  
From: Mattie  
My cousin is gay.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:29 pm  
From: Gil  
PFFF. WHAT.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:30 pm  
From: Mattie  
Yep. With this brit kid he found on the internet. Kinda suspected it before but when theyre together irl… Oh so obvious al  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:33 pm  
From: Gil  
Okay please tell me more so i can blackmail him next time i see him.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
Um hes a short blond guy. Grumpy all the time so far. Honestly though he seems like the type not to stand al at all i dunno where this is coming from  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:39 pm  
From: Gil  
This is GENIUS. Are they gay in kissy kissy horny gay or in sappy girly gay?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:40 pm  
From: Mattie  
So far sappy gay. I dont think they even realize it. Which makes it all the more golden  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:43 pm  
From: Gil  
XD please please keep me posted. Im dying over here.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:44 pm  
From: Mattie  
I figured you would  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:46 pm  
From: Mattie  
Also figures. Al found the piano  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:52 pm  
From: Gil  
Are you mocking him for me? You should mock him for me.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:54 pm  
From: Mattie  
In due time. Gotta wait for the perfect moment to tank his ego  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 3:57 pm  
From: Gil  
You my friend are made of awesome.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:59 pm  
From: Mattie  
Tell me something i dont know  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:01 pm  
From: Gil  
Im scorching like a lobster down here.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:05 pm  
From: Mattie  
I hate you.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:07 pm  
From: Gil  
You know you love it :P  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:10 pm  
From: Mattie  
Still. Screw you. Also id forgotten als boy toy is hilarious  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:13 pm  
From: Gil  
When did you know that in the first place?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:16 pm  
From: Mattie  
Have i never told you that al used to drag me into im convos with the two of them?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:18 pm  
From: Gil  
Probably. Doesnt mean that i remember it.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:19 pm  
From: Mattie  
Well he did. At this rate im not gonna have to try to deflate als head. Arthurs doin a good enough job as it is  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:23 pm  
From: Gil  
So what youre saying is al is pussywhipped.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:24 pm  
From: Mattie  
Pretty much. Its hilarious  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:26 pm  
From: Gil  
Find sometime to send me a stalker pic plz. Im gonna go keep tonio from doing somthing stupid while I wait.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:28 pm  
From: Mattie  
Hahaha okay. Food time anyway  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:31 pm  
From: Mattie  
I love this family. Were talking about the prostitution rate in south africa. I really dont know how we got here  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 4:54 pm  
From: Gil  
Kesesese. I dont want to know. Tonio needs to stop hitting on angry italians. It never ends well for him.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:59 pm  
From: Mattie  
Is it the same guy again? Youd think hed learn.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:01 pm  
From: Gil  
Yup. Hes basically an idiot.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 6:04 pm  
From: Mattie  
HOCKEY TIME!  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 5:48 pm  
From: Gil  
You and your canadianness.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 6:51 pm  
From: Mattie  
Remind me never to make my other cousin angry. Ever.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 6:24 pm  
From: Gil  
Ill remember that. Which cousin is this?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 7:28 pm  
From: Mattie  
The fake russkie one. Hes creative w his punishments. In other words HOCKEY TIME!  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 6:31 pm  
From: Gil  
Have fun man. Ill be here watching the sunset with tequila. And holding toni on a leash.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 7:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
Will do. Put a muzzle on him too.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 6:40 pm  
From: Gil  
Goddammit matt i am NOT that kinky!  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 7:45 pm  
From: Mattie  
Psh. Of course you are. You just havent realized it yet.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 6:50 pm  
From: Gil  
I dislike you.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 7:53 pm  
From: Mattie  
Al totally just got in a fight with my other cousin and got kicked out of the saddledome. I cant stop laughing omgomgomg  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 8:24 pm  
From: Gil  
PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT PICS  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:28 pm  
From: Mattie  
Several. Sending one now.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 8:30 pm  
From: Mattie  
IMG_ 0328082125 .jpg  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 8:32 pm  
From: Gil  
Your other cousin is a *beast*! I almost feel sorry for al! …Wait no i dont its al.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
Theres a good reason his teams doing better than mine. Dont worry bout him too much, he n ivan have done stupider things to each other  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 8:39 pm  
From: Gil  
Wow. I think i might respect al more now. Wait. No. Its al.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:42 pm  
From: Mattie  
I think the term to be used here is ‘pity the fool’.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 8:45 pm  
From: Gil  
Pfff  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:47 pm  
From: Mattie  
:)  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 8:49 pm  
From: Mattie  
Sweeeet sweeeet sweeeet victory  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:21 pm  
From: Gil  
Nice. All around good night i see.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:27 pm  
From: Mattie  
Very much. Al and ivan didnt even tear up my truck like i thought they would. Maybe i caught it lucky tonight.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:31 pm  
From: Gil  
Maybe. I think i lost toni.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:40 pm  
From: Mattie  
How do you lose an energetic spanish soccer star?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:51 pm  
From: Gil  
Well its hard keeping track of him when he keeps running after people who wont give him the time of day w/out any warning!  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:55 pm  
From: Mattie  
I thought you had him on a leash?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 9:58 pm  
From: Gil  
I thought i did too! And then i look down and hes GONE and what the hell bro where the fuck are you  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:01 pm  
From: Mattie  
Hes a big boy, gil, he can take care of himself. Stop worrying so much.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:04 pm  
From: Gil  
You dont understand. This is the kid who stole a maserati because a pretty boy asked him to when we went to naples.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:07 pm  
From: Gil  
And then ditched the car and the kid when he figured out it was a girl! HE CANNOT BE TRUSTED ALONE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY EVER AGAIN  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:09 pm  
From: Mattie  
I see. Call him maybe?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:12 pm  
From: Gil  
Tried that. He left it in our room. I heard it ring. The idiot.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:15 pm  
From: Mattie  
… How scatterbrained do you get?  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:19 pm  
From: Gil  
At least he wore pants this time. Seriously where the fuck did he go  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:24 pm  
From: Mattie  
Retrace your steps. Also it might be worthwhile to look into anyone hes hit on today, It might prove useful.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:28 pm  
From: Gil  
See this is why i tell you things.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:30 pm  
From: Mattie  
Always a pleasure to help  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:34 pm  
From: Gil  
Okay i found angry italians bro from earlier today and hes missing too. Why does toni always go for the prickly ones  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:57 pm  
From: Mattie  
Hehehe  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 10:59 pm  
From: Gil  
Also this kid could totally give toni a run for his money in the airheaded dept.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:05 am  
From: Mattie  
Oh good lord. Good luck. Im going to sleep.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:09 pm  
From: Gil  
Nuuu dont go i need you! For moral support!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:11 am  
From: Mattie  
Fiiiiine. But dont expect smart or long responses from me.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:15 pm  
From: Gil  
Yay! This kid is actually adorable. But kind of annoying. We need to find toni and angry ital soon.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:20 am  
From: Mattie  
Yes you do so i can go to sleep.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:23 pm  
From: Gil  
Aww stop whining. You know you like talking to the awesome me.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:28 am  
From: Mattie  
Mmmm. I like sleeping more.  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:34 pm  
From: Gil  
But this is FUN and EXCITING!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:37 am  
From: Gil  
If he took angry ital to the beach i will murder him. After i take blackmail pics.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:42 am  
From: Gil  
IMG_ 0328082349 .jpg  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:50 am  
From: Mattie  
Whole new meaning to ‘sex on the beach’ eh  
Received: Thu Mar 27, 11:53 pm  
From: Gil  
Oh eeewww. Dont wanna think about toni having gay sex thank you very much  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:59 am  
From: Mattie  
Whatever, You found him so im going to sleep. Gotta get up early tomorrow.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:02 am  
From: Gil  
Mmmm k fine. Sleep tight.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:05 am  
From: Mattie  
Al is hilarious in the morning. He just knocked over all ivans snowmen as we left. To be fair they were strange snowmen.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:32 am  
From: Gil  
Hehe  
Received: Fri Mar 28 7:40 am  
From: Mattie  
Btw may go out of service. Oh well its al/family. Gotta do what you gotta do  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:54 am  
From: Gil  
Ahhh youre still hanging out with him? What about meeee?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:01 am  
From: Mattie  
Of course i am! Hes my cousin and hes awesome! Dont diss the al!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:05 am  
From: Gil  
What? …. Al give mattie his phone back. Not cool man.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:08 am  
From: Mattie  
Make me! Besides hes driving so he cant talk. And im totally his fave so you can just kiss my ass.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:11 am  
From: Gil  
Nuh uuuh! Matt totally likes me more! You can ask him if youre not sure!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:14 am  
From: Mattie  
Like hed tell me straight up if i asked him! … Actually he would. Anyway bloods so much thicker than water that that would be completely unnecessary.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:16 am  
From: Gil  
Psh. You can pick your friends, and he picked me. So there. :P  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:18 am  
From: Mattie  
Al is such a diva im surprised he hasnt turned into a girl yet. Oh and i think art knows who you are already.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:26 am  
From: Gil  
You said it! And what is this now?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:30 am  
From: Mattie  
Yeah he was way too interested when al threw a hissy fit bout us talking. Did let me see al get scared shitless by someone other than ivan though which was fun  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:35 am  
From: Gil  
Lol awesome. I really need those stalker pics.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:38 am  
From: Mattie  
Hockey hockey hockey  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:46 am  
From: Gil  
You are so canadian. I bet you bleed maple syrup and your patronus is a beaver.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:50 am  
From: Gil  
Toni i love you man but if our moms werent dating i would have ditched you two days ago.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:12 pm  
From: Mattie  
I love winning. One day im gonna hustle my teammates w al. One day  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:30 pm  
From: Gil  
Lol al plays hockey?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:32 pm  
From: Mattie  
He did spend several yrs of his life at my house. With my dad. And my bro. And me.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:40 pm  
From: Gil  
Ah. I see. My skin is now pink  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:43 pm  
From: Gil  
Oh screw it tonio do what you want. Im hiding from the sun so i can wear a shirt w/out cursing later.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:56 pm  
From: Mattie  
Good idea. I have poutine. Life is good.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 12:59 pm  
From: Gil  
I have an endless supply of silly cocktail drinks and several groups of people to annoy. Life is good.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 2:05 pm  
From: Mattie  
Go for the old ladies playing bridge sitting by the window over the pool so they can check out the lifeguard.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:11 pm  
From: Gil  
Pokeno actually but nice guess. Actually i may go crash the pool tables. I think i see itals gpa over there and he is made of win  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 2:14 pm  
From: Mattie  
Have fun. Im going skidooing.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:16 pm  
From: Gil  
I love how different we are.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 2:19 pm  
From: Mattie  
Story of my life.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:23 pm  
From: Mattie  
IMG_ 0329081426 .jpg  
This is art. Wearing als bomber jacket aka his favorite thing ever. Al is WHIPPED.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 1:31 pm  
From: Gil  
Ohmygod. Thank you for this. And youre totally right. How does a stuffy old fart like that stand al i dont even  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 2:36 pm  
From: Gil  
I love these guys  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 2:57 pm  
From: Gil  
I think itals gpa just recruited me and the bartender to help him bother the old ladies. I want to be him when i grow up.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 3:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
Sounds like a blast. I just saw a European backpacker do a backflip in a skidoo. It was as awesome as it sounds.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 5:29 pm  
From: Gil  
I love it. Im still hanging out with those old guys. Weve switched to throwing ice at people from the penthouse balcony. Life is awesome.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
…. How old are these guys?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 5:37 pm  
From: Gil  
Youngest has to be at least 40 years older than me.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:40 pm  
From: Mattie  
I cannot think of anything intelligent to say.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 5:46 pm  
From: Gil  
Dont think, appreciate it for the awesomeness that it is!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:49 pm  
From: Mattie  
Whatever you say. Guess it brings a whole new meaning to ‘old souls’.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 5:52 pm  
From: Gil  
You said it. Badass grandpas all over the place.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:56 pm  
From: Gil  
BA and important. Ive got a music vp, state sen, tax man, rocket sci prof and af commander in the room w me. Throwing ice at half naked people 10 stories down.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:05 pm  
From: Mattie  
Why are these people not in our generation  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:07 pm  
From: Gil  
According to rocket sci prof its cause we need seasoning.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:10 pm  
From: Mattie  
Of course. Youve just got a headstart cause of the white hair thing.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:13 pm  
From: Gil  
Pff. That was both horrible and one of the first things they said to me. Congrats. You have the sense of humor of a 65 yr old man.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:17 pm  
From: Mattie  
Is it strange that im actually flattered?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:22 pm  
From: Gil  
Not at all.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:24 pm  
From: Mattie  
Good.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:25 pm  
From: Mattie  
Okay there is seriously a ncis thing going on here.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:40 pm  
From: Gil  
How so?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
Camp owner = gibbs, right hand man = tony, computer nerd = mcgee.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:46 pm  
From: Gil  
Haha awesome. No kate or ziva?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:48 pm  
From: Mattie  
No because that would be my cousin and I do not want to be attracted to my cousin.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:51 pm  
From: Gil  
AL WOULD BE YOUR ZIVA?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:52 pm  
From: Mattie  
Pffffff hahahahaha no. Girl cousin, ivans lil sis. Al would be abby. Or palmer.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:54 pm  
From: Gil  
Palmer most def. Because I do NOT want to be attracted to al.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:57 pm  
From: Mattie  
Haha okay. Then art would be ducky? I mean he is a brit.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 6:59 pm  
From: Gil  
Ohgod ohgod ducky/palmer DNW DNW DNWWWW  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:00 pm  
From: Mattie  
LOL. Then hell be jenny?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:01 pm  
From: Gil  
Idk. As long as its not ducky.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:02 pm  
From: Mattie  
Haha okay. Hell be random guest star #23.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:04 pm  
From: Gil  
Lol i like that.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:05 pm  
From: Gil  
Man i could talk to these guys forever  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:11 pm  
From: Mattie  
I bet. I love air farce. So much  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:15 pm  
From: Gil  
So youve said. Mmm getting dark. Maybe i should find toni now.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:18 pm  
From: Mattie  
I thought you were gonna let him fend for himself?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:20 pm  
From: Gil  
Not after dark. Who knows what shit hell get himself into.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:22 pm  
From: Mattie  
You worry too much. I bet hes still with the angry italian.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:25 pm  
From: Gil  
*Sigh* probably. Probably slapped to an inch of his life too. He has no tact.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:27 pm  
From: Gil  
I love how itals ba gpa has an iphone. Like a lot.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
That is great.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:38 pm  
From: Mattie  
Okay al just carried art out of the room. I am confused. And kind of speechless.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:39 pm  
From: Gil  
Youre making me want to come up there. A lot. But that would mean leaving behind my ba gpa posse. Def hanging with these guys tomorrow.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:42 pm  
From: Mattie  
You need friends your own age man. I am still confused btw.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:45 pm  
From: Gil  
But no one i know is as cool as these guys! And isnt it obvious? Als taking him away to make wild sweet love to him  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:46 pm  
From: Mattie  
So what am i a duck?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:48 pm  
From: Mattie  
Also so youre okay with the idea of straightish al having gay sex but not blatantly gay antonio?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:49 pm  
From: Gil  
… Well when you put it that way no.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:52 pm  
From: Gil  
No youre a beaver. Or a moose. Jk jk you know you never count when i talk about the world.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:54 pm  
From: Mattie  
Good. Keep it that way.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 7:56 pm  
From: Gil  
&hearts  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:57 pm  
From: Gil  
Found toni. He was buying angry ital produce. Strangely it seemed to be working for him.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:21 pm  
From: Mattie  
That is odd. I guess theyre made for each other.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:23 pm  
From: Gil  
I guess. Its kinda creepy.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:27 pm  
From: Mattie  
Al and art still arent back. Im worried for arts safety. And his virginity.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:38 pm  
From: Gil  
You sure you need to be worried about the last one?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:41 pm  
From: Mattie  
…. Okay ALS virginity.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:42 pm  
From: Gil  
That’s the spirit! Although maybe if he got some he wouldnt be such a dick.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
Whatever you say mr. Kettle.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:44 pm  
From: Gil  
Are you taking his side?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:45 pm  
From: Mattie  
Nope. Both of you are dicks.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:46 pm  
From: Gil  
Touche. Okay im bored. Spying on toni and angry ital isnt interesting anymore.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:49 pm  
From: Mattie  
Go jump in the ocean.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:50 pm  
From: Gil  
Youre no help.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:51 pm  
From: Mattie  
I know. Part of my charm.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:52 pm  
From: Gil  
Sure. Whatever. You should go spy on al and his new toy for me.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:53 pm  
From: Mattie  
That means going outside in the cold. So no.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:54 pm  
From: Gil  
Awwww come ooooon!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:54 pm  
From: Mattie  
No. Al can handle himself for a few minutes without being watched. And i dont want to know if theyre doing anything honestly.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:56 pm  
From: Gil  
Pff. Youre a lousy friend. Wont even spy on your cousin for me. So unawesome.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:57 pm  
From: Mattie  
You hear that? Thats the sound of me not giving a good goddamn.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 8:58 pm  
From: Gil  
:P loser.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:59 pm  
From: Mattie  
Dickhead.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:00 pm  
From: Gil  
Youre a dickhead!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:01 pm  
From: Mattie  
Oh go find some drunk girls to hit on  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:01 pm  
From: Gil  
I will! And ill be sure to shove it in your face when it works too!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:02 pm  
From: Mattie  
Please spare me. I would prefer not to be forced to pull my own eyes from my skull.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:03 pm  
From: Gil  
Harsh man. Real harsh.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:03 pm  
From: Mattie  
Yeah well. Its not like you like me for my sweet and easygoing nature.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:05 pm  
From: Gil  
True dat. Hello beachfront prop party to crash.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:06 pm  
From: Gil  
Oooh they have nice food. And beer.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:09 pm  
From: Mattie  
Lovely. Mmm news is on and im tired. Going to sleep.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:12 pm  
From: Gil  
Sometimes i think youre lamer than me.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:14 pm  
From: Mattie  
Yeah right. At least i didnt spend my entire day hanging out with cranky old men.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:15 pm  
From: Gil  
Hey those were awesome old men! You agreed with me!  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:17 pm  
From: Mattie  
They were still old men.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:18 pm  
From: Gil  
Youre an old man  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:18 pm  
From: Mattie  
Well if im old then youre ancient.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:20 pm  
From: Gil  
You need to stop disproving my logic.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:21 pm  
From: Mattie  
What logic?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:22 pm  
From: Gil  
I hate you.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:23 pm  
From: Mattie  
Aww you know you love it  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:24 pm  
From: Gil  
Sure whatever. This party sucks. *Steals beer and moves on*  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:30 pm  
From: Mattie  
Classic. I do not want pics if you do miraculously get lucky btw  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:32 pm  
From: Gil  
I am insulted that you think im that trashy.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:33 pm  
From: Mattie  
I dont. Im just warning you.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:34 pm  
From: Gil  
Oh yeah? Well what’re you gonna do about it if i do?  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
That’s an easy one. Give it to al.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:36 pm  
From: Gil  
You drive a hard bargain my friend. Also i think you may be part evil.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:36 pm  
From: Mattie  
This i know.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:37 pm  
From: Gil  
Ah sweet more free beer  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
Do you realize that you keep waking me up when im almost asleep and i am really fucking annoyed at you right now  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:44 pm  
From: Gil  
Mwahahahahhahahha all part of my plan  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:45 pm  
From: Mattie  
I hate you. And im turning my ringer off.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 9:46 pm  
From: Gil  
Well poo to you.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:47 pm  
From: Mattie  
If you care al and art just came in. Woke me up. Again. I am going to kill him tomorrow.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 10:32 pm  
From: Gil  
I do care. Immensely. I will applaud you and give you free things if you actually go through with that.  
Received: Fri Mar 28, 11:34 pm  
From: Mattie  
Okay when i go on a killing spree art will be spared. He makes awesome coffee.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 6:37 am  
From: Mattie  
Yay boarding!  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 7:41 am  
From: Gil  
Wait doesnt that go against everything about british people ever? The coffee thing I mean.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:39 am  
From: Mattie  
XD yeah I guess so. He works at a coffeeshop so idk i think he makes it more than he drinks it. It makes sense somehow  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:40 am  
From: Gil  
Hmm. Whatever. I think im gonna find those old guys. Toni ditched me for his angry ital again  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:41 am  
From: Mattie  
Aww poor baby.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:43 am  
From: Gil  
Shut up loser.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:44 am  
From: Mattie  
Oh is that all you got?  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:46 am  
From: Gil  
I will grind your bones into dust and use it as baking powder when i make you a bday cake AND THEN I WILL EAT IT ALL MYSELF WHILE YOU WATCH.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:48 am  
From: Mattie  
… Whatever it is youre on i want some.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:50 am  
From: Gil  
Its called awesome, and im the only one who makes it. Deal with it.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:51 am  
From: Mattie  
Then youve gotta mail it to me some time. I want to take it on a test run.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:52 am  
From: Gil  
Ill make a batch just for you when i come up. Or you come down here.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:54 am  
From: Mattie  
XD one day.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:55 am  
From: Gil  
Ooooone daaayyy  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:56 am  
From: Mattie  
Als trying to give me the silent treatment. Hes crap at the silent treatment.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:57 am  
From: Gil  
Kesesese nice.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:57 am  
From: Mattie  
I still cant believe you still use ‘kesesesese’.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 8:58 am  
From: Gil  
Theres nothing wrong with kesesese! Its cool and original!  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:59 am  
From: Mattie  
Originally retarded maybe. You got that from a drunken typo. I think that says a lot.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:00 am  
From: Gil  
Hey screw you.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 10:00 am  
From: Mattie  
I would but its kind of hard to screw yourself. Im not conceited like you or al.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:01 am  
From: Gil  
Where do you have room in your body for all of your snark  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 10:03 am  
From: Mattie  
I think it stays mainly in my spleen. What else is a spleen good for anyway.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:04 am  
From: Gil  
I think I just heard my anatomy teacher die inside.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 10:05 am  
From: Gil  
Thank you.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 10:05 am  
From: Mattie  
Haha no prob.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:06 am  
From: Mattie  
It is going to be so hilarious watching art fall on his ass all day long.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:10 am  
From: Gil  
I thought you liked him?  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 10:11 am  
From: Mattie  
Oh i do. He just is a very stiff and formal kind of person so itll be funny to see him lose his dignity.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:13 am  
From: Mattie  
Also i am totally going to push al into a tree  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:14 am  
From: Gil  
I will bow down to you for at least a week if you do.  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 10:15 am  
From: Mattie  
Only a week? I am so underappreciated these days  
Received: Sat Mar 29, 9:16 am  
From: Gil  
Okay maybe a month. But no longer.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:18 am  
From: Mattie  
Thats better.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:19 am  
From: Gil  
I just got hit with a weird fuzzy feeling about us. Im not sure how to respond to this.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:22 am  
From: Mattie  
Pfff. Probably with your usual level of wit and subtlety  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:23 am  
From: Gil  
Exactly. I figured out what it means.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:24 am  
From: Mattie  
Eh?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:24 am  
From: Gil  
If you were a girl wed be fucking right now.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:25 am  
From: Mattie  
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. What. And why am i the girl  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:27 am  
From: Gil  
Yes. You know it to be true. Also youre totally the bitch in the relationship. Isnt it obvious by now?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:28 am  
From: Mattie  
Im not the bitch, im the bossy housewife.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:30 am  
From: Gil  
But youre still the woman.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:31 am  
From: Mattie  
In the ‘true leader of the household’ woman way yes. Because thats what my mom is and i would so totally be my mom if i was a girl.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:33 am  
From: Gil  
So basically you want me to screw your mom.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:34 am  
From: Mattie  
… I did not intend for that to happen.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:35 am  
From: Gil  
Well it did so i win.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:36 am  
From: Mattie  
Oh shut up. Find your old men yet?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:38 am  
From: Gil  
Almost. Toni didnt come back last night. Maybe i should get angry itals number just so i can keep track of him  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:40 am  
From: Mattie  
That convo will go over well. What do you mean almost?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:41 am  
From: Gil  
Ive found their trail of broken objects and angry people but i havent quite reached their position yet. And shit youre right. Ill steal it from his gpa.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:43 am  
From: Mattie  
Good plan. I really wish i knew these guys.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:45 am  
From: Gil  
I wish you did too. I just found them fishing off the side of the pier. Next to a fishing yacht. Why do i get this feeling that they own the yacht  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:48 am  
From: Mattie  
Well there was that one traveling salesman.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:50 am  
From: Gil  
Hahahaa nice  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:51 am  
From: Gil  
Oh okay they own the yacht AND the pier.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:54 am  
From: Mattie  
Pfff. Awesome. Let them take you deep sea fishing please  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:55 am  
From: Gil  
I didnt even have to bring it up. I think they may have been waiting on me. Love for them just doubled.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:58 am  
From: Mattie  
That is great. I hope they let you drink too  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:00 am  
From: Gil  
I dunno. One is a state senator so underage drinking in his presence may be bad. I dont think ceo or commander care though.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 11:04 am  
From: Mattie  
Ceo might enable you. I can see it. Almost to nakiska  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:05 am  
From: Gil  
Bahahaha i can see it too. Does that mean no more you?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 11:09 am  
From: Mattie  
Not necessarily no more me but def. Not regular me. And its in a few minutes so weve got time ;)  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:11 am  
From: Gil  
Ah. I see.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 11:09 am  
From: Gil  
Boats boats boats boats  
Received: Sat Mar 29 11:14 am  
From: Mattie  
Snow snow snow snow  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:18 am  
From: Gil  
I almost hung a dolphin  
Received: Sat Mar 29 2:37 pm  
From: Mattie  
Dont tell greenpeace. I got owned by a 13 yo girl. Art gave up already.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 1:59 pm  
From: Gil  
I laugh in your general direction. At least mine wasnt embarrassing.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 3:08 pm  
From: Mattie  
Shut your trap.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 2:15 pm  
From: Mattie  
Okay i wish you were here to pester this ski snob al and i just ran into. He needs some gil annoying to make him bearable for normal people.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 2:49 pm  
From: Gil  
The old guys are taking me to dinner now at one of their places. Apparently af comm. Is also an amateur gourmet cook  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:45 pm  
From: Mattie  
A little early for dinner, dontcha think?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 3:58 pm  
From: Gil  
Nah. Since we have to cook the pile of fish we caught, I figure its just the right time.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:09 pm  
From: Mattie  
I see. We just left nakiska btw. Lotsa bonding time with al today.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:12 pm  
From: Gil  
I guess im glad to hear it.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:14 pm  
From: Mattie  
You are. More bonding time w al = more secret things i know about him.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:15 pm  
From: Gil  
Im really glad im not related to you actually.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:17 pm  
From: Mattie  
Hahahahaa. My knee hurts.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:20 pm  
From: Gil  
Well thats what you get when you let yourself do things like snowboard. If it isnt obvious this guys house is a-MAY-zing  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:24 pm  
From: Mattie  
Predictable. I bet its three stories and has a tank in the basement.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:25 pm  
From: Gil  
Ooooh must find subtle way to investigate mancave in basement now  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:31 pm  
From: Mattie  
Please do.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:32 pm  
From: Gil  
Well theres not a tank but there are seven sets of golf clubs and a souvenir nazi flag signed by his regiment.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:46 pm  
From: Mattie  
Epic. I assume you arent telling him about your nazi gpa  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:47 pm  
From: Gil  
Hell to the fucking no. I would get kicked out so hard i wouldnt have time to sneeze  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:50 pm  
From: Mattie  
Smart boy. I knew there was a reason i still talked to you.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 4:51 pm  
From: Gil  
Got angry itals num and am now getting owned in pool btwn guitar hero matches against ital gpa on his iphone. Let it never be said that old people are boring.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:04 pm  
From: Mattie  
They may not be boring, but you are still the loneliest tv star i know.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:06 pm  
From: Gil  
Im the ONLY tv star you know  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:12 pm  
From: Mattie  
…. Dude.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:13 pm  
From: Gil  
Oh right al sorry. Forgot about him for a minute there. Distracted by the 7 ball.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:20 pm  
From: Mattie  
Sure you were.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:21 pm  
From: Gil  
Btw i dont care if im lonely. Its more fun to float around groups. No strings attached you see  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:25 pm  
From: Mattie  
Oh of course.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:25 pm  
From: Gil  
Youre the only one awesome enough to keep up with me anyway  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:31 pm  
From: Mattie  
So youre blaming your loneliness on me now eh?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:32 pm  
From: Gil  
Stfu you know exactly what i mean.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:34 pm  
From: Mattie  
:P but its just so much fun to mess with you  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:35 pm  
From: Gil  
Grrrr  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:39 pm  
From: Mattie  
IMG_ 0330081746 .jpg  
Here. Have an adorably disgustingly cute picture of al and art sleeping on each other in the backseat as my apology.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:48 pm  
From: Gil  
Ohmygod. Guys should not be allowed to look that cute.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:50 pm  
From: Mattie  
Youre telling me. This is MY COUSIN.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:51 pm  
From: Gil  
Its like the aspca commercials with the abused puppies and the sarah mclachlan bg music.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:55 pm  
From: Mattie  
Ffff yes. Tear up my heartstrings with those big doe eyes  
Received: Sat Mar 29 5:56 pm  
From: Gil  
Exactly. So tell me more about this arthur character while i look for the bathroom/explore.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:57 pm  
From: Mattie  
1/2 Hes kinda grumpy and easily flustered. Last name kirkland. Apparently he used t be old money and had a falling out w parents. 1st yr at oxfo  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:01 pm  
From: Mattie  
2/2 rd. Very sarcastic, borderline unpleasantly but not quite. At least seems to stand al more than most people. Makes awesome coffee.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:02 pm  
From: Gil  
… I feel like ive heard of arthur kirkland before.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:04 pm  
From: Mattie  
Orly  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:04 pm  
From: Gil  
Cant put my finger on it though. Hmmmm  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:06 pm  
From: Mattie  
Eh itll come to you soon enough.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:09 pm  
From: Gil  
I guess so. I want this house.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:10 pm  
From: Mattie  
So very predictable. Dont leave your old men pining for too long now.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:12 pm  
From: Gil  
Hahahaha no worries. They wont even miss me.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:15 pm  
From: Mattie  
Oh im sure you’ve managed to make yourself a staple of the posse in two days. Shower now brb  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:17 pm  
From: Gil  
Mk. Commanders wife is here now. Apparently shes an anathesiologist with a blackbelt in karate.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:22 pm  
From: Gil  
This is so much better than party hopping  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:34 pm  
From: Mattie  
Coldest. Shower. Ever.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:40 pm  
From: Gil  
Thats what you get for taking a shower in the outback of alberta.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
Yeah whatever.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:46 pm  
From: Mattie  
Im ignoring that you just called canada the outback btw  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:48 pm  
From: Gil  
You know you love it :)   
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:50 pm  
From: Gil  
Dinner time!  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:57 pm  
From: Mattie  
Haha same for me.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 6:58 pm  
From: Mattie  
Heheehehe were going out to eat now. I hope they have alcohol.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:01 pm  
From: Gil  
Why? Besides the obvious.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:02 pm  
From: Mattie  
Getting al drunk is a hobby of mine.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:02 pm  
From: Gil  
I fucking love you man  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:03 pm  
From: Mattie  
Is this the bromantic way or the ‘if you were a girl wed be fucking’ way?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:04 pm  
From: Gil  
Both, presumably.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:05 pm  
From: Mattie  
Ah. They do have alcohol. This is going to be a great night.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:09 pm  
From: Gil  
I will accept any and all pics you send me. Af comm can cook!  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:12 pm  
From: Mattie  
They just keep getting cooler and cooler.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:15 pm  
From: Mattie  
Commence Operation Whiskey aka Get Al Sloshed  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:20 pm  
From: Mattie  
I love this bar  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:38 pm  
From: Gil  
Its your kind of place?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:46 pm  
From: Mattie  
Precisely.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 7:47 pm  
From: Mattie  
Hahahahaha exactly as planned  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:09 pm  
From: Gil  
Hehehehehe  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:11 pm  
From: Mattie  
Now its never have i ever in the corner with two drunk chicks from the table over  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:25 pm  
From: Gil  
Now im talking about 50s gangsters. Apparently tax mans wife is the goddaughter of a chicago mobster  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:31 pm  
From: Mattie  
Cool. I like artie drunk.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:34 pm  
From: Gil  
You mean when hes drunk or when youre drunk  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:39 pm  
From: Mattie  
Mmmm both  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:41 pm  
From: Mattie  
IMG_ 0330082153 .jpg  
Best night ever  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:54 pm  
From: Mattie  
IMG_ 0330082156 .jpg  
Aaaaand suddenly als changing up his batting stance  
Received: Sat Mar 29 8:58 pm  
From: Gil  
Fffffffff i am too shocked to fix your metaphor  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:01 pm  
From: Mattie  
Please dont remind me about this tom. D. N. W.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:04 pm  
From: Gil  
But this is gold! But okay.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:05 pm  
From: Mattie  
Thanks  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:06 pm  
From: Mattie  
Aaaaand als down for the count. Fun and scarring while it lasted  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:11 pm  
From: Gil  
…What?  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:12 pm  
From: Mattie  
He fainted and were leaving.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 9:15 pm  
From: Gil  
Kesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesese  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:16 pm  
From: Gil  
Ba gpa posse is straying into areas I dont think they want my virgin minor ears hearing about. I think ill go home.  
Received: Sat Mar 29 10:25 pm  
From: Mattie  
This coffee tastes like shit  
Received: Sun Mar 30 7:20 am  
From: Mattie  
Thank you art for saving everyone from the terror of ludwigs ‘coffee’  
Received: Sun Mar 30 7:51 am  
From: Gil  
Oh yay antonio actually decided to come back last night!  
Received: Sun Mar 30 9:04 am  
From: Mattie  
Yay! Driving now  
Received: Sun Mar 30 8:12 am  
From: Gil  
Cool. Keep the phone from al.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 9:14 am  
From: Mattie  
What was tonis last name again  
Received: Sun Mar 30 10:34 am  
From: Gil  
Carriedo. Why?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:35 am  
From: Mattie  
Omgomgomg go ask him if he knows an arthur kirkland pleeeeeeease  
Received: Sun Mar 30 10:35 am  
From: Gil  
Um okay. Lemme find him.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:36 am  
From: Mattie  
Hurryyyy  
Received: Sun Mar 30 10:36 am  
From: Gil  
HE JUST SCREAMED LIKE A GIRL AND DOVE UNDER THE TABLE OMG I DONT EVEN. WHAT. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA BRB DYING  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:37 am  
From: Mattie  
Ask him about his armada  
Received: Sun Mar 30 10:38 am  
From: Gil  
Pfff now hes trying to get under the bed but its too low to the ground. I dont even want to know what art did to make him like this but its GOLD  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:39 am  
From: Mattie  
I blew it up when we were 12. We were lab partners.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 10:40 am  
From: Gil  
Oh is this art now? Dude. Thanks. I needed this blackmail.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:41 am  
From: Mattie  
Anytime  
Received: Sun Mar 30 10:41 am  
From: Gil  
Love you man.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:42 am  
From: Gil  
So today i think ill go shopping with mom and her gf.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:05 pm  
From: Mattie  
Sounds like a thrill ride. Meanwhile i get to lecture al about canadian sports.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:08 am  
From: Gil  
Poor al.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:09 pm  
From: Mattie  
Actually scratch that were going on the zipline. Apparently its the fastest in na.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:37 am  
From: Gil  
Orly  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:40 pm  
From: Mattie  
Yep. 140 kmph  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:42 am  
From: Gil  
… You are going to be very very very cold.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
I know eh? Isnt it the greatest?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:45 am  
From: Gil  
I wonder about you sometimes  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:46 pm  
From: Mattie  
If it makes you feel better the feeling is reciprocated.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:47 am  
From: Gil  
Id wonder about you more if you didnt wonder about me too.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:48 pm  
From: Mattie  
Where is this convo going  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:50 am  
From: Gil  
Only good places I know.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:51 pm  
From: Mattie  
Bbl zipline time  
Received: Sun Mar 30 11:55 am  
From: Gil  
Have fun beaver boy  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:56 pm  
From: Gil  
Remind me why i thought this was a good idea.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:16 pm  
From: Mattie  
Thought what was a good idea?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:18 pm  
From: Gil  
Shopping with my freaking mother in mexico  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:19 pm  
From: Mattie  
Because you were bored and had nothing better to do?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:21 pm  
From: Gil  
Ah yes that was it. … Wait arent you ziplining atm?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:22 pm  
From: Mattie  
He is. Im holding his phone. Its Arthur again.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:27 pm  
From: Gil  
Really? Sweet! Nice to meet you or something like it. Hows it hanging? Why arent you zipping with them?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:28 pm  
From: Mattie  
I can barely stand walking outside here let alone flying down a hill.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:30 pm  
From: Gil  
Haha I dont blame you. Question. How did you meet ennis the sparkly cowboy?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:32 pm  
From: Mattie  
…. You mean Alfred?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:34 pm  
From: Gil  
Well of course.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:35 pm  
From: Mattie  
I see. So does that make you jack the equally sparkly cowboy?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:39 pm  
From: Gil  
Whoa i def didnt see that coming. You know our show?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:40 pm  
From: Mattie  
You could say that.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:41 pm  
From: Gil  
Wow. Im so sorry for you.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:41 pm  
From: Mattie  
Its quite all right. I lived didnt i?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:42 pm  
From: Gil  
Im not sure how xD im not sure how i did.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:43 pm  
From: Mattie  
Oh it wasnt that bad. Unless you rewatched it.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:49 pm  
From: Gil  
Hahahaha so true.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:50 pm  
From: Mattie  
Okay theyre almost done. Nice talking to you gil  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:51 pm  
From: Gil  
Right back at ya.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:52 pm  
From: Gil  
Seriously. Why did I ever think shopping with two women was a good idea.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:06 pm  
From: Mattie  
Because youre a bored masochist whose other choices are follow his stepbro or hang out with old men  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:15 pm  
From: Mattie  
I had fun btw  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:16 pm  
From: Gil  
Well thats good. Im still bored.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:18 pm  
From: Mattie  
Okay al and art have switched from innocent flirting to intentional flirting. Its… Its rather… Um. Odd.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:19 pm  
From: Gil  
I laugh in your general direction.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:21 pm  
From: Mattie  
You are dead to me  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:22 pm  
From: Gil  
Dont be like that sugarcakes! WHAT ABOUT THE BABY  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:23 pm  
From: Mattie  
I could never be with someone who uses triple exclamation points  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:24 pm  
From: Gil  
Okay yeah. This is why i love you.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:24 pm  
From: Mattie  
Because im picky when it comes to my men?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:25 pm  
From: Gil  
Youre the only one who would play along at all  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:26 pm  
From: Mattie  
Im not surprised.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:27 pm  
From: Gil  
Exactly!  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:28 pm  
From: Mattie  
Mmhmm.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:30 pm  
From: Mattie  
What would i do without you  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:46 pm  
From: Gil  
Crash and burn  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:47 pm  
From: Mattie  
Thats what i thought  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:48 pm  
From: Mattie  
Wait was that a supernatural quote  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:51 pm  
From: Gil  
Took you long enough  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:52 pm  
From: Mattie  
So sorry diva. Als distracting me with kid stories.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:55 pm  
From: Gil  
Ah. Call him wonderboy for me when you can.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:56 pm  
From: Mattie  
Hahahaha okay why  
Received: Sun Mar 30 12:58 pm  
From: Gil  
Old joke. Just do it.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:59 pm  
From: Mattie  
Patience young grasshopper. Things like this take precision.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:02 pm

From: Gil  
Hehehehe well youre the master al antagonizer  
Received: Sun Mar 30 2:03 pm

From: Mattie  
And dont you forget it  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:05 pm

From: Mattie  
So i managed to get in that wonderboy you wanted. Al just made a weird face and changed the topic with a vengeance.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 1:32 pm

From: Gil  
*Sigh* oh well ill take what i get.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 2:35 pm

From: Gil  
So apparently im celloing tonight since the bar cellist got sick. I hate how mom knows everyone.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:27 pm

From: Mattie  
Hahahahaha. Oh well youll have a good time im sure.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 2:29 pm

From: Gil  
:\ Yeah well see.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:30 pm

From: Mattie  
Okay time to drop al and art off.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 2:33 pm

From: Gil  
Tell art that ill track him down and talk to him soon  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:34 pm

From: Mattie  
You can be a creepy fucker when you want to  
Received: Sun Mar 30 2:42 pm

From: Gil  
Whatever  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:44 pm

From: Mattie  
Fucking stop and go traffic fucking airport fucking driving fucking cold fucking goodbyes  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:21 pm

From: Gil  
I take it you dropped them off  
Received: Sun Mar 30 4:21 pm

From: Mattie  
I hate goodbyes  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:22 pm

From: Gil  
I gathered that. Want me to send you something to cheer you up?  
Received: Sun Mar 30 4:23 pm

From: Mattie  
Sure  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:26 pm

From: Gil  
IMG_ 0330082156 .jpg  
You sent this to me last night. Now that theyre gone I feel no shame in reminding you of it.  
Received: Sun Mar 30 4:28 pm

From: Mattie  
Oh god my eyes what did you do to me  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:31 pm

From: Gil  
Kesesesesesesesesesesese &hearts   
Received: Sun Mar 30 4:32 pm

From: Mattie  
I hate you so much  
Received: Sun Mar 30 3:32 pm

From: Gil  
Love you too man  
Received: Sun Mar 30 4:36 pm


	22. I Did My Best, It Wasn't Much

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE (I did my best, it wasn’t much)  
Monday, March 31, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50** : HEY!  
 **onceandthefuture** : hullo  
 **stripeznstarz50** : long time no chat ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : hahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : have a nice flight?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eh, good enough  
 **stripeznstarz50** : how bout you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : get lost in the American airports?  
 **onceandthefuture** : surprisingly no  
 **onceandthefuture** : almost in JFK  
 **onceandthefuture** : but I found a family with a union jack on the dad’s backpack and followed them  
 **onceandthefuture** : once I asked to make sure they were going home of course  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course  
 **stripeznstarz50** : glad that you weren’t completely traumatized though  
 **onceandthefuture** : takes more than that to scare me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehehe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so  
 **stripeznstarz50** : did you have fun?  
 **onceandthefuture** : of course I did  
 **stripeznstarz50** : haha good  
 **onceandthefuture** : why would you even need to ask?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I like to make sure  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mom and dad say hi btw  
 **onceandthefuture** : tell them my aunt and uncle won’t shut up about them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bahahaah  
 **onceandthefuture** : and I say hello back  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I am really glad we did that  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am as well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : although I’ll miss seeing you  
 **onceandthefuture** : likewise  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : anyway   
**stripeznstarz50** : school time  
 **stripeznstarz50** : brb  
 **onceandthefuture** : all right  
  
 **Tuesday, April 1, 2008  
  
** **stripeznstarz50** : www. alfredfreakingjones.com/blog/2008/03/31  
 **onceandthefuture** : what  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just read it  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve been meaning to put up a post about where I was last week  
 **stripeznstarz50** : figured I might as well come clean about you too since I don’t ahve to worry about the whole anon thing now  
 **onceandthefuture** : true  
 **onceandthefuture** : wait  
 **onceandthefuture** : is that my last name  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : did I do that?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : you did  
 **stripeznstarz50** : shit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : where?  
 **onceandthefuture** : right at the beginning moron  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : want me to take it out?  
 **onceandthefuture** : _please_  
 **onceandthefuture** : I know we’re friendds and  such and that’s dandy  
 **onceandthefuture** : but honestly, if this gets back to AnA  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m fucked  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you still hang out there?  
 **onceandthefuture** : slightly  
 **onceandthefuture** : not as much as I used to, true  
 **onceandthefuture** : by now I’m just in it for the few discussion threads and the perfect moment to say that I have his number  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I never gave you his nuber  
 **stripeznstarz50** : did matt do that?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes and no  
 **stripeznstarz50** : cause if he did then I need to remember to kill him  
 **onceandthefuture** : I took it off his phone while you two were being right imbeciles and ziplining in the snow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you can be a sneaky little bastard  
 **onceandthefuture** : I know  
 **onceandthefuture** : either way  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am now in the possession of delicate material  
 **onceandthefuture** : and as such, it must be treated with respect  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I could give you my number if his means that much to you  
 **onceandthefuture** : already have it  
 **onceandthefuture** : you called me, remember?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ooh, right  
 **onceandthefuture** : besides, you don’t want one of these girls getting your number specifically, love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... right  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my bad xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : Alfred  
 **stripeznstarz50** : man it’s weir to hear you say that  
 **onceandthefuture** : true but not the point  
 **onceandthefuture** : how long did you leave my full name on your site?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I dunno, hour or so  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why?  
 **onceandthefuture** : because I have fifteen facebook friend requests from girls I don’t know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bahahahahahaahahahhaaha  
 **stripeznstarz50** : omg that’s rich  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and it reminds me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *sends own req*  
 **onceandthefuture** : should I send these ladies your way then?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : NO  
 **stripeznstarz50** : god no  
 **stripeznstarz50** : screaming teenaged girls are the worst  
 **stripeznstarz50** : esp. online  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so no  
 **onceandthefuture** : *deletes all*  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hoooly shit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I did not realize I had such a cool fanbase  
 **onceandthefuture** : I dread the answer to this question  
 **onceandthefuture** : but what?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : be afraid **  
** **stripeznstarz50** : <http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=583463272>  
**onceandthefuture** : oh fuck  
 **onceandthefuture** : I need a drink  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude  
 **stripeznstarz50** : join it  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am not so full of myself as to _join my own fanclub_  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why not?  
 **onceandthefuture** : as small, unwarranted, and unnecessary as it is  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Gil joined his  
 **onceandthefuture** : and you?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I made matt do it for me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m not that conceited  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t look at me like that!  
 **onceandthefuture** : but I can’t see you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah but I can _feel_ it and it’s creepin me out  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : speaking of seeing  
 **stripeznstarz50** : get on webcam now  
 **onceandthefuture** : I don’t have one  
 **stripeznstarz50** : 8O  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : you saw my comp  
 **onceandthefuture** : I doubt it even has the ability to webcam  
 **onceandthefuture** : and airfare drained my funds to buy a new one  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah man  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sorry bout that  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s fine  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ll live  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but still I feel bad for you  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh psh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but it’s my fault!  
 **onceandthefuture** : why do I have a bad feeling about this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll buy you a new one  
 **onceandthefuture** : no.  
 **stripeznstarz50** : awww come on man  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’ll make me feel better  
 **onceandthefuture** : I am no one’s charity case  
 **onceandthefuture** : much less yours  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s not charity!  
 **onceandthefuture** : then what is it?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s a present?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : when’s your birthday?  
 **onceandthefuture** : end of the month  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ha!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : perfect!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : birthday present it is!  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m not letting you buy me a computer for my birthday  
 **stripeznstarz50** : fine then  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’ll be bday AND late xmas  
 **onceandthefuture** : no!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why not?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I want to  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and I can  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so what’s the problem?  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s a *computer*  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s not like a silly souvenir or something cheap like that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : honey  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you do realize that I’m unhealthily rich  
 **onceandthefuture** : I will out stubborn you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahahaha I seriously doubt it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : besides  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you can’t tell me how to spend my money  
 **onceandthefuture** : I can when it concerns me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes, even when it concerns you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : grrr  
 **onceandthefuture** : I will end you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not yet you won’t  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so what were you thinkin about?  
 **onceandthefuture** : why should I tell you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : because if you don’t then I’ll pick it out myself  
 **onceandthefuture** : fine  
 **onceandthefuture** : [http://www.dell.com/us/dfh/p/xps-m1330/pd?cs= 22](http://www.dell.com/us/dfh/p/xps-m1330/pd?cs=%2022)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aww dell?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : really?  
 **onceandthefuture** : shut up it’s what I’m used to  
 **onceandthefuture** : besides you asked  
 **stripeznstarz50** : whatever you say  
 **onceandthefuture** : watching this group develop is one of the more bizarre experiences in my life  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you get used to it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so have you talked to Gil yet?  
 **onceandthefuture** : Lord no  
 **onceandthefuture** : your technically international call was bad enough for my phone bill  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that’s a relief ;-)   
**o** **nceandthefuture** : it’s just nice to have it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : green or blue  
 **onceandthefuture** : green  
 **stripeznstarz50** : okay cool  
 **onceandthefuture** : why?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not telling  
 **onceandthefuture** : fuck you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehehehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m going to sleep  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha as you wish  
 **stripeznstarz50** : night!  
 **onceandthefuture** : night love  
  
 **Tuesday, April 8, 2008  
  
** **onceandthefuture** : fucking rabbits  
 **stripeznstarz50** : excuse me?  
 **onceandthefuture** : love I am so hammered right now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ooooh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what did the rabbits do this time?  
 **onceandthefuture** : fucking bit me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... how did they manage that?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well I was ghungry  
 **onceandthefuture** : and stew was justt there  
 **onceandthefuture** : thee beer told me it was a good iidea  
 **stripeznstarz50** : stew?  
 **onceandthefuture** : the rabbit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a wild rabbit?  
 **onceandthefuture** : int he alley on the way home from the bar  
 **onceandthefuture** : shit  
 **onceandthefuture** : stew better not have rabies   
**stripeznstarz50** : how did you catch a wild rabbit  
 **onceandthefuture** : ...................  
 **onceandthefuture** : i hae no bloodyfuckin tidea  
 **stripeznstarz50** : rofl  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I can’t even  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why are you drunk on a tuesday?  
 **onceandthefuture** : is there somethin wrong with being drunk on a tues?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I dunno  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just seems weird   
**stripeznstarz50** : also weren’t you drinking with bridget and her bro last night?  
 **onceandthefuture** : love  
 **onceandthefuture** : shut up  
 **onceandthefuture** : shit the bugger drew bloodd  
 **stripeznstarz50** : go wash it with peroxide  
 **onceandthefuture is idle  
** **stripeznstarz50** : fyi  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I am saving this convo for ever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and showing it to your children  
 **  
Thursday, April 10, 2008  
  
** **stripeznstarz50 signed on a mobile device**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Yo  
 **onceandthefuture** : another party?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You know me so well  
 **onceandthefuture** : so are you still the youngest in the room?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Worse   
**stripeznstarz50** : Somehow  
 **stripeznstarz50** : In some weird turn of fate  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Gil has made friends with gpa vargas  
 **stripeznstarz50** : And so he and some spanish guy who might be your antonio are here with the twins  
 **onceandthefuture** : this is amusing  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Yeah yeah shut up youre not here to die for me  
 **onceandthefuture** : we who are about to die salute you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Youre weird  
 **stripeznstarz50** : And they found me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Fuck my very existence  
 **onceandthefuture** : now that’s not very nice  
 **stripeznstarz50** : The only bright side is that antonio is distracting vargas 1  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Was toni this empty headed when you knew him  
 **onceandthefuture** : depends  
 **onceandthefuture** : is he acting like a four year old child with amnesia who just ran into a pole?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Pretty much  
 **onceandthefuture** : then yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Ugh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : At this rate  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Im gonna hafta talk to gil  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Just because everyone else is dumb  
 **onceandthefuture** : tell him I say hello  
 **stripeznstarz50** : What ugh fine  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... Toni just hid under the table  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I think gils started conditioning him to that armada story  
 **onceandthefuture** : I approve  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Gil just called you his fanboy  
 **onceandthefuture** : shitshitshitshit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Artie its gil  
 **stripeznstarz50** : See i totally knew your name from somewhere!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Youre on my fansi  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Stupid loser stole my phone  
 **onceandthefuture** : I think  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m going to go die in a hole now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Oh dont sweat it gils too batshit to think youre weird for it  
 **onceandthefuture** : youre not making it any better  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Hes looking over my shoulder and lau  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Dont die on my artie!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I need you for blackm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Lousy motherfucker  
 **onceandthefuture** : I hate you both so much right now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : But im made of awesome!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : You cant hatem  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Thanks for the armada thing btw i havent had this much fun since tonis pt turtle died  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re welcome?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : Im going to stab him with a rake  
 **stripeznstarz50** : brb murder time  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed on**  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ohmygod  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I  
 **stripeznstarz50** : am  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so  
 **stripeznstarz50** : orry  
 **stripeznstarz50** : *sorry  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s all right  
 **onceandthefuture** : although I think my pride will never be the same  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s not your fault  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha it’s really no big deal  
 **stripeznstarz50** : after you’ve been screamed at by teeange girls in the grocery store, you get a little numb  
 **stripeznstarz50** : gil’s just a tool  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : well  
 **onceandthefuture** : I never intended to let him know about that side of me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : youre seriously planning on talking to him still?  
 **onceandthefuture** : no!  
 **onceandthefuture** : not anymore  
 **onceandthefuture** : I seriously don’t think my pride could take it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : good  
 **stripeznstarz50** : because we’ve talked about this before  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re mine  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do have other friends you know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah but none like me  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes well that’s beside the point  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... so what did you two end up doing to each other?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ah it didn’t get serious  
 **stripeznstarz50** : grandpa vargas stepped in before we got to punching  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but they did kick us out  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m sure you enjoyed that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : by ‘kick us out’ I mean ‘locked us in separate storage closets until the party was over’  
 **onceandthefuture** : good lord  
 **onceandthefuture** : do you fight with everyone?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ... yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : also that sounds illegal  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe but I don’t feel like going to court over this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : at least it was interseting tonight instead of MIND-NUMBINGLY BORING  
 **stripeznstarz50** : gah  
 **onceandthefuture** : what are you so riled up about?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I dunno I just  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I dunno  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m going to go hit something and then read something gory and violent in bed  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m sorry again  
 **onceandthefuture** : well all right  
 **onceandthefuture** : night love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sleep well


	23. I Heard There Was A Secret Chord

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO (I heard there was a secret chord)**  
  
Monday, April 21, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50: happy birthday!  
 **onceandthefuture** : kill me now  
 **stripeznstarz50** : awww what’s the matter?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bad day?  
 **onceandthefuture** : first day of the term  
 **onceandthefuture** : guaranteed to be bad  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-(  
 **onceandthefuture** : although really it was just long  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m sorry  
 **onceandthefuture** : bah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so tell me everything  
 **onceandthefuture** : I have the most _bizarre_ classicals prof  
 **onceandthefuture** : he was sleeping at his desk when we came in and didn’t wake up until five minutes after class was supposed to start  
 **onceandthefuture** : and then he just kind of mumbled through the introductions and let us leave early  
 **stripeznstarz50** : weird  
 **onceandthefuture** : you have no idea  
 **onceandthefuture** : and he had a stuffed cat on his desk  
 **onceandthefuture** : it was my last class so I’m still in shock  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well at least you got out a little early?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I guess  
 **onceandthefuture** : but I already have homework from the other two classes I had today  
 **onceandthefuture** : and two different classes to get introduced to tomorrow  
 **onceandthefuture** : just brilliant  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m sorry  
 **stripeznstarz50** : did you check the mail today?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ... I got an email notification that I had a package but I didn’t feel like going to the post office  
 **onceandthefuture** : should I?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yes you should  
 **stripeznstarz50** : has it closed yet?  
 **onceandthefuture** : no  
 **onceandthefuture** : half an hour  
 **stripeznstarz50** : then gooooo  
 **onceandthefuture** : fine fine  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**  
onceandthefuture signed on  
 **onceandthefuture** : you  
 **onceandthefuture** : are the most horrible  
 **onceandthefuture** : terrible  
 **onceandthefuture** : wonderful boy I’ve ever known  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aww shucks  
 **onceandthefuture** : although I didn’t enjoy carrying this box back across campus  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh you’ll get over it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so you like it?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-)  
 **onceandthefuture** : of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : you really shouldn’t have  
 **onceandthefuture** : but thank you love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I had to get you a birthday present!  
 **onceandthefuture** : now I have to install everything  
 **onceandthefuture** : brilliant  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I’ll be here for only a few more minutes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m just getting online during lunch :-P  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I wanted to make sure you got your computer today  
 **onceandthefuture** : well thank you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no sweat  
 **stripeznstarz50** : one more thing before I leave  
 **onceandthefuture** : mm?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : [http:/](../../../)/www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwa4JalC11  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh dear  
 **onceandthefuture** : you really didn’t have to do this  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh but I did ;-)  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I didn’t dedicate it to you officially  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but you know that it’s for you, right?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : I understand  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do hope you realise that if you were in driving distance right now you would definitely get laid tonight  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahhahahahahahahahaha well I’m not so I’ll just do with a thank you :-)  
 **onceandthefuture** : thank you love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re welcome dollface  
 **stripeznstarz50** : class now bbl  
  
 **Friday, April 25, 2008  
** **  
onceandthefuture** : it’s finally done  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yay!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : set up and everything?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m talking to you on it now, actually  
 **stripeznstarz50** : epic  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so we can webcam now?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I suppose  
 **stripeznstarz50** : fabulous  
 **stripeznstarz50** **has sent a video chat invitation**  
  
The video feed flickered to life on Arthur’s shiny new computer screen, showing Alfred grinning inanely at him. He was stretched out on a couch, sunlight brightening up the room from a window behind the couch. Arthur could see his feet waving in the air behind the band of his headset.  
“ _Hey!_ ” Alfred said with a wave, and Arthur rushed to plug in his headphones before Mathias could realise what was going on over the blare of his hard rock.  
 _  
_ ** _onceandthefuture_** _: hey yourself_  
  
He smiled at the camera, but didn’t say anything.  
 _“You know that your computer should have a built-in mic, right?”_ Al asked with an eye-crinkling smile, shifting his chin from one hand to the other.  
Arthur rolled his eyes and leant out of the frame for a moment so Al could see Mathias’s back behind him, dancing like a moron at his own desk to his music. Al nodded in understanding with a little ‘ _ah_ ’.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: I don’t want him butting into everything._  
  
Alfred laughed softly. “ _You should let me meet him, though!_ ” he said excitedly. His blue eyes were washed to a pale green by the lighting and the poor quality camera. Arthur pulled a face, which made Al laugh harder.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: maybe some other time  
_ ** _onceandthefuture_** _: not now though._  
  
Alfred smirked. “ _What, wanna keep me to yourself?”  
_ Even on webcam he could see Arthur’s splotchy flushing as he typed furiously.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: well it’s our first chat like this!  
_ ** _onceandthefuture_** _: besides you’re not any better  
_ ** _onceandthefuture_** _: just returning the possession favor_  
  
Alfred grinned, all teeth, and Arthur flipped the window to check his email.  
“ _Don’t lie, you like it._ ” Arthur sneered as  he deleted the spam message that had appeared since he last checked his inbox. “ _Oh, I got something to show you_.”  
Arthur sighed quietly and switched back to the chat in time to see Alfred throw off his headset and leave it on the couch, then hold up a finger before running out a door at the edge of Arthur’s field of vision. Arthur tapped a song into the casing of his laptop, waiting with his head propped on two bent fingers. Not too much later, though, Al appeared in the door again, tugging a happy, slobbering monster of a dog by the collar.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: what is_ that _?_  
  
Al sat in front of the computer and coaxed the dog onto the couch behind him before putting his headset back on and seeing the waiting message. He laughed, wrapping his arms around the dog’s neck when it stuck its head over Al’s shoulder. “ _Arthur, meet Peaches_ ,” he said, rubbing her ears vigorously.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: I can see why Matthew’s terrified of that thing_  
  
Al laughed again, then fell forward into the keyboard as his monster dog tried to climb over his back. He shoved her away, laughing still, and Arthur had to bite down on his knuckle to keep his laughter in check.  
Peaches jumped off the couch, but was back a moment later, scrambling into Alfred’s lap and jerking the headset cords from their ports as he tried to control her and get her off. The screen shook for a moment, then settled down as she did the same in his lap, big enough that he had to lean over her to plug his headset back in after pulling it out from under her body. He was greeted with the sound of Arthur’s unstifled laughter.  
“ _She’s dumb as a post and thinks she’s a lapdog, but I love her anyway,”_ Al said, petting her aggressively as she basked in the attention. Arthur nodded helplessly and held a hand over his mouth to repress his giggling.  
“ _What’re you laughing about back there?_ ” a faint voice called from Arthur’s end.  
He turned his head to the side slightly to call back, “ _Nothing, go back to your porn, arsehole_.”  
Al laughed, almost missing the “ _Hey, fuck you!_ ” from Arthur’s roommate and subsequent smirk from Arthur.  
Suddenly from the evening darkness behind Arthur, a rakishly styled blond head appeared, bracing his hands on the back of Arthur’s chair and looking at the screen with glee. He quickly switched windows and yelled at him to get away, but he just reached over Arthur’s shoulder and switched it back. Alfred watched in amusement as Arthur struggled against the pinning of the much bigger and broader Mathias.  
“ _Is this that boyfriend you spent Easter break fucking with?_ ” he asked with a devilish grin. Alfred found his dog’s neck interesting and good-smelling suddenly while Arthur clocked Mathias in the jaw, odd angle be damned.  
“ _What the fuck was that for?_ ” he yelled, stepping back and rubbing his jaw, his mirth swiftly morphing into anger.  
Arthur stood, ripping the earbuds out and squaring off. “ _He’s not my boyfriend, you fucker!_ ” he retorted.  
Alfred really wished that the screen was angled down just a bit more so he could see more than the tops of their heads.  
“ _Boys_.”  
The cheerily icy voice stopped the shouting match dead. Arthur’s head stepped closer to the computer, and he say back down with a huff, angling the screen straight with more enthusiasm than necessary. Now Al could see all of Mathias as he glared at Arthur’s back fiercely, held in place by a hand on his chest from another blond guy even smaller than Arthur, who was scolding deaf ears about fighting on the first week of school.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: Sorry bout that  
_ ** _onceandthefuture_** _: Mathias is a bitch  
_  
Al waved it off with a smile. “ _So who’s the other guy?_ ”  
Arthur smirked over his shoulder where Mathias was still being lectured.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: that’s Tino. I told you about him._  
  
Tino patted Mathias’s shoulder and led him out of the shot, faintly promising coffee before they were out of Arthur’s microphone’s range. Alfred grinned. “ _Did you ever find that camera in your room?_ ”  
Arthur smirked and rolled his eyes.  
  
 ** _onceandthefuture_** _: no, but I swear I’ve looked from stem to stern and I still think it’s in here._  
  
“ _Say something to me,_ ” Al said, resting his chin on his dog’s expansive back.  
“ _Like what?_ ” Alfred shrugged.  
“ _Anything. I just want to hear your voice again_.” Arthur shook his hair in front of his eyes, and Al grinned.  
“ _‘Snot like my voice is anything special_ ,” he mumbled.  
Al laughed. “ _‘Course it is! You’ve got the awesome accent._ ” Arthur made a face.  
 _“I don’t understand why you Americans all think we sound so odd,”_ he said, leaning his chin on his hand and checking his facebook to avoid looking at that face. _“You’re the odd ones to me_.” Alfred snorted, and Arthur groaned. “ _I swear, these damned fangirls of yours won’t_ stop _trying to friend me on here!_ ” He deleted the two requests waiting on him with force while Al laughed harder.  
“ _Aww, be nice, they like you! It’s a compliment!_ ”  
“ _Bloody annoying compliment it is_.” Al chuckled, but then his webcam froze with his eyes open at different width, and the video chat crashed.  
  
 **onceandthefuture:** what happened?  
 **onceandthefuture:** your thing crash?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** my thing crashed  
 **stripeznstarz50:** fuck  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** that’s all right  
 **onceandthefuture:** I think tino’s almost done placating mathias  
 **onceandthefuture:** I should pretend to be asleep to make things easier  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xDD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you do that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bring a book  
 **onceandthefuture:** already gotten  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**


	24. What's It To You

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE (what’s it to you)  
  
Friday, May 2, 2008  
  
onceandthefuture** : I am in hell  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what, did your weird prof finally snap on y’all?  
 **onceandthefuture** : worse  
 **onceandthefuture** : someone told AnA about us  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh really  
 **onceandthefuture** : yeah  
 **onceandthefuture** : um  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s kind of  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not pretty?  
 **onceandthefuture** : absolutely bloody terrifying  
 **onceandthefuture** : not everyone cares of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : but these are the same breed of girl that dunks other girls’ heads in the toilet for not liking Twilight  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that _really_ sucks man  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hide?  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m trying  
 **onceandthefuture** : I didn’t realise how many people had my contact info  
 **onceandthefuture** : or access to it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : tried to warn ya  
 **onceandthefuture** : shut up and sympathise with me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahahaha don’t worry I am  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but you totally had it coming  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so what kind of retaliation are we talking about here?  
 **onceandthefuture** : well it started with someone posting a link to that fucking blog entry of yours as a sort of joke  
 **onceandthefuture** : like a ‘sorry gilfred shippers, apparently he’s taken now’  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that after I hurl  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever  
 **onceandthefuture** : I didn’t see it because of classes and things until after someone said that it looked like me  
 **onceandthefuture** : next thing I know, I’m logging on to several curiously accusing PMs and emails from the girls I still talked to wondering if it was true  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I felt obligated to stop the romours and posted the abbreviated story in the thread  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m guessing it didn’t help  
 **onceandthefuture** : not in the slightest  
 **stripeznstarz50** : geez  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well if it makes you feel better  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll never judge you for who you’re friends w/ :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : oh I am so relieved  
 **onceandthefuture** : I was so worried that you would scold me for befriending you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll leave that to the sparkly vampires  
 **onceandthefuture** : *snort*  
              
**Friday, May 2, 2008 – 10:49 PM GMT  
  
** **AlbinoNAwesome** : I will give you 0 tries to guess who I am  
 **onceandthefuture** : fucking christ  
 **onceandthefuture** : did you really steal your sn from your fansite?  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : lies and blasphemy!  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : you stole it from me first! **  
onceandthefuture** : did we?  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : well i have been calling myself ‘albino and Awesome’ since I was 6  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : so at least indirectly  
 **onceandthefuture** : right  
 **onceandthefuture** : now how the fuck did you find this  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : dude  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : it’s not hard to connect the dots  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : AnA getting butthurt over al’s latest boytoy and don’t yell at me for that Mattie called you that first  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : finding your account **  
AlbinoNAwesome** : getting a running narration of Al’s spring break via Mattie  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : you still haven’t taken down your contact info  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh fuck  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : even if you had tho I would’ve just squeezed it from mattie  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : it’s awesome knowing everyone  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ll take your word for it  
 **onceandthefuture** : so the question remains  
 **onceandthefuture** : _why_ the fuck did you find this  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : well  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : 1) I’ve wanted to talk to you since you told me about Toni’s armada  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : and 2) no one deserves that shit they’re giving you at AnA  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : fuck it, they’re acting like it’s the end of the world  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : it’s just a shitty sitcom rivalry  
 **onceandthefuture** : well thank you for the support  
 **onceandthefuture** : although I can assure you that I don’t give a rat’s ass what they think  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s just annoying at this point  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : hahaha true that  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : I’d totally think less of you if a pack of 16 yo girls got you down  
 **onceandthefuture** : I would too  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : you still don’t deserve it  
 **onceandthefuture** : thanks  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : so besides whiny teenagerrs yelling at you about your life choices  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : what’s up **  
onceandthefuture** : not muh  
 **onceandthefuture** : much*  
 **onceandthefuture** : homework and alcohol  
 **onceandthefuture** : the usual  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : that’s my man  
 **onceandthefuture** : what about yourself?  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : taking a break between scenes to check the Internet  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : got another bit role in a dumb tv movie  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : but hey  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : it pays my mom’s shoe bill and my parking tickets  
 **onceandthefuture** : *snort*  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : how do women have so many shoes  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : Mom has a fucking closet stuffed of them  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : and she buys more _all the time_  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t ask me  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do not bend in the cares-about-fashion way  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : bahahahha  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : no wonder mattie likes you  
 **onceandthefuture** : does he?  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : duh  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : if he didn’t he’d have never let you into his truck xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : how much did he say about me anyway?  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : oh the usual stuff  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : name, age, basic appearance  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : how your coffee is God and you have Al whipped  
 **onceandthefuture** : what  
 **onceandthefuture** : I do not  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : sent a fantastic drunk pic of you guys too  
 **onceandthefuture** : we’re not dating!  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : _dude_  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : he let you wear the jacket  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : he never even lets me _touch_ the jacket  
 **onceandthefuture** : that means nothing!  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : river in Egypt  
 **onceandthefuture** : I will end you  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : see you even talk like him!  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : besides you two looked mighty comfy under that bar table ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : oh Lord  
 **onceandthefuture** : that is something no one should ever see ever  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : well I did have to burn my eyes the first time i saw it  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : but I got better  
 **onceandthefuture** : I see  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : besides, I’m an actor and I’m on the Internet  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : you get numb to that sort of thing pretty quickly  
 **onceandthefuture** : I can attest to the latter  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : although seriously? _AL?_  
 **onceandthefuture** : bugger off  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : :-P   
**AlbinoNAwesome** : make me!  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : actually you don’t have to I gtg back to the set  
 **AlbinoNAwesome** : I will totally catch you later tho  
 **onceandthefuture** : all right  
  
 **Friday, May 2, 2008 – 11:21 PM GMT  
  
** **stripeznstarz50** : you there artie?  
 **onceandthefuture** : gil is talking to me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : shit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no DON’T GO TO THE DARK SIDE  
 **stripeznstarz50** : THE CAKE IS A LIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE  
 **onceandthefuture** : relax Alfred  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m not going to leave you alone because of it  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’d cause too much property damage  
 **stripeznstarz50** : whew  
 **stripeznstarz50** : had me worried there  
 **onceandthefuture** : it is hard to ignore the similarities between the two of you though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I resent that  
 **onceandthefuture** : also he talks about your cousin nonstop  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that ain’t a surprise  
 **onceandthefuture** : _isn’t_  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I mean matt talks about him all the time too  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I think it’s mainly to piss me off though  
 **onceandthefuture** : sounds like your cousin  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so what’re y’all talking about?  
 **onceandthefuture** : us  
 **stripeznstarz50** : really  
 **onceandthefuture** : how much do you remember about that night at the bar?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : uh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : matt got me drunk  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and the burger was okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : some random chick might’ve made out with me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : everything else is just not there  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why?  
 **onceandthefuture** : we might have done something rather compromising  
 **onceandthefuture** : and there might be photographic evidence  
 **stripeznstarz50** : shit  
 **stripeznstarz50** : don’t tell me  
 **onceandthefuture** : apparently it’s all your cousin’s fault again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I will end him  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what did we do anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : honestly?  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s a bit blurry to me too  
 **onceandthefuture** : I think we snogged under a table thoug  
 **stripeznstarz50** : snogged is such a stupid-sounding word I don’t know how you guys can say it with a straight face  
 **onceandthefuture** : shut up yank  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but uh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we were drunk and it didn’t mean anything?  
 **onceandthefuture** : _Alfred._  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well neither of us remember it!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : if it had meant anything I’d remember _something!_  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but uh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I might definitely do it again?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh stop it and make up your damned mind  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you’re not helping!  
 **onceandthefuture** : Al  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’m going to be honest with you now and regret this in the morning when I’m sober  
 **onceandthefuture** : but  Idn’t think there is a single human being in our dating bracket sphere thing that would turn down an offer of any kind of sexual contact from you  
 **stripeznstarz50** : really?  
 **onceandthefuture** : christ America  
 **onceandthefuture** : how many teenaged fangirls do you need to understand how bloody attractive yu are  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you can never have too many teenaged fangirls  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re hopeless  
 **onceandthefuture** : and I’m out of gin  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so is that a yes?  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes to wat?  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes, alfred, if you have me the chance and a suitable location  
 **onceandthefuture** : I would shag your bones into dust  
 **onceandthefuture** : now I"m goint o sleep  
 **onceandthefuture** : and we’re going to forget this conversation happened until we see ach otehr in july  
 **onceandthefuture** : saavy?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll do my best cap’n  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh do shut up  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
  
Sunday, May 11, 2008  
  
** **stripeznstarz50** : life sucks  
 **onceandthefuture** : why is that love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : standardized testing  
 **onceandthefuture** : you poor American  
 **onceandthefuture** : I thought you liked it though?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : once in a blue moon sure  
 **stripeznstarz50** : four times a week for two weeks?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : not so much  
 **stripeznstarz50** : at least I’m halfway done  
 **onceandthefuture** : look on the bright side  
 **onceandthefuture** : you’re almost done with it forever  
 **stripeznstarz50** : true  
 **stripeznstarz50** : whoa  
 **stripeznstarz50** : almost done with hs  
 **stripeznstarz50** : freaky xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : trust me, you get over it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : uuuugh physics tomorrow kill me fucking now  
 **onceandthefuture** : it’s just a test  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it will be hell  
 **stripeznstarz50** : at least the hell day of two tests in a row is done  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’ll be a breeze after that though  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just some essays and econ  
 **stripeznstarz50** : nothing I can’t handle  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s good  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : last year’s physics was bad enough  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this is just going to be the pits  
 **onceandthefuture** : if you took it last year and it was bad why would you take it again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : because I needed a science and I didn’t want to do chem or bio  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and the enviro teacher is an angry lesbian who pauses movies in odd places to talk about them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : or so several of my friends told me  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and I like my physics teach  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so here I am  
 **onceandthefuture** : sounds like you did this to yourself  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but I like to complain  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it’s fun  
 **onceandthefuture** : whatever you say love  
 **onceandthefuture** : shouldn’t you be studying or something then  
 **onceandthefuture** : ?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ve been cramming all day  
 **stripeznstarz50** : this is my dinner/internet break  
 **onceandthefuture** : I see  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so tired of thinking   
**stripeznstarz50:** stop the world I want to get off   
**onceandthefuture:** underage drinking is severely underrated   
**stripeznstarz50:** not while my parents are in the house   
**onceandthefuture:** pansy   
**stripeznstarz50:** whatever I do what I want   
**onceandthefuture:** and it’s only going to get worse when you get to college   
**stripeznstarz50:** ugh   
**stripeznstarz50:** this gap year   
**stripeznstarz50:** is going to be sooooo niiiiice   
**onceandthefuture:** mmm   
**onceandthefuture:** it’ll at least be entertaining   
**stripeznstarz50:** for sure :-P   
**stripeznstarz50:** toris is talking about maybe bringing his boyfriend/girlfriend along   
**onceandthefuture:** bf/gf?   
**onceandthefuture:** does he have two?   
**stripeznstarz50:** lol no   
**stripeznstarz50:** but I cannot decide this person’s gender at all   
**onceandthefuture:** oh good Lord   
**stripeznstarz50:** I mean they kinda talk like a guy   
**stripeznstarz50** : but I have seen them in skirts on multiple occasions   
**stripeznstarz50:** and they shave their legs   
**stripeznstarz50** : but the chest is rather flat   
**onceandthefuture:** I’d say man   
**onceandthefuture** : but not much of one   
**stripeznstarz50:** yeah probably   
**stripeznstarz50:** but it’s weird because toris is so not someone I’d call as someone who’d date a tranny   
**stripeznstarz50** : he’s just very quiet and likes his job and wears neutrals all the time   
**onceandthefuture:** it’s always the quiet ones   
**stripeznstarz50:** hehehe   
**stripeznstarz50** : anyway   
**stripeznstarz50:** unless tranny turns out to be buffalo bill   
**stripeznstarz50:** I don’t really have a huge problem with heshe tagging on   
**stripeznstarz50:** thoughts?   
**onceandthefuture:** your parents should probably have a say in this   
**onceandthefuture:** and as long as he doesn’t pack a girl’s worth of luggage   
**stripeznstarz50:** yeah I was gonna clear it with you first   
**onceandthefuture:** I hope it’s a big car   
**stripeznstarz50:** it’s europe so it’s probably going to be tiny   
**onceandthefuture:** ugh   
**onceandthefuture:** oh well  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ‘ll be company at least  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe he’ll keep usfrom killing each other  
 **onceandthefuture** : or we all band together and kill him instead of killing each other  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD true that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : enemy mine and all that  
 **onceandthefuture** : hehe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mkay back to physics time  
 **onceandthefuture** : good luck love  
 **stripeznstarz50** : thanks honey bunny ;-)   
**onceandthefuture** : I will kill you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahahahhaha gotta catch me first  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off  
  
Friday, May 16, 2008**  
  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I am done  
 **stripeznstarz50** : done done done  
 **onceandthefuture** : congratulations  
 **onceandthefuture** : let me mail you a pat on the back  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : I don’t even care about your sarcasm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I never have to touch an AP test again  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my life can’t get better  
 **onceandthefuture** : you could spend your Friday night not sitting at home on the computer  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but where’s the fun in that?  
 **onceandthefuture** : alcohol and human contact  
 **stripeznstarz50** : why is everything alcohol with you  
 **onceandthefuture** : because I am a rowdy Englishman with a shitty past in a bloody difficult uni  
 **stripeznstarz50** : good point  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I could  
 **stripeznstarz50** : there’s probably something going on down the street  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eh  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’ll go if someone drags me out :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : and you’re supposed to be the social butterfly of us  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hahaha  
 **onceandthefuture** : i might actually take mathias for a drink  
 **onceandthefuture** : I feel like I owe him something for replacing his beer with sparkling mineral water  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that stuff is nasty  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I agree with you  
 **onceandthefuture** : he says hi by the way  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hi mathy :-)   
**onceandthefuture** : please stop calling him that  
 **onceandthefuture** : you sound like you’re five  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well I can’t call him mat because yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and math is just weird  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and mathias is too old-fashioned  
 **onceandthefuture** : he says he resents that  
 **onceandthefuture** : but now that I’m paying he’s itching to go  
 **stripeznstarz50** : if you go broke I have no problem making you a dependent  
 **onceandthefuture** : if the world loves me I won’t have to do that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I guess I’ll wander down to the party house then  
 **onceandthefuture** : good  
 **onceandthefuture** : get out  
 **onceandthefuture** : ttyl  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes Mom  
 **stripeznstarz50** : bye!  
 **oncenthefuture signed off**


	25. A Cry You Hear At Night

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR (a cry you hear at night)  
  
Friday, May 16, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50** : so that was my last friday of high school  
 **onceandthefuture** : so soon?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yep  
 **stripeznstarz50** : my school’s on a weird schedule so all of the show biz kids can get a bigger summer off  
 **onceandthefuture** : I see  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so I’ve got a few empty days next week for the exams I don’t have to take since all of my classes were AP  
 **stripeznstarz50** : then grad on thursday  
 **onceandthefuture** : you feeling okay about it?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just kinda surprised  
 **stripeznstarz50** : it sorta sprung up on me y’know?  
 **onceandthefuture** : ah yes  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sprung up on all of us  
 **onceandthefuture** : the last days do that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : especially since most of the schools around here don’t get out for another few weeks  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmhmm  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t feel ready for the real world xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : you never will  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**stripeznstarz50** : well I do pretend to be other people for a living  
 **stripeznstarz50** : although I’ve been thinking   
**stripeznstarz50** : maybe split log’s cancellation was a sign  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe I need to get out of show business while I still can  
 **onceandthefuture** : but isn’t the excuse for this gap year to pursue your acting career overseas?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but  
 **stripeznstarz50** : idk  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’m ready for a break  
 **stripeznstarz50** : wanna go find a cabin in the woods and be hermits? **  
onceandthefuture** : oh that sounds lovely  
 **onceandthefuture** : where?  
 **stripeznstarz50** : deep woods far far away  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe matt knows a place  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmmmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : as long as we have a massive fireplace  
 **stripeznstarz50** : of course  
 **onceandthefuture** : make vodka in the bathtub  
 **stripeznstarz50** : shoot deer for dinner  
 **onceandthefuture** : precisely  
 **stripeznstarz50** : go into town about once a month for supplies and read all day  
 **onceandthefuture** : have five dogs and some chickens  
 **stripeznstarz50** : as long as it’s not cows  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I hate cows  
 **onceandthefuture** : okay no cows  
 **onceandthefuture** : I have no problem with that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yay!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : we would live so well together  
 **onceandthefuture** : mmm  
 **onceandthefuture** : as long as I never let you bring sugar in the house  
 **stripeznstarz50** : yeah well I’d neer let you bring rum in the house either  
 **onceandthefuture** : prick  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : well that’s what the vodka in the bathtub is for  
 **stripeznstarz50** : touche  
 **stripeznstarz50** : no internet  
 **stripeznstarz50** : just a satellite TV  
 **onceandthefuture** : and books  
 **onceandthefuture** : lots and lots of book  
 **onceandthefuture** : s  
 **stripeznstarz50** : totally  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I’d teach you how to beat mario bros  
 **onceandthefuture** : I would ban video games from the house  
 **stripeznstarz50** : awwww  
 **onceandthefuture** : there are more sophisticated means of distraction available  
 **stripeznstarz50** : one day I’m going to figure out your average character per word ratio in a convo  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and it will be massive   
**onceandthefuture** : you are impossible  
 **stripeznstarz50** : but you love me  
 **onceandthefuture** : lord only knows why  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-)  
 **onceandthefuture** : oh  
 **onceandthefuture** : I found out something scarring today  
 **stripeznstarz50** : really now  
 **onceandthefuture** : so scarring  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I was studying with kiku in my coffeeshop between classes  
 **onceandthefuture** : normal everyday stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mmhm  
 **onceandthefuture** : when out of nowhere my crazy classics prof walks up  
 **stripeznstarz50** : freaky  
 **onceandthefuture** : that’s not the best part  
 **onceandthefuture** : he walks right up to kiku and says   
**onceandthefuture** : and I wuote  
 **onceandthefuture** : quote*  
 **onceandthefuture** : ‘we’re dating now, aren’t we?’  
 **stripeznstarz50** : lolwhat  
 **onceandthefuture** : and kiku just smiles and nods  
 **onceandthefuture** : meanwhile I am staring and shellshocked  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well obviously  
 **onceandthefuture** : and then he walks off like nothing happened  
 **onceandthefuture** : and so I ask kiku what the fuck was that about  
 **onceandthefuture** : apparently they’ve been dating for months   
**stripeznstarz50** : how did you never know this  
 **onceandthefuture** : he just never had a reason to tell me  
 **onceandthefuture** : or ANYONE  
 **onceandthefuture** : you have never met kiku  
 **onceandthefuture** : he is the most closed-up human being in the world  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’ll talk about books and anime and homework all day long  
 **onceandthefuture** : but when it gets to personal interests he clams up  
 **onceandthefuture** : I thought I’d worked around that  
 **onceandthefuture** : but apparently not  
 **stripeznstarz50** : dude  
 **stripeznstarz50** : he didn’t even tell you he had a boyfriend?  
 **onceandthefuture** : never even gave me a hint  
 **stripeznstarz50** : maybe he’s a spy or something  
 **stripeznstarz50** : or a ninja  
 **onceandthefuture** : well he is Japanese  
 **onceandthefuture** : I know that much about him  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : excellent  
 **stripeznstarz50** : a shadow in the night!  
 **stripeznstarz50** : now I have to meet him  
 **onceandthefuture** : I’ll put on the webcam next time we study together  
 **onceandthefuture** : we’ll get nothing done I’m sure  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so totally worth it  
 **onceandthefuture** : hehehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : just  
 **onceandthefuture** : that one little encounter  
 **onceandthefuture** : turned what I thought about my life on its head  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I can see that xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’s the age difference anyway?  
 **onceandthefuture** : not too bad I think  
 **onceandthefuture** : kiku’s a third year  
 **onceandthefuture** : I dunno how old weird prof is, but I know he’s still a grad student  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh okay  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so it’s not like  
 **stripeznstarz50** : pervy old creepy guy or anything  
 **onceandthefuture** : no no  
 **onceandthefuture** : he’s quite young  
 **onceandthefuture** : and kiku’s what my aunt calls an old soul  
 **stripeznstarz50** : aaah  
 **stripeznstarz50** : so it kind of makes sense?  
 **onceandthefuture** : except for the fact that my prof is an absolute nutter  
 **onceandthefuture** : and kiku is the sanest most rational person I know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **stripeznstarz50** : well everyone needs a balance I guess  
 **onceandthefuture** : hmmph  
 **onceandthefuture** : still fucking barmy  
 **stripeznstarz50** : xD  
 **onceandthefuture** : also the fact that apparently it took crazy prof this long to realise they were dating  
 **onceandthefuture** : how do you _do_ that  
 **stripeznstarz50** : by being blissfully oblivious to the real world  
 **onceandthefuture** : if whoever I was dating didn’t know we were dating while I knew we were dating  
 **onceandthefuture** : I would kick them so hard  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sounds to me like kiku thinks its cute or endearing or something like that  
 **onceandthefuture** : shit  
 **onceandthefuture** : he would  
 **stripeznstarz50** : :-P   
**onceandthefuture** : it’s sad when you can read my friends better than me  
 **onceandthefuture** : and you’ve never met them  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehehehehe  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I guess it’s just a gift  
 **stripeznstarz50** : brb walking peaches  
 **onceandthefuture** : don’t let her loose, she might terrorize the city  
 **stripeznstarz50** : ha ha very funny  
 **stripeznstarz50** : and back  
 **onceandthefuture** : so I can see  
 **onceandthefuture** : by the by  
 **onceandthefuture** : if you bring that thing with you here  
 **onceandthefuture** : I will make you fly it back home yourself  
 **stripeznstarz50** : meanie!  
 **onceandthefuture** : and will only pack you marmite to eat on the way home  
 **stripeznstarz50** : what’s that  
 **onceandthefuture** : I like it  
 **onceandthefuture** : but you would hate it  
 **stripeznstarz50** : that did not answer my question  
 **onceandthefuture** : beer leftovers  
 **stripeznstarz50** : eeeeeeeeeew  
 **stripeznstarz50** : you would like that  
 **onceandthefuture** : it doesn’t really taste like beer  
 **stripeznstarz50** : still eeew  
 **stripeznstarz50** : did you have to phrase it like that  
 **onceandthefuture** : yes  
 **onceandthefuture** : because yeast extracts sounds worse  
 **stripeznstarz50** : oh god you’re right  
 **stripeznstarz50** : still  
 **stripeznstarz50** : sounds better than your cooking  
 **onceandthefuture** : shut the fuck up you’ve never had my cooking you wouldn’t know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I don’t have to know  
 **stripeznstarz50** : I have a sixth sense  
 **onceandthefuture** : who has been talking to you this time  
 **stripeznstarz50** : mathy is very good at sneaking on your sn while you’re away  
 **onceandthefuture** : fuck him with something hard and sandpapery  
 **stripeznstarz50** : hehehehehehehe  
 **onceandthefuture** : excuse me I need to find my sword so I can kill him  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
**  
 **Thursday, May 22, 2008  
  
** From: Stupidhead  
How is this happening already  
Received: Thu May 22 3:31 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Because your time has come  
Received: Thu May 22 5:32 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
But its weeeeeeeird and i hate this hat  
Received: Thu May 22 3:36 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
This is why you do straightup homeschool like me  
Received: Thu May 22 5:37 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Yeah well we cant all be travelling athletes  
Received: Thu May 22 3:39 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
I am going to be sooooooo booorrrrred  
Received: Thu May 22 3:39 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Bug art instead  
Received: Thu May 22 5:41 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
But hes asleep and youre easier to text  
Received: Thu May 22 3:41 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Fine whatever. Ill just ignore my teammates and sit alone because youre having ‘issues’.  
Received: Thu May 22 5:43 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Youre the best  
Received: Thu May 22 3:44 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Yes darling i know  
Received: Thu May 22 5:45 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Your attempts to copy edna mode do not translate well to text  
Received: Thu May 22 3:47 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Fuck you  
Received: Thu May 22 5:47 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Young soup says hi  
Received: Thu May 22 3:49 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
How do you have friends  
Received: Thu May 22 5:51 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Because im cute  
Received: Thu May 22 3:52 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
No youre not  
Received: Thu May 22 5:53 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Dont deny it you know im adorable  
Received: Thu May 22 3:53 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
You havent been cute since you threw that chair at kuma  
Received: Thu May 22 5:54 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
HES A BEAR!! And he scared me!  
Received: Thu May 22 3:55 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Oh boohoo  
Received: Thu May 22 5:56 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Shut up. When was the last time you saw him anyway?  
Received: Thu May 22 3:58 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
I dropped by last time I was in barrie. He was doing well but looked lonely.  
Received: Thu May 22 5:59 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Gonna try and rescue a girl bear now?  
Received: Thu May 22 4:01 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Cant. Dad doesnt go that far north anymore.  
Received: Thu May 22 6:02 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Thank god  
Received: Thu May 22 4:09 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Stop being such a pansy  
Received: Thu May 22 6:10 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Stop being so weird  
Received: Thu May 22 4:11 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Youre the weird one  
Received: Thu May 22 6:13 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Nuh-uh  
Received: Thu May 22 4:14 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Uh-huh  
Received: Thu May 22 6:14 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Nuuuuuuh-uuuuuuuh  
Received: Thu May 22 4:16 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
I refuse to do this with you  
Received: Thu May 22 6:17 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Funkiller  
Received: Thu May 22 4:21 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Stupidhead  
Received: Thu May 22 6:22 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Douchebag  
Received: Thu May 22 4:25 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Asshole  
Received: Thu May 22 6:26 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Go die in a fire  
Received: Thu May 22 4:28 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Go choke on a dick  
Received: Thu May 22 6:29 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
I have officially graduated hs  
Received: Thu May 22 4:51 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Woooo  
Received: Thu May 22 6:51 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Your sarcasm does not affect me  
Received: Thu May 22 4:58 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Worth a shot  
Received: Thu May 22 7:01 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Wooo. Party time. So excited.  
Received: Thu May 22 5:23 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
If you hate them so much why dont you just idk NOT GO  
Received: Thu May 22 7:26 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
I do that sometimes! The girl just asked me really nicely to come!  
Received: Thu May 22 5:31 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
She shake her boobs in your face or something  
Received: Thu May 22 7:33 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
NO! She was just very polite and really wanted me there!  
Received: Thu May 22 5:37 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Meaning she wants in your pants  
Received: Thu May 22 7:41 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Fuck you not everything is about sex  
Received: Thu May 22 5:42 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Yes it is  
Received: Thu May 22 7:43 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Well w girls and you it is  
Received: Thu May 22 7:43 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Girls suck  
Received: Thu May 22 5:51 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Thats the spirit  
Received: Thu May 22 7:55 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
Have i ever mentioned i hate it when youre right  
Received: Thu May 22 6:46 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
No but keep going  
Received: Thu May 22 8:48 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
You were right about the chick  
Received: Thu May 22 6:49 pm  
  
From: Funkiller  
Oooooooh. Hiding now I presume?  
Received: Thu May 22 8:50 pm  
  
From: Stupidhead  
This bathtub is very comfortable  
Received: Thu May 22 6:51 pm  


* * *

  
From: Mattie  
I need you to do me a favor  
Received: Thu May 22 8:50 pm  
  
From: Gil  
Make it quick im getting drunk  
Received: Thu May 22 6:54 pm  
  
From: Mattie  
Take w.e youre drinking and find al  
Received: Thu May 22 8:55 pm  
  
From: Gil  
Why would i do that  
Received: Thu May 22 6:57 pm  
  
From: Mattie  
Hes moping and hiding from a girl  
Received: Thu May 22 8:58 pm  
  
From: Gil  
Can i make fun of him  
Received: Thu May 22 6:59 pm  
  
From: Mattie  
Yes  
Received: Thu May 22 8:59 pm  
  
From: Gil  
Gone  
Received: Thu May 22 7:00 pm  
  
From: Gil  
Where is he  
Received: Thu May 22 7:11 pm  
  
From: Mattie  
In a bathtub  
Received: Thu May 22 9:13 pm  
  
From: Gil  
Gotcha thanks  
Received: Thu May 22 7:13 pm


	26. Interlude: Won't You Come To Your Senses

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE (interlude: won’t you come to your senses)**

**Thursday, May 22, 2008  
**

There are some crazy things that I do for Matt.

I mean it. I’ve done everything from buy him weed to drive across three states and a country border to being his phone reference for a summer job, but _this_ – this had to be the craziest. And he didn’t even put out for it! (Not that I’d want him to. I love him but ew.)

I adjusted my numb fingers on the six pack of wine coolers and opened one more door in this far-too-massive house that our graduation party was at. I was looking for the promised sulking Al in a bathtub that Matt told me to go look for, and like a good friend, I did. I had actually seen how the hostess chick had come onto him between rounds of beer pong, and unlike what _some_ people think, I do pay attention to shit like that. I knew how often that sort of thing happened to him, and by the shoving and stomping away that always ensued, I gathered he didn’t really like it.

This wasn’t a bathroom. It was a linen closet. Maybe the next door was a bathroom.

I flung open the door harder than I meant to, and it banged against the wall and back into my face. A startled scream came from inside as I yelled at the fucking door and hit it open again. It _was_ a bathroom this time! I grinned and stepped inside so I could see into the shower/tub combo, where Al was sprawled uncomfortably and holding a hand over his heart, wide-eyed and terrified.

“What’s up, wonderboy?”

His fright turned into a glare as he pushed himself around to sit better, sideways and feet dangling over the side. “What do _you_ want, asshole?”

I gasped and sat on the toilet (seat cover down) across from him. “Such language! Didn’t your mama teach you better?” He tried to kick me. I sneered at him and popped a can off the plastic holder, handing it to him. “Want one?”

He frowned at it suspiciously, but took it and popped it open. “Thanks, I guess.” I grinned and shrugged, then opened one for myself.

“So, you tryin’ to take the worst bath ever, or is there some other reason you’re in here?” I asked, tipping back half the can in one gulp.

He flicked the tab on his can back and forth until it snapped off, then dropped it inside. “Cathie Grace tried to seduce me, and I ran away.” I cackled wildly, an he threw the soap at my shoulder. “It’s not funny!”

“Uh, yeah it is,” I argued, throwing the soap back at him. He caught it and threw it back at me, and it turned into an angry game of catch. “You could’ve just gotten laid tonight and you wouldn’t be talking to me in a bathroom.”

This long of a frown looked weird on his face. I’d never noticed.

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to sleep with her tonight.” He threw it to the side of me holding the wine cooler; I drained it and tossed it in the small trash can under the sink before throwing it back.

“Why not? She’s pretty hot and obviously willing.” Granted, she wasn’t really the _hottest_ chick at the party, but we were also a house full of starlet celebrities, so it was to be expected.

He threw it hard at my solar plexus, and I barely caught it before it knocked the wind out of me. “Maybe I wanted to take her out to dinner and buy her flowers _before_ I had sex with her,” he snapped, his frown ferocious as he caught my throw aimed at his head with one hand. When I got it back, there were slight finger grooves in it. I raised my eyebrows.

“You like her that much?”

He groaned and ran his hands through his hair. I decided to keep the soap for a minute. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?” This playing psychologist shit was fun.

“I just- I’m tired of girls only thinking I’m hot or whatever and wanting a lay without a relationship! I mean, they’re _girls_! _They’re_ supposed to be the emotional ones! I don’t _want_ to be this player sleaze type, but I just-” He tugged on his hair and growled at the ceiling. “I hate girls _so much_.”

I stared at him as he leaned his head back against the tiles with his eyes closed, gulping down his wine cooler. Christ, Matt was _right_ when he said that Al needed help. This was a part of him I’d never seen, and I didn’t like how it looked on him.

I stood with a heavy sigh and moved the now four pack into the tub, then slid down next to him in mirror position and popped off another. “That’s rough, buddy.”

He tried to grin at me, and I hated it more than the moping. “Not like you’d understand, of course,” he said, and _there_ we go, back to familiar ground.

I hit his shoulder with mine. “You kiddin’? Chicks dig the awesome! Can’t get them off me!” He barked out a laugh. “C’mon, let’s get drunk and forget about girls,” I said with my biggest grin. He chuckled and finished his first can, tossing it into the trash can with stupidly good aim.

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”

* * *

Two hours and several wine cooler runs later, Al and I were sharing his headphones, slouched against each other’s shoulders and singing along horribly to The Eagles.

“ _Don’t you draw the Queen a’Diamonds, boy, she’ll beat you if she’s able!_ ” Al crooned, head tilted back and feet waving in something like the beat.

“ _You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet_ ,” I sang into his shoulder. That jacket was damned comfortable. I wrapped my arms around one of his and held it to my chest.

“ _Now it seems to me some fine things_ _h_ _ave been laid upon your table_ _,_ _b_ _ut you only want the ones that you can’t get_. _Deeesperadoooo.”_ Al’s head rolled over on top of mine. “D’you ever think that a song describes ya?”

I shrugged. “Nah, that only happens in movies.” It was fucking _warm_ , too. I nuzzled deeper into the leather. “ _And freedom, ooooh freedom, that’s just some people talkin’,”_ I went on, belting it a little.

“ _Your prison is walkin’ through this world all alone_ ,” he sang louder than me, and it turned into a shout-singing contest until someone in the next room having very loud sex stopped to yell at us to shut up. We giggled like girls and wailed along to the guitar introduction to ‘Hotel California’.

* * *

I don’t remember going to sleep, but I sure do remember waking up when someone turned on the shower.

“Shitting Christ!” I cursed, springing up and trying to fight the water with my hands, eyes still closed. Beside me, Al groaned and sat up slowly. The water turned off, and we both looked up to find Cathie Grace, bra  strap hanging off her shoulder from under her dress and hair tousled, glaring at us like we had murdered her parents and she was back for revenge.

“ _Get out of my house_.”

I groaned and pushed myself out of the bathtub, catching my stumble on the sink. “All right, crazy woman, you don’t have to be a bitch about it,” I grumbled, trying to rub the lights from my eyes. She ‘ _hmph_ ’ed at me, then looked down her nose at Al, who was checking his jacket for water damage.

“I should have known,” she said, condescension dripping from her every word. I didn’t even know that was _possible_.

Al looked up at her in sleepy confusion. “I’m sorry?”

“You should be.” She gave one last ‘ _hmph_ ’ and clacked back into the hallway to go stick her heels up someone else’s ass, I’m sure.

I gave Al a hand up, and he smiled at me blearily. “Thanks.”

“No prob, man.” I looked out the window to see that it was still dark, although the sky was turning a little gray on one edge. “Need a ride?”

He grimaced at himself in the mirror, then buttoned the bottom two buttons on his blue polo back up. “Sure, I guess.” He sighed and slumped out of the bathroom, checking for the woman scorned before sticking his hands in his pockets and walking away. I ran a little to catch up, and I realized I didn’t know where my shoes were. Whoops. Oh well, I didn’t like those anyway.

“Girls suck, eh?” I said, grinning and poking his arm with my elbow. He shrugged, staring at the floor.

“Not the first time someone’s pulled the gay card on me.” I snorted.

“It’s your life, right? Who cares what they think.” He glanced at me sharply. I shrugged. “Look, when your mom still practices free love and is sort of dating a woman with a gay son, you stop caring.” He laughed for real and jumped down the stairs two at a time, taking the last five in one leap, waiting for me at the bottom with a smile.

“Y’know, sometimes you’re not half bad.”

I grinned and tousled his hair when I was two steps up (stupid him for being way too much taller than me). “Same for you, wonderboy.”

“Don’t call me that!” He pushed me into the wall, then stuck out his tongue when I glared at him. “I said only _sometimes_.”

I snorted. “Come on, let’s go make sure they haven’t towed my car yet.”

* * *

Yeah, okay, that ride home was awkward.

The clock on my dash said 3:58 when I turned it on; Al looked at it and cursed, pulling out his phone frantically.

“Mom’s gonna _kill_ me when I get home,” he moaned, flipping through five missed calls from ‘Home’.

I let him curse to himself while I weaseled my way out of the front yard and back to the main road before I said anything.

“So, you wanna get food or something?”

He glared at me. “It’s four in the morning and I am already in deep shit as it is. Why on _Earth_ would I want to get food?”

I shrugged. “Well, I’m hungry, so I thought you and your bottomless stomach would be, too.” I flashed a grin at him between watching the road. “Besides, you’re already out.”

He groaned and facepalmed. “You did _not_ just quote _Mean Girls_ at me.”

“Hey, shut up, it’s a good movie!” I hit his shoulder kind of playfully. He made a face at me, but he finally seemed to be lightening up. Thank God. Sad Alfred freaked me the fuck out.

“Fine. Nothing too far away, though,” he relented. I cheered and rolled down the windows, gunning it through the empty rich people neighborhood. He laughed and turned up the radio.

* * *

An hour later, we were finishing off our McDonald’s fries a block from his house, watching the sun rise and talking over The Eagles still playing faintly in the background.

“I kinda miss him, y’know? I mean, we talk all the time and shit, but I miss seeing him like _actually_ seeing him.” He sighed and leaned back a little to prop his boots up on my dashboard. “It’s weird, but it’s true.” He popped the lid off his soda and shook a few half-melted ice cubes into his mouth to chew on.

“Huh.” I stole one of his fries while he was staring vacantly at the sunrise. “Sounds like a girlfriend to me.”

He frowned, but didn’t look away. “I’ve been wondering about that recently, but… I dunno.” He ate a few more ice cubes. “Don’t feel right to call ‘im that.”

“Well I _hope_ you wouldn’t call _him_ your _girl_ friend.” He glanced at me and stuck his tongue out, but looked away again. “You know what I mean.”

I sighed and leaned forward on my steering wheel. “I know of it, I guess. I don’t think I’ve ever felt the same about someone before, though – or if I did, I didn’t notice.” The sun was all the way over the too large roof of the house across the street now, and I sat back and stretched. “Well, I guess it’s time for you to face the music,” I yawned. He sighed and sat up.

“I guess so.” I turned the car back on and drove down to Al’s house, just as unpretentious as I remembered it from that one cast party a few years ago. Before he opened the door, he paused and looked at me over his shoulder.

“Hey.” I raised my eyebrows. “We’re never gonna talk about this again, okay?”

I grinned broadly. “Sounds ‘bout right.”

He grinned back, then got out and went into his house. I waited until he got in his door, then yawned again and headed home myself.

It wasn’t until I got home that I realized he’d left all his trash from McDonald’s in my backseat.

Oh, Mattie owed me big time for this.


	27. I'll Stand Before The Lord Of Song

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX (I’ll stand before the lord of song)  
Saturday, May 24, 2008  
onceandthefuture: ** hello love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I am in slight shit here  
 **onceandthefuture:** and why is that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** because I stayed out all night  
 **onceandthefuture:** I see  
 **onceandthefuture:** did you have fun at least?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it was a weeeeeird night  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I spent it mostly with gil  
 **onceandthefuture:** really  
 **stripeznstarz50:** crazy right  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but it was okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** awkward sometimes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but okay  
 **onceandthefuture:** what did you do?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hid in a bathtub from crazy horny girls and talked/listened to the eagles  
 **onceandthefuture:** *snorts*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I told you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** weeeeeeeeeeeird night  
 **onceandthefuture:** how did you spend an entire night like that?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well there was wine coolers and napping involed  
 **stripeznstarz50:** involved*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and a McD’s run  
 **onceandthefuture:** ah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway   
**stripeznstarz50:** came home around 5 this morning  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thought my parents were gonna be pissed  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they kinda were but not as bad as I thought  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I guess since they basically knew where I was and that I don’t really abuse my nonexistent curfew that much they weren’t too worried  
 **stripeznstarz50:** gave me a ‘this better not happen again but since it was a big night we’ll let it slide but you better be nice to us for a while’ deal  
 **onceandthefuture:** I love your parents  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I know right?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** how was your night  
 **onceandthefuture:** worked latee and had a nightcap before bed  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thrilling  
 **onceandthefuture:** completely  
 **onceandthefuture:** aren’t you tired though?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** fell in bed when I came home  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they were asleep by then  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they woke me up a few hours later and gave me a speech and I went back to sleep xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** so now you’ll be up all night again  
 **stripeznstarz50:** haha probably  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** more time to talk to you!  
 **onceandthefuture:** psh  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll be asleep long before your natural bedtime  
 **stripeznstarz50:** awwwww  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but we could pull an all-nighter for no reason again!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** watch some movies and stuff  
 **onceandthefuture:** well  
 **onceandthefuture:** I have been meaning to rewatch the LotR movies   
**stripeznstarz50:** YES  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that is perfect  
 **stripeznstarz50:** what time is it there?  
 **onceandthefuture:** eight hours after you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so like  
 **stripeznstarz50:** … nine  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shit it is kinda late to start a lotr marathon  
 **onceandthefuture:** don’t fret it love  
 **onceandthefuture:** lotr is worth staying up until dawn for  
 **onceandthefuture:** besides, it’s the weekend  
 **stripeznstarz50:** true facts  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sooo   
**stripeznstarz50:** you wanna find a link or should I  
 **onceandthefuture:** you do that  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m going to get food and get settled before we start  
 **stripeznstarz50:** awesome  
 **onceandthefuture:** which means going on a food run  
 **onceandthefuture:** fabulous thing about uni towns; the grocers keep uni hours, too  
 **stripeznstarz50:** heheheeh  
 **onceandthefuture:** and I’m feeling crisps  
 **onceandthefuture:** and I don’t have any myself nor do I have any in my stealing vicinity  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so brb?  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mk  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll find us the extended uncut versions  
 **onceandthefuture:** fantastic  
 **onceandthefuture is away  
  
Monday, May 26, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50: ** I am so bored  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m terribly sorry  
 **onceandthefuture:** excuse me while I find the world’s smallest violin to play you a song  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hey fuck you  
 **onceandthefuture:** you set yourself up for it  
 **onceandthefuture:** and fuck off yourself I’m busy  
 **stripeznstarz50:** harsh bro  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you really that busy?  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am going to kill crazy prof  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am completely serious  
 **onceandthefuture:** if he wasn’t sleeping with kiku I would be planning his murder  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they’re sleeping together?  
 **onceandthefuture:** well I would assume so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** please never say it that way again  
 **onceandthefuture:** will do  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re a lifesaver  
 **onceandthefuture:** :-)  
 **onceandthefuture:** anyway  
 **onceandthefuture:** crazy prof  
 **onceandthefuture:** after barely giving us any work all term  
 **onceandthefuture:** suddenly we get halfway through and he just realises that he’s squandered our time   
**stripeznstarz50:** I thought you liked his class  
 **onceandthefuture:** well mostly  
 **onceandthefuture:** he’s interesting to listen to when he decides to talk   
**onceandthefuture:** but it always seems like he’s going in a roundabout way of teaching  
 **onceandthefuture:** I guess he finally opened his gradebook and saw nothing there  
 **onceandthefuture:** so now suddenly we’ve got assignments aftere every lecture and graded classroom participation  
 **onceandthefuture:** on top of my other classes it’s suddenly turned to hell  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well I’m sorry  
 **stripeznstarz50:** do you want a hug?  
 **onceandthefuture:** not really  
 **onceandthefuture:** just someone to complain to  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that’s my man  
 **onceandthefuture:** now excuse me while I write five hundred words on the twentieth book in the Iliad  
 **stripeznstarz50:** haha will do  
 **onceandthefuture:** okay that’s done  
 **stripeznstarz50:** awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50:** still bored  
 **onceandthefuture:** I expected nothing less  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :P  
 **onceandthefuture:** you could find rl people to go out with or something  
 **onceandthefuture:** just a thought  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they’re all either busy or I don’t feel like talking to them ever again ever  
 **stripeznstarz50:** or they’re out of town  
 **onceandthefuture:** you seriously have no friends available  
 **onceandthefuture:** you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shut up   
**stripeznstarz50:** I don’t have THAT many friends  
 **onceandthefuture:** it is hard to find the right words to communicate my facial expression right now  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahahaha  
 **stripeznstarz50:** deadpan glare?  
 **onceandthefuture:** possibly  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s true though  
 **stripeznstarz50:** by the way  
 **stripeznstarz50:** there is a ddistinction between ‘friends’ and ‘people that I hang out with in public’  
 **onceandthefuture:** oooh of course  
 **onceandthefuture:** you wouldn’t be seen in public with the former  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah I would  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but there are many people in the latter that do not fit into the former  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmmmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shut up!  
 **onceandthefuture:** is that really all you’ve got  
 **stripeznstarz50:** grrrrr  
 **stripeznstarz50:** whatever   
**stripeznstarz50:** I guess I could call up young soup  
 **onceandthefuture:** who in the world named their child that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** uh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yong soo  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Korean stunt double/background dancer guy  
 **stripeznstarz50:** worked on the sound stage next to split log’s for a while  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bonded over the snack machines   
**stripeznstarz50:** was in a lot of my classes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s a crazy bastard, but he’s hilarious  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I call him that to get on his nerves xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** of course you do  
 **stripeznstarz50:** works like a charm too  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he tries to pull the batman butler thing on me in revenge  
 **stripeznstarz50:** after a life of being Alfred, though, you’re immune to it  
 **onceandthefuture:** I can sympathise with that  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s hard to believe how many people think I’ve never heard all the monty python & the holy grail jokes about Arthur king of the Britons in existence   
**stripeznstarz50:** bahahahahahaha   
**stripeznstarz50:** did you ever look up the velocity of an african v. european swallow then?  
 **onceandthefuture:** no and I never plan to  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xDD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m waiting to meet someone named Bruce though  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so I can mak ethem my best friend  
 **stripeznstarz50:** just because  
 **onceandthefuture:** will he be brutally orphaned and ridiculously rich as well?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** probably the latter  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I feel mean holding out for the former  
 **stripeznstarz50:** although I totally am  
 **stripeznstarz50:** don’t tell anyone  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh yes  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m going to tell all of our mutual friends who completely care about your secret cruel hopes everything  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re a real asshole sometimes  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am aware  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that’s okay, I still like you  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’d be worried if you didn’t  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmm pompous too  
 **onceandthefuture:** I prefer self-confident  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xDDD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** then what does that make me?  
 **onceandthefuture:** an egotistical pain in the arse  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hehehe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yup  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m glad we can agree on this  
 **stripeznstarz50:** whoa sudden weird thought  
 **stripeznstarz50:** if this was a bad but bitingly sarcastic romantic comedy script  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we’d totally be making out right now  
 **onceandthefuture:** you are shameless  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ^^  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but you know I’m right  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’d have to be an American movie  
 **onceandthefuture:** my film industry wouldn’t stoop to such drivel  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I dunno  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ve seen some weird stuff in ‘your’ film industry  
 **onceandthefuture:** completely overpowered by the tripe that yours puts out  
 **stripeznstarz50:** only cause we got more of it  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah one of us’d have to be a chick for it to be mainstream  
 **onceandthefuture:** not me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** what?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** c’mon  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’d make a hot girl  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am ignoring the fact that you’ve obviously thought about what I would look like as a woman  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I haven’t!  
 **onceandthefuture:** you answered that far too quickly love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** screw you  
 **onceandthefuture:** honestly  
 **onceandthefuture:** in any reincarnation  
 **onceandthefuture:** you are far more attractive than I could ever be  
 **stripeznstarz50:** … so have you thought about this too or something?  
 **onceandthefuture:** of course not  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m not depraved like you or francis  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah sure right whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and uh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** going on a limb here and sounding like a girl but  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you kind of have this… small cat appeal to you  
 **onceandthefuture:** you are comparing me to an animal  
 **stripeznstarz50:** let me finish!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** like  
 **stripeznstarz50:** a little ruffled cat  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that you just want to squish all day long  
 **onceandthefuture:** that didn’t make it any better  
 **onceandthefuture:** nor did it make any sense  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it makes sense to me!  
 **onceandthefuture:** and that’s all that matters of course  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah  
 **onceandthefuture:** so you want to… ‘squish’ me?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you know what just forget I said that  
 **onceandthefuture:** no now I’m curious  
 **onceandthefuture:** please, continue  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I hate you  
 **onceandthefuture:** I still want to hera this  
 **onceandthefuture:** hear*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you remind me a lot of this cat I had when I was little  
 **stripeznstarz50:** my parents got him when we finally settled down in this house when I was like seven or something  
 **stripeznstarz50:** cute little bugger  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Scottish fold  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hissed for the first two weeks straight  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he even hissed while he ate xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** sounds friendly  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well he warmed up after a while  
 **stripeznstarz50:** me especially although I dunno why  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I treated him like any seven yo boy treats their pets  
 **onceandthefuture:** like shit  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yup  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but he slept on my bed and stuff  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and then we got peaches in fifth grade and well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** let’s just say he didn’t take kindly to the newest member in the family  
 **onceandthefuture:** did he run away?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** kind of?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** like he left our house for a long time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but he stayed around our neighborhood  
 **stripeznstarz50:** last time I checked, one of the families down the street sort of adopted him  
 **onceandthefuture:** I see  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he had the same easily flustered holier-than-thou thing you’ve got  
 **onceandthefuture:** I thought this was supposed to be a good comparison  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah he got mad at me at the drop of a pin too  
 **onceandthefuture:** you are going to hell  
 **stripeznstarz50:** tell me something I don’t know  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but he was also a good cuddler and cat-adorable  
 **stripeznstarz50:** plus you have the same kind of eyes  
 **onceandthefuture:** I do not cuddle  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pffffffffffffff  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes you do  
 **onceandthefuture:** that was all you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmmm not really  
 **onceandthefuture:** and I do NOT have cat eyes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** uuuuuuuuh yeah you do actually  
 **stripeznstarz50:** same green, same disapproving ‘eat shit’ looks  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you just need slit pupils and bigger irises  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m trying to remember that you said this was a good thing  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well scratch was a good cat before peaches  
 **onceandthefuture:** scratch  
 **onceandthefuture:** really  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hey I was seven!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and anyway that was the first thing he did to me when I met him  
 **onceandthefuture:** and yet you still bouht him  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well my parents bought him and brought him home to me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but he was just such a cute kitten like you have no idea how cute this thing was  
 **stripeznstarz50:** only grew out of the cute a little  
 **stripeznstarz50:** with his foldy little ears  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh yeah he totally had your eyebrows  
 **onceandthefuture:** cats don’t have eyebrows you twat  
 **stripeznstarz50:** scratch did  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he was mostly white with orange spots  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but he had these two dark orange spots like big eyebrows  
 **onceandthefuture:** mm.  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s still around here somewhere  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll see him sometimes when I’m driving up the road  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh he’s totally the boss cat of the neighborhood  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s always scratched up and stuff from cat fights  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and peaches is scared to shit of him xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** well I guess it makes it better  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re still comparing me to a fucking cat though  
 **stripeznstarz50:** look it’s a good thing in my book okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** chill  
 **onceandthefuture:** one day I will have a large dumb dog and name it alfie  
 **onceandthefuture:** just so you know how I feel right now  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I already have one of those  
 **stripeznstarz50:** also if you ever call me alfie I will stab you with a spork  
 **onceandthefuture:** a large dumb dog that can’t kill me by accident  
 **onceandthefuture:** maybe a retriever of some kind  
 **onceandthefuture:** or a poodle  
 **onceandthefuture:** and in your dreams maybe you will  
 **stripeznstarz50:** which are retrievers of some kind too  
 **onceandthefuture:** … really?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmmmhmmmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bred for german or French or both water fowl hunting  
 **stripeznstarz50:** the stupid fur puffs were insulation on their joints and kidneys in the water  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** learn something new every day, eh  
 **onceandthefuture:** I guess so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** the things you pick up from watching dog shows on TV xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** have I mentioned that I’m bored lately  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m watching jon and kate plus 8 now  
 **onceandthefuture:** which is  
 **stripeznstarz50:** a reality show about a family with a multitude of small children  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it is a horrible show  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but it’s basically either this or election coverage  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I am very tired of election coverage  
 **onceandthefuture:** I live across an ocean and _I’m_ tired of election coverage  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and it’s not even summer yet  
 **onceandthefuture:** summer  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh god  
 **onceandthefuture:** we’re barely a month away  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shit  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when did that happen  
 **onceandthefuture:** no idea  
 **stripeznstarz50:** remind me to introduce you to toris next time he’s over  
 **onceandthefuture:** about time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah   
**onceandthefuture:** does he really come over that often?   
**stripeznstarz50:** well he’s my manager, my dad’s assistant, and a family friend  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** actually  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll get him to come over tomorrow  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’ll be great  
 **onceandthefuture:** is he going to bring that boygirlfriend of his?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pfffhahahhaah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I dunno  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll ask  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hang on calling  
 **onceandthefuture:** k  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mk he’s coming over for dinner  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I  told him to get here a little early for you  
 **onceandthefuture:** thank you  
 **onceandthefuture:** when should I be on?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmmm midnightish for you?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I can manage that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sweetness  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and yes he’s bringing feliks  
 **onceandthefuture:** not felix?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nope xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s a weird dude  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he introduced himself to me as ‘Feliks, F-E-L-I-K-S’  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so it is very much not Felix  
 **onceandthefuture:** odd character  
 **stripeznstarz50:** at least it’ll be interesting  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmm quite  
 **onceandthefuture:** well math is threatening to throw something breakable at me if I don’t stop typing  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahahahaha okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ttyl  
 **onceandthefuture:** night love  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**


	28. She Broke Your Throne, She Cut Your Hair

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN (she broke your throne, she cut your hair)  
  
Tuesday, May 27, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50: ** okay toris is here  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh fantastic  
 **onceandthefuture:** let me put on a shirt and move rooms and we’ll be good to go  
 **stripeznstarz50:** why are you shirtless xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** just got out of the shower  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ready?  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes  
 **stripeznstarz50 sent a chat invitation  
  
** The video feed opened to reveal Arthur sitting in the dark in a sloppy old shirt with damp hair and Alfred with company in the kitchen. Arthur waved, distracted for the moment by putting his earbuds in.   
“ _Hullo._ ”  
Al’s company, a young man with floppy brown hair, smiled. “ _Nice to finally meet you, Arthur. Al here won’t stop talking about you_.”  
Al shoved him out of the shot. “ _Shut up!_ ” Arthur just snorted.  
Toris sat up and frowned at Alfred before something got his attention too far for the mic to pick up. He looked past the camera and said, “ _Yeah, he’s on right now_.”  
Al grinned at Arthur. “ _Brace yourself, gentleman.”  
_ Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed. “ _What in the world-_ ”  
A new person appeared on screen, jumping into Toris’s lap despite his protests and slinging their arms around his neck, chattering all the while. “ _Oh my God, Al, I can’t believe it took you this long to introduce us! Is he really European? Oh, the poor thing, look at those_ eyebrows _! Oh, what I could do to_ them _– oh, what’s his name again?”_  
Arthur’s red face was thankfully washed out by his webcam’s poor lighting, but his scowl was easily visible as Al laughed nervously over his analyzation of Arthur’s features until Toris clapped a hand over the newcomer’s mouth.  
“ _Arthur, this is Feliks. I told you about him._ ”  
“ _Brilliant_.”  
Feliks peeled Toris’s hand away so he could gasp. “ _You’re totally British! That is so cool! Say something again!_ ” He bounced up and down on Toris’s lap, who let out a few ‘ _oof_ ’s, trying to keep Feliks grounded through his excitement.  
“ _Lucky, that’s enough_ ,” Toris said quietly. Feliks calmed down and sighed melodramatically.  
“ _Okay, but only ‘cause you’re cute_.” He gave Toris a peck on the cheek while Al mock-gagged on the sidelines. Arthur snorted.  
Toris shifted Feliks on his lap so he could see the screen better. “ _Sorry, Arthur, Feliks can come on a little strong_ ,” he apologized, giving his boyfriend a pointed glare. Feliks pouted back, but didn’t argue, instead squirming around to squint at the screen.  
“ _Alfie, could you, like, make the window bigger so I can see your little friend better?_ ” Al winced visibly at the nickname while Arthur bristled at the ‘little friend’, but he complied, full screening Arthur’s webcam. Arthur shifted uncomfortably himself while cleaning dust from his keyboard.  
Feliks gave another melodramatic sigh. “ _Like, oh my God, Artie, it’s not going to kill you to look at me,_ ” he said, heaving the sigh of the long-, pampered teenaged girl.  
Arthur glared at him fiercely. “ _Call me anything but Arthur and you’re not coming with us_.”  
Feliks jerked back a little. “ _Whoa, take a chill pill, no need to get all snappy about it!_ ” All three of them rolled their eyes at that. “ _But seriously, look at me for a sec – and stop looking so freaking unhappy about it!_ ” Arthur’s scowl lessened a little. “ _That’s better, I guess_.” He leaned in a little, scrutinizing Arthur’s face. In the background, Arthur could see Al struggling to hold in his giggles and Toris shaking his head resignedly.   
After a moment, Feliks sat back and jumped off Toris’s lap. “ _You let me, like,_ seriously _wax your eyebrows everyday, and I’ll let myself be seen in your presence._ ” He straightened his pale blue V-neck. “ _Now excuse me, Amanda’s curlers are about ready to come out._ ” He flounced out of the shot, and Arthur felt obligated to shake his head as if to clear it.  
“ _I feel like I just got hit by a tornado_ ,” he commented lightly. The other two laughed.  
“ _You get used to it_.” Toris smiled affectionately, then coughed and got back to business, rifling through some papers on the table. “ _Now, I’ve started planning out some tentative schedules, and I wanted to run them by you two to see what worked…_ ”  
  
 **Saturday, May 31, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50: ** if there’s one thing I didn’t miss about regular acting  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s packing  
 **onceandthefuture:** wait you’re going somewhere that requires packing?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** one last job before Europe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it is a job and I do want money so we don’t have to penny pinch too much :P  
 **onceandthefuture:** I see  
 **onceandthefuture:** so what is this job of yours?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sort of last minute-ish  
 **stripeznstarz50:** auditioned back in march before our trip  
 **stripeznstarz50:** didn’t tell you then because yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and sort of forgot to afterwards xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** that does sound like you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thanks I guess  
 **stripeznstarz50:** as I was saying  
 **onceandthefuture:** let me uess, it’s a chick flick  
 **stripeznstarz50:** guest star in a preteen chick TV series actually  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but you were so close  
 **onceandthefuture:** do I get points for trying?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** of course!  
 **onceandthefuture:** spectacular  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s some stupid over the top thing about summer camp and mermaids  
 **onceandthefuture:** American television is baffling  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re telling me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but I get to be the guest counselor guy who everyone thinks is a werewolf or some kind of supernatural thing even though I’m not xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** silly but hey it’ll pay for spain  
 **onceandthefuture:** spain is cheap  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mmm add a little of france on there then  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but it does mean I have to go hide in the woods in NorCal with the crew for the next two weeks starting tomorrow  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll probably have internet but it’ll be limited by time and such  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes I understand  
 **onceandthefuture:** I guess I’ll let Uncle Leo take me on that ;long weekend’ fishing trip he’s been threatening to steal me for since the term began  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oooh that sounds more fun than this  
 **stripeznstarz50:** where to?  
 **onceandthefuture:** well probably not since you’ll be with youn people and shit and I’ll be with my uncle and his brothers  
 **onceandthefuture:** the lake district  
 **stripeznstarz50:** eh it all depends  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sometimes things like this are awesome and fun and great experiences  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and sometimes the people have already been together too long and there are already cliques and stuff and it’s just a pain in the ass  
 **onceandthefuture:** aaaaaah  
 **onceandthefuture:** the trials of a teenaged celebrity starlet  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hey  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when you’re a new kid working with a bunch of overpaid snobs who haven’t seen anyone but each other in weeks  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it can get traumatic fast  
 **stripeznstarz50:** plus it can get hot as hell when there’s no A/C out in the middle of nowhere  
 **stripeznstarz50:** at least it’s easy to pack when half the time you’re wearing your acting wardrobe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** even if it’s not something a real camp counselor would ever want to wear  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** better than waders  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ohgod  
 **stripeznstarz50:** please  
 **stripeznstarz50:** if you ever do anything for me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** please send me a picture of yourself in waders  
 **onceandthefuture:** I would be forced to burn it before it made it to your eyes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but art  
 **stripeznstarz50:** WADERS.  
 **stripeznstarz50: _WADERS._  
onceandthefuture: ** bugger off  
 **onceandthefuture:** they’re not that bad  
 **stripeznstarz50:** then you won’t have a problem sending me a picture  
 **onceandthefuture:** I really hate when you do that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :P  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sure you do  
 **stripeznstarz50:** uuuuuuuugh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I hope this turns out okay  
 **onceandthefuture:** well at least it’s only for two weeks  
 **stripeznstarz50:** this is true  
 **stripeznstarz50:** brb dinner/shower  
 **onceandthefuture:**  mk  
 **onceandthefuture:** I might fall asleep while you’re gone  
 **onceandthefuture:** fyi  
 **stripeznstarz50:** back  
 **stripeznstarz50:** did you fall asleep?  
 **onceandthefuture:** almost  
 **onceandthefuture:** dozing  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you should sleep :P  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll try and catch you before I leave tomorrow  
 **onceandthefuture:** all right  
 **onceandthefuture:** night love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** night honey bun :)  
 **onceandthefuture:** will you ever stop with the pet names  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nope  
 **onceandthefuture:** ugh fuck you  
 **onceandthefuture signed off**


	29. I Used To Live Alone

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT (I used to live alone)  
  
Wednesday, June 4, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50 signed on a mobile device  
onceandthefuture: ** I must admit, I didn’t expect to see you online so soon  
 **onceandthefuture:** hating it that much?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Nah not really  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Its okay   
**stripeznstarz50:** Young soup is here :P  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Didnt know he was working this show but it made it better  
 **onceandthefuture:** that’s lucky  
 **onceandthefuture:** so why’re you here?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Youre telling me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** No reason  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Cant i just miss talking to you?  
 **onceandthefuture:** well yes   
**onceandthefuture:** I suppose you can  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Its lunch break now  
 **onceandthefuture:** please don’t tell me you’re doing your hiding in a corner thing  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Haha calm down  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I ate quick and hid in the guest trailer  
 **onceandthefuture:** for a starlet you’re terribly introverted  
 **stripeznstarz50:** For someone wo friends youre awfully concerned w my social life  
 **onceandthefuture:** I just don’t like feeling like I’m monopolising your time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** like i care  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I like you monopolizing my time C:  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh stop it  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m nothing special  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Course you are  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Its why i like you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Among other things  
 **onceandthefuture:** I need an ego boost in my life about now  
 **onceandthefuture:** keep going  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Uh okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** You have pretty eyes  
 **stripeznstarz50:** And youre fun to mess with  
 **onceandthefuture:** why do people always say that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** And youre funny in a weird way **  
stripeznstarz50:** Cause its true  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s called British humor darling  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Yeah but its got a little you in it too  
 **onceandthefuture:** if you say so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** And i dont have to worry about offending you or grossing you out  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Thats my favorite  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh I like that too  
 **onceandthefuture:** about you I mean  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Haha yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Oh what else  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Youre what i run away to when i need to run away  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I just feel really……  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Comfortable?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Around you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Does that make sense?  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s nice when someone puts your own feelings into words  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Hehe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Im pretty good at that  
 **onceandthefuture:** so’m I  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Nice to know we have something in common  
 **onceandthefuture:** besides everything  
 **stripeznstarz50:** You know besides everything else  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Hehe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Oh and you make awesome coffee  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Can never forget that  
 **onceandthefuture:** pff  
 **onceandthefuture:** that’s what I’ve become  
 **onceandthefuture:** your personal barista  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yep  
 **stripeznstarz50:** large white choc mocha stat  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’d have to pay for that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Gladly  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Id even tip you ;)  
 **onceandthefuture:** tips are nice  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Okay gotta go  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Ill try to be on soonish  
 **onceandthefuture:** have fun love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Ill do my best  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**   
  
**Saturday, June 7, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50 signed on a mobile device  
stripeznstarz50:** Hiding from a party  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I didnt do this nearly as much before you  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m just a terrible influence  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Yup  
 **stripeznstarz50:** And its a terrible party  
 **onceandthefuture:** well of course  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re in the middle of nowhere  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Yup again  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Im sitting on a pier by the lake  
 **stripeznstarz50:** The stars are really pretty  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Been a while since i could see so many  
 **stripeznstarz50:** And  its been even harder to appreciate them since i got here  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Filming eating or sleeping  
 **onceandthefuture:** sounds wonderful  
 **onceandthefuture:** I let my uncle steal me for fishing this weekend  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Ooh that sounds fun  
 **stripeznstarz50:** And explains why youre up this early on a Sunday  
 **onceandthefuture:** ugh yes  
 **onceandthefuture:** getting ready for aother day of getting filthy and gross  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Hehe but its fun!  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** when his brothers aren’t teasing me for not wanting to take out my own hook  
 **onceandthefuture:** or about the one time I stepped wrong and half fell in  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Hehehehe  
 **stripeznstarz50:** You really have no luck w bros  
 **onceandthefuture:** damned straight  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Remind me to live somewhere i can actually see all the stars when im older  
 **onceandthefuture:** Okay  
 **onceandthefuture:** they’re calling me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Hehe go  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Catch some fish and show them  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Dont be afraid of a little smile ;)  
 **onceandthefuture:** so you say an ocean away  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Youre lovely but youre an ocean away  
 **onceandthefuture:** I still can’t believe you remembered that enough to put it in a fucking song  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Im a man full of surprises  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Now go  
 **onceandthefuture:** mkay  
 **onceandthefuture:** enjoy your stars  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
  
Saturday, June 15, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50:** FINALLY HOME  
 **onceandthefuture:** I thought you had an okay time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah but home is better  
 **stripeznstarz50:** plus I brought Matt with me  
 **onceandthefuture:** how did you manage that?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well he was coming down for a visit anyway with his mom  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so they took a detour and picked me up  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he wants me to clarify that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it was ‘a miserable drive that made the already torturous journey from Ontario a day long and he might have killed an endangered species’  
 **onceandthefuture:** he’s there with you now?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yup  
 **stripeznstarz50:** kind of exhausted but here  
 **onceandthefuture:** you should warn him about his impending company  
 **stripeznstarz50:** what?  
 **onceandthefuture:** check his phone  
 **stripeznstarz50:** no way  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes way love  
 **onceandthefuture:** I believe the term you used is ‘prepare yourself’  
 **stripeznstarz50:** did you tell him matt was here?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I only clarified  
 **onceandthefuture:** Matthew told him he was coming down days ago  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh right  
 **stripeznstarz50:** they _talk_  
 **onceandthefuture:** I talk to him too  
 **stripeznstarz50:** not to the extent of this  
 **stripeznstarz50:** if it wasn’t ironclad positive that there wasn’t a gay bone in either of them I’d say they were gay for each other  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re that sure of them?  
 **onceandthefuture:** they’re not ‘straight-ish’ like you?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hehehehe I like that term more than I should  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but no  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Matt’s continually referred to himself as ‘straight as a Saskatchewan highway’  
 **onceandthefuture:** pfff  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and gil’s as straight as his mind is crooked  
 **onceandthefuture:** that doesn’t make sense  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yes it does  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so is gil almost here or what  
 **onceandthefuture:** not sure  
 **onceandthefuture:** he shot offline when I told him matthew was at your house  
 **onceandthefuture:** so  he’ll probably be there soon?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I don’t know, I don’t know travel times around your city  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hmmmm  
 **stripeznstarz50:** better start setting up the sandbag wall  
 **onceandthefuture:** Alfred, be polite   
**stripeznstarz50:** no  
 **onceandthefuture:** then be civil   
**stripeznstarz50:** that’ll be hard  
 **onceandthefuture:** ugh  
 **onceandthefuture:** just don’t kill him, okay?  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’d be bad for your image  
 **stripeznstarz50:** pfff  
 **stripeznstarz50:** all right  
 **stripeznstarz50:** only for you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and matt  
 **stripeznstarz50:** since I doubt he wants to have to bail me/us out of jail  
 **onceandthefuture:** why would he have to do that?  
 **onceandthefuture:** isn’t that what parents are for?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** matt’s better at it  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s done it for his hockey friends before  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when they broke into the zoo and tried to steal a tiger cub  
 **onceandthefuture:** hahahahhahaha really?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yep  
 **stripeznstarz50:** matt got distracted by cooing over his freaky devil demon bear so he didn’t get caught  
 **onceandthefuture:** *snorts*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shit  
 **stripeznstarz50:** someone’s here  
 **stripeznstarz50:** brb  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah it’s him  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and they’re making me webcam  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you decent?  
 **onceandthefuture:** enough  
 **stripeznstarz50:** awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50 has sent a video chat invitation**  
  
The video feed opened to an unhappy Alfred in his bedroom, sitting on the floor with his back to his bed. Behind him, Gil was half lying on top of a glasses-less, half-asleep Matt, both of them watching over Alfred’s shoulders. They all waved when Arthur appeared, forever in the dark and pajamas. He smiled faintly in response.  
“ _What is up with you, Arthur?_ ” Gil called loudly. Arthur winced and turned down his volume quickly.  
“ _Not so fucking loud, I like my eardrums whole_.” Gil cackled, and the cousins laughed a little. “ _Just keeping my roommate awake, s’all,_ ” he answered.  
“ _Fuck to you, too!_ ” someone called in his background. He smirked.  
Matthew scooted forward on the bed so he could rest his chin on his cousin’s head. “ _It’s been a while, Arthur_.” Arthur’s smirk turned into a smile. “ _Oh, I lost a tooth since I last saw you!_ ” The smile turned to horror as Matt opened his mouth wide to show off the empty spot where his lower left canine had been.   
Arthur straightened out his grimace just before Matt straightened and grinned, letting his arms fall down over Alfred’s shoulders, who was grumbling about being furniture.  
“ _Lovely._ ” He blinked a few times and frowned hard at the screen. “ _Alfred, I don’t think I’ve ever noticed how much you two look incredibly similar_.” They both groaned, tearing away from each other. Gil was shoved to the side as Matthew rolled away, but quickly crawled to take his spot.   
“ _I don’t get why_ everyone _says that!_ ” Al whined. “ _We don’t look alike at all!_ ”  
“ _Sure you do!_ ” Gil said, never one to be left out of a conversation for too long. “ _You’ve got the same smile and the same hair color_.” They both frowned fiercely at him, and he held his hands up. “ _Just sayin’_.”  
“ _I think it took me this long because I’ve never seen Matthew without his glasses_ ,” Arthur admitted, “ _but without them on… you two have the same face altogether. If Matthew just had a haircut and smiled more-_ ”  
“ _Hey, the hair looks good! And I smile plenty!_ ”  
“ _-and Alfred lost a tooth and acted less like an arsehole-_ ”  
“ _Who would willingly lose a tooth – and Matt’s just as much of an asshole as me!_ ”  
“ _-Then you two could pass as twins_.” They tumbled over each other in their protests while Gil laughed uproariously in the background.   
“ _We’re nothing alike!_ ” They finally shouted together, which just made Gil laugh even harder and Arthur look smug.   
“ _It’s nothing to be ashamed of, lads, just a fact of nature_.”   
“ _Fuck you!_ ” they said simultaneously, then turned on each other. “ _Stop that!_ ”  
“ _This is_ so _much better than daytime TV_ ,” Gil sighed, only a shock of white hair visible in the shot over the dark blue bedspread.  
“ _You can leave whenever you want_ ,” Al snapped, not looking away from his staring contest with Matt.  
Just to be contrary to Al, Matt said, “ _No, Gil, you can stay as long as you’d like – you’re my guest, after all_.” Al’s eye started to twitch; Gil cheered and hopped off the bed, swiping the computer from Al’s lap and running away with it, giggling maniacally as Al chased him. Arthur closed his eyes to the dizzying webcam feed until he heard a slam and a click.  
“ _Don’t break down your own bathroom door, Al!_ ” he jeered, sitting on the closed toilet and grinning to the right of the camera. There was a loud rush of words, but it was muffled by the door and distance enough that all Arthur could make out was the shadow of a curse word.  
“ _Sup_.”  
Arthur rolled his eyes with a smile. “ _No wonder Alfred hates you_.”  
“ _Yeah, it’s kind of a mutual thing._ ” The pounding stopped. “ _Given up already, wonderboy?_ ” There was an indistinguishable reply, and he laughed. “ _Get all the coat hangers you want, it won’t help ya!_ ”  
Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “ _Coat hangers?_ ”  
“ _Yeah, he said he can spring to lock from the outside with one_ ,” Gil explained. “ _Don’t really see how, but hey, he wants to waste energy, let him_.” He scratched his chin, looking around. “ _I wonder what kind of stuff he keeps in here…_ ”  
“ _Only one way to find out, right?_ ”  
Gil gave him a manic grin. “ _I really like how you think, Artie_.”  
“ _Don’t call me that!_ ”  
“ _Whatever, deal with it_.” He stood and balanced the laptop on his forearm. “ _Let’s check the shower first!_ ” He threw back the curtain and sat on the lip of the tub, putting the computer on the floor and tilting the screen up so Arthur could see his face and the side of his leg. “ _Let’s see…_ ” He snorted, pulling down a gold bottle and showing it to the webcam. _“Shit, son, do you use_ blonde hair specific shampoo _?_ ” Another indistinguishable reply. “ _I don’t care if your mom buys it because Feliks recommends it, it is still_ incredibly gay.” He put it back, then barked out another laugh. “ _Dude, why is_ all _of your stuff lady-scented? Do you really make your mom buy everything for you?_ ” He looked down at Arthur, holding up a clear bottle half-full of orange gel. “ _His body wash is called ‘_ Mango Mandarin _’_.” He grinned towards the door. “ _Yeah, it smells nice, because it smells like a_ woman _!_ ” There was a different indistinguishable voice, and Gil’s eternal grin sobered into fright fast. “ _Yes, Mrs. J. Right away, Mrs. J._ ” He glanced down at Arthur’s webcam and winked. “ _Talk to ya later_ ,” he stage whispered as he picked the comp back up and shifted it to his forearm again.   
“ _Tell the other two the same from me_ ,” Arthur asked quietly.  
Gil’s grin was back for a flash, and he flicked him the same two-fingered Army salute Alfred was fond of, then called, “ _Coming, Mrs. J!_ ” before turning off the webcam and closing the computer.


	30. A Blaze Of Light

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE (a blaze of light)**  
 **  
Thursday, June 20, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50: ** so gil stole matt for the day  
 **onceandthefuture:** so I heard  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I keep forgetting you speak with him  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m bored again  
 **onceandthefuture:** you could have gone with them  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I hate constantly fighting with them  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Gil I fight with cause we hate each other  
 **stripeznstarz50:** matt I fight with cause we’re related  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s a no-win situation  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but now I have no one to beat in CoD  
 **onceandthefuture:** you don’t have an other friends online right now?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nope  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s either the wrong time of day or too summery for them to be inside  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I could go to the gym  
 **stripeznstarz50:** or take a run  
 **stripeznstarz50:** haven’t done that in a while  
 **onceandthefuture:** you went to the gym two days ago  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well that’s a long time for me!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I couldn’t go for the entire filming time  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m feeling flabby   
**onceandthefuture:** I’m sure you’re just as trim as ever love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah well you can’t see me right now  
 **stripeznstarz50:** maybe I gained a hundred pounds since the last time we webcammed  
  **onceandthefuture:** since it’s physically possible to gain a hundred pounds in four days  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you never know with America  
 **onceandthefuture:** hmmmmmm true  
 **onceandthefuture:** but I’m going to bed early tonight so I don’t die in my final tomorrow  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m not getting sucked into hours of pointless webcam with you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** funsucker  
 **onceandthefuture:** I prefer testpasser  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nerd  
 **onceandthefuture:** look who’s talking  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you callin’ me a nerd, punk >  
 **stripeznstarz50:** >  
 **stripeznstarz50:** fdkahfdsa  
 **stripeznstarz50:**   ?  
 **onceandthefuture:** you just lost all of your dramatic tension there  
 **onceandthefuture:** but yes I am  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well you might be a little bit right  
 **onceandthefuture:** see  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay changing and going  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I just really need to get out of this house  
 **onceandthefuture:** all right  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m going to study a little more and fall asleep on my textbook  
 **stripeznstarz50:** osmosis is your friend  
 **onceandthefuture:** eh?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** when you put your textbook on your head so your brain can absorb the material directly  
 **stripeznstarz50:** osmosis  
 **onceandthefuture:** I see  
 **onceandthefuture:** was that your preferred method of studying?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well duh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nothing works quite like osmosis  
 **onceandthefuture:** well I’ll have to try it tonight then  
 **onceandthefuture:** night  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sweet dreams honeycakes :)  
 **onceandthefuture:** why do all of your pet names have ‘honey’ in them  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I dunno, I guess I like the way it sounds  
 **onceandthefuture:** whatever  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
  
Sunday, June 23, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50:** matt wants to say bye  
 **onceandthefuture:** is he leaving already?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh  
 **onceandthefuture:** well good bye Matthew  
 **onceandthefuture:** are you driving all the way back to Ontario with just you and your mum?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** unfortunately  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ve done it before  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s matt btw  
 **onceandthefuture:** I figured  
 **onceandthefuture:** how long is that drive?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** about three days  
 **onceandthefuture:** Christ  
 **onceandthefuture:** I can’t imagine spending that much time with my own mother  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahaha it’s not so bad  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s not like my mum’s rotten like yours  
 **onceandthefuture:** I take it al told you about that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** ranted on several occasions more like  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he worries about you a lot ;)  
 **onceandthefuture:** that’s kind of  him  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **onceandthefuture:** are you or your mum driving?   
**stripeznstarz50:** both of us  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mainly me though  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I drive a lot for away games and stuff, and after papa swore up and down the river I was the best driver besides him he’d ever met and gave me the truck they sort of got used to me driving everywhere I guess?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m totally better than Al don’t believe him if he tries to tell you otherwise  
 **onceandthefuture:** I believe you  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ve seen his driving  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you let him drive a _Ferrari?_  
 **stripeznstarz50:** _YOU HAVE ACCESS TO A FERRARI?????  
_ **onceandthefuture:** what is it with your family and italicised ‘Ferrari’  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s a friend’s  
 **onceandthefuture:** and sometimes I borrow it without asking for the day  
 **onceandthefuture:** having a spare key to it helps  
 **stripeznstarz50:** duuuuude  
 **stripeznstarz50:** introduce me to this friend  
 **onceandthefuture:** next time you come to England I’ll be glad to  
 **stripeznstarz50:** damn  
 **stripeznstarz50:** can’t drive there  
 **onceandthefuture:** not really  
 **onceandthefuture:** although I’d love to see you try  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I wonder if the Bering land bridge is open this time of year  
 **onceandthefuture:** not so sure about that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** whatever  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway if I want to keep it to three days instead of four I better go  
 **onceandthefuture:** all right  
 **onceandthefuture:** don’t get killed  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I always live  
 **onceandthefuture:** hehe well good luck  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** Al again but brb seeing him off  
 **onceandthefuture:** of course  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I hate saying bye to Matt  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s seriously like the only time I think about crying  
 **onceandthefuture:** what about horror films?  
 **onceandthefuture:** and Disney?  
 **onceandthefuture:** the fear of the future and things going bump in the night?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** please stop  
 **onceandthefuture:** oh you really are cryin aren’t you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** no!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** not really  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m shit at comfort  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I know  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll get over it soon  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it just takes a bit sometimes  
 **onceandthefuture:** all right  
 **onceandthefuture:** anything I can do?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** teleport over here and give me a hug  
 **onceandthefuture:** sorry, fresh out of teleportation machines  
 **onceandthefuture:** can I take a rain check for two weeks?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** huh?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** OH  
 **stripeznstarz50:** RIGHT  
 **stripeznstarz50:** TRIP  
 **stripeznstarz50:** KFKAHFSJAKHUWORUWQ*HK  
 **onceandthefuture:** my sentiments exactly  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s only two weeks away  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and then we get to spend a year together  
 **onceandthefuture:** I like how you phrase that  
 **onceandthefuture:** “get to”  
 **stripeznstarz50:** well yeah!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** of course we’ll have toris and Feliks chaperoning  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ve started to get the feeling it’ll be the other way around  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahahah yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** this is going to be so weird  
 **stripeznstarz50:** rreat  
 **stripeznstarz50:** *great  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but weird  
 **onceandthefuture:** hahaha ture  
 **onceandthefuture:** true*  
 **stripeznstarz50:** we just can’t type today can we?  
 **onceandthefuture:** nope  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ve never not been in school before  
 **stripeznstarz50:** me neither  
 **stripeznstarz50:** even during split log we had a tutor  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m sure this’ll be just as educational  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh totally  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll get to see ust how different the Spanish I learned is from European Spanish  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and all of the other languages along the way  
 **onceandthefuture:** if there’s one thing I never would have pegged you for  
 **onceandthefuture:** it would be ‘good at languages’  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I like language  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s interesting to start from the ground up and see how a culture and generations can make something complex and evergrowing and so different from everyone else  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and if you start young it’s easier  
 **onceandthefuture:** did you have the Spanish nanny or something?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** both my moms hated the idea of nannies  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mom and Matt’s mom I mean  
 **stripeznstarz50:** there was one Mexican famil up in matt’s town who randomly decided they needed to live in northern Ontario  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and they lived next door  
 **stripeznstarz50:** still do  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and they are awesome  
 **stripeznstarz50:** had a girl a few years older than us who was that kid on the block who was older and therefore knew everything   
**stripeznstarz50:** y’know?  
 **onceandthefuture:** I believe so  
 **stripeznstarz50:** anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** she taught me  and matt and sometimes matt’s older bro how to salsa and tended to chatter at us in Spanish  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and I haven’t been able to drop it ever since  
 **stripeznstarz50:** matt did though  
 **stripeznstarz50:** picked up French instead  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s a Canadian who frequently plays French Canadians in hockey  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so he felt he should know the difference between normal French and insults  
 **onceandthefuture:** I do really like your cousin  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I know  
 **stripeznstarz50:** the feeling is mutual  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he did keep the salsa dancing though  
 **onceandthefuture:** did you?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** of course!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll show you sometime ;)  
 **onceandthefuture:** I might hold you to that  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I get to lead though  
 **onceandthefuture:** only until I figure it out  
 **onceandthefuture:** then I will fight you for it  
 **stripeznstarz50:** nuh-uh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I teach, I know, I lead  
 **stripeznstarz50:** end of story  
 **onceandthefuture:** hmph  
 **stripeznstarz50:** besides, it’ll be easier for me to lead you anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re so much tinier than me ;)    
**onceandthefuture:** no I’m not@!  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’re just too big!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m good-sized  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you’re almost like that tacky middle-school girl saying  
 **stripeznstarz50:** “fun-sized’  
 **onceandthefuture:** excuse me  
 **stripeznstarz50:** that’s what we call bite-sized candy bars here in the states  
 **onceandthefuture:** well fuck to you too  
 **onceandthefuture:** I am no where _near_ “fun-sized”  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sure you’re not  
 **stripeznstarz50:** and matt’s taller than me  
 **onceandthefuture:** but he is  
 **stripeznstarz50:** no he’s not we’re the same height!  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m pretty sure he’s got at least a cm or two on you  
 **stripeznstarz50:** he’s brainwashed you with his evil Canadian powers!!!!  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’m just telling you what my eyes see  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I dislike you  
 **onceandthefuture:** well that’s not very nice  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I never said I was a role model  
 **onceandthefuture:** heh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** all right I feel better now  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’m going to ggo eat my feelings and watch an NCIS marathon  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thanks  
 **onceandthefuture:** of course love  
 **onceandthefuture:** anytime  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bbl  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off  
  
Friday, July 4, 2008**    
  
 **onceandthefuture:** happy birthday love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :D:D:D:D:D:D  
 **stripeznstarz50:** thanks!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I love my birthday  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’ve told me that a few times  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s a party I enjoy!!  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’ve got that tonight I assume?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yep!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** cookout in my backyard, fireworks in the driveway after dark  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’ll be a blast  
 **stripeznstarz50:** wish matt could’ve stayed longer, but I could tell him was getting homesick by the time he left  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh well  
 **stripeznstarz50:** not every party can be a joint party  
 **onceandthefuture:** you’ll manage fine with yourself and your country I’m sure  
 **stripeznstarz50:** C:  
 **onceandthefuture:** sorry I don’t have anything to give you  
 **onceandthefuture:** esp. after all you did for mine  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hey no sweat  
 **stripeznstarz50:** the trip is a giant year long bday present to me  
 **onceandthefuture:** if you want to think of it that way then yes it is  
 **onceandthefuture:** three days  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I KNOW  
 **stripeznstarz50:** SO EXCITING!!  
 **stripeznstarz50:** a little scary  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but mostly EXCITINGG!!!!!!  
 **onceandthefuture:** are you finished packing?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** duh  
 **stripeznstarz50:** mom and dad made sure of that like a week ago  
 **stripeznstarz50:** you >  
 **onceandthefuture:** pretty much  
 **onceandthefuture:** I don’t have much to pack in the first place, so it was easy  
 **onceandthefuture:** the hardest part is keeping Peter out of my things  
 **stripeznstarz50:** is he still tying your friends to kitchen chairs with jumpropes?  
 **onceandthefuture:** no thank God  
 **onceandthefuture:** I beat that out of him  
 **onceandthefuture:** doesn’t make him any less insufferable  
 **stripeznstarz50:** xD  
 **stripeznstarz50:** brb  
 **onceandthefuture:** mk  
 **stripeznstarz50:** sorry, mom wanted help in the kitchen  
 **onceandthefuture:** not a problem love  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I am so looking forward to everything about my life right now  
 **onceandthefuture:** a lovely state of being isn’t it  
 **stripeznstarz50:** oh yeah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** the whole walking on sunshine deal  
 **onceandthefuture:** you deserve to be happy  
 **stripeznstarz50:** :)  
 **stripeznstarz50:** wish you could be here  
 **stripeznstarz50:** damn, I can almost feel you now  
 **onceandthefuture:** no use fretting  
 **onceandthefuture:** I’ll see you soon enough  
 **stripeznstarz50:** yeah you’re so right  
 **stripeznstarz50:** gaaaaaaaaaah  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so ready to leave  
 **stripeznstarz50:** but brb shower    
**onceandthefuture:** all right  
 **stripeznstarz50 is idle  
stripeznstarz50 signed off  
stripeznstarz50 signed on  
stripeznstarz50:** sorry  
 **stripeznstarz50:** shower turned into decorating into going out for more fireworks and searching the world over for them  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s quite all right  
 **onceandthefuture:** I was about to nod off anyway  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hehe okay  
 **onceandthefuture:** have fun love   
**stripeznstarz50:** I’ll do my best!  
 **onceandthefuture:** and happy birthday again   
**stripeznstarz50:** :D  
 **onceandthefuture signed off  
  
Monday, July 7, 2008  
  
stripeznstarz50:** holy shit  
 **stripeznstarz50:** this is it  
 **onceandthefuture:** yes it is  
 **onceandthefuture:** how astute of you to notice this  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahaha not really  
 **stripeznstarz50:** do you realize that no matter what happens  
 **stripeznstarz50:** our lives will never be the same  
 **onceandthefuture:** when you put it that way it is pretty mind-boggling  
 **onceandthefuture:** when does your flight leave?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** 11:45  
 **stripeznstarz50:** so I need to leave in about 30  
 **stripeznstarz50:** it’s just a waiting game now  
 **onceandthefuture:** mmmm  
 **onceandthefuture:** once again  
 **onceandthefuture:** what time are you getting here?  
 **stripeznstarz50:** like 10 am  
 **stripeznstarz50:** same as last time I think  
 **onceandthefuture:** I wonder what the company thinks about all of these pleasure trips to England  
 **stripeznstarz50:** someone really likes your food  
 **stripeznstarz50:** hahahahha jk  
 **onceandthefuture:** it’s not entirely crap  
 **stripeznstarz50:** still pretty crap though  
 **onceandthefuture:** don’t make me tell you to shut up  
 **stripeznstarz50:** bring it  
 **onceandthefuture:** god I hope you get here fast  
 **stripeznstarz50:** me too Arthur  
 **stripeznstarz50:** me too  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay  
 **stripeznstarz50:** time to go  
 **onceandthefuture:** last message make it count  
 **stripeznstarz50:** love you?  
 **onceandthefuture:** speak with conviction man  
 **stripeznstarz50:** fine  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I love you  
 **onceandthefuture:** likewise  
 **stripeznstarz50:** okay bye  
 **stripeznstarz50:** I’ll call you, set your ringtone right  
 **stripeznstarz50 signed off**


	31. And Every Breath We Drew Was Hallelujah

**CHAPTER THIRTY (and every breath we drew was hallelujah)**  
  
Tuesday, July 8, 2008  
  
In the waiting area of Terminal 3 of London Heathrow Airport, a young blond man in a green T-shirt that matched his eyes paced alongside a row of chairs, checking his phone between bites at his thumbnail. He’d been pacing for several minutes now – long enough that the others that were calmly sitting down had taken to ignoring him. Between glances at his phone, he stared hard at the crowd down the length of the terminal.

He was so on edge that, even though he was prepared for and expecting it, he still jumped when his phone started to play a tinny, over processed melody.

He answered it, almost snarling into the receiver, “Where the bloody fuck are you?”

“ _Relax, Arthur, I’m headed your way_ ,” an American-accented voice said on the other end, laughter in his tone. “ _I can see you now, actually._ ”

Arthur whipped around, searching the terminal crowd frantically until he saw familiar gold hair and a leather jacket.

He didn’t even notice that the smile splitting the newcomer’s face was only beaten by his own. His thumb pressed the ‘end’ button automatically.

The American took the last few steps in giant strides, dropped his carry-on, and scooped him up in a bear hug that lifted him off his feet. They clung a little desperately and pressed a little closely. Arthur buried his nose in the American’s collar, and it smelled just as he remembered it.

“God, I missed you,” Arthur whispered fiercely. The American nodded against his shoulder, gave him one more squeeze, and set him down just as his other companions joined him – an older couple that had to be his parents, a brunet in a slightly crumpled suit, and a blond in a purple V-neck. The woman gave Arthur a shorter, but no less bruising, embrace while the man clapped him on the back. The other two stood awkwardly to the side, talking quietly to each other.

“Good to see you again, Arthur,” he said with a smile. Arthur grinned in return.

“Come on, Uncle Leo and Aunt Jo are waiting by the baggage claim, and don’t want to get the van towed again,” he said, leading them towards the exit.

The American laughed, slinging an arm around Arthur’s shoulders. “Lead the way, oh wise one.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and shrugged the arm off. “Gladly, oh idiotic one.”


End file.
